Internet diary of a woman dying of cancer. The dead girl kept a diary for a year to save children. “Who has the right to decide whose life is more important?”

While on the Russian website 8-year-old Yulia described her daily struggle with death and cancer in touching detail, in America her parents published photos of her funeral and grave.

Thousands of people prayed and wept over this heartbreaking chronicle. Excerpts from the diary were collected for charity sites. Her photos and drawings were stored in the computers of parents who had lost their children due to cancer, and unclaimed love was poured out on this still living child.

Little Julia is a thin ray of sunshine with wheat-colored hair that keeps popping out from chemicals and heavenly clear eyes. She taught terminally ill children not to give up, and adults not to consider the remaining days of their children “meaningless.” Having read, many went to hospitals and helped seriously ill children survive. And only now it turned out that the little girl for whom everyone prayed, to whom they gave teddy bears, and with whom they corresponded with touching letters, has long been dead...

The real Julia is an American woman with cancer. Lena posted this photo, like many others, on her blog.

Forty hours in a coma

It all started in the spring of 2005, with a request on the Internet: “I ask for prayers for Yulenka (7 years old). I got sick in 2001 with neuroblastoma - stage 4. Surgeries, intensive care, blood poisoning... Now I am in my 18th month of remission. My leg hurts. God forbid, a relapse... It’s very scary.”

It was written by 17-year-old Lena Varezhkina, Yulia’s older sister. Of course, hundreds of people responded to the request. It turned out that the Varezhkins are from Astrakhan, Yulenka is being treated in America. At home, in Russia it rarely happens. She is so charming that she immediately makes everyone fall in love with her. Despite a terrible illness, she practices ballet, draws...

Lena, a medical student, always very competently described the symptoms and procedures that her younger sister had to endure. Her condition either improved, or she “hovered” on the verge of death, forcing readers to cry and constantly look at the Internet: “how is Yulia doing?” It was especially scary when the older sister alone looked after the younger one in America, and the parents, because of the hassle with documents, could not come to help. Then Lena wrote:

“...Last night I developed cerebral edema, convulsions, and then clinical death. Yulia has been in a coma for more than 40 hours. Doctors say there is almost no chance. Pray, I beg you!

...At night, after a 17-minute cardiac arrest, the doctors said that they were powerless... I don’t believe it.

... I won’t be coming down from the intensive care unit anymore, so there may not be news for a long time...

Yulenka came out of her coma! I ran to get her favorite purple hippopotamus. Thank you to everyone who prayed!”

By the time Yulia came out of her coma, a whole army of her “fans” had grown on the site. People not only prayed, but also offered help... But the Varezhkins always refused: “All treatment is paid for by the sponsor.”

“Who has the right to decide whose life is more important?”

Soon the main action moved into Yulia’s virtual diary. Grateful to everyone for their support, the girl, in a childish, slightly clumsy manner, but wisely in an adult way, tells how a child with cancer lives:

“...I almost feel good after the operation. But I have not yet become a normal color.

...Some say that many children could have been cured with the money they paid for me. I don't know what to say to such people. It is now clear that I will not be cured. For someone, perhaps this money would give life, but for me it will only prolong it. But does anyone have the right to decide whose life is more important?

And so one and a half thousand records. With talented drawings and photographs that freeze right in the heart. With stories about the indifference of our society, which Yulia encounters when returning to Astrakhan. About the clinic where they refused to hospitalize a girl because she arrived without medical documents: “the real reason is the severity of the condition, they don’t want to take responsibility.” Bitter memories of how the little girl was not allowed to perform at the music school’s reporting concert, because her bald head “would ruin the ceremonial appearance.” In general, a painful, but common, repeated story of all Russian cancer patients.

And completely different recordings from America, where at a ballet group performance, Yulina’s shaved head is tied with a lace ribbon and placed in the center. Where the entire class in which she studies comes to school in hats out of solidarity...

Saved at the cost of lies

Gradually Yulin's diary became famous. And the point is not that the life of this terminally ill girl was in any way different from tens of thousands of others. Quite the contrary, Julia wrote on the simplest and most common topics among sick children. But others cried about them and were gloomily silent, but Yulia TELLED! People got involved and new philanthropists were born. And since Yulia herself did not need help, those who loved her tried to help others.

Sister Lena also firmly entered the circle of philanthropists. Everyone trusted and sympathized with the fragile 17-year-old girl who bears such responsibility! Moreover, then Lena admitted that she herself also had cancer, and so did her dad. But she never asked for anything or took anything. Only small gifts for Yulia, not money! And everyone admired her dedication.

But Lena asked for help for her wards from the children's hospital in Astrakhan: “In the oncology department there are no toys, an iron, a kettle... And most importantly, not a single infusion pump (a device that dispenses medications) and mothers are forced to count drops for days....” This is Lena's first successful good deed. Then she reached out to the funds, and they purchased expensive equipment and technology for the clinic.

Inspired by luck, Lena took patronage over a sick orphanage baby. True, this boy did not live long. Died. Then Lena had a severe attack of depression. Her parents remember how the girl spent more than six months staring at the computer. She almost never left the house, she just typed... It was then, in the second half of 2006 - early 2007, that the famous “8-year-old Yulia, dying of cancer,” was especially active in keeping a diary.

Lena tried to “kill her younger sister”, but she couldn’t...

At the same time, the real Julia was living out her last days - a real 8-year-old American girl with cancer and writing a diary on the Internet. Her notes did not contain the terrible Russian realities that were mentioned in the diary of the Russian Yulia. But everything else - diagnoses, procedures, operations, as well as drawings, good stories with ballet and solidarity schoolgirls - everything was there. And most importantly, the photos in both diaries were the same. But the American Julia died in September 2006, and the Russian continued to “live.”

To support cancer patients, beauty queens come to visit them in American clinics. In the photo: overseas Julia and Miss America 2006 Jennifer Berry.

Of course, there is no mysticism. Russian Yulia was invented from beginning to end by her “elder sister” Lena, and the photos were taken from the website of the deceased girl.

Then she clearly made several attempts to “kill” her younger sister, volunteers recall. – “Julia” was almost “dying.” But then Lena received dozens of letters, talked on the phone for hours and... left Yulia to “live.” Apparently because she received what she was looking for - sympathy, consolation and love.

The truth only came out in the summer of 2007. Someone found an American woman’s diary and sent a link to the main participants in the “saving of Russian Yulia.” They began to check... No one wanted to believe that for two years Lena had been leading everyone by the nose. But as soon as the girl was hinted that the deception had been revealed, she went into “sheer defense.”

You are annoying Yulia with your suspicions! – Lena cried. -She refuses to write a diary and will die because of you...

Nobody wanted “blood,” but information spread like cockroaches. The last recording of “Yuli” was made in early August. The Internet scandal broke only a couple of weeks ago. The volunteers realized that omissions could “breed monsters” and decided to tell it like it is.

What started here! Thousands of people, cruelly deceived for a “good purpose,” fell on the heads of the volunteers who ever quoted Yulia and Lena herself, “in a tidal wave.” Those who were friends with the deceiver were immediately called a “gang.”

The deception succeeded only because it was disinterested! - the philanthropists fought back. - If Lena had even once tried to raise money for Yulia, she would have been exposed at the first check of her documents!

We remembered all the times when Lena asked for financial help from anyone. She was accused of “fraud,” “stealing someone else’s life,” and that she had forever undermined people’s faith in goodness. Those who had just prayed for the “Varezhkin girls” began to curse Lena and even threaten:

“...asked to pray for health? Let him now ask to pray for his peace."

... Orphaned parents came to Yulia’s diary and prayed for this child as for their lost daughter. And they were deceived! This is much worse than stealing money."

There were also those who sighed with relief: “Thank God, as it turned out, there was one less child suffering from pain...”. But these voices were drowned in a stream of accusations.

Did you break down when you found out how much more unhappy our children are than American children?

I met with Lena and we talked all night. Thin, reserved, at 19 - a teenager driven into a corner. Before the meeting, I had already found out a lot, and was fully prepared - I was afraid that I would start lying again. Frightened by accusations of stealing money, Lena spoke little, but the truth.

Len, why did you come up with Yulia? Alone? Did you want to help others like that?

I don’t know - my eyes are on the floor.

Mom and dad don't love you?

It turned out that both the girl herself and her father, thank God, were healthy. Lena's mother spoke about this. Only the children whom Lena really helped are really sick. The money collected actually went to the clinic (doctors confirm, accounts have been verified), and to the sick boy under his care. Lena also gave gifts given to “Yulia” to the hospital.

And, after comparing all the data, I found out that it all started with a girl with the same name as the fictitious “little sister.” She was treated in St. Petersburg, and Lena constantly read about her on the Internet. And she also asked to pray for the sick woman. Then Lena was only 15 years old. Unable to help this little girl (the Varezhkins lived in Astrakhan), Lena began running to help at the local cancer hospital. But the baby died.

And Lena kept looking on the websites of foreign clinics, what else could be done for her, but has not been done? And I found: medicines that are still not certified in our country; procedures and devices that our clinics cannot afford; people are sympathetic, not shy away from sick children...

During these searches, I came across the website of American Julia. She was jealous and decided to create her own “Yulia”, instead of the one who died in St. Petersburg. Just as happy as the American one, only Russian. To create and “do” for her everything that we cannot do for Russian children. And to show everyone, through her example, how much harder it is for our sick children than for the “foreign” ones... And that dead boy, whom Lena was never able to save, became the last straw. She finally broke down and, perhaps, herself believed in the existence of her sister. At least now she continues to lie to volunteers that Yulia is still alive...

It's been almost a year since 27-year-old Holly Butcher died in Australia - the girl died of a rare form of cancer. The day before, she published a letter on Facebook addressed to the whole world. The girl’s touching message cannot leave even the most hardened skeptic indifferent. It was shared by more than 180 thousand people.

The girl admitted that the disease forced her to learn to appreciate every day she lived and every minute spent with family and friends. We are publishing excerpts from the letter because everyone should read it.

Holly Butcher lived in Grafton, New South Wales (Australia) and died of Ewing's sarcoma, a rare form of cancer that mainly affects young people. She fought a serious illness for a whole year, but she never managed to win. Now her latest post has become a viral sensation, spreading around the world. Her simple and wise words resonate in thousands of hearts.

Some life advice from Holly.

It's very strange to realize and accept your mortality when you're only 26 years old. Usually people at this age simply ignore the fact of death. The days fly by, and it seems like it will always be like this, until the unexpected happens. I always imagined that someday I would be old, gray and wrinkled, that I would have a wonderful family (with a bunch of kids) that I planned to build with the love of my life. I still want this so badly that it hurts.

The main thing about life: it is fragile, precious and unpredictable. And every new day is a gift, not a given.

Now I'm 27. I don't want to die. I love my life. I am happy... This is the merit of my loved ones. But I don't decide anything anymore.

I'm not writing this "suicide note" to make you afraid of death - I like that we are practically unaware of its inevitability... I want to talk about death because it is treated as a taboo, as something that never happens to anyone. True, it's quite difficult. I just want people to stop worrying about the small, insignificant problems in their lives and try to remember that we all face the same fate. It is better to make your life worthy and good, and to discard all nonsense.

I've put a lot of thoughts below as I've had time to think in recent months. Of course, all these random thoughts most often pop into your head in the middle of the night!

When you feel like whining about stupid things (I've been noticing this more and more in the last couple of months), just think about someone who is really having problems right now. Say thank you that your “problem” is actually a minor problem, and don’t sweat it. It’s clear that some things bother you, but you don’t need to get hung up on them and spoil the mood of everyone around you.

Now go outside, take a deep breath of the fresh Australian air, look how blue the sky is and how green the trees are, how beautiful everything is (it’s the height of summer in Australia now. - Website note). Think how lucky you are to be able to simply breathe.

Maybe you were stuck in a traffic jam today and didn’t sleep well because your child didn’t let you sleep a wink. Maybe the hairdresser cut your hair too short or your false nails broke off. Maybe your breasts are too small, or cellulite has appeared, and your tummy has become larger than you would like.

Forget about it. I guarantee you, when it’s your turn to leave, you won’t even remember all these things. They will seem SO insignificant when you take your last look at your life. I watch my body stop working before my eyes and I can't do anything about it. I just want to celebrate another birthday or Christmas with my family, spend one more day with my loved one and my dog. Just another day.

I listen to people complain about jobs they hate, about how hard it is to force yourself to go to the gym - be grateful that you can go there at all. The opportunity to work and exercise seems so ordinary... Until your body forces you to give it up.

I tried to lead a healthy life - perhaps this was my main goal. Appreciate your health and working body, even if it is not in ideal shape. Look after it and admire it. Look at it and rejoice at how wonderful it is. Move around and spoil him with good food. And don't worry about it.

Remember that good health is not only about the physical body. Work just as hard to find mental, emotional and spiritual happiness. So maybe you will understand how unimportant and insignificant it is - whether you have this idiotic “ideal” body imposed on us by social media or not. By the way, while we're on the subject, unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel disgusted with yourself. Even from friends... Ruthlessly defend your right to wellness.

Be grateful for every day without pain and even for those days when you are lying at home with a cold, holding your aching back or sprained ankle. Accept it, but be glad that this pain is not life-threatening and will pass.

Whine less, people! And help each other more.

Give more! The truth is that it is much more enjoyable to do something for others than for yourself. I regret that I didn't do this enough. Since I got sick, I have met incredibly kind and selfless people, and received many of the warmest and most caring words and actions from family, friends and strangers. Much more than I could give in response. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all these people.

It’s a strange feeling when at the end you still have unspent money... and you’re about to die. At such a time, you won’t go out and buy some material things like you used to, like a new dress. You can’t help but think how stupid it is that we spend so much money on new clothes and other “things”.

Instead of another dress, cosmetics or some trinkets, it’s better to buy something wonderful for your friends. First, no one cares if you wear the same thing twice. Second: you get incredible sensations from it. Invite friends over for dinner - or better yet, cook for them yourself. Bring them coffee. Give them a plant, give them a massage, or buy them a pretty candle and tell them you love them when you give them the gift.

Value other people's time. Don't keep others waiting because you are unpunctuality. If you're always late, start getting ready earlier and realize that your friends want to spend time with you, not sit around and wait for you to show up. They will only respect you for this! Amen, sisters!

This year we agreed to do without gifts, and although the tree looked rather sad, it was still great. Because people did not waste time on shopping, but were more thoughtful in choosing or creating postcards. Plus, imagine how my family is trying to choose a gift for me, knowing that, most likely, it will remain the same... It may seem strange, but ordinary cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase. Of course, it was easier for us to do this - there are no small children in the house. But anyway, the moral of the story is that gifts are not needed for a complete Christmas. Let's go further.

Spend money on experiences. Or at least don’t leave yourself without sensations by spending all your money on material rubbish.

Take any trip seriously, even a trip to the nearby beach. Dip your feet into the sea, feel the sand between your toes. Wash your face with salt water. Be in nature more often.

Try to just enjoy the moment instead of trying to capture it with a camera or smartphone. Life is not meant to be lived on screen, or to take the perfect photo... enjoy the damn moment! Don't try to capture it for everyone else.

A rhetorical question. Are those few hours spent on hair and makeup every day really worth it? I never understood this about women.

Wake up early sometimes and listen to the birds singing while admiring the beautiful colors of the rising sun.

Listen to the music...really listen. Music is therapy. The best one is the old one.

Play with the dog. In the next world I will miss this.

Talk to your friends. Put your phone down. They are fine?

Travel if you want to. If not, don't travel.

Work for life, don't live for work.

Seriously, do what makes you happy.

Eat some cake. And don't beat yourself up about it.

Say no to everything you don't want to do.

There is no need to follow other people's ideas about what a “full life” is... Maybe you want an ordinary life for yourself - there is nothing wrong with that.

Tell your loved ones that you love them as often as possible and love them with all your might.

Remember that if something makes you unhappy, you have the power to change it - be it in work, love or something else. Have the courage to change it. You don't know how much time you have in this life, don't waste it being unhappy. I know you've heard this a hundred times, but it's the absolute truth.

And in any case, these are just lessons from one girl's life. Accept them... or not - I don't mind!

Oh, and one more thing! If you can, do a good deed for humanity (and me) - start donating blood regularly. You'll feel good, and the lives saved are a nice bonus. Every blood donation can save three lives! Anyone can do this and it takes so little effort!

Donating blood helped me last an extra year. A year with my family, friends and dog. The year in which I lived my best moments. A year for which I will be forever grateful...

...until we meet again.

The previous couple of months I had no time to write posts on LiveJournal. And no time for work. It was necessary to urgently decide what to do.
Now that I have already surrendered myself to the doctors of the private clinic Lisod near Kiev, I have time for both.
By working, I at least partially recoup the money spent on the clinic’s exorbitant (for Ukraine) price lists.
For the first time in my life I literally “work for a pharmacy.” You will have to work for three months. Minimum. The poor are not treated here. An ordinary Ukrainian needs to spend about 50 of his salaries on treatment.
Well, I decided to quietly start writing about this nonsense that unexpectedly happened to me.
I will write spontaneously, randomly.

I'll start with a description of small and large reasons that could lead me to my current state.
In other words, what I did wrong and what I will never do again.

1. For years, decades, I went to bed at 1-2-3 am. Now I go to bed at 22-23. Melatonin is produced at night.
2. I didn’t eat everything. I haven't eaten much pork lately. But he ate beef, chicken legs baked in the oven, drank milk, ate sour cream (though not full-fat), drank beer, snacked on squid, sometimes drank gin and tonic and quite often dry red wine. Ate very few vegetables. I ate a lot of fruit. I drank 4 cups of coffee a day with sugar. Tea with sugar. Porridge with sugar. Compote with sugar. Cancer cells love sugar and glucose.
3. After my mother died, I ate from cooking for about 4 years. Who knows what they fried everything on there? Ate canned foods. I drank juices with sugar from packages.
4. Sedentary work. Exercise once every two to three weeks. When it blows. After I bought the car, I started walking a little. Before this, I often walked 10 kilometers a day. Breathed little oxygen. Although more than many others - during gurneys. Cancer cells don't like oxygen.
5. I was nervous a lot, there was a lot of stress. 2010 - mother dies. 2011 - I break my leg. 2012 - the eldest son dies. 2013 - father dies. 2013 - the first wife, who for 20 years did not want to hear anything about her eldest son with schizophrenia, tries to sue for part of our apartment. 2014 - events and war in Ukraine, concern for my hometown. 2015 - unexpected problems with blood pressure and heart. In many ways, he blamed himself for the premature death of his relatives - he did not foresee everything, did not do everything for them.
I worried a lot about little things - currency exchange, some minor losses, etc.
6. Wash dishes with detergents.
7. Not long before, he pollinated his son’s grave, which was not looked after by that same ex-wife, with herbicides against weeds, knowing full well that they are carcinogenic.
8. Constantly drank coffee or tea in a state of boiling water, causing frequent burns to the mucous membrane, even to the point of peeling skin.
9. Never turned off Wi-Fi in the apartment. Well, that's it. Turn it off, don’t turn it off, the neighbors will irradiate you.

Maybe I'll remember again.
And reason number one is my stormy sex life in my youth and after my second divorce. The cancer is caused by the human papillomavirus PH16, which is transmitted exclusively through sexual contact, including through oral contact, and is not eliminated from the body.

Everything is short for now.

Hello, dear diary. I am 16 years old and my name is Eva, my mother gave me this diary in the hope that it would brighten up loneliness. Ha ha ha, naive. Why loneliness? Yes, because I'm sick. Diagnosis: Acute lymphoblastic leukemia, or, more simply, cancer. This cross on my life was put on me when I was still very stupid, at 12 years old. Then I thought that everything would pass, everything would work out. Now I understand for sure that nothing will pass, all that remains is to die quietly. My parents are perplexed why I don’t want to communicate with anyone, and my 8-year-old younger sister once came up and asked me: “When you die, can I take your room?” - I stood and looked at her with stunned eyes, and she stood and smiled as if nothing had happened. She is small, she understands everything, she understands that I will die. But my parents don’t understand, or simply don’t want to believe in my slow death. Indeed, why believe that your child is dying. I would like to be euthanized like a dog. But no, alas and ah. 4 years ago... - Evochka, didn’t you fall? Why do you always get bruises? Does someone hit you at school? Do you fight with boys? Eva, why are you silent? - Ann complained. “Mom, but I definitely didn’t fall, I couldn’t fall so hard that there would be a bruise on my neck.” - then I didn’t understand what was what. Dad was the first to sound the alarm, he noticed the first symptoms, the bruises were still small, then I lost about 10 pounds* in two weeks, then it got worse, nosebleeds, and the temperature was higher than normal. ************* Then, for the first time, I learned what oncology is, a terrible word. We came to the clinic, I don’t remember which one. There I was immediately sent to the doctor. I remember he was kind, bald, but with a mustache. I asked the question first: - Will I die? - Well, first of all, hello, and secondly, 80% of children are cured. - Dr. Neil replied (as his name tag and photo said). - The remaining 20% ​​die. What if I am one of them? - I asked the question that worried everyone in this room. The parents sat in silence, the mother cried, the father squeezed her hand, quietly whispering something. They gave me the opportunity to figure it out myself. For this I respect them. - Listen, girl, I will do everything so that you don’t die. I guarantee you, if you follow the rules, you will be healthy. It's like in a computer game, you and I, against an army of harmful cells, so what? Are we starting the game? - The doctor extended his hand to me and winked. After a little hesitation and hesitation, I shook his hand: “Yes, I’m sure our army will win, if this is not the case, then you will shave off your mustache, okay?” - Coming, Captain Eva! - we both laughed. Mom smiled through her tears. - Now we need to take a little bit of your bone marrow for analysis, will you let us win the first level? - Can I refuse? Just...won't it hurt me? - I asked. - Pfft, you'll sleep. - the doctor retorted. I finally calmed down, then I believed that everything would be fine and rosy. Oh, how wrong I was! ************* My last memory of this day was that I was lying on the operating table, my mother was holding my hand, there were wires and needles all around, and then I fell asleep... Today. .. Mom was crying in her room again, dad was still holding on, my sister, as always, was playing somewhere in her room, but I know that she also cries at night. Why am I such a bad daughter? Why can’t I get better already?! Dr. Neil still thinks he can cure me, although he probably understands somewhere in the back of his subconscious that I can no longer be saved. I myself want to die. Today I felt even worse than usual, I don’t want to eat, drink, walk, lie down, sit, talk... I DON’T WANT ANYTHING AT ALL ANYMORE. Also, how to die. 4 years ago... - Well, here is your room, come in, settle in, make yourself at home in general. - the nurse shows me my room, and I’m crying, not in front of my eyes, but in my soul, I’m crying. In my heart I understand that operations will follow one after another. Having sorted out my things, I was no longer able to do anything, I fell on the bed, it responded with a drawn-out creak. I didn’t cry; as far as I remember, I never cried during my illness. Perhaps only in my soul, in my soul I cried every day, every hour, every minute. Only during remission I did not cry. The first remission was after a block of chemotherapy. The first block, the first remission, the first hope for recovery. Chemotherapy, as they call it in the hospital, was easy for me; they said that I had a strong body and that I would get better. ************* I just smiled back, I didn’t know what to say. Over the entire 4 years, I received about 5 blocks of chemotherapy, or more...or less. I did not count. Today... The day before yesterday my remission ended. It lasted exactly one and a half months. During these month and a half, I managed to do quite a bit; I only managed to learn how to kiss. Kent, we met him in the same hospital, he was very good, he was... he died. A week ago, he had the same diagnosis, he was 18. We understood that sooner or later we would die, he died first. We both knew that we were dying, we both knew that there was last love. Both did not want to die virgins. But he died, having accomplished everything he wanted. I stayed. Today I told my parents to bury me next to him, in a white dress, but without a wig, so that everyone knows how I died. Mom burst into tears, dad just shook his head in despair. I know things will only get worse. Remissions are getting shorter and shorter, and then I’ll just die and that’s it. THE END. * 10 pounds - about 5.5 kg.