What do children of same-sex parents become? “My fathers had no influence on my sexuality; I am heterosexual.” Belarusian children raised in same-sex families. “Why aren’t we like everyone else?”

No matter how publicly neutral we are towards homosexual relationships and the fact that children are raised by same-sex parents, our society will probably only get used to it in a couple of millennia. While “traditional” families cut scenes with homosexual couples from Western cartoons, even in Belarus, brave LGBT couples are raising daughters and sons. KYKY found characters who talked about their two moms or two dads. Are they different from other children?

Maxim, 21 years old. “Living with two women is chic, but what hell is it when they are hysterical at each other...”

My family, roughly speaking, is divided into two. After divorcing my father, my mother found a girlfriend and we have been living together for more than ten years. My father also has his own family, and, unfortunately, I see him very rarely. My mother works as a cosmetologist, and her girlfriend is a nurse in surgery. The age difference between them is nine years. The funny thing is that the age difference with my dad was exactly the same.

Mom is always busy, she works constantly. Therefore, mostly her girlfriend and my grandmother worked with me. We are like an ordinary family; usually none of us talks about the fact that my mother, like me, is LGBT. Still, the world is cruel to people like us. Few people knew about this at school. Maximum - my closest friends and those who visited me. Although I wouldn’t say that I hid it, I just didn’t spread it. The teachers may have guessed something, but they never asked directly. Sometimes it seems to me that they were simply afraid to accept this reality. It was easier for them to think that it was just gossip. My mothers did not go to parent meetings because they considered it a waste of time - I was always a good student. When mom and dad divorced, my mom immediately told me straight away that soon the woman she loved would be living with us. Mom told how she met her, explained that it is normal for same-sex people to love each other. When her girlfriend moved to us permanently, she was in an unusual state. I still thought that this was my mother’s friend, that she had come to visit, because in our house guests were always a common occurrence. At first, the neighbors looked askance, tried to find out something through me, asked questions like “What kind of woman is this? Who is she to you? He said that this is my second mother. They apparently still think it's her godmother.

Living with two women is chic, but what hell is it when they are hysterical at each other... The problem is that for my mother there is only one correct opinion - hers. And her girlfriend, although she’s usually calm, if something really irritates her, she can turn into a fury. There were situations when my mother’s girlfriend could simply go to sleep in the car in the middle of the night, and I would go to reconcile them and return them home. There was swearing throughout the whole house, with dishes breaking and things being thrown. Fortunately, they don't fight that often.

At first, my grandmother sincerely couldn’t even think that they were a couple. After a long time it dawned on her that she didn’t really like it. It’s easier for her to perceive it as if good friends live together. Still, he’s a man of the old school, he believes everything they say on TV. But she never said that she lived in a bad family or something like “people like you shouldn’t raise children.” On the contrary, he often repeats that even if he doesn’t understand our family, they raised me properly and directed me in the right direction. She sometimes makes homophobic statements, especially if at that moment she is watching NTV, and they are playing another story about how terrible these LGBT people are.

I haven’t confessed my sexuality to my grandmother yet. It so happened that I realized my orientation before my mother’s girlfriend started living with us.

Therefore, talk that a homosexual child can grow up in a homosexual family, because the example is under the noses of such “wrong parents” is nonsense. It is impossible to impose orientation, gender and the like. I myself have not come face to face with homophobia. But when I read the news, the hair on my head stands on end. My moms and I joked about this: “If everyone is gay, will you become gay too?” - it’s like “If everyone jumps from the roof, will you jump too?”

I have never regretted that I was raised by two women who loved each other. I regret a little that I don’t see my dad, because we are very close. After the divorce, my father left for another country. He knows about my homosexuality, sometimes he jokes that I take after my mother. But he accepts me and my family. He sees that I am doing well and is happy for me. A same-sex couple can safely raise a child, just like a hetero couple. The most important thing is the attitude towards the child as a whole. I know that every evening women who love me are waiting for me at home, ready to listen to me and support me in any situation.

Daniil, 20 years old. “I call them both dads”

I was raised by two wonderful men. I call both of them dads, but each of them intuitively understands who exactly I am calling. I realized that I had an unusual family when I was five years old. When I realized that other children were taken from the kindergarten not only by fathers, but also by mothers, I had many questions. Then my parents explained as simply as possible why our family was different from others. They said that sometimes people of the same sex have feelings for each other and want to be together. I accepted my parents’ explanation completely calmly; I never experienced depression or hysterics because of this. When I was 13 years old, my dads told the story of how they met and decided to be together. They met in 1993, when they were 23 years old, in a mutual friend’s apartment - and fell in love.

The relationship between dads moved to a whole new level when the sister of one of them gave birth to a child, that is, me. She decided to give me away when I was not yet a year old.

This is how a family of two dads appeared. I address my mother only by name, and I consider my fathers to be my parents. I never felt my mother was missing; my fathers gave me their care, love and affection. My mother and I communicate, but we don’t see each other often. I don't hold any grudges against my mother. I understand perfectly well that she was afraid of the responsibility that would fall on her shoulders. My fathers taught me that mistakes are human and it is worth forgiving people. In any case, thanks to my mother, my dads were able to create a wonderful family.

At school, at first I was afraid to mention that I have two dads, although from an early age my parents taught me to be firm in homophobic situations or in situations where they might say something offensive or unpleasant about my family. At school they asked me for a long time about my family, but I avoided answering. And when I decided to tell, my classmates reacted completely differently. They didn’t stop talking to me, although there were those who minimized communication. Later I found out that their parents had turned them against me. They claimed that my family was bad and that we should be avoided. There were no problems with the teachers - I think they never realized that I was raised by two men, even though the fathers took turns attending parent-teacher meetings. In general, I try to avoid talking about my family. In no way am I ashamed of her, but purely out of safety, I don’t want to trust this to strangers. My friends know my fathers, they often visit us and have told me more than once that I have a cool family. By the way, my fathers did not influence my orientation in any way; I am heterosexual and have never had problems with girls.

My fathers work in computer technology. They interact with people who are critical thinkers and tolerant of families like ours. My parents’ colleagues do not believe that a person of non-traditional sexual orientation should be shunned or humiliated. I have repeatedly heard some talk about their hatred of gays, claiming that they harass everyone or talk about the need to ban same-sex marriage, because otherwise chaos will begin. As a child who was raised by same-sex parents in love and affection, it is painful and unpleasant for me to hear all this. I try to avoid such people and not communicate with them at all. The parents did not encounter aggressive homophobia, but they said that even in the 2000s there was no such aggression towards LGBT people as there is now. The fathers believe that this is due to the ignorance of people. In general, it seems to me that it’s also a matter of how the state presents it. Even if a person has a neutral attitude towards LGBT people, the state can present it in such a way that his point of view will shift to the negative.

I can safely say that a same-sex family is in no way inferior to a traditional one. In the “traditional” families of some of my classmates, alcoholism, violence, and indifference to children were common. And in my family there has always been harmony, love and respect.

Margarita, 25 years old. “Parents forbade their children to communicate with me”

From the age of 8 to 17, until I left to study to become a doctor, I lived in a family of two mothers. They were in love with each other back in their student days. But my mother, afraid of the condemnation of society and her parents, ended the relationship. Met my father and got married in my last year of university. Her girlfriend at that time left for a study program in the USA. To be honest, my own father did not participate in my upbringing in any way, and when I was one year old, he left home. All I have left from him is his last name. As a child, my mother said that she had a friend with whom she was in love. My mother and I have always had a trusting relationship. By first grade, I knew that there are heterosexual people and homosexual people. That there are families with opposite-sex parents, and there are families with same-sex parents, that this is completely normal, and there is no point in spreading rot or laughing at people for this. When I was six years old, a beautiful girl came to visit us, she brought me a Barbie and a basket of kinders. Mom introduced us and said that this was the same beloved from her youth. That evening they sat in the kitchen for a long time, laughing. Mom looked very happy and satisfied. From that time on, my mother’s friend often stayed overnight with us. One time I saw them kissing. They noticed this and we had a serious conversation. They told me that they want to live together and be a family. Honestly, thanks to conversations with my mother about people’s sexual orientations, by the age of eight I took it all calmly. I was glad that a person who loved us appeared in the family.

I never communicated with my father, he left for Norilsk, and only a pittance of alimony came from him. And when I turned 18, he completely blocked me from Odnoklassniki. Honestly, I never needed a father. My mothers guided me in the right direction, we had friendly relations. Grandma and grandpa took in mom and her girlfriend. They are educated and modern people. I was lucky with my classmates and friends; they were tolerant and interested in me and my family. But there were problems with teachers.

It happened that the class teacher allowed himself homophobic statements right in class. Because of him, many parents forbade their children to communicate with me.

But usually the children did not listen to them. By the fifth grade, everything had calmed down and everyone had come to terms with it. Mothers have encountered obvious homophobia a couple of times. The first time some gopniks tried to threaten one of the mothers with violence. Mom answered him something, and he fell behind. And both my mothers are doctors. About a month later, this same man was admitted to the hospital and was surprised by his attending physician. The second time we came across insults in Odnoklassniki, although neither one nor the other had photographs of them together. Messages from a certain lady contained death threats and offers to pray to the Mother of God or seek treatment in a psychiatric hospital. They silently blocked this abnormal thing. My family could choose expressions that could hurt a person more than physical violence. They taught me this too. You know, if they told me to choose a family, I would choose mine without hesitation.

I followed in my mother's footsteps and became a doctor. Now I'm going to marry the man I love. His family initially negatively accepted my family, but then, as they got to know them better, they realized that they were wrong. It’s funny to me when people who were abandoned by their fathers at an early age talk about the concepts of traditionalism and family values. Many of my friends, even as children, complained that my father called my mother names, that my mother liked to drink, and then she and her father fought half the night. This is all scary and incomprehensible to me. It seems that same-sex families have more responsibility in raising children because they weigh the pros and cons before taking this step.

I hope that in ten years the attitude towards LGBT people will change in a positive direction and my children and grandchildren will not hide their orientation. So far everything is very, very sad.

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Homosexual families

Homosexuals also create stable couples. In countries where it is legal, they can enter into a marriage or registered partnership. In mid-2010, marriage was available in the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland and Argentina. Most other Western and Central European countries (France, Germany, Great Britain, Denmark, Czech Republic, Slovenia, Hungary, etc.) have adopted laws on registered partnerships, that is, analogues of marriage, for which spouses can be of the same sex. In a number of countries, gay unions are not legalized at the national level, but they can be concluded in certain regions of the country (for example, in the capital of Mexico and some US states)

In some countries, same-sex families and registered couples can adopt and raise children and have access to artificial insemination.

Same-sex marriage

Same-sex marriage- marriage between persons of the same sex. Same-sex marriage must be distinguished from "same-sex civil partnerships" and other forms of same-sex unions, which are legally distinct from marriage and often have significant restrictions compared to marriage.

The fact of registering a marriage secures various specific rights for the couple: the right to joint property, the right to alimony, the right to inheritance, social and medical insurance, preferential taxation and lending, the right to a name, the right not to testify in court against the spouse, the right to act as a proxy on behalf of spouse in the event of his incapacity for health reasons, the right to dispose of the spouse’s body in the event of death, the right to joint parenthood and upbringing of adopted children and other rights that unregistered couples are deprived of.

Opponents of same-sex marriage argue that according to tradition and religious norms, only a man and a woman can enter into marriage, and therefore the demands of gays and lesbians to recognize the same right for them are absurd and we are not talking about equality of homosexuals and heterosexuals, but about providing homosexuals with a new unprecedented law.

Supporters of same-sex marriage point out that marriage registration is a legal action, independent of religious norms (in most modern states, legal and church registration of marriage relations occur separately), and that the law should follow social changes leading to the elimination of inequality between people - as This is what has been happening over the past centuries, when previously existing prohibitions on registering marriages (for example, between spouses belonging to different social classes, religions or races) were gradually abolished. At the same time, they consider the right to marriage through the prism of natural human rights, the right to mental and physical health, and equality before the law.

From an anthropological point of view, it is very difficult to generalize the meaning of the word marriage, taking into account the differences characteristic of different countries and peoples. Thus, in the scientific work of Edward Westermac “The History of Human Marriage” (1922), marriage is defined as a union of one or more men with one or more women, recognized by law and giving rise to certain rights and obligations of the participants. This definition did not include socially recognized same-sex relationships, which were observed among more than 30 African peoples. In lexicography, the meaning of words can change as a situation develops. Thus, over the past 10 years in the English-speaking world, in the most authoritative dictionaries in the definition of the word marriage, differentiation by gender has disappeared or an article about same-sex unions has been added. The term same-sex marriage appeared in the Oxford English Dictionary in 2000.

In the press, which is negative towards same-sex marriage, the word marriage in this usage (“marriage”) is placed in quotation marks. In the US, most media outlets have abandoned this practice. The Associated Press recommends the use of the word "marriage" for gays and lesbians and allows the form "gay marriage" only in headlines, without hyphens or quotation marks, while warning against the use of this structure because it creates a perception of legal inequality for same-sex marriages. towards people of different sexes.

How will children raised by homosexuals grow up? The answer to this question has been of interest to everyone for many years.
Proponents of same-sex partnerships vehemently argue that children don't care whether they have a mom and dad or are raised by two men (or two women). Pro-family and religious organizations, as well as many psychologists, are shouting with all their might that children raised in an atmosphere of homosexual relationships will, by default, be psychologically traumatized and inferior in life.

But due to the fact that the legalization of same-sex partnerships and especially “marriages” began to occur in some countries not so long ago, until recently there was no basis for making objective scientific conclusions. For a simple reason - the generation of such children has not yet grown up.

However, in the fall of 2010, Mark Regnerus, Ph.D. in sociology, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin (USA), began his famous scientific study on the topic “How do adult children of parents in same-sex relationships differ.” The scientist completed his work a year and a half later - in 2012. However, data analysis continues to this day - they are available to all interested scientists, thanks to the Inter-University Consortium for Political and Social Research at the University of Michigan.

Shocking Consequences

The study involved 3,000 adult respondents whose parents were in same-sex sexual relationships. As a result, the data obtained was truly shocking. However, this was to be expected. But for the first time this was proven by a reputable scientist from a reputable university, and the results were published in the no less authoritative publication Social Science Research.

High level of sexually transmitted infection. Published data reports that 25% of children with homosexual parents have had or have sexually transmitted diseases due to their specific lifestyle. For comparison, the number of infected peers from prosperous heterosexual families was recorded at 8%.

Inability to maintain family fidelity. And here is the reason for this level of infection. Those who were raised by homosexual parents are much more likely to be tolerant of adultery - 40%. A similar indicator of loyalty to infidelity among those raised in heterosexual families is 13%.

Psychological problems. The next shocking fact is that up to 24% of adult children from same-sex “families” have recently planned suicide. For comparison, the level of such sentiments among those raised in normal heterosexual families is 5%. People raised by homosexual parents are significantly more likely than those from heterosexual families to turn to psychotherapists - 19% versus 8%.

This is not surprising. After all, 31% of those who grew up with a lesbian mother and 25% of those who grew up with a homosexual father were ever forced to have sex against their will (including by their parents). In the case of heterosexual families, only 8% of respondents report this.

Socio-economic helplessness. 28% of people from families where the mother was a lesbian are unemployed. Among people from normal families, this level is only 8%.

69% of those with a lesbian mom and 57% of those with a gay dad reported that their family had received government benefits in the past. Among ordinary families, this is true in 17% of cases. And 38% of those who grew up with a lesbian mother still live on government benefits, and only 26% have a full-time job. Among those whose father was homosexual, only 34% currently have a full-time job. For comparison, among those raised in heterosexual families, only 10% live on state benefits, and half are employed full-time.

Sexual identity disorder. And finally, here are the numbers that finally destroy the myth that being raised in a same-sex “family” does not affect the sexual orientation of an adult child. So, if dad or mom had homosexual relationships, then only 60-70% of their children call themselves completely heterosexual. In turn, more than 90% of people who grew up in a traditional family identify themselves as completely heterosexual.

An attempt to shut Regnerus's mouth

What is significant is that when Mark Regnerus was preparing the data obtained for publication, an aggressive information campaign began against him. LGBT activists demanded that the results of the study not be made public. The hottest heads began to slander, calling Regnerus a fraudster and a charlatan, and demanded that the professor be fired from the University of Texas. Even many scientists took up arms against their colleague.

The University then carefully examined all the allegations and scrupulously analyzed all the data obtained by Regnerus. The research methodology was tested separately. As a result, the University confirmed that the scientific work is of the highest quality and meets academic requirements.

Journalists from the online newspaper All News contacted Professor Mark Regnerus to clarify this situation.

Who questioned your research and for what purpose? Who conducted the investigation, and what conclusion did the commission come to?

I understand that you are interested in the precedent of the investigation conducted here at the University of Texas regarding my compliance with scientific ethics. The decision to investigate came after a New York social activist and blogger filed a complaint alleging scientific misconduct on my part. The university's research department conducted an investigation and concluded that there was no evidence of the violation alleged against me. Thus, the issue was dropped.

How would you explain the persistent desire of the LGBT community to have you removed from work at the University and banned from publishing?

The fact is that in the United States, the rights of sexual minorities and the fight for the recognition of same-sex “marriages” are an extremely sensitive issue. That is why all stages of the research - from my work as an author to the review process and, finally, attracting media attention - all this took place, as they say, under a microscope. I responded to criticism of my research in the November 2012 issue of the same journal Social Science Research and published the results. All interested scientists in this field have the opportunity to analyze these results and draw their own conclusions. But the actual data we published is accurate.

It is also significant that this study was the subject of a large article in The New York Times. This authoritative publication also considered it necessary to publicly notify readers about the results obtained by Mark Regnerus. Thus, for almost the first time, the world community has received authoritative research that sheds light on the tragic consequences of raising children in families where parents practiced homosexual relations.

In Russia, same-sex marriages are prohibited, representatives of the LGBT community are prohibited from adopting children, and many consider homosexuality to be a disease. Meduza collected stories from three people who grew up in same-sex families about how they live and much more.

In Russia, same-sex marriages are prohibited, representatives of the LGBT community are prohibited from adopting children, and many consider homosexuality to be a disease. Meduza collected stories from three people who grew up in same-sex families about how they live and much more.

Neil, 19 years old, Minsk

1. “The dads’ relationship moved to a whole new level when Yuri’s sister gave birth to a child. She decided to give me away when I was not yet a year old. This is how a family of two dads appeared. I address my mother only by name, but I consider Yuri and Vladislav my parents. Because giving birth is one thing, but raising, educating, loving is completely different.”
2. “I realized that I had an unusual family when I was five years old. Other children were taken from kindergarten not only by fathers, but also by mothers. Naturally, this raised many questions in me. Then my parents explained as simply as possible why our family was different from others. They said that sometimes people of the same sex have feelings for each other and want to be together. In society, only the union of a man and a woman is considered normal, but if you really love a person and value him, what difference does it make what gender he is?”
3. “My parents gave me a lot of time and attention. I can’t say that there was any distribution of roles between them. Rather, each of them taught me what they understand. And if they both knew the topic, they would combine their experience and pass it on to me. So, my dads taught me design and collecting statistical data together.”
4. “The fact is that people who create same-sex families do not do it spontaneously. They first weigh the pros and cons, calculate the subtleties and go through an extremely difficult path. Whereas in the families of some of my classmates there was complete chaos - alcoholism, violence, indifference to children.”

Alisa, 21 years old, St. Petersburg

1. “I live in a family with two mothers - Marina and Elena. They fell in love with each other in their youth, long before I was born. Then they had a son, Gregory - Lena gave birth to him from her friend. His mothers raised him together, but after about a year they separated. The fact is that my grandmother, having learned about Marina’s mother’s orientation, began to actively put pressure on her. She said that you can’t have children out of wedlock, that it’s terrible - even worse than living with a woman. And my mother really wanted to have a child, a family. That’s why she married my father.”
2. “For a long time, Lena presented herself simply as a family friend. Sometimes my mother and I came to visit her in Moscow. But more often she comes to us, and for a long time. Mom didn't tell me anything about their relationship. I think she was very scared. I only began to realize that our family was not an ordinary family until I was in fourth grade. I liked the way we lived, but something still seemed strange: friends were friends, but Lena and I were together all the time.”
3. “Mom explained what kind of family we have and why. She said that people can love each other and there is nothing wrong with that. It was a lot of stress for me. I saw how happy my mother was and understood everything, but I could not accept her words. Back then I had no real awareness that such people [homosexuals] existed. At school they sometimes joked to humiliate me, like “You’re gay,” but I didn’t know what it was and how to live with it further. I remember crying and asking myself: “Why is this happening to our family? Why are we not like everyone else?
4. “Moms told me about sex and things like that. Lena paid a lot of attention to this issue, because she believed that few people talked about such topics with anyone. I remember it was very strange to me when someone in the class did not know the simplest things and began to invent stories. We even had a girl who hid her period from her parents because she thought there was something wrong with her.”

Grigory, 24 years old, Moscow - St. Petersburg

1. “I remember my childhood only from the age of four. Then I was raised by my mother and a woman named Tatyana. I guess I considered her my aunt or my mother's good friend. In any case, I never had any questions about why we live this way. Everything was simple - the two of them, and we are a family. Even as a child, my mother explained to me that she never loved my biological father, so they never even tried to be together. I never talked to my dad."
2. “Two of my mother’s friends, who also lived with the child, gave me their old system unit, and in my browser history I found links to various same-sex sites. Everything came together in my head, and I asked my mother: “Who are you? What are you, a lesbian? And to her “yes” he only answered: “Cool!”
3. “I have never directly encountered negative attitudes towards our family. But I know that they threw stones at my mother and Marina when they participated in an attempt to hold a Pride on the Champ de Mars. And a few years ago, Marina was fired from her job because of gossip about her sexuality.”
4. “It’s hard to say how being raised by two women affected me. I don't feel special. Like everyone else, I communicate with people and work. It seems to me that it is important (and this also applies to heterosexual families) to go through certain stages of sincerity with oneself, acceptance, harmony and love. I would like to raise my children in such an atmosphere because I am absolutely satisfied with my upbringing.”