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About the book "Resistance to stress. How to remain calm and effective in any situation." Stress resistance. How to Stay Calm and Highly Effective in Any Situation - Sharon Melnick

For many of us, stress has become the “new normal”: every day at work we process letters and calls, take on many important tasks at once and do not have time to complete them, and at night we scroll through work tasks and conflicts in our heads.

The book “Resilience to Stress” by professional business psychologist Sharon Melnik outlines a technique with which you can not only remain calm in stressful situations, but also find new opportunities for professional and personal development in them. It only takes a few minutes to start using some of the techniques.

Sharon Melnik is an expert on stress resistance from Harvard Medical School, where she developed her methodology for more than ten years, and the author of effective trainings that have helped several thousand people overcome the effects of stressful situations.
Published in Russian for the first time.

Introduction

How this book will help you

When you are at the peak of your capabilities, you enjoy work - successfully completing a project or closing a deal. You gain respect and rewards by making other people's lives better. You feel like you have achieved success and found your working rhythm. At the end of the day, you have enough enthusiasm to interact with people and do activities that are important to you - and even have time to find peace of mind. But many people find themselves with too much to do and too many obstacles on the way to their goals - plus they constantly have to deal with nervous and tense people.

Welcome to a new reality where you are overwhelmed by all kinds of stress, making it increasingly difficult to stay afloat - let alone succeed.

But you can do more than you think. Book " Stress resistance"presents more than a hundred strategies for achieving success in a stressful situation, be it problems in relationships or an emergency at work when there is not enough time for anything. New knowledge and skills will provide you with stress resistance, giving you the ability to control every day of your life. By working less and earning more, you will always find time for reflection and contemplation.

As a business psychologist who has trained more than six thousand people, I have observed how some people confidently cope with stress, successfully completing projects and not wasting energy, while others simply struggle to survive. There is a set of skills that differentiate one group from another. Each of us already there is a treasury of valuable skills - all that remains is to find the key to it.

Once you learn the secrets of stress resistance, your income will begin to grow before your eyes. Indeed, 71% of top managers around the world confirm that psychological resilience and the ability to see new opportunities in every obstacle are “very” and even “extremely” important factors for them when choosing employees. Business owners who strategically plan their workday see rapid growth in their business.

I wrote a book about stress resistance to help you succeed and become a highly qualified specialist without compromising your quality of life. Stressful situations will no longer ruin your day or prevent you from achieving your goals. You will learn, and more importantly, to see opportunities in obstacles - this is the only way to eradicate stress. By distributing your workload, you will learn to generate new ideas and make innovative decisions while overcoming difficulties. You'll learn how to motivate and influence people into becoming your supporters (instead of wasting energy trying to overcome feelings of powerlessness). You will speak up decisively in meetings and find common ground with clients who were previously too tough for you. If you are faced with a problem or a situation that seems hopeless at first glance, the new tools described in the book will help you get out of the impasse and move on with your plans. your way .

This book goes beyond the truisms of eating right and sleeping well or, as a last resort, how to “take a deep breath and get some fresh air.” Of course, this approach helps many, but it is unlikely to reduce the impact of the modern rhythm on success and quality of life. The algorithm for getting out of any difficult situation, described on the pages of this book, is based on three basic rules: you need to change your attitude towards the problem, your physical reaction to the problem or the problem itself.

Change your attitude towards the situation. Looking at a problem from a different angle can help you find new solutions.
Learn to control your physiology. Focus when you're overwhelmed, find energy when you feel overwhelmed, and calm down when you're anxious or irritable.
Solve the problem. Eliminate the source of your stress and you'll never have to deal with it again!

Once you try any of these approaches, you will immediately notice how your stress levels have decreased and your efficiency has increased. And if you apply the elements all three approaches, you can cope with any stressful situation.

But the most important thing: I understand how busy you are, and therefore almost any of the described tools can be mastered in less than three minutes. How will you ultimately benefit?

You will gain more control over your life. When you finally stop running in circles, you will begin to move straight towards your goal. You will reduce the stress associated with the constant fear of missing out on opportunities or failing to attract a client. You will achieve everything, once you learn to use your abilities 100%. You will end everything that has been consuming your time and energy; learn to say “no” when the tasks and projects assigned to you move you away from your desired goal.
Keep your energy and enthusiasm up after your work day. The book talks about tools that will allow you to “turn on” and “turn off” with a click. You will learn to concentrate when you need to and relax when you want - this is a recipe for maintaining energy, enjoying life and healthy sleep. You will find a balance between doing your job professionally and living a full life and forget about your desire to please everyone - after all, you took on this burden yourself. If you are prone to self-flagellation, if you feel like you are inferior to your competitors in some way, or if you take everything too personally, this book is for you - it will help you tune in to positive thinking. If you're afraid of speaking in front of an audience and can't pick up the phone and call a potential client who you don't think will want to listen to you, this book will give you the confidence to take action. If you have to communicate with an unpleasant interlocutor, you will be able to quickly calm down and have a successful meeting. You will learn to abstract yourself from emotions and control violent reactions.
You will be able to see the opportunity in every obstacle. You will learn to solve problems and relieve stress, and easily adapt your activities when, for example, priorities change or when you do not receive feedback on the work you have done. This book provides an action plan and a set of skills that will allow you to thrive in today's dynamic world. You will discover the ability to “adapt to and even enjoy constantly changing career opportunities, business models and starting conditions.” Soon new perspectives will open up for you, allowing you to “come out of the shadows” and confidently move forward. And if it seems to you that you have become a victim of circumstances and you see only obstacles in front of you - delays in production, the inability to move up the career ladder, to achieve financial goals - you will learn to turn such situations to your benefit.

This book is for you if you:

you work in stressful conditions when you constantly have to motivate people to achieve results;
manage your own business and are responsible for all processes;
strive to reduce financial stress, feeling that you are already on the edge;
You lack self-confidence and therefore hinder your success, or you overreact (especially when dealing with difficult people).

This book contains an action plan and a set of tools to increase your stress resistance.

You can download an introductory fragment of the book (~20%) from the link:

Stress Resilience - Sharon Melnick (download)

Read the full version of the book in the best online library on the Runet - Litres.

And finally, we suggest you watch an interesting video

Manage stress: from surviving stress to success

Imagine a person who, instead of dealing with everyday difficulties and minor troubles, always only postpones solving the problem until later. Such a person is unable to evaluate the alternative that is most acceptable in the long term. He sees neither new approaches nor new opportunities and looks for the answer only in past experience. He focuses on the problem, losing sight of the global picture. Taking every little thing to heart, he racks his brains over the reasons for failure, being in a state of constant tension and excitement. ()

If you had such an employee, you would hardly expect innovative solutions from him. In fact, such an employee would not stay long in your company. However, the situation I just described is a typical reaction of people who are not resistant to stress. We may not realize it, but our response to the stress that we experience almost daily gradually becomes a habit: day after day, we mark time without a chance to move to the next level of success. But if you don’t take proactive* steps to get out of your “comfort zone,” you may never know what success is.

Of course, we want to learn to control our emotions. Our reaction to what is happening should be deliberate, not spontaneous, and work for the future. It must become a platform for ensuring long-term benefits - not only for yourself, but also for those around you. Our response should be the best possible alternative to solve problems, maintain good relationships and conserve energy. This is the reaction of a person who can control stress levels! One of my clients described the transition from a typical stress response to one he controlled: “It’s like being in a bulky car that has trouble turning in a corner, and then being in a Porsche with excellent maneuverability.” "

Let's discuss a situation that could arise if you were able to manage your reaction to everyday events that can throw you off balance. Let's start with an example. The scenario for the development of events before acquiring stress management skills is as follows:

It's 16 o'clock and you're sitting at your desk. It's been a tough day, but the finish line is in sight. You and your wife have agreed to meet at your 11-year-old daughter's annual school performance in two hours. Suddenly, your immediate supervisor calls you into the holy of holies - his office. You learn that because of the crisis, the president of your division is planning strategic changes: your group will lose key resources. In addition, the head of the company wants you to prepare a 10-minute presentation on a large-scale project you are leading and present it to the division president and top management of the company at 9 am tomorrow. You are not very clear what exactly is expected of you, but you are dumbfounded, so you decide to immediately get down to business without asking unnecessary questions.

When you return to your workplace, your thoughts are confused: what if there is a layoff, will they keep you on the team? You say to yourself: “Stop, don’t think about it!” But a panic attack is inevitable. My heart is beating wildly. You clearly imagine the course of tomorrow's meeting. Why does the head of the company want a presentation from you? What if you make a mistake or say something that seems trivial to him? Stomach cramps. You remember that your boss met with the president last week, and you don’t understand why you only learned now that you need to prepare a presentation. You are outraged - your jaw clenches and the tension in your muscles increases.

Things get tense: if you don't make the presentation right away, you'll miss your daughter's introduction, and then you'll be labeled a "bad father." Intuitively, you understand that, one way or another, you will cope with the task, but you are already at the mercy of stress. What's worse, you're not sure you can be proud of the fruits of your labor. You realize that you have fallen into a trap!

You sit down at your desk and start brainstorming, but your limited thinking leaves you stumped. The same thoughts are in my head - it’s very difficult to concentrate. You're desperately trying to remember where you moved the presentation your colleague gave at the kickoff meeting so you can reference it. You understand that time is against you, so you grab the first idea that comes to you - simply describe the project and its stages.

As soon as little progress has been made in your work, your subordinate appears on the horizon with a report. A quick glance at the report reveals that the numbers in the last column are incorrect. This means that you will also have to spend time explaining to the employee his mistakes. Mentally, you are already looking for a “window” in your busy schedule to re-read the report. Feeling like you are in a vice. You are trying to explain to your subordinate what exactly is wrong in his report, and irritation clearly sounds in your voice.

After finishing your presentation, you rush to your daughter's show, arriving exactly one minute before it starts. It is very difficult to put your thoughts in order and switch gears, so until the second act you are actually immersed in thinking about work problems. You have trouble sleeping at night, worrying about the upcoming presentation. When you get ready for a meeting in the morning, you are nervous because you are still not sure whether your information matches what they want to hear from you. The presentation goes smoothly, but afterwards you are bombarded with a lot of difficult questions about your next strategy. You are afraid, so you avoid speaking your mind, even when you have important information. After the meeting, nothing happens - you are irritated and tense for the rest of the day. When you meet your boss in the hallway, you worry that he might say something.

In this scenario, your response to stress is a series of interconnected events, each of which triggers the next one. The physical reaction to stress leads to panic and mental chaos, which prevents you from soberly assessing the situation and making the best decision. When you are not at your peak, you gradually lose confidence; As a result, stress levels only increase in the future. As shown in Fig. 1.1, your thoughts, your physiology and your reaction to the problem lead to the fact that you find yourself in a vicious circle and can no longer get rid of stress.

There are a great many factors that cause you to plunge into the quagmire of stress over and over again, for example, priorities have changed. Or someone is trying to get around you. Or your income is lower than expected. Or, after a presentation, you haven’t received any feedback and are trying to convince yourself that “no news is also good news.” Stress also increases when your inbox is full of new unanswered messages. As Edward Hallowell writes in his seminal article Overloaded Circuits: Why Smart People Underperform: “The poor guy faces not just one crisis, but... an endless stream of situations, each of which he perceives as a small crisis. The feeling that you are trapped and the desire to meet your own standards and the expectations of others lead to the fact that you clench your will into a fist, endure and do not complain - there is more and more work, and your productivity continues to fall. Your reaction is “I’ll try harder.” You feel a sense of guilt and slight panic. The number of tasks grows like a snowball, and you have a constant rush at work. You become harsh and intolerant, unable to concentrate on any task, but continue to pretend that everything is fine. You are so used to being always “ready” that you no longer notice that your coping mechanisms simply aren’t working.” If lately you have been overwhelmed by an avalanche of big and small things, and at the same time you said to yourself: “Stop the train, I want to get off,” then now you know the reason.

Perhaps this circle resembles your reaction to stressful situations? I have presented this idea to entrepreneurs more than once and heard in response: “It feels like you got into my head.” This pattern does seem to reflect the behavior of many people.

Let's go back to the 4 pm meeting with the boss scenario - this time you will act in such a way that you will succeed despite the stress. By the way, this scenario will not require much time, the emotional shock here is also minimized, and the presentation you prepare will have a more beneficial effect on the future of your team and you personally.

In the management office, you first take a deep breath to concentrate and understand the essence of the task at hand. This allows you to ask probing questions to clarify your boss's expectations. You mentally run through several presentation options and ask your boss if he shares your view: “Perhaps it would be better to give a brief overview of the project,” you say, “and then focus on its strategic value and key recommendations for improving performance. Do you agree?" Yes, he agrees. Returning to your desk with a clear understanding of the current situation, you can easily begin working on your presentation.

But first, sitting at your desk, you apply the “mental reset” technique - this will take you from one to three minutes and will help you tune in to making the right and original decisions (this technique is described in more detail in Chapter 4). You forgive your boss for blindsided you at the last minute, because you know for sure that he assigned it to you because he is confident in your competence (Chapter 9). For a moment you feel nervous at the thought of speaking in front of the President. But you have already mastered the technique of “turning off panic” - an acupressure point, by pressing which you will cope with anxiety in a few seconds (you will read about this in Chapter 7).

There is not much time for the presentation, but you are concentrated and work productively. Each completed slide brings a feeling of satisfaction and encourages you to move on. You deliver a solid presentation and are excited about the opportunity to express your views on the future of your team. You are confident that you will be at your best tomorrow. When a subordinate brings a report, you notice mistakes. However, you do not give vent to your irritation, but think about how to motivate your colleague to do quality work. You remind him of a recent conversation when he fully accepted responsibility for his own mistakes and the need to correct them - this way you can easily direct the situation in the right direction (Chapter 11).

You make it to your daughter's performance just in time and beam with pride for her throughout the entire performance. You wake up only once at night, but you know exactly how to fall back asleep within three minutes (Chapter 4). The next morning you feel refreshed and energized, and repeating the slides only takes a few minutes. The presentation goes smoothly, and when you have the opportunity to express your personal opinion, you are great at improvising (Chapter 6). The President is not very verbose, but you don’t need verbal approval - you read body language, and deep down you know for sure that you were on top. The rest of the day is on the rise.

In this scenario, you have created a positive spiral. From the very beginning, you did everything right and controlled your reaction to stress. You were confident and thought constructively. The need to act quickly and decisively has become a good motivation for you. In a stressful situation, your best qualities emerged and you achieved optimal results. All this happened thanks to small changes in physiology, worldview and attitude to the problem. This scenario illustrates resilience (see Figure 1.2).

Many of us don't even realize how low our stress tolerance is! Chronic lack of sleep, muscle tension and poor concentration are often perceived as natural manifestations of the modern rhythm of business life. Some even take pride in it as a well-deserved result of their endless business trips and multitasking. Unfortunately, we often make decisions without understanding the essence of the problem and without analyzing the facts. Such decisions are hasty and suitable only for one specific situation. Sometimes, on the contrary, we are inactive instead of working for the long term.

But can we be blamed for this? First, remember the complete list of things that require your attention. There are from 30 to 100 projects on the agenda of an ordinary office employee - and all of them have to be dealt with simultaneously2; he is interrupted on average seven times an hour; and 24 hours a day it receives new information from different sources. Sure, it's your job and you get paid to do it, but where do you find the time for all that?

Secondly, in addition to the constant emotional stress, you are forced every day to react to changes - minor or major - and accordingly adjust priorities and generate new ideas to attract the attention of your target audience - be it clients, sponsors or management. If you're not on the same page, you might be seen as uncompetitive or miss out on something really important. You're worried that if you don't work constantly, you'll lose the right client or won't get enough money. You are worried about the possible development of events: what will happen if you are left without work or lose a decent income.

Thirdly, for many of us, such overload is just the tip of the iceberg of stress that overlaps and intensifies. An additional factor of psychological pressure can be the high expectations that you place on yourself (and others). When you doubt yourself, you worry about what others think; You may feel that you need to put in extra effort to gain the approval of others. We constantly analyze ourselves - whether we are putting in enough effort at home and at work. But we know for sure that success comes to those who boldly express their opinions and radiate confidence, and do not sit quietly in the shadows.

And with all this, you strive to work effectively, conquer professional heights and receive decent remuneration for your services. No wonder stress has become a national epidemic! (More than 80% of employees experience stress at work, and more than 70% of visits to the doctor are due to stressful conditions.) Many begin to feel that they simply cannot cope with the pace of modern life.

Nevertheless, the new reality is now our life, and there is nowhere to hide from it. But the good news is that you can not only survive in it, but also thrive. Do you dream of completing projects and interacting with people as smoothly as you did in the second scenario above? Do you want to work efficiently at work and enjoy your personal life carefree the rest of the time? Do you intend to break out of the vicious circle of a continuous series of stresses and become the architect of your own happiness? After reading Chapter 2, you will learn how you can achieve this quickly; the main thing is to find the right control lever.

Control what is in your control: the “50% rule”

Stress is not always a consequence of overload, lack of feedback on the work done, or the need to simultaneously manage several projects and fulfill obligations. Stress begins when, under certain circumstances, the demands placed on you exceed your ability to control them. The more control you have over the situation, the less stressed you are, and vice versa.

Stress is not an external symptom, it originates within. This is not the hundredth message in your email. This is your perception - you feel that the load is becoming excessive, and this is just a “beacon” signaling that it’s time to stop and take a break. If the email contains bad news, such as your project has not yet been approved or your proposal has been rejected, your body experiences stress. You are filled with worry about how this will affect your business reputation, future career and future salary. If you find mistakes made by your assistant in an email, the stress is due to the anger you feel due to your inability to control his actions.

As discussed in Chapter 1, such reactions are typically beyond our control. Most of them are predetermined by our physiology. At a specific moment, our brain triggers the neurochemical mechanism of stress, which shapes our feelings and thoughts. Without noticing it ourselves, we fall into the power of our internal patterns. (Don't worry! Chapter 4 tells you how to get rid of them.)

Stress comes from within, which means you can learn to control it. Where to begin? Let's start by changing your attitude towards what is happening.

Use your “inner control” to stop feeling like a victim of circumstances and control any situation. This will require some effort on your part to recognize your first spontaneous reaction to what is happening and switch to making thoughtful and purposeful decisions.

By managing the situation, you can influence its outcome. By taking actions to gain focus and control, such as adjusting your thoughts, slowing your breathing, choosing your words carefully, or setting aside time in your work schedule, you control your brain, your body, and your overall situation. When you are calm and confident, you complete your work faster, solve problems with ease, and make fewer mistakes. Your relationships with others are more positive, and you can motivate them to achieve their goals.

Any of these mechanical actions can be the first step towards increasing stress resistance. Every time you gain control over even a little, you thereby motivate yourself to further constructive actions and, as a result, remain in a favorable spiral. Like a butterfly that starts a chain reaction of events with one flap of its wing and changes the world of the distant future, if you take control of minor situations throughout the day, you can effectively move from stress to efficiency in the future.

Of course, you have a wealth of life experience. You probably understand that you should “control only what you can control.” But are you aware of the limits of your area of control? Do you use your “lever of control” - especially in the heat of the moment?

Any problem consists of 50% of factors that we can control and another 50% that are beyond our control (see Figure 2.1). Circumstances beyond our control include, for example, macroeconomic conditions, market trends, technological innovations, management decisions, traffic jams, epidemics and foreign bankruptcies. But even on a personal level, there are many factors that we cannot influence, such as the tone of the interlocutor’s voice and what others write to us in emails.

What is beyond your control attracts you like a magnet attracts metal. However, by focusing on factors that you cannot control, you automatically set yourself up for stress and again find yourself in a vicious circle from which you see no way out.

First, let's determine which part of the circumstances you can take control of, and which part is beyond your control. Think about any current situation that is causing you stress. Inside the circle shown in Fig. 2.2, indicate which circumstances you can control and which you cannot.

Remember that when you are caught in the grip of stress, you need to focus only on what you can fix. To do this, use the “50% rule” that I developed. Thanks to him, thousands of managers and company owners were able to increase their resistance to stress and learned to emerge victorious from any situation.

Be responsible for “your half of the journey”

This means that you control only what you can control, and at the same time take full responsibility for your actions. By following this rule, you know for sure that your contribution is effective. Plus, you're not wasting your time, energy, or attention on the “other 50%” that is beyond your control. The 50% Rule puts you in control of the situation.

This also means that you have an incentive to take further action. Don't wait for conditions or people around you to change. Instead, take responsibility for what you do. Changing your emotional or physical state will allow you to “be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.” To illustrate this theory, here are three recent examples from my practice.

Story one. My new client Vikki is the vice president of a large healthcare company. Her boss often raises his voice and snaps at her.

For Vikki this is real stress, which she cannot control. And therefore, when Vicky tries to argue for her actions, for which she is criticized, she ends up being overly verbose and unconvincing. As a result, she began to dread work meetings, which left her feeling exhausted for a long time.

Vicky has learned to fully control “her 50%.” She used a breathing technique (which is described in Chapter 10) to stay calm, clear-headed, and focused during her boss' temper tantrums. She prepared and rehearsed her speech on the eve of the meeting, so that even in a heated discussion she could express her thoughts clearly and clearly, without much thought. In addition, she began to “tailor” her suggestions to suit her boss’s wishes (this is discussed in more detail in Chapter 11). Vicki convinced herself that her boss was unable to control her emotions and that her “screaming” had nothing to do with Vicki’s competence. She now exudes self-confidence in business meetings, which helps her work more efficiently. Within a few weeks, Vicki managed to convince her boss to follow her recommendations for a large-scale reorganization of the company. As a result, she headed the combined units! Vicky wasn't trying to change her boss; she changed her attitude, her physiology and approach to the problem. This is exactly how the 50% rule works!

The second story. Earlier this week, I sent an email to a client who had previously invited me to provide training for high-potential employees at his company. I needed an answer by the end of the week, but I never received it. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? I wanted to scream - I was on the verge of barging into his office and demanding an answer!

So what did I do? I reconsidered my first reaction and stopped blaming the client from whom I did not receive a timely response. I didn’t know what could have caused the delay, so perhaps there was a worthy explanation for his behavior. This relieved my tension. I used the breathing technique you will learn about in Chapter 4 and, after analyzing alternative options, I found a solution. I realized that I was thinking too narrowly and that the recipient of the letter was not the only person who could solve my problem. Of course, there were other employees in the company who were authorized to provide me with information regarding my question.

I also analyzed whether my own actions could have contributed to the delay in response. I re-reviewed the email I sent to make sure I was able to convey my ideas clearly. Did I make myself clear when I asked for a response letter? Was my message convincing? Was the information I provided consistent with the interests of the company enough to motivate management to respond promptly?

By applying these active self-management skills, I began to think positively. I formed a plan of action, and thanks to this I felt that I was in complete control of the situation. Calm returned to me, and I switched to thinking about meeting with the next client. (Then - of course, just to fully fulfill “my 50%” - I immediately responded to all those who contacted me lately but still have not received a response from me!)

Story three. After hosting a webinar for members of an organization on leadership development for women employees in cable and telecommunications companies, I received a call from Danielle, one of the seminar participants. I asked her how she was able to apply the skills she learned during the webinar. It turned out that these skills unexpectedly came in handy in her relationship with her husband. Danielle said that in the evening after the training they had a small disagreement and, of course, she considered herself the offended party. Danielle admitted that she remembered about the “50% rule” after she answered her husband in a harsh manner. But the current situation was not only his fault! Once Danielle realized this, she apologized and calmly expressed her opinion. In turn, her husband proposed a compromise, and the conflict was settled. The next morning they both went to work in a good mood, although previously such a disagreement would have resulted in a protracted showdown.

When you focus on “your 50%,” you always start from the point where you can change something - even if it initially seems impossible. There are three categories of stress relief mechanisms. Regardless of the situation, you can always:

change your attitude to circumstances;
adapt your physiological response;
take steps to solve the problem.

The very feeling that you are able to control something reduces the likelihood of an inappropriate reaction to stress, increasing your stress tolerance. Such shifts in your emotional and physical state motivate you to actively seek a way out, rather than just silently enduring or trying to avoid any stress. In fact, even just one minute of visualizing how you are making a difference will fill you with positive emotions and reduce fear. The number of clients with whom I have worked has exceeded six thousand, and now, I think, few people will be able to puzzle me with a story about a stressful or “no-win” situation when we together could not determine about a dozen steps that my client could take to in a few seconds, minutes or days, radically reduce stress levels, gain control over circumstances and achieve a favorable outcome.

However, what I want to emphasize here is that I am not suggesting that you control everything you can control just for the sake of control. Bearing responsibility for “your 50%” means not trying to manage what happens beyond the line - half the way that others pass towards you. I also don't recommend that you become an over-insurer and insist on doing things your way at all costs. The approach I recommend is to use positive intentions to reduce stress and increase efficiency towards your goals. You need to accept the fact that every person - including you - has their own approach and behavior. This will help you quickly overcome disagreements and possible friction and reach a compromise. Just mentally return to those moments when you felt at the peak of your capabilities. Most likely, you never left the feeling of being “in control of the situation,” right?

Q: What if I do my 50% and everyone else doesn't do their half?

A: This is a substantive question! I recently sent my close friend the first version of this chapter and the very next day I received a response from her: “My children, May and Kyle, have been arguing all morning. During a quiet moment, I pulled my daughter aside and asked her to apply the 50% concept in the book, to which she stated, “Kayla should read this book!”

I know that in the lives of each of you there is such a “Kyle”: “I am a good employee, but my manager does not support me,” “I recommend my colleagues to clients, and they, in turn, do not recommend me.” In fact, everything is not quite like that. First, just because you are doing “your 50%” does not mean that the rest are not doing anything. You only do it because you need it. This is the only way to control stress and achieve positive results. Remember the age-old story of being hit on the playground, but the teacher only sees your response. As you do your 50%, remember that when it comes time to evaluate your reputation and results, only your actions will matter. Only your personal actions will be taken into account when evaluating your record.

In this book, you will also learn how to determine the line between what you can control and what you cannot. Of course, you can prove with foam at the mouth that you are surrounded by people who constantly miss deadlines, are hostile towards you, who cannot be relied on and who cannot make decisions on their own - and this is just the beginning of the list. You dream of a button on your remote control that would allow you to change their attitude and bring you closer to achieving your personal or professional goal. But you should remember that the behavior of any person is determined by the totality of his physical and psycho-emotional characteristics. Through their actions, the other person demonstrates their ability (or inability) to help you achieve your goals.

Following the 50% Rule brings clarity to complex relationships. Always start with those actions that you can do and that can correct the situation. Try to make your efforts produce results (more on this in Sections III and IV). Often people use ineffective strategies for a long time and then decide that nothing can be improved. If even after you have completed “your 50%”, everything in your environment or relationships remains the same, from this we can conclude that at the moment a certain person or situation is simply unable to change. Now you have information that will help you make a choice: continue in the same spirit or look for an alternative option. Often it is our inability to stop once we reach this turning point that pushes a situation or relationship into a phase of chronic stress. And you impose this stress on yourself!

Usually (though not always) truth is on the side. There comes a time when a person who does not strive to fulfill “his 50%” reaps the benefits of such an approach.

From the point of view of spirituality, we are not given the opportunity to penetrate into the global plan of the Creator or the Universe. Perhaps such a person will eventually get what he deserves. Maybe he has already encountered problems that you are not aware of. But you can't control it, so you shouldn't worry about it. Your task is to act as effectively as possible under the proposed conditions or to change yourself or the circumstances that you can influence.

Q: What are the benefits of me responsibly doing “my 50%”?

A: This approach may seem labor intensive to you. In fact, after some practice, it will become a habit and will not require much effort or take much time. There is no need to be “perfect” - just think before you act.

The effort spent pays off handsomely. Every time you strive to achieve your 50%, you reduce your stress levels and get on track to achieve your goal. This approach allows you to take control of the situation. You build trusting relationships with others, your opinion is listened to. After some time, you develop a certain reputation among colleagues, friends and acquaintances. Everyone around you knows whether you keep your word and your promises, whether you give something in return or whether you prefer to just receive. If you always try to do your part, people will tend to listen to your point of view in a conflict situation.

According to a long-term study, people who take responsibility for their successes and failures are more likely to take proactive action, while people who believe their lives are determined by external forces such as luck or fate are more likely to get lost in stressful situations. .

The ability to “switch” yourself into an optimal mental and physical state, and to respond decisively to a problem, gives you the strength to achieve maximum results every day. Your colleagues, managers, clients and business partners will pay attention to this. Every time you manage to remain calm in a stressful situation, your relationships with others improve and respect for you increases. There is another invaluable advantage: you can rightfully be proud of yourself, and not worry about what others think of you. So, it's simple: if you want to keep your cool, exude confidence, and perform effectively even in a stressful situation, you need to control what you can control.

"IDEAL" WORKING DAY

Learn to identify landmarks; an exercise called “The Ideal Day” will help you with this. Its purpose is to give you a clear picture of your possible actions and the results achieved. First, describe your ideal workday. For example, what would you do or not do, what would you have time for, and what would you be able to achieve (or not achieve). Focus on your feelings and experiences - the more details, the better. Generally, most people consider their workday to be ideal if they are in complete control of the situation by following the “50% rule.”

Then think back to your typical work day and compare the two descriptions—you'll be amazed at how much of a difference there is between them. Many participants in my trainings on developing psychological resilience drew attention to the fact that in their ideal workday schedule they allocated enough time to rethink and analyze their actions, while their usual workday consisted entirely of urgent tasks and business meetings. Realizing this, they tried to change their schedule so that a “window” appeared in it for a calm analysis of what was happening. This helped them focus their efforts only on the work that would lead them to their intended goals - today they are successful leaders and business executives.

A description of your ideal work day should always be in front of your eyes - it is an antidote to the uncontrolled chaos of your usual work day. A clear picture of actions will not allow you to deviate from the intended path - as a result, every day of yours will be perfect. This doesn't mean that you'll suddenly stop getting distracted or that there won't be any more crises. It also doesn't mean you'll have less to do. But if you use the techniques presented in the pages of this book, you will learn to control your part of the work, which will gradually help you achieve your ideal workday.

The “50% rule” changes your attitude towards life - you are no longer a victim of circumstances, from now on your fate is in your hands. Remember that you should not avoid stressful situations and wait for everything to work itself out. Instead, take the initiative and do what you can. Do the work conscientiously in your “half of the way,” and others will follow your example.

PRACTICAL TASK

Analyze a difficult or stressful situation you are faced with today. Using Fig. 2.2 break down the situation into its components: highlight those factors that you can control and those circumstances that do not depend on you. Focus on the half that you can control and make a plan of actions you can take in the near future to solve the problem.

Take three minutes and describe your ideal work day. Indicate how you distribute your time, what results you achieve, how you feel during the day, how your relationships with others develop. Place this description in a prominent place. Try to bring your normal workday closer to your ideal one.

ON A NOTE

You always have access to an “internal control lever” that helps you overcome the first involuntary reaction to a situation and switch to a cool-blooded analysis of the circumstances. Any effort you make, no matter how small, will reduce your stress levels. You will see the result immediately: the problem will either be solved, or it will be easier for you to manage it.

Any stressful or difficult situation can be broken down into factors that you can control and those that are beyond your power to influence. Focus on what is in your control and act decisively in that direction.

“The 50% Rule” (“Take full responsibility for “your half of the journey”) - following this rule will help you significantly increase stress resistance and work efficiency.

Follow the 50% rule even when others don't. Regardless of their behavior, only your actions determine your success and energy level. Benefits of the “50% rule”: gaining trust, reliability, self-confidence and increasing stress resistance. Remember: your efforts always pay off handsomely.

When you have clearly formulated an action plan, you begin to move straight towards your intended goal. The “Ideal Work Day” exercise will help you set priorities during your work day and follow them to achieve the desired result.

Sharon Melnick

Stress resistance. How to remain calm and highly effective in any situation

SHARON MELNICK

Success Under Stress

Powerful Tools for Staying Calm, Confident, and Productive When the Pressure’s On

Success Under Stress: Powerful Tools for Staying Calm, Confident, and Productive When the Pressure’s On.

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

This book is well complemented by:

Flexible consciousness

Carol Dweck

Psychology of Achievement

Heidi Grant Halvorson

Whole Life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen

To my parents, Susan and Neal Melnick, for their generosity.

Dr. Joseph Levry for his wisdom

Introduction

How this book will help you

When you are at the peak of your capabilities, you enjoy work - successfully completing a project or closing a deal. You gain respect and rewards by making other people's lives better. You feel like you have achieved success and found your working rhythm. At the end of the day, you have enough enthusiasm to interact with people and do things that are important to you—and even have time to find peace of mind. But many people find themselves with too much to do and too many obstacles on the way to their goals - plus they constantly have to deal with nervous and tense people.

Welcome to a new reality where you're overwhelmed by all sorts of stress, making it increasingly difficult to stay afloat—let alone succeed.

But you can do more than you think. This book presents more than a hundred strategies for achieving success in a stressful situation, be it problems in relationships or a crunch at work when there is not enough time for anything. New knowledge and skills will provide you with stress resistance, giving you the ability to control every day of your life. By working less and earning more, you will always find time for reflection and contemplation.

As a business psychologist who has trained more than six thousand people, I have observed how some people confidently cope with stress, successfully completing projects and not wasting energy, while others simply struggle to survive. There is a set of skills that differentiate one group from another. Each of us already There is a treasury of valuable skills - all that remains is to find the key to it.

Once you learn the secrets of stress resistance, your income will begin to grow before your eyes. Indeed, 71% of top managers around the world confirm that psychological resilience and the ability to see new opportunities in every obstacle are “very” and even “extremely” important factors for them when choosing employees(1). Business owners who strategically plan their workday see rapid growth in their business.

I wrote a book on resilience to help you succeed and become a top professional without compromising your quality of life. Stressful situations will no longer ruin your day or prevent you from achieving your goals. You will learn to cope with stress and, more importantly, to see opportunities in obstacles - this is the only way to eradicate stress. By distributing your workload, you will learn to generate new ideas and make innovative decisions while overcoming difficulties. You'll learn how to motivate and influence people into becoming your supporters (instead of wasting energy trying to overcome feelings of powerlessness). You will speak up decisively in meetings and find common ground with clients who were previously too tough for you. If you are faced with a problem or a situation that seems hopeless at first glance, the new tools described in the book will help you get out of the impasse and move on with your plans. your way.

This book goes beyond the truisms of eating right and sleeping well, or, as a last resort, how to “take a deep breath and get some fresh air.” Of course, this approach helps many, but it is unlikely to reduce the impact of the modern rhythm on success and quality of life. The algorithm for getting out of any difficult situation, described on the pages of this book, is based on three basic rules: you need to change your attitude towards the problem, your physical reaction to the problem or the problem itself.

Change your attitude towards the situation. Looking at a problem from a different angle can help you find new solutions.

Learn to control your physiology. Focus when you're overwhelmed, find energy when you feel overwhelmed, and calm down when you're anxious or irritable.

Solve the problem. Eliminate the source of your stress and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But the most important thing: I understand how busy you are, and therefore almost any of the described tools can be mastered in less than three minutes. How will you ultimately benefit?

You will gain more control over your life. When you finally stop running in circles, you will begin to move straight towards your goal. You will learn to better control your schedule, reduce the stress associated with the constant fear of missing out on opportunities or not being able to attract a client. You will achieve everything, once you learn to use your abilities 100%. You will end everything that has been consuming your time and energy; learn to say “no” when the tasks and projects assigned to you move you away from your desired goal.

Keep your energy and enthusiasm up after your work day. The book talks about tools that will allow you to “turn on” and “turn off” with a click. You will learn to concentrate when you need to and relax when you want - this is a recipe for maintaining energy, enjoying life and healthy sleep. You will find a balance between doing your job professionally and living a full life and forget about your desire to please everyone - after all, you took on this burden yourself. If you are prone to self-flagellation, if you feel like you are inferior to your competitors in some way, or if you take everything too personally, this book is for you - it will help you tune in to positive thinking. If you're afraid of speaking in front of an audience and can't pick up the phone and call a potential client who you don't think will want to listen to you, this book will give you the confidence to take action. If you have to communicate with an unpleasant interlocutor, you will be able to quickly calm down and have a successful meeting. You will learn to abstract yourself from emotions and control violent reactions.

You will be able to see the opportunity in every obstacle. You will learn to solve problems and relieve stress, and easily adapt your activities when, for example, priorities change or when you do not receive feedback on the work you have done. This book provides an action plan and a set of skills that will allow you to thrive in today's dynamic world. You will discover the ability to “adapt to and even enjoy constantly changing career opportunities, business models and starting conditions”(2). Soon new perspectives will open up for you, allowing you to “come out of the shadows” and confidently move forward. And if it seems to you that you have become a victim of circumstances and you see only obstacles in front of you - delays in production, the inability to move up the career ladder, to achieve financial goals - you will learn to turn such situations to your advantage.

This book is for you if you:

You work in stressful conditions where you constantly have to motivate people to achieve results;

You manage your own business and are responsible for all processes;

Strive to reduce financial stress, feeling like you're already on the edge;

You lack self-confidence and therefore hinder your success, or you overreact (especially when dealing with difficult people).

What is this book about?

Your days are probably similar to each other and follow the same killer stress pattern: frantically answering emails and calls while trying to start and finish a multitude of tasks, none of which can wait. And as a result, you accomplish little, are in a bad mood, and even receive a portion of dissatisfaction from your boss. And at night you don’t sleep, turning over work tasks and conflicts in your mind and wondering: how to deal with all this?

Professional business psychologist Sharon Melnik has been studying techniques for developing stress resistance for more than 10 years, and this book outlines a technique that has been successfully used by thousands of people who have completed her trainings.

With this book you:

Clearly define the boundaries of what you are really responsible for and how much you can actually do yourself; and performing your duties at a high level, you will feel satisfaction from a job well done.

Arrange tasks in order of priorities;

Learn to control your emotions (not just your own!), translate even the most difficult conversations into a constructive direction, influence other people and understand them correctly. Thanks to this, you will gain self-confidence and good reputation in the company;

Master special exercises - breathing, physical, mental - that will reduce internal tension;

You will develop the right approach to interruptions and distractions, you will be able to competently alternate between workload and rest, concentration and relaxation, and establish a healthy diet and sleep.

As a result, instead of floundering haphazardly and hopelessly in a sea of to-dos, you will be able to “ride the wave” of constant change and multitasking, learning to find new opportunities in difficulties.

It is this skill that distinguishes people who can succeed even in the most difficult and unstable environments.

Who is this book for?

For those who need to increase their own productivity without the threat of a nervous breakdown.

For those who have to communicate with “difficult” people.

For those who are not confident in themselves and are too dependent on the opinions of others.

For those who have to motivate people to achieve results under stressful conditions (especially business owners and top managers)

Book chips

The book contains more than a hundred techniques that, even individually, can increase productivity and at the same time reduce stress levels. Almost any of them can be mastered and applied in life in less than three minutes.

Together they form a complete and powerful technique for increasing stress resistance.

I wrote this book to help you achieve success within your company and become an expert in your field without compromising your quality of life.

How will you benefit from it?

o You will gain more control over your life, going from “running around aimlessly” to a clear mind straight to achieving your goals. You will learn to have more control over your schedule. You will reduce the stress associated with the fear of missing out and learn to use your talents. You will eliminate everything that has been draining your time and energy; you will learn to say “no” when the tasks and projects assigned to you push your goals away from you.

o You will feel energy and enthusiasm after the end of the working day. You will learn to concentrate when you need to and relax when you want. You will learn to abstract yourself from emotions and control violent reactions.

o You will see opportunity in every obstacle. You'll learn how to solve problems and relieve stress by acquiring the ability to adapt when, say, priorities change or when you don't receive feedback on your work. You will discover the ability to endure and even enjoy constantly changing career opportunities, business models and starting conditions.

On our website you can download the book “Resistance to stress. How to remain calm and effective in any situation” by Melnik Sharon for free and without registration in fb2, rtf, epub, pdf, txt format, read the book online or buy the book in the online store.

Current page: 1 (book has 18 pages total) [available reading passage: 4 pages]

This book is well complemented by:

Flexible consciousness

Carol Dweck

Psychology of Achievement

Heidi Grant Halvorson

Whole Life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield,

Mark Victor Hansen

SHARON MELNICK

Success Under Stress

Powerful Tools for Staying Calm,

Confident, and Productive

When the Pressure's On

SHARON MELNIK

Stress resistance

How to stay calm

and high efficiency

in any situation

Translation from English by Svetlana Chigrinets

Publishing house "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber"

Moscow, 2014

Information from the publisher

Published in Russian for the first time

Melnik, Sh.

Stress resistance. How to remain calm and highly effective in any situation / Sharon Melnik; lane from English Svetlana Chirginets. – M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2014.

ISBN 978-5-91657-951-2

The book by professional business psychologist Sharon Melnik outlines a technique with which you can not only remain calm in stressful situations, but also find new opportunities for professional and personal development in them. It only takes a few minutes to start using some of the techniques.

Sharon Melnik is an expert on stress resistance from Harvard Medical School, where she developed her technique for more than ten years, and the author of effective trainings that have helped several thousand people overcome the effects of stressful situations.

Success Under Stress: Powerful Tools for Staying Calm, Confident, and Productive When the Pressure’s On.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, for any purpose, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

To my parents, Susan and Neal Melnick, for their generosity.

Dr. Joseph Levry for his wisdom

Introduction

How this book will help you

When you are at the peak of your capabilities, you enjoy work - successfully completing a project or closing a deal. You gain respect and rewards by making other people's lives better. You feel like you have achieved success and found your working rhythm. At the end of the day, you have enough enthusiasm to interact with people and do things that are important to you—and even have time to find peace of mind. But many people find themselves with too much to do and too many obstacles on the way to their goals - plus they constantly have to deal with nervous and tense people.

Welcome to a new reality where you're overwhelmed by all sorts of stress, making it increasingly difficult to stay afloat—let alone succeed.

As a business psychologist who has trained more than six thousand people, I have observed how some people confidently cope with stress, successfully completing projects and not wasting energy, while others simply struggle to survive. There is a set of skills that differentiate one group from another. Each of us already There is a treasury of valuable skills - all that remains is to find the key to it.

Once you learn the secrets of stress resistance, your income will begin to grow before your eyes. Indeed, 71% of top managers around the world confirm that psychological resilience and the ability to see new opportunities in every obstacle are “very” and even “extremely” important factors for them when choosing employees1. Business owners who strategically plan their workday see rapid growth in their business.

Change your attitude towards the situation. Looking at a problem from a different angle can help you find new solutions.

Learncontrol your physiology. Focus when you're overwhelmed, find energy when you feel overwhelmed, and calm down when you're anxious or irritable.

Solve the problem. Eliminate the source of your stress and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But the most important thing: I understand how busy you are, and therefore almost any of the described tools can be mastered in less than three minutes. How will you ultimately benefit?

You will gain more control overwith your life. When you finally stop running in circles, you will begin to move straight towards your goal. You will learn to better control your schedule, reduce the stress associated with the constant fear of missing out on opportunities or not being able to attract a client. You will achieve everything, once you learn to use your abilities 100%. You will end everything that has been consuming your time and energy; learn to say “no” when the tasks and projects assigned to you move you away from your desired goal.

You will be able to see the opportunity in every obstacle. You will learn to solve problems and relieve stress, and easily adapt your activities when, for example, priorities change or when you do not receive feedback on the work you have done. This book provides an action plan and a set of skills that will allow you to thrive in today's dynamic world. You will discover the ability to “adapt to, and even enjoy, constantly changing career opportunities, business models, and environments.”2 Soon new perspectives will open up for you, allowing you to “come out of the shadows” and confidently move forward. And if it seems to you that you have become a victim of circumstances and you see only obstacles in front of you - delays in production, the inability to move up the career ladder, to achieve financial goals - you will learn to turn such situations to your advantage.

This book is for you if you:

you work in stressful conditions when you constantly have to motivate people to achieve results;

manage your own business and are responsible for all processes;

strive to reduce financial stress, feeling that you are already on the edge;

You lack self-confidence and therefore hinder your success, or you overreact (especially when dealing with difficult people).

This book contains an action plan and a set of tools to increase your stress resistance.

Section I

about how to regain power over your circumstances and achieve success in the new reality

Chapter 1. Manage Stress: From Surviving Stress to Success

You will find out why you fall into the stress trap again and again, and you will understand how easy it is to change the situation in your favor.

Chapter 2. Control what is in your control: “the 50% rule”

There is only one way to dramatically increase your productivity, achieve your goals, and reduce stress. In this chapter you will discover this path for yourself.

Section II

about stress caused by an excess of tasks and obstacles on the way to the goal

Chapter 3: In every challenge lies an opportunity

Step away from endless tasks, assignments and requests and rush towards your goal. Learn to turn difficulties into opportunities. Think positively and strive to achieve your goals - a reasonable detachment will not hurt if you have to work in stressful conditions.

Chapter 4. Calmness and concentration at work in less than three minutes - even yoga does not give such results

Discover the secret to high productivity and learn to find creative solutions in any situation - develop the ability to sharply concentrate and maintain energy throughout the day, as well as instantly calm down and restore strength. There are two ways to find peace of mind and clarity of mind: you can do three minutes of exercise without leaving your desk, or do 90 minutes of yoga - which do you choose? Learn, if you suddenly wake up in the middle of the night from worrying about many unresolved problems, to fall asleep again in three minutes. When you're at work, it's important to think about business, but when you come home in the evening, don't forget to leave thoughts about work at the door. Enjoy your time away from work without feeling guilty.

Chapter 5: How to Prioritize

Reduce your to-do list and complete projects faster. Work on what benefits you, concentrating only on the important tasks and not letting the little things distract you, even if you have to fight on multiple fronts. Increase efficiency - do everything right the first time, reach consensus in meetings and don't put off solving problems for too long. Although the flow of people and tasks demanding your attention is unlikely to decrease, you will have a choice whether to pay attention to them or not. This behavior will earn you respect.

Section III

about how to stop depending on the opinions of others and cope with the stress that you have imposed on yourself

Chapter 6. The Shortest Path to Confidence

Do you strive to gain the approval of other people, do you worry about what others will think of you, do you tend to put things off until the last minute, are you afraid to ask for the promotion or salary increase that you deserve? Stop wasting your time and energy. Believe in yourself.

Chapter 7. How to get rid of anxiety in no time

Do you need a boost of confidence? Are you nervous before a presentation? This chapter introduces you to the contents of your “inner first aid kit,” which is always available to you, and teaches you how to relieve stress by regaining fearlessness and focus.

Chapter 8. From self-flagellation to self-confidence

You will learn to trust your own judgment and make decisions quickly and without agonizing thoughts. Gaining confidence in your abilities will help you overcome your tendency towards perfectionism and procrastination. Finally, you will understand how not to create obstacles for yourself!

Section IV

about how to prevent stress from interfering in your relationships with other people

Chapter 9. Maintain the ability to think soberly when they try to piss you off.

Are you taking things too personally? Then you will have a tool that will help you maintain your sanity, and not give in to the first emotional impulse and then regret what you said. Difficult people will no longer be able to get the better of you, throwing you off balance. You will always be respected for being matter-of-fact and demonstrating excellent leadership skills.

Chapter 10: How to Deal with Anger Instantly

Stay calm and collected even when you are dealing with someone who is annoying you (at the same time, your interlocutor will magically calm down as well). By the way, this tactic can be used at home with children! This way you will learn to avoid negative emotions.

Chapter 11: Keep Your Balance

How wonderful it would be to have a remote control over people to make them do what you want. But there is a better way - learn to really influence the behavior of other people, smoothing out rough edges and speeding up the work process. You will find the key to an employee who is not showing proper results, and you will be able to motivate him to complete his work on time and with high quality.

Section V

about how to create a favorable atmosphere around yourself and increase stress resistance

Chapter 12: Take a New Look at Work-Life Balance

Change the way you think about work-life balance by looking beyond the time you spend on work and time spent on leisure. By learning to achieve balance during your workday and control your response to stress, you will establish balance between your work and life in general. Find out how in the modern world, by making conscious choices, you can become the master of your destiny - this is the only way you will be effective both at work and at home.

Chapter 13. How to Motivate Others to Go Halfway

Once you increase your own stress tolerance, you can teach your colleagues and loved ones to relieve stress and act more effectively. This is how you create a culture that you want to be a part of, whether it's the culture of your team, your company, or your family.

Each strategy described in this book will help you detach yourself from the circumstances in which you are trying to survive and take a step towards efficiency; you will become an innovator and intrapreneur in your company; a leader in his professional field. Don't wait for the approval of others. Don't expect the situation to change before you learn how to cope with stress. Simply apply these strategies to improve your resilience to stress.

SECTION I

Constant stress: restoring strength to achieve success

Do you think you're the only one who is constantly stressed? If yes, “eavesdrop” on two telephone conversations to see if these situations and their characters are familiar to you.

“I’ve never admitted this to anyone before,” Stacy told me. “But I can’t do this anymore.” And sometimes it starts to seem to me that I don’t even want to anymore.”

Stacey is a working mom and head of customer support (the middle of her career ladder). When she called me for a consultation, the first thing she said was that she was under tremendous stress due to the fact that she had to manage many projects. “I know I expect too much from myself, but I don’t want to lower the bar,” Stacy continued. “My assistant constantly makes mistakes, and I’m afraid that one day her mistake will affect our clients.” I don’t sleep well, wake up in the middle of the night, and quickly become exhausted during the day. Lately, I often take it out on my children and constantly feel guilty.”

There was hopelessness in Stacey's voice. In constantly changing conditions, she set herself a frantic pace and could not properly prioritize. She tried to cope with everything herself, but every day she only got deeper into the quagmire of problems. A true perfectionist, she believed that she was responsible for all mistakes. And, despite the insane fatigue, she stubbornly continued to move forward.

We solved all of Stacy's problems in just a few weeks! First, I taught her techniques to help her fall asleep again within three minutes - from now on she feels rested in the morning. Then we ranked in order of importance all the projects that Stacey is leading - and there are no less than 61 of them. Having learned to analyze less and do more, she finally realized that she gets a lot done in one working day. Stacey has learned tools that help her focus when needed, but also relax when needed and spend time with her family. Stacy's life has become more balanced. Having mastered communication techniques that allowed her to minimize her assistant's mistakes, Stacy breathed a sigh of relief. Thanks to the skills she acquired, she was able to take control of many things in her life, learned to cope with her self-critical “inner voice” and show restraint when communicating with children. As a result, she gradually lost her guilt at home and increased her leadership potential at work. Four months later, Stacy received a new position.

Dan, the owner of a financial planning company, stated: “I have set ambitious goals for myself, but I just can’t achieve them. I'm tired of constantly chasing the small fry - I want to attract the "big fish" like the others. It seems to me that I have to constantly work in order not to lose a client, and for this I pay for the lack of the quality of life that I strive so hard for. Every morning I come to the office with a ready-made work plan, but I am constantly distracted and everything goes as it turns out. On top of that, my business partner is simply unbearable.”

Because Dan was unable to see the full picture of what was happening, many tasks were out of his control. He would come home disappointed, and when he returned to work, he would stall again and again. Not really believing in his own strength, he did not dare to start hunting for “big fish.” He was upset, nervous, and financial circumstances were pressing on him.

Dan was ready to break through to the next level of success. To do this, we modeled a business strategy, taking into account his abilities and formulating how he could interest those very “big fish”. He realized in which direction he needed to move and what actions would help him achieve his goal. As soon as he developed a system that reduced the burden of paperwork, the stress receded, giving way to clear thinking. It was at this moment that Dan discovered strategies that could quickly restore his lost balance and help him appear in the eyes of others as a calm and confident professional. Within a month, a “big fish” appeared on his client list. And three months later he made the most serious deal of his entire career. They “came to a peace agreement” with their business partner. Dan now spends more time with his new wife and can finally enjoy the quality of life he worked so hard for!

Do you feel like Dan and Stacey - like every day you're rowing against the current as hard as you can, but you can't seem to move? Are you working too hard but not achieving the financial well-being or quality of life you desire? Or maybe you are still making progress, but the cost is too high for you and your family?

If so, you have the power to change course. With the right approach to the process, coal can be turned into a diamond. Stacy got a promotion and Dan caught a "big fish." The following chapters cover all the necessary strategies (and then some). If you are already successfully coping with things in the new reality, then now is the time to learn how to do the same, but with less effort. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you will receive a set of tools with which you can keep the situation under control. Just like Stacy and Dan's stories, the skills you acquire will help you get more out of your job. You will find a balance between your professional and personal life and strengthen your financial position. You will be the one making the rules rather than simply reacting to a situation beyond your control.

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About the book "Resistance to stress. How to remain calm and effective in any situation." Stress resistance. How to Stay Calm and Highly Effective in Any Situation - Sharon Melnick

Introduction

How this book will help you

Stress Resilience - Sharon Melnick (download)

What else to read

THE LAST NOTES

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