How many main positions are identified by transactional analysis of communication? Transactional analysis of business communication. Three main positions
In the structure of human interaction, E. Berne identifies the positions “Parent”, “Adult”, “Child”, on the basis of which the real process of interaction is built. Three main positions: Child (Child), Parent, Adult can repeatedly replace one another during the day, or one of them can predominate in a person’s behavior. Interaction from the position of a Parent presupposes a tendency to dominance, to competition, to the manifestation of power and a sense of high self-worth, to teaching others, to critical condemnation of other people, the government, etc. Interaction from the position of an Adult presupposes a tendency to equal cooperation, to recognition for oneself and others equal rights and responsibility for the outcome of the interaction. Interaction from the position of a Child presupposes a tendency to submit, to seek support and protection (“obedient Child”) or to emotional impulsive protest, quarrel, and unpredictable whims (“rebellious Child”).
From the position of a Child, a person looks at another as if from the bottom up, readily submits, experiencing the joy of being loved, but at the same time a feeling of uncertainty and defenselessness. This position, being the main one in childhood, is often found in adults. So, sometimes a young woman, when communicating with her husband, wants to feel like a mischievous girl again, protected from all sorts of adversity. In such situations, the husband takes the position of the Parent, demonstrates confidence, patronage, but at the same time a peremptory, commanding tone. At other times, for example, when communicating with his parents, he himself takes the position of a Child.
When communicating with colleagues, they usually strive to take the position of an Adult, which provides for a calm tone, restraint, solidity, responsibility for their actions, and equality in communication. .
From the position of the Parent, the roles of an old father, an older sister, an attentive spouse, a teacher, a doctor, a boss, a salesman who says: “come back tomorrow” are played. From the Child's perspective - roles young specialist, graduate student, public favorite artist. From the perspective of an Adult - the role of a neighbor, a casual travel companion, a colleague who knows his own worth, etc.
There can be two varieties in the Parent position:
1) "punishing Parent"- indicates, orders, criticizes, punishes for disobedience and mistakes;
2) "custodial parent"- advises in a gentle form, protects, takes care of, helps, supports, sympathizes, regrets, cares, forgives mistakes and insults.
In the position of the Child there are: "Obedient Child" and "Rebellious Child"(behaves: “I don’t want to. I won’t, leave me alone! What do you care? I’ll do as I want!”, etc.).
The most successful and effective communication is between two interlocutors from the perspective of Adults; two Children can understand each other.
Transaction is a unit of interaction between communication partners, accompanied by setting the positions of each.
(Depicted by an arrow going from the selected position of one interlocutor to the expected position of the other participant in the communication (Fig. 3).
Rice. 3. The structure of human interaction [according to E. Bern]
Communication between a Parent and an Adult is dynamic: either the Adult, with his calm, independent, responsible behavior, will knock down the arrogance of the Parent and transfer him to an equal Adult position, or the Parent will be able to suppress the interlocutor and transfer him to the position of a submissive or rebellious Child.
Communication between an Adult and a Child is just as dynamic: either the Adult will be able to encourage the child to take the problem under discussion seriously and responsibly and move to the position of the Adult, or the helplessness of the Child will provoke the Adult to move to the position of a caring Parent. Communication between Parent and Child is complementary, therefore it is often realized in communication, although it can be either calm in nature (“obedient Child”) or conflict in nature (“rebellious Child”).
There are disguised types of communication, where the external (social) level of communication does not coincide, masks the true psychological level of communication, For example, communication between a seller and a buyer may outwardly be of an equal nature between two Adults, but in fact, the dialogue between the seller (“It’s a good thing, but expensive”) and the buyer (“That’s what I’ll take”) was at the level of Parent (seller) and Child (buyer ).
Berne identifies various forms of interpersonal interaction: affection, friendship, love, competition, care, pastime, surgery, play, social influence, submission, conflicts, ritual interaction, etc.
Various forms of human interaction are characterized by specific positions.
Ritual interaction is one of the common forms of interaction, which is built according to certain rules, symbolically expressing real social relations and the status of a person in a group and society. Ritual acts as a special form of interaction, invented by people to satisfy the need for recognition. Ritual interaction comes from the position of “Parent - Parent”. Ritual reveals the values of the group; people express through ritual what touches them most, what constitutes their social value orientations.
The English scientist Victor Turner, considering rituals and rites, understands them as prescribed formal behavior, as “a system of beliefs and actions performed by a special cult association.” Ritual actions are important for ensuring continuity between different generations in a particular organization, for maintaining traditions and passing on accumulated experience through symbols. Ritual interaction is both a kind of holiday that has a deep emotional impact on people, and a powerful means of maintaining stability, strength, continuity of social ties, a mechanism for uniting people, increasing their solidarity. Rituals, rituals, and customs are capable of being imprinted on the subconscious level of people, ensuring the deep penetration of certain values into group and individual consciousness, into ancestral and personal memory.
Humanity has developed a huge variety of rituals throughout its history: religious rites, palace ceremonies, diplomatic receptions, military rituals, secular ceremonies, including holidays and funerals. Rituals include numerous norms of behavior: receiving guests, greeting acquaintances, addressing strangers, etc. A ritual is a strictly fixed sequence of transactions, and transactions are made from the Parent position and are addressed to the Parent position, allowing people to feel recognized. If a person’s need for recognition is not fulfilled, then aggressive behavior. The ritual is precisely designed to remove this aggression, to satisfy the need for recognition at least at a minimum level.
In the next type of interactions - operations, the transaction is carried out from the position of “Adult - Adult”. We encounter operations every day: these are, first of all, interactions at work, school, as well as cooking, apartment renovation, etc. Having successfully completed an operation, a person confirms his competence and receives confirmation from others.
Labor interaction, distribution and performance of professional and family functions, skillful and effective implementation of these responsibilities - these are the operations that fill people's lives.
Competition is a form of social interaction in which there is a clearly defined goal that must be achieved, all actions different people are correlated with each other taking into account this goal in such a way that they do not come into conflict, while the person himself does not come into conflict with himself, adhering to the attitude of another team player, but the person has an inherent desire to achieve better results than other team members. Since a person accepts the attitudes of other people and allows their attitudes to determine what he will do in the next moment, taking into account some common goal, insofar as he becomes an organic member of his group, society, accepting the morality of this society and becoming a significant member of it.
In a number of cases, a person, being in the same room with other people and performing seemingly joint activities, mentally remains in a completely different place, mentally talks with imaginary interlocutors, dreams about his own things - such a specific interaction is called leaving. Caregiving is a fairly common and natural form of interaction, but it is still more often resorted to by people with problems in the area of interpersonal needs. If a person has no other forms of interaction left except care, then this is pathology-psychosis.
The next type of approved fixed interactions that provide at least a minimum of pleasant sensations, signs of attention, “stroking” between interacting people is pastime. Pastime is a fixed form of transactions designed to satisfy people's need for recognition. The most common pastimes from the position of “Parent - Parent” are discussed and condemned everything that deviates from the norm - children, women, men, power, television, etc., or pastime on the topic “Things” (comparing owned cars, televisions, etc.) . “Who won yesterday?” (football and other sports results) are men's pastimes; “Kitchen”, “Shop”, “Dress”, “Children”, “How much does it cost?”, “Do you know that she...” - these are predominantly female pastimes. During such pastimes, partners and prospects for developing relationships with them are assessed,
Sustainable interaction between people can be determined by the emergence of mutual sympathy - attraction. Close relationships that provide friendly support and feeling (that is, we feel loved, approved, and encouraged by friends and loved ones) are associated with feelings of happiness. Studies have shown that close, positive relationships improve health and reduce the likelihood of premature death. “Friendship is the strongest antidote to all misfortunes,” said Seneca.
Factors that contribute to the formation of attraction (attachment, sympathy):
· frequency of mutual social contacts, proximity - geographical proximity (most people enter into friendship and marriage with those who live in the same neighborhood, studied in the same class, work in the same company, i.e. with those who lived, studied, worked nearby ; closeness allows people to meet often, discover similarities in each other, and exchange signs of attention);
· physical attractiveness (men tend to love women for their appearance, but women also like attractive men. They like beauty);
· the “peer” phenomenon (people tend to choose their friends and especially marry those who are their peers not only in terms of intellectual level, but also in terms of attractiveness). Fromm wrote: “Often love is nothing more than a mutually beneficial exchange between two people in which the parties to the transaction receive the maximum of what they can expect, taking into account their value in the market of personalities.” In couples where attractiveness varied , usually less attractive has a compensating quality. Men usually offer status and seek attractiveness, and women often do the opposite, so young beauties often marry older men who occupy a high position in society);
The more attractive a person is, the more likely they are to attribute positive personal qualities(this is a stereotype of physical attractiveness: what is beautiful is good; people unconsciously believe that, all other things being equal, more beautiful people are happier, sexier, more sociable, smarter and luckier, although they are not more honest or caring towards other people. More attractive people have more prestigious job, they earn more);
· the attraction can be negatively affected by the “contrast effect”. For example, men who have just looked at magazine beauties find ordinary women and their wives less attractive, and their sexual satisfaction with their own partner decreases after watching pornographic films;
· “reinforcement effect” - when we find traits similar to us in someone, this makes the person more attractive to us. The more two people love each other, the more physically attractive they find each other and the less attractive all other people of the opposite sex seem to them;
· similarity of social origin, similarity of interests, views are important for establishing relationships. (“We love those who are like us and do what we do,” Aristotle pointed out);
· to continue the relationship, complementarity and competence in an area close to our interests are necessary;
· we like those who like us;
· if the feeling self-esteem If a person has been hurt by some previous situation, then he will be more likely to like a new acquaintance who kindly pays attention to him (this helps explain why sometimes people fall so passionately in love after being previously rejected by another, thereby affecting their pride);
· reward theory of attraction: the theory according to which we like those people whose behavior is beneficial to us, or those with whom we associate events that are beneficial to us;
· the principle of mutually beneficial exchange or equal participation: what you and your partner get out of your relationship should be in proportion to what each of you puts into it.
If two or more people have a lot in common, a closeness factor is formed; if their connections improve, they do something nice for each other - sympathy is formed; if they see merit in each other, recognize the right for themselves and others to be who they are, a factor of respect is formed. Forms of interaction such as friendship and love satisfy people's need for acceptance. Friendship and love are superficially similar to pastimes, but there is always a clearly fixed partner towards whom one feels sympathy. Friendship includes the factor of sympathy and respect, love differs from friendship by an enhanced sexual component, i.e. love = sexual attraction + sympathy + respect, in the case of falling in love there is only a combination sexual desire and sympathy. These forms of interaction differ from all others in that they necessarily contain hidden Child-Child transactions expressing mutual recognition and sympathy. People can discuss any problems they want, even on a completely adult and serious level, nevertheless, in their every word and gesture the following will be visible: “I like you.” Some features are characteristic of all friendships and love attachments: mutual understanding, dedication, pleasure from being with a loved one, care, responsibility, intimate trust, self-disclosure (discovering innermost thoughts and experiences in front of another person). (“What is a friend? It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.” F. Crane).
Interpersonal relationships- this is a person’s relationship with other people, accompanied by emotional experiences of sympathy or antipathy. N.N. Obozov proposed a classification of interpersonal relationships, depending on the depth, selectivity and function of the relationship. There are relationships of acquaintance, friendship, companionship, friendship, love, marital, family, destructive. The greatest depth, selectivity, and inclusion of the individual is manifested in friendly, marital and love relationships.
Thus, the relationships between people in the process of communication and interaction can be different:
· I and THE OTHER are WE, if many things connect;
· I, HE - if there are few connections;
· I and THE OTHER are OWN - if we improve each other and want to become closer;
· STRANGERS - if we make each other worse and want to distance ourselves;
· WE ARE OURS, HE IS OURS, HE IS A STRANGER, WE ARE STRANGERS - form four types of significant relationships. When you say, “I would like to get to know him better,” or simply, “I like him,” it means that you have chosen a “HE IS YOURS” relationship.
Usually the dynamics of the development of relationships: HE IS OUR OWN - WE ARE OUR OWN - WE ARE STRANGERS - HE IS A STRANGER.
HE IS YOURS (you like the person, you are glad to see him more often). You suddenly discover that you can no longer be apart: WE ARE OUR OWN, but often, the stronger the connections, the more dependent on each other you feel, mutual shortcomings are revealed, the struggle for influence begins - elevating yourself or humiliating your partner. And if your selves turn out to be stronger than WE, then the selves will win, and the stage will come in the relationship - WE ARE STRANGERS. You are still connected by a lot, but one is closely connected, the other is offended, so both involuntarily try to distance themselves, sometimes completely break off the relationship - HE IS A STRANGER. Thus, a cycle went through: growth - flourishing - withering.
· There are three known coordinates of a significant relationship: WE-HE, OWN - ALIEN, YOU - YOU, they can also be called differently: “closeness-distance”, “sympathy-antipathy”, “respect-disrespect” or “distance”, “valence” , "position";
· I and THE OTHER - YOU - if he influences me more than I influence him;
· YOU - if I influence him more than he influences me;
· YOU AND WE ARE OUR OWN - that type of relationship that is necessary to guarantee its strength. Both are open to influence, willingly meet each other’s requests and desires, without demanding “to become what I want.” Here something surprising arises - relationships do not grow old, do not fade. Life together in this case is free from the struggle for influence, and if disagreements arise, then WE turn out to be stronger than personal selves. That is why in relationships with the most significant people often there is no alienation. Instead of moving to the stage WE ARE ALIENS, relationships continue to grow in the direction WE ARE WITH YOU, OUR OWN. The prospects for a relationship significantly depend on the initial attitude towards YOU or YOU, i.e. the willingness to see advantages (YOU) or imperfections (YOU) in a partner.
When a person feels threatened by rejection, the following types of behavior-communication may occur:
1) ingratiate yourself so that the other person does not get angry;
2) blame so that the other person considers him strong;
4) withdraw so much as to ignore the threat, behave as if it does not exist.
Ingratiating Peacemaker tries to please, never arguing about anything, agrees with any criticism addressed to him (and inside he feels like a nonentity, of no value: “I’m nothing without you,” “I’m helpless”).
Prosecutor constantly looking for who is to blame in this or that case. He is a dictator, a master who endlessly reproaches: “If it weren’t for you, everything would be fine”; with all his appearance he shows: “I am in charge here,” but deep inside he feels: “I am lonely and unhappy.”
Calculating "computer" very reasonable, but expresses no feelings, he seems calm, cool, collected, lives by the slogan: “Say the right things, hide your feelings. Don't react to your surroundings."
Detached Human, whatever he does, whatever he says, is not connected with what the interlocutor says or does. He distances himself from unpleasant and difficult life situations, tries not to notice, hear, or react to anything, but inside he feels: “No one cares about me, there is no place for me here,” “loneliness and the complete meaninglessness of my existence.”
Any of these models of communication and response contributes to the maintenance of low self-esteem and a feeling of one’s own insignificance. But there is an effective way to respond - "balanced, flexible." This type of communication is harmonious: the spoken words correspond to the facial expression, posture, intonation, honest And openly expressing your feelings and thoughts. Balanced communication is based on the authenticity of the feelings experienced and demonstrated. For example, the accusing type of communication looks completely different, in which a person, feeling helpless, demonstrates anger or hides resentment behind bravado.
Becoming a balanced, flexible person requires willpower, courage, new beliefs and new knowledge. It's impossible to pretend here. Your communication style determines how you implement plans and resolve conflicts. A different style will lead to a different result.
“I-statements” and responding to conflict behavior
IN tense situation when a person experiences strong feelings, he doesn’t like, difficulties arise with their expression. The easiest way to solve this The problem is to realize your feelings and name them to your partner. It is this method of self-expression that is called “I-statements.”
Unfortunately, a common way of behavior in a conflict situation is to slip into one of the unproductive positions: either expressing direct negative assessments (the “accuser” position), or complaining and sobbing (the “victim” position), or attempts to interpret behavior in a detached and rational way. interlocutor (the “computer” position). All these reactions are completely unconstructive - the conflict situation persists, you are left with a feeling of your own powerlessness and dependence on circumstances, and the same feelings arise in your partner. As a rule, all these ways of reacting are accompanied by a negative assessment of the other: “You always behave in such a way that it only makes me feel worse,” “You never say anything good to me, you just swear,” etc. Thus, people in a conflict situation situations, they often use “You-statements” addressed to the interlocutor and containing negative assessments addressed to him, which, in turn, provokes the interlocutor to further aggravate the conflict. At the same time, responsibility for the intractability of the conflict situation, for your feelings about this, is shifted to your interlocutor, while your own problem existing in this regard is not realized.
At the same time, naming your feelings means actually formulating your own problem: “I'm sorry, but I feel so irritated when you say this...”, “When I hear your words, I just don’t know what to say, because I completely at a loss." When the question is posed in this way, the awareness of one’s own problem naturally occurs: this is my problem, what I irritated, this is my feeling, and no one but me can understand why exactly this feeling arose in me in this situation. It is important to understand that the “I-statement” constructively changes not only your own attitude towards a conflict situation, but also the attitude of your interlocutor towards it. A person always feels that he is being blamed, regardless of whether this is done from the position of the “accuser”, from the position of the “victim” or the “computer”.
At the same time, your sincere, free naming of your feelings from the position of realizing your own responsibility for what is happening to you cannot offend anyone or cause aggression, so the tension of the situation subsides, and your partner... at least, is simply lost from surprise. So. “I-statement” is: a way of verbally expressing feelings that arise in tense situations; a constructive alternative to “You-statements”, which are traditionally used to resolve conflict through uttering a negative assessment towards another, thus shifting responsibility for the situation to that other; a way of identifying a problem for oneself and at the same time realizing one’s own responsibility for solving it.
To master the “I-statement” technique, it is important to learn to be very aware of what is happening to you right now, at this moment in time. There are three various types awareness:
1) awareness of thoughts: these are reflections, analysis, interpretation, opinions, judgments and “everything that our head is filled with”;
2) sensory awareness is the recording of any information coming from the outside through the senses - smell, touch, vision, hearing, taste;
3) bodily awareness is attention to all internal sensations coming from our muscles, tendons, and internal organs.
“I-statement” includes not only the naming of feelings, but also an indication of the conditions and reasons that caused them. The scheme of the “I-statement” is thus:
1) description of the situation that caused the tension (“When I see that you...”, “When this happens...”, “When I am faced with the fact that...”);
2) accurately naming your feeling in this situation (“I feel...”, “I don’t know how to react...”, “I have a problem...”);
3) naming the reasons for this feeling.
“I-statement” in a conflict presupposes an analysis of my “I-hearings” and an awareness of what kind of “I-listenings” the speech of my communication partner is addressing, who, by the way, can behave differently: can behave differently friendly towards me, or maybe trying to manipulate me, provoke me.
When people interact, the following types are distinguished:
1) cooperation, collaboration- a behavior strategy that involves coordinating the forces of participants, contributing to the achievement of joint goals of joint activities and individual goals of interaction participants;
2) competition- participants are interested in achieving their own success, even at the expense or to the detriment of the interests of other participants;
3) compromise - achieving an intermediate or temporary agreement of the participants on the basis of mutual partial concessions to each other for the sake of maintaining conditional equality or relations;
4) compliance - refusal to achieve one’s own goals for the sake of achieving the goals of communication partners;
5) evasion or avoidance - withdrawal from communication, refusal to achieve one’s goals to exclude the gain of another.
Eric Berne studied this type of interaction between people as play and manipulation. A game is a distorted way of interaction because all a person’s interpersonal needs are transformed into one - the need for control - and then the person resorts to force if he wants recognition. Regardless of the type of need and life situation, the game offers only a forceful solution to the problem. Games, or “games” (English), are a stereotypical series of interactions leading to a predetermined predetermined result, a series of manipulations that are designed to change the behavior of another person in the direction desired by the initiator of transactions, without taking into account the desires of this other. Games, unlike all other types of interactions - rituals, pastimes, operations, friendship, love - are dishonest interactions because they include traps, tricks, and paybacks.
Games differ from other ways of structuring time in two ways:
1) ulterior motives,
2) the presence of winnings.
Each participant in the game, even those who are defeated, receives a gain, but an extremely specific one - in the form of negative feelings of resentment, fear, guilt, hatred, suspicion, humiliation, contempt, arrogance, which serves as a kind of confirmation of the correctness of the life position of these people, according to which “people are bad, I’m bad, life is bad.”
Berne noted that many people play these unconscious games, receiving specific negative payoffs, since these games are an important part of a person's unconscious life plan or script. Each game begins with a bait that the active participant, the initiator, offers to the passive participant, taking into account his character traits, taking into account his “weakness”. “Weaknesses” are very diverse: greed, envy, fear, pride, irritability, the desire to look more significant in the eyes of others than one really is, excitement, confusion, the desire to look like a knowledgeable or leading person, confidence in one’s competence, etc. Then follows a series of double transactions that invariably lead to a pre-planned result. Once you start a game, it is almost impossible to get out of it, especially if you are a passive participant, which results in payback or winnings.
In order to get out of the game and not become a victim of other people’s manipulations, it is important to try to replace double transactions with open, direct ones, since the game is possible only if there is a hidden subtext in words and transactions.
Hello, Dear Readers. I keep making out Berne Transactional Analysis . As you already know from the previous article, there are, as it were, three people living in us. Quite often they don't get along with each other. This article will analyze the mechanism of conflict between people. Most of the material was taken from the book “Psychological Vampirism” by Mikhail Litvak; the smaller one is from “Transactional Analysis” by Eric Berne.
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If people are together for some time, sooner or later they begin to communicate. So, what is communication between two people? If X. addresses Y., he seems to send Y. a communicative stimulus, and Y. responds to him. This is a communicative response. Berne considers stimulus and response as a Transaction, which is a unit of communication. Thus, the latter can be considered as a Series of Transactions. Y's answer becomes a stimulus for X. So, when two people communicate, they enter into so-called interaction with each other. system relations: if communication begins with X., and Y. answers him, then X.’s further reaction depends on Y’s answer.
The purpose of Transactional Analysis is to find out which of X's three self-states sent the communicative stimulus to Y and which Y's self-state gave the response.
First I will consider the Parent-Parent (Fig. 1a), Adult-Adult (Fig. 1b) and Child-Child (Fig. 1c) transactions. There is no conflict here and never will be. Mikhail Litvak calls such transactions “Parallel Transactions of the First Type.” And now an example.
I was walking with a girl. She needed to visit the ladies' room. Soon we found a paid toilet. The girl went into the booth, and I waited. At this time, the Person in Charge of the Toilet, also known as the Chief Cashier, addressed me with the following speech (the dialogue is given in a condensed form):
He: I'm used to toilets being clean and tidy. (R-R)
Me: Yes, that's right. In general, they must be observed everywhere. (R-R)
Him: I got sick the other day, and in 5 days such a mess was created! Horror! (R-R)
Me (nodding my head in agreement): You are absolutely right, now many people are pigs. Alas. (R-R)
Him: And in general! Where is our country heading with such power! Nightmare! These bastards don’t want to increase pensions. So you have to work here - scrubbing toilets. (R-R)
Me: Don't tell me! Everyone in our government is bastards! Drive them out of there with a filthy broom. What the people have been brought to! They force smart and intelligent people to clean toilets. Horror! (R-R)
Thus, through parallel transactions we could communicate indefinitely. Here, in each replica, assessments of the Critical Parent are given.
Adult-Adult Case.
X: Please tell me how to get to Konnaya Street? (B-B)
Y: Go left and then down two blocks. (B-B)
The Case of the Child-Child.
X: Let's play Diablo online? (D-D)
Y: Cool! Let's! (D-D)
Along the R-R line, we speak banal things, criticize the personalities of other people, gossip or gossip. Through the B-B line we exchange information, clarify views, opinions and positions, and work. Along the D-D line we love, have fun, have sex, have fun, relax, play. These transactions proceed in such a way that psychologically the interlocutors are equal to each other. Mikhail Litvak calls them Transactions of Psychological Equality.
The second type of Parallel Transactions arises in a situation of guardianship, suppression, care (Parent-Child) or helplessness, caprice, admiration (Child-Parent). Dear Readers, hereinafter, the first I-state is indicated, which sends a stimulus to the second I-state. Thus, R-D (Fig. 1d) and D-R (Fig. 1e) are completely different transactions. The second type of transactions is Psychological Inequality (these are Slave-Tyrannical transactions). Often such relationships can last quite a long time. The mother takes care of her son, the boss tyrannies his subordinates, the teacher mocks the students. But there will definitely come a time when someone cannot stand guardianship or tyranny. Then this relationship will end in a break.
Dear Readers, let's think about when the break will come? To do this, you need to understand what such relationships are based on. These are internal (hidden) connections along the B-B line. As you may have already guessed, the break will occur when V-B exhaust themselves, that is, when children cease to depend financially on their parents, when a subordinate receives a promotion, and a student writes a diploma. However, if the relationship continues after this, conflict cannot be avoided. As on unbalanced scales, the one who was at the bottom will rush to the top at any cost, bringing down the one who was at the top.
Why does this happen? Mikhail Litvak rightly believes that the Slave does not dream of Freedom. He wants to become a tyrant. Dear Readers, remember any episode where you were seriously offended or touched to the quick. It was not enough for you to forgive the offender. In your dreams, you drew colorful plans for revenge, where you dashingly dealt with the defeated scoundrel. So, in every slave there is a tyrant, and in every tyrant there is a slave. I can already hear your question: is it possible to formally be a slave while remaining a free person at heart? Yes, it's possible. Even if you are in the position of a slave, by skillfully using Cushioning, you will feel like a free person. Here is an example of such a dialogue.
Six months ago I needed to submit a scientific report to participate in a conference. To do this, I had to fill out the registration information correctly in the office of my university. They were written on the envelope in which this very report was packaged. I did this together with a charming girl. Naturally, thanks to flirting, my attention span was reduced. I signed the envelope incorrectly. Then I had the following dialogue with the ladies from the office:
Me: Please check if I filled everything out correctly? (B-B)
First lady (in an indignant tone, almost screaming): Look what you wrote!!! How is this possible??? Have you never sent letters??? You ruined my envelope!!! (R-D).
Me (slapping myself on the forehead and making an upset face): Fir-trees! Here I am, Blockhead! Even though I'm in graduate school! How could I write like that? I can't imagine! (Direct depreciation and preventive depreciation; from her tone I clearly realized: only such an answer will help immediately stop the flow of slop towards me; Yu.L.). You explained everything to me clearly... And I... (Here my voice became completely sad, I dropped my shoulders dejectedly and tried to give a sad expression to my eyes; D-R; please note that simple words are not enough - you need to show with gestures and tone that you have realized your wrongness, otherwise simple external agreement can easily be interpreted as mockery; Yu.L.).
Second lady: Well, don’t be upset. You just need to be more careful. (Again R-D, but in a much softer form; here, perhaps, the Critical Parent was replaced by the Caring; Yu.L.).
Me: Yes, we really should. I don't know what came over me! (D-R). I need an envelope (B-B)
First lady: Yes, take (V-V), but be careful in future! (R-D)
Me (in a joyful tone): Yes, of course! I definitely will! Thank you very much! They messed with us so much! (D-R).
On the second try, I signed the envelope correctly. The letter was safely sent to its destination.
Here connections along the B-B line quickly exhausted themselves. However, some subordinates have to work for years with tyrant bosses. But changing jobs may lead to nothing: you often end up in the frying pan. And even more so, you can’t quit while in open conflict. But if you use all types of depreciation wisely and regularly, you can get out of any situation with honor. It is necessary to understand that depreciation should be used exclusively in cases of tyranny of the boss. It is important here to be able to distinguish between criticism of actions and criticism of personality. The first is the norm, but when the second is mixed with it, it is already necessary to use depreciation. And now an example.
My thesis supervisor was a tyrant. He found fault with every little detail and did not forgive me a single mistake, mercilessly criticizing my personality. Nevertheless, turning to him from the position of an admiringly helpless Child, in the end I successfully defended my thesis. I endured and was rewarded. One should not, however, confuse patience, which is a purely neurotic quality, with the ability to endure, which allows one to maintain inner peace and is based on psychological flexibility. After all, when a person suffers, he does not give the offender feedback (or is it so weak that the latter does not notice it, or maybe he simply does not want to notice it?). The result of such patience, at best, is a stormy scandal (at worst, a person falls ill with neurosis or psychosomatic diseases), because sooner or later patience is exhausted and the offended person reveals to the offender everything that he thinks about him, and even more so. He, naturally, is in shock - how, they say, so? We’ve been communicating for so many years and here you are – you suddenly learn so many new things about yourself. What can I say? Dear Readers, you can see this for yourself by re-reading my correspondence with a jealous girl in an article about.
What awaits tyrant bosses? Loneliness. The feeling that they were all betrayed. At best, they leave them quietly, trying to forget them like a nightmare. At worst, changing roles, they tyrannize and put a spoke in the wheels, seeking revenge for past grievances.
Regarding these two examples, here I was in the position of a Slave. Unfortunately, there was a period in my life when I also played the role of a Tyrant. It’s a most unpleasant feeling, I’ll tell you. I tyrannized my father. Both verbally and through actions. Helped me change the situation Berne Transactional Analysis . For at least a formally calm atmosphere in the house, I should have transferred these relationships from R-D to V-V. However, it was not immediately possible to do this. Of course, having figured out what was happening, the first thing I did was stop stabbing and insulting dad along the R-D line. Unfortunately, in this situation this was clearly not enough. Father should have been given the opportunity to be a tyrant. To do this, I began to ask him to teach me small repair work around the house. In some places, pretending to be a valenok or a helpless incompetent, as well as intensely praising him, and mercilessly criticizing myself (the position of the Child), I managed to force him to take the pose of an indignant Parent, especially since, having come out from under my Parental pressure, he noticeably became bolder and increasingly teased and insulted. I just amortized and agreed. Honestly, he coped with the role of the Tyrant excellently. However, his ardor gradually faded. So, after 4 months I managed to transfer our relationship to a line of relatively calm and productive V-V, where no one oppressed anyone and did not fray anyone’s nerves in vain. D-R's strategy brought desired result. I can already hear the indignant: “4 months is half a life! We don’t have the patience to wait that long.” Well, I have nothing to say against that. But I know exactly how effectively the products developed by him, whom I consider MY TEACHER, work. And if you believe that making a scandal, oppressing and being oppressed every day is better, that’s your right. Why communicate with people at all then? Get a cat or a dog - they will tolerate anything for food. From my point of view, this behavior is .
So, six months later, my father was helping me with all his might to arrange a summer dacha. Unfortunately, this summer, due to a number of reasons, I was not able to live there.
Transactions D-R – R-D. Unfortunately, quite often in life we are deceived through Flattery and Admiration. You need to be able to resist such people. So, if Admiration comes from the Child (the case of the whining Child will be discussed in the next article), one should respond to it with the Parent’s banality in order to avoid further manipulation:
L.: ava is super, and the guy on her is just sexy (Here we're talking about about my new avatar on the VKontakte social network; there I was photographed at sea in the pose of a muscular bodybuilder; D-R; Yu.L.)
Me: thank you, L., I know that I’m a sexy guy 🙂 (R-D)
L.: Eh, someone will get such a boy or already has (D-R)
Me: yeah 🙂 he’ll get it or already got it :))) (R-D) (here it is necessary to understand that, by using depreciation, I tried to get rid of the person; if the girl interested me, I would have answered differently; Yu.L.)
Dear Readers, I am sure that it has already become clear to you theoretical basis the principle of depreciation. For effective and conflict-free communication, it is necessary to clearly determine what position your communication partner is in and know what your I-state the communicative Stimulus was directed to. Your answer should be Parallel. As you may have noticed, along the D-R line there are compliments, admiration, flattery (Psychological Strokes); through the B-B line, invitations to cooperation, clarification of working issues, etc.; Psychological blows (rudeness) go along the R-D line.
Now a logical question arises: how to quickly and accurately diagnose the I-state in which your partner is? The answer to this was partially given in the previous article on Structural Personality Analysis. Still, it requires some addition.
Parent. Pointing finger, the figure resembles the letter F (menacing appearance and hands on hips). On the face - contempt, condescension, anger, a crooked grin or a frowning forehead. The gaze is heavy, oppressive, directed downwards. He sits leaning back, his posture is imposing and arrogant. Everything is clear to him, he knows some secret that is inaccessible to others. Instructive or threatening tone. Loves common truths and expressions: “I won’t tolerate this”, “That it be done immediately”, “Is it really difficult to understand!”, “The horse understands!”, “I will put an end to this once and for all!”, “Here you are absolutely wrong” , “I fundamentally disagree with this!”, “You don’t understand me,” “Who does this!”, “How long can I tell you?”, “You must...”, “Aren’t you ashamed?”, “ You can’t...”, “Must...”, “Under no circumstances!” and so on. This is discussed in more detail in the article on Psychological Rudeness. Of course, it comes from the Parent. So, if you like to criticize, in the structure of your personality the position of the Adult is contaminated (contaminated) at least by the field of the Parent.
Adult. The gaze is directed strictly at the object, the body leans slightly forward, the eyes are widened or narrowed. Maximum attention on the face. Calm tone and slight gestures. Expressions: “Sorry, I didn’t understand you, please explain again,” “I probably didn’t explain it clearly, that’s why they refused,” “Let’s think about it,” “What if we do this,” “How do you plan to accomplish this work?”, “Is it advisable”, etc.
Child. Both posture and facial expression correspond to the internal state, be it joy, grief, fear, anxiety or happiness. Eyes wide open, looking up. He often exclaims: “Excellent!”, “Wonderful!”, “I want!”, “I don’t want!”, “I won’t,” “I’m tired of it!”, “I’m fed up!”, “To hell with it all!”, “Let it burn.” fire!”, “No, you are simply amazing!”, “I love you!”, “I will never agree!”, “Why do I need this!”, “When will this all end!”
Mikhail Litvak rightly believes that even the most conflicted person does not always conflict. Consequently, at least sometimes it amortizes, or enters into communication, which is in the nature of sequential transactions. After all, if people did not behave correctly at least sometimes, they would die. The conflict unfolds through intersecting transactions (Fig. 2). And now a vivid example from a year ago from my own life.
I bought bread, which my mother was not happy with. That time I bought bread only for myself, but, Dear Readers, you know as well as I do what little things conflicts sometimes break out over. As they say, if there is a desire, there will always be a reason.
She: Did you buy yourself some bread? (B-B)
Me: Yes, I bought it. Here you go. (B-B)
She (aggressively and in a raised tone): What kind of bread did you buy? This is not bread, but God knows what! Where did they sell you such crap? Didn't you see what you were taking??? (R-D)
Me (losing my temper): Why are you yelling? You're fitful! You're not the one who's going to eat it, so why the hell yell? (R-D)
She: How do you talk to your mother? (In context: oh, you ungrateful bastard; Yu.L.); (R-D)
Me: You are not a mother, but an abnormal hysteric. Psychopath! (R-D; hmm, later, upon careful analysis, I was once again convinced that in this conflict I behaved like a hysteric; such demons were also sitting in me; pent-up emotions broke out; Yu.L.).
She (already in a state of hysterics, with tears in her eyes): I didn’t think that I would hear from Native Son, into whom she put her soul (you can read more about this phenomenon in the article about), such words! (R-D).
As we can see, the dialogue began quite peacefully. The transactions were parallel. However, “thanks” to the powerful Parent and the touchy, vulnerable Child, the mother perceived my answer as pressure on the latter (the reason is the strong contamination of the Adult I-state by the Parent; her Child was strongly squeezed at the same time). And who usually stands up for the Child? That's right, Parent. So her Parent rushed to the Child’s defense, pushing the Adult into the background. The same thing happened to me. The Mother pricked my Child with her Parent, and my Parent was not slow to intervene, pricking her Child. It is logical that the scandal will continue until the psychic energy of the Child of one of the partners is exhausted. Unfortunately, the psychological conflict goes to the point of complete destruction. Either someone leaves the battlefield, or a disease develops. In this case, the mother became hysterical. I left the battlefield with a headache. Many people are mistaken when they think that they have a good psychological preparation, since they manage to maintain external equanimity despite strong internal tension. However, this is a direct path to illness.
Let's return to the structural analysis of personality. Here, in the conflict, all I-states, all aspects of the personality are involved! There are six people on external communications! It's a market in five minutes! The relationship becomes clear: my mother’s Parent has grappled with my Child, my Parent has grappled with her Child. The quiet voice of a reasonable Adult is drowned out by the crying of the Child and the screams of the Parent. But only an Adult is able to stop the conflict, only he does the job. Any scandal takes away the energy that should go to productive activities. Conflicts are only good along the B-B line, when positions are clarified, opinions are polished, and in such conflicts people become closer to each other. But these are Business conflicts! The personality of the interlocutor is NOT affected in them!
Thus, the first and main task of a student of psychological aikido is to master the ability to remain in an Adult position. And for this you need to be sensitive to the signals of the internal Parent and Child. It is useful to program the following questions into the Adult: “Does this apply?”, “Where did I get this idea?” and others. In life, I often see people who have superficial or untested knowledge in various fields of activity (medicine, psychology, politics, economics and others). But after the first minutes of communication on a specific topic, where a person considers himself a professional, his qualifications become clear - he blindly repeats someone else’s opinion without applying it in practice and without finding out whether it works specifically for him, and if it works, then how. For example, I will never talk or write about something that I myself would not put into practice. To reason is one thing, to do is another. Any theory almost always looks beautiful and only in practice its performance and viability are tested. It is through practice that all the nuances are honed and skills are developed. You need to constantly train your Adult. You cannot learn navigation during a storm. But I digress.
The second task is to bring your communication partner to an Adult position. Most often, this has to be done in the service or in the process of study, when you receive a categorical order from your boss, which is not possible to fulfill. As a rule, it goes along the R-D line. Let's go back to the example with the aunties from the office. Their first move is an injection along the R-D line. My response was depreciation along the D-R line. And only then, through the B-B line, I asked for a new envelope. In this way, I stimulated their thinking, and they took the position of an Adult.
And here is a classic example by Mikhail Litvak with his comments:
Chief: Do it immediately! (R-D).
Subordinate: Okay. (D-R). But as? (B-B).
Chief: Figure it out for yourself! What are you here for? (R-D).
Subordinate: If I could think like you, then I would be the boss, and you would be the subordinate. (D-R).
Usually, after two or three amortization moves (the Chief’s Child is not affected), the Parent’s energy is depleted, and since there is no new energy coming in, the partner descends to the position of the Adult.
During a conversation, you should always look your partner in the eyes - this is the position of an Adult; in extreme cases - upward, as if surrendering to mercy - the position of a Child. And under no circumstances should you look down. This is the position of the attacking Parent.
Here is another example of a crossing transaction. Stimulus R-D, Answer B-B. The transaction is crossed. This transaction should be used rarely and with caution. I use it in the psychotherapeutic field when working with clients who are mainly in the Parent state. I do not recommend using it with your superiors. With careful calculation - perhaps when communicating with presumptuous subordinates (if in a Chief-Subordinate situation, the classic R-B transaction in such situations is perceived hostilely by the subordinate; the boss is almost always in the position of the Parent - after all, he compares the results of work or the order given with no standard in his head). The B-B transaction works great in business negotiations, where the sides are initially equal.
I’ll say right away that without depreciation, converting R-D to V-B, especially when in a dependent position, is very risky - it can lead to conflict - here an injection is inflicted, albeit not a strong one. And now an example from my own practice.
Six months ago I drove a cactus thorn into my finger. I couldn’t pull it out myself - it took surgical intervention doctor I turned to him at my local clinic. A patient left him, I knocked and walked in. Then we had the following dialogue:
Him (angrily): What else do you have? (R-D)
Me, calmly: Well, my finger drove away a splinter from a cactus. (B-B)
Him (pathetic and edifying): He was the one who shot the thorns at you. (R-D; where this conclusion comes from is not clear, however, we have people who know everything; unfortunately, they do not have a great culture of communication; Yu.L.)
Me: No, it’s more likely that I just pricked myself and drove away a splinter. (R-V; My mistake, I pricked him, saying the word “No”; it is already obvious that with such a powerful Parent, his Child will be touchy and will take the transaction painfully; besides, my answer looked like an excuse, it’s not for nothing that Litvak equates the latter with an attack ; perhaps here I should have answered along the B-B line: in my opinion, I drove a splinter there, but I’m not sure, I hope - you tell me more precisely; Yu.L.).
He (even more angrily): What are you telling me! Otherwise I don’t know! (Well, a person knows everything in this life:)! You just wonder why he occupies such a low position as an ordinary doctor at a district clinic and earns so little; Yu.L.).
Here I already realized that he had firmly taken the position of the Parent. I immediately began to admire and admire his intelligence and insight (Child's position). He reproached me for not watching TV, not being interested in politics and anything else. Then, for 10 minutes (while the nurse was smoking), he poured out his whole soul to me, and I understood why dogs communicate with him more than people. His level of conflict crossed all reasonable boundaries. I will also write about him and some other doctors in an article called “The Peter Principle”.
And now another example where I initially acted correctly, which ultimately saved me some money.
Our military registration and enlistment offices are often criticized. Like, all are bribe takers, corrupt officials. Without connections and connections, it is impossible to get a military ID there. You have to run through kilometer-long queues for years. But. There are people sitting everywhere. And, having mastered psychologically competent communication, you can come to an agreement with any person. I turned 25 and 2 days later I went to the district military registration and enlistment office on my own, without a summons. He found out what copies of documents were required from me and delivered them. Then I was sent to another office - since I was required to appear at a certain call, but did not appear, I was subject to a fine. Entering the office, I saw a fat guy who, in fact, should have fined me. We then had the following dialogue:
Him: who is he?
Me: Lemekhov Yuri
This was followed by a series of questions regarding residence, marital status, place of study and work, which I omit for brevity.
He, menacingly: Why didn’t you come to the call? You obliged back in the spring of 2009. (R-D)
Me (realizing that I will inevitably have to pay a fine): Yes, I understand, I’m guilty. Didn't show up. I misunderstood - I thought they would summon me themselves. The summons did not arrive. (D-R)
He, finding in the summary of the Laws the one that I violated: Look and read! You broke this and that! (R-D)
Me (looking him straight in the eyes): Yes, I’m guilty. (D-R) Willing to suffer punitive damages. (B-B; ready to pay, but within reason; Yu.L.)
He (a little nervously): Read the order, and don’t stare at me! (R-D)
Me (lowering my head guiltily): It’s small written there, but my eyesight is poor. (D-R)
Him (softening and finally taking the position of an Adult): Okay, how much does an 8 gigabyte flash drive cost? (B-B)
Me: UAH 180 approximately. (B-B)
Him: In a week you bring one flash drive in strict colors, and you don’t owe me any fines. Otherwise – fine – 255 UAH.
Me: yes, of course! (D-R)
I bought a flash drive. It cost me only 128 UAH. So, I managed to save half the amount of the fine. The potbellied guy did not deceive me - after 25 days the white ticket was in my hands.
More detailed analysis Other simple crossing and parallel transactions will be given in the article "".
Having studied these simple transactions, Mikhail Litvak derived two laws of communication:
1) If communication follows a pattern of parallel transactions, it can last indefinitely. There is no conflict and there will not be
2) If communication follows a pattern of intersecting transactions, it stops and a Psychological Conflict inevitably develops.
Dear Readers, now let's look at more complex transactions through which psychological energy is pumped. Eric Berne calls this phenomenon psychological games, Mikhail Litvak rightly believes that this is what they are doing ( precise definition And detailed description I will give in the article ""). They are carried out through Hidden Transactions. The latter have two levels: conscious (social, where two Adult communication partners are connected) and hidden (psychological, unconscious, subconscious, call it what you want), where the Child or Parent of one partner is provoked by some other I-state of the second partner. The first type of such transactions is Angular Transactions (Fig. 3a).
For better understanding, let's use Eric Berne's classic example:
In the shop. Seller to buyer: “This thing is better, but it will be too expensive for you!” Buyer: “No, this is exactly what I need! Wrap it up!” And perhaps it acquires good thing, however financial loss does not allow you to enjoy your purchase. At a conscious level, along the B-B line, the seller reports two important facts: the thing is good and expensive. And on the Unconscious (subconscious, psychological) level V-D the seller cleverly provokes the buyer to buy. Such a provocation can be presented as follows: “There is no point in going to expensive stores without money!” The correct answer from the Adult's perspective would be: "You are right in both cases." But subtly provoked by the seller’s Adult, the buyer’s Child forces his Adult to make an unnecessary purchase. “I will prove to this... seller that I am no worse than others, and I have money!” As a result, the mood is hopelessly spoiled. Money has also been siphoned off. It seems that the initiative belonged to the Adult, but the outcome of the communication depended on the desire of the Child. And the secret became clear.
Nowadays, almost all salespeople are forced to undergo sales training. Resisting them is difficult, but possible. There are only a few professionals among them. Dear Readers, if you are not sure about your Child, I recommend that you note the time you spend visiting the store and communicating with the seller and at the same time you do NOT have the desire to buy unnecessary nonsense. Did you spot it? And now, by controlling the situation as an Adult, try to increase it. There will be mistakes, but you will acquire a valuable skill, and no one will sell you anything. I recommend recording the results of such measurements in yours, which I am sure you have already started keeping.
Here's a couple simple examples Hidden Angle Transactions.
I was walking with a girl around the city. She wanted to take a photo with a bouquet of balloons. The sales guy let her do it. I took a photo. Then he, seeing my bored face and thinking that he’s about to “cheat the sucker out of money,” says the following.
Him: Buy the girl a flower. (Explicit V-V; and on an unconscious level: “How, can you afford to not be a gentleman?” V-D; Yu.L.).
Me: Definitely (I see a satisfied, greedy twinkle in the eyes - the client is ready; V-V; Yu.L.). Unfortunately, another time. Today I have no money. (Hidden D-V; “I attacked the wrong one, my friend”; in his eyes I read poorly concealed disappointment; Yu.L.).
It would be more subtle to say this:
Him: Your lady doesn’t want a flower? (explicit V-V, hidden V-D; Yu.L.)
Me (correct answer): Perhaps she does, but today her boyfriend is insolvent. (Explicit V-V; hidden D-V; Yu.L.). But the seller didn’t think of this before. Apparently that's why he still sells balloons and not billion-dollar trends.
And one more small example. Often, “beginning” guitarists with 5-7 years of playing experience in the back alley beg for alms with the words:
We support musicians (Explicit V-V; hidden V-D; Yu.L.).
To which I usually answer:
I support. (Explicit V-V; hidden “I won’t give you money, I’m greedy” D-V; Yu.L.)
We support musicians. (Explicit V-V; hidden V-D; Yu.L.)
Only morally. (Explicit V-V; hidden D-V is similar to the previous example; Yu.L.).
The second type of hidden transactions is Double Transactions (Fig. 3b).
Dear Reader, imagine two young people who have been walking in the park on a frosty day for several hours. Passing by his house, the young man says to the girl:
Shouldn't we come to my place and have some tea?
She: Yes, good idea. I'm cold and I'll drink tea with pleasure.
And here, at a conscious level, there is a conversation between two Adults along the B-B line. However, on an unconscious level along the line D-D is coming next conversation:
Him: I like you.
She: You too.
It is not difficult to guess that this is a flirting transaction. The initiative also belongs to the Adult, but the outcome of communication depends on the decision of the Child. Conflict cannot be ruled out here! It will happen if a) his Child strives for sex, and her Parent resists this; b) she will count on sex, and he will limit himself to drinking tea.
Concluding the article on Bern's Transactional Analysis , I want to note that very often we, without realizing it, communicate at the level of Hidden Transactions, inflicting psychological blows on each other along the R-D (hidden) line. I discussed this point in detail in the article about. At a conscious level, there is also often a dialogue along the B-B line (Fig. 4).
Dear Readers, take a little break from transactional analysis and read about.
My services can be found in the article "".
Functions and specifics of communication
A person becomes a person as a result of interaction and communication with other people. Communication - a complex, multifaceted process of establishing and developing contacts between people, generated by the need for joint activities and including the exchange of information, the development of a unified strategy for interaction, perception and understanding of the communication partner. Both sets of human relationships: both social and interpersonal are realized precisely in communication.
Due to the complexity and capacity of the phenomenon of communication, the interpretation of this concept depends on the initial theoretical and criterial foundations. In the very general view communication acts as a form of life activity. Its social meaning lies in the fact that it acts as a means of transmitting forms of culture and social experience.
The specificity of communication is determined by the fact that in its process the subjective world of one person is revealed to another. In communication, a person determines himself, revealing his individual characteristics. Based on the form of interactions, one can judge a person’s communication skills and character traits based on the specifics of organizing a speech message about general culture and literacy.
The concept of communication is closely related to the concept of communication. The act of communication is analyzed and assessed according to the following components:
- destination– subject of communication;
- destination– to whom the message is sent;
- message– transmitted content;
- code– message transmission means, communication channel;
- result– what is achieved as a result of the message.
According to the criterion of the purpose of communication, eight functions of communication are distinguished:
- contact, the purpose of which is to establish contact as a state of mutual readiness to receive and transmit messages and to maintain relationships in the form of constant mutual orientation;
- informational, the purpose of which is the exchange of information, as well as the exchange of opinions, plans, decisions, etc.;
- incentive, the purpose of which is to stimulate the partner’s activity in order to direct him to perform certain actions;
- coordination, the purpose of which is mutual orientation and coordination of actions when organizing joint activities;
- function of understanding the goal of which is not only adequate perception and understanding of the meaning of the message, but also mutual understanding of intentions, attitudes, experiences, states, etc.;
- amotivational, the purpose of which is to arouse the necessary emotional experiences in the partner, as well as, with his help, change one’s experiences and states;
Function establishing relationships, the goal of which is to realize and fix one’s place in the system of role, status, business, interpersonal and other connections of the community in which the individual operates;
Function exerting influence, the goal of which is to change the state, behavior, personal and semantic formations of the partner, including his intentions, attitudes, opinions, decisions, ideas, needs, actions, activities, etc.
Communication structure
Given the complexity of communication, it is necessary to somehow indicate its structure so that an analysis of each of its elements is then possible. In communication they highlight three interconnected parties. This is the most general classification:
A) Communication side consists of the exchange of information between people; but it's not easy broadcast information, but also formation, clarification, development. Each participant also assumes activity in his partner; he cannot consider him as an object. The other participant, also as a subject, accordingly sends him information; it is necessary to focus on him, that is, analyze his goals, motives, and attitudes.
That is, as an intersubjective process. But in this case, one must assume that in response to the information sent, new information will be received coming from another partner, moreover significant information.
Communicative influence is possible only when the person sending information (communicator) and the person receiving it (recipient) have single or similar encoding and decoding system, that is, they speak “the same language.” This is especially important because the communicator and the recipient constantly change places during the process. They must have same understanding of the situation communication.
B) Interactive side is expressed in the interaction of partners when organizing and performing joint activities. If the communicative process is born on the basis of some joint activity, then the exchange of knowledge and ideas about this activity inevitably presupposes that the achieved mutual understanding is realized in new joint attempts to further develop the activity and organize it.
The participation of many people simultaneously in this activity means that everyone must make their own special contribution to it, which allows interaction to be interpreted as the organization of joint activity. During it, it is important for participants not only to exchange information, but also to plan joint activities. Research has established such types of interaction as community, competition and conflict.
IN) Perceptual side is expressed in the perception of one communication partner by another partner. In Russian literature (for example, in the studies of A. A. Bodalev), the expression “cognition of another person” is used as a synonym for “perception of another person.” This broader understanding of the term is due to research into special features of the perception of social objects, which include the perception of not only the physical characteristics of the object, but also “behavioral” characteristics, that is, the formation of ideas about its intentions, thoughts, abilities, emotions, attitudes.
Communication means
The means of communication are various sign systems. First of all:
A) Speech, language related to verbal means of communication. With the help of speech, information is encoded and decoded. For a communicator, the meaning of information precedes the process of encoding (utterance), since he first has a certain idea and then embodies it in a system of signs. For the “listener,” the meaning of the received message is revealed simultaneously with decoding. The accuracy of the use of the word, its expressiveness and intelligibility, and the correct pronunciation of sounds and words play an important role.
Words and rules for their use are the same for all speakers given language. If we say “book,” we mean that our interlocutor connects the same concept with this word as we do. But the objective meaning of a word is refracted for a person through the prism of his own activity and forms its own personal “subjective” meaning, so we do not always understand each other correctly.
B) Speech sound phenomena: intonation, emotional expressiveness, speech rate (fast, medium, slow), timbre, rhythm (uniform, intermittent). This also includes non-verbal expressions: pauses, laughter, coughing, as well as sound nasalizations - “hmm-hmm”, “uh-uh-uh” and others.
IN social psychology exists a large number of experimental studies elucidating the conditions and methods for increasing the effect of speech influence. A set of certain measures aimed at this is called “persuasive communication”, on the basis of which the so-called experimental rhetoric is developed - the art of persuasion through speech.
VC non-verbal side of communication includes:
External manifestations of human feelings and emotions, which is the subject of study kinesics. This is facial expressions - the movement of facial muscles; gesticulation - gestural movements individual parts bodies; pantomime - motor skills of the whole body: poses, posture, bows, gait.
- Texica– touch in a communication situation: handshakes, kisses, touching, stroking, pushing away.
- Proxemics– a special area dealing with the norms of spatio-temporal organization of communication; arrangement of people in space when communicating: the following zones of distance in human contact are distinguished:
1. intimate area (15-45 cm), only close, well-known people are allowed into this zone; this zone is characterized by trust, a quiet voice in communication, tactful contact, and touch.
2. Personal or personal zone(45-120 cm) for a casual conversation with friends and colleagues involves only visual contact between partners maintaining a conversation.
3. Social area(120-400 cm) is usually observed during official meetings in offices, teaching and other office premises, as a rule, with those who are not well known.
4. Public area(over 400 cm) implies communication with a large group of people - in a lecture hall, at a rally, etc.
Facial expressions are the movement of facial muscles, reflecting the inner emotional condition, can give true information about what a person is experiencing. Facial expressions carry more than 70% of the information, that is, a person’s eyes, gaze, and face can say more than spoken words. Thus, it has been observed that a person tries to hide his information (or lies) if his eyes meet his partner’s eyes for less than 1/3 of the time of conversations.
Forehead, eyebrows, mouth, eyes, chin - these parts of the face express basic human emotions: suffering, anger, joy, surprise, fear, disgust, happiness, interest, sadness, etc. And the easiest to recognize are positive emotions: joy, love , negative emotions – sadness, anger, disgust – are more difficult for a person to perceive. It is important to note that the main cognitive load in the situation of recognizing a person’s true feelings is borne by eyebrows and lips.
Gestures when communicating carry a lot of information; in sign language, as in speech, there are words and sentences.
In general, we can say that the optical-kinetic system is more or less clearly perceived by a person and gives nuances to communication. But these nuances are ambiguous due to differences in national cultures. So, if a nod of the head means agreement among us, then among the Bulgarians it means denial.
And finally, "eye contact". This type of communication occurs somewhere on an intuitive, subconscious level.
Stages of communication
The communication procedure includes the following stages:
A) The need for communication (it is necessary to communicate or find out information, influence the interlocutor, etc.) encourages a person to come into contact with other people.
B) Orientation for the purposes of communication, in a communication situation.
C) Orientation in the personality of the interlocutor.
D) Planning the content of your communication: a person imagines (usually unconsciously) what exactly he will say.
D) Unconsciously (sometimes consciously) a person chooses specific means, speech phrases that he will use, decides how to speak, how to behave.
E) Perception and assessment of the interlocutor’s response, monitoring the effectiveness of communication based on establishing feedback.
G) Adjustment of direction, style, communication methods.
If any of the links in the act of communication is broken, then the speaker will not be able to achieve the expected results of communication - it will turn out to be ineffective. These skills are called “social intelligence”, “practical-psychological intelligence”, “communicative competence”, “communication skills”.
Communication barriers
Communication barriers refer to those numerous factors that cause or contribute to conflicts. After all, communication partners often have different, and often opposite, desires, aspirations, characters, and different well-being.
To successfully overcome such psychological barriers, you should arm yourself with basic knowledge about the essence characters, needs, attitudes.
Needs mean the desire for those conditions without which it is impossible to maintain one’s normal physical and mental condition. Need- This is a conscious and experienced state of need for something by a person. A person can formulate them, and to implement them he outlines a plan of action.
Installation– an unconscious readiness formed in a person for a certain behavior, a readiness to react positively or negatively to certain events and facts. The attitude is manifested by habitual judgments, ideas, and actions. Once developed, it remains for a more or less long time.
These are the reasons for poor communication, communication barriers, which, in short, look like this:
A) Stereotypes are simplified opinions about individuals or situations.
B) “Preconceived notions” - the rejection of everything that does not correspond to one’s own views.
C) A hostile attitude towards the interlocutor (or the interlocutor towards you) creates difficulties in the process of persuading a person.
D) Lack of attention and interest of the interlocutor until he realizes the meaning of the information for himself.
D) Neglect of facts, that is, the habit of drawing conclusions and conclusions based on superficial information.
E) Wrong choice of words, illogicality.
G) Wrong choice of communication strategy.
Communication Strategies
The following communication strategies exist:
Open – closed communication;
Monologue – dialogic communication;
Role-playing (based on social role) – personal (heart-to-heart communication).
Open communication is the desire and ability to fully express one’s point of view, one’s attitude, and available information. The use of closed communications is justified in the following cases:
If there is a significant difference in the degree of subject competence and it is pointless to waste time and effort on raising the competence of the “low side”;
IN conflict situations revealing one's feelings and plans to the enemy is inappropriate. Open communications are effective if there is comparability, but not identity of subject positions (exchange of opinions, plans). “Simultaneous Inquiry” is a semi-closed communication in which a person tries to find out the position of another person and at the same time does not reveal his own position. “Hysterical presentation of a problem” - a person openly expresses his feelings, problems, circumstances, without being interested in whether the other person wants to “enter into other people’s circumstances” or listen to “outpourings”.
Types of communication
I distinguish the following types of communication:
A) "Contact of masks"– formal communication, when there is no desire to understand and take into account the personality characteristics of the interlocutor, the usual masks are used (politeness, severity, etc.) – a set of facial expressions, gestures, standard phrases that allow one to hide true emotions and attitude towards the interlocutor.
B) Primitive communication, when they evaluate another person as a necessary or interfering object: if necessary, they actively come into contact, if it interferes, they will push away or aggressive rude remarks will follow. If they get what they want from their interlocutor, they lose further interest in him and do not hide it.
IN) Formal-role communication, when both the content and means of communication are regulated and instead of knowing the personality of the interlocutor, they make do with knowledge of his social role.
G) Business conversation, when the personality, character, age, and mood of the interlocutor are taken into account, but the interests of the case are more significant than possible personal differences.
D) Spiritual, interpersonal communication friends, when you can touch on any topic and do not necessarily resort to words, a friend will understand you by facial expression, movements, and intonation. Such communication is possible when each participant has an image of the interlocutor, knows his personality, can anticipate his reactions, interests, beliefs, attitudes
AND) Manipulative communication is aimed at extracting benefits from the interlocutor, using different techniques (flattery, intimidation, deception) depending on the personality of the interlocutor.
H) Social communication. The essence of secular communication is its pointlessness, that is, people say not what they think, but what is supposed to be said in such cases; this communication is closed, because people’s points of view on a particular issue do not matter and do not determine the nature of communications.
Transactional analysis of communication
Transactional analysis of communication- This rational method understanding behavior based on three states of “I” - “Parent”, “Adult”, and “Child”, proposed by the American psychologist and psychiatrist Eric Berne.
"Parent"- this is the expert control authority of our “I”, the concentration of schemes and rules previously learned by the individual, which are subject to strict execution. IN Everyday life These roles are played by parents, older sisters, and bosses, whose role consists of a bossy and patronizing manner of communication.
"Child"– an effective-impulsive and intuitive-creative authority of our “I”. This is the role of a young specialist, a naive girl, etc., that is, in the “Child” position we do not behave seriously and responsibly enough.
"Adult"– cognitive-active principle, the leading feature of which is independence and rationality. Neighbors, reasonable fellow travelers, and colleagues speak from this position.
The most successful and effective communication is between two interlocutors from the position of “Adults”; even two children can understand each other. Communication between “Parent” and “Adult” is dynamic: either the “Adult” with his calmness and independence will knock down the arrogance of the “Parent”, or the “Parent” will be able to suppress the interlocutor and transfer him to the position of a submissive or rebellious “Child”.
Communication between “Adult” and “Child” is just as dynamic: either the “Adult” will be able to encourage the “Child” to take the topic under discussion seriously, or the helplessness of the “Child” will provoke the transition of the “Adult” to the position of a caring “Parent”.
Using transactional analysis, you can not only identify and correct problems arising in the course of interaction with others.
And, despite the fact that the transactional analysis model has its roots in psychoanalysis, its scope is much wider.
What is it and what is it used for?
Transactional Analysis(TA) is a direction in psychology, the founder of which is the American psychologist Eric Lennard Berne.
The TA concept is based on dividing personality into.
Wherein three basic positions can be distinguished(), which form the basis of social interaction, determining the nature of communication between people.
Transactional Analysis was founded in 1955 and is still used in therapy in its original version, without any major changes or additions. Only certain parts of the theory were finalized by Claude Steiner (a colleague and like-minded person of E. Bern).
The task of TA is primarily to provide psychological assistance to those people who suffer from communication problems.
During the therapeutic process there is personality reconstruction. A person breaks down old, unviable and unproductive attitudes, replacing them with new ones.
Next, the child will justify this decision using position. That is, he assures himself that not worthy of love. And this hints at the presence of some kind of defect in a person. This is how the “I’m not OK” position is formed.
Options and varieties in positions
There are four positions (combinations of positions) that influence a person’s life scenario. These positions reflect the “okayness” of the individual.
How is communication built?
“I’m OK, You’re OK”
If a person adheres to the position “I am OK, You are OK,” then he is aimed at productive and active interaction with others.
Such people do not refuse action, since the fact of being “okay” is a direct confirmation of the person’s competence and the potential positive result of this activity.
Those. Human does not try to shift responsibility onto others, accepts and fulfills his part of responsibilities and tasks, entering into dialogue with others.
“I am not OK, you are OK”
Position representative withdraws from interaction.
But in this case, a person can choose one of two options: scripted behavior or behavior according to the ego state.
For example, a position representative has to listen to a complaint from an acquaintance. If he selects script behavior(corresponding to the position) it is necessary to take actions that strengthen the position.
The main character will think that he cannot help his friend. After all, an adherent of the “I am not OK” position cannot help someone. But the other person in this coordinate system is normal and he does not know that there's no point in waiting for help.
Therefore, the only way out for the main character is to run away under any pretext, again becoming convinced of his own inability to solve the problem (not okay).
If you are guided by the ego state of the Adult, you can consciously choose the option of escaping. Those. the main character understands that his friend will complain. Condition Adult wants to avoid a situation in which he will be drawn into other people's problems.
Therefore, the hero collects his things and, under a good excuse, leaves the room, leaving his friend. At the same time, he is guided not by his own fear of inability to solve problems, but by the lack of desire to solve other people's problems.
“I am OK, you are not OK”
Representatives of this position trying to get rid of interaction.
As with the previous position, two behavior options are available.
The main character, while at his workplace, learns from his subordinate about an error in the report.
At the same time, the unexpected guest asks to help him correct the document. Acting according to the script, the hero begins to shout at his subordinate and humiliate him, demanding to immediately correct the mistake.
When the humiliated employee leaves, the hero is still replaying the story in his head, complaining about the stupidity of those around him.
Thus, the adherent of the position becomes stronger in the thought that “You (they) are not OK.”
Acting like an Adult, the person will ask the subordinate to correct the mistake himself. The main character asks to send a report on the work done by mail.
“I am not OK, you are not OK.”
The main character learns that his wife started a local fire in the kitchen. Next he selects a behavior model based on the available options.
According to the script, the hero will shout at his wife, complaining about life for the misfortunes that have befallen him. You can’t rely on your wife, because everything falls out of her hands. And the hero himself had a simply disgusting day.
Guided by the Adult State, the main character will calm his wife down. He will assure her that he will soon come home to assess the scale of the problem and together decide how to eliminate the consequences of the unpleasant situation.
Through transactional analysis you can determine your position and adjust it, and also come to cooperation and productive interaction with others.
How to maintain the correct distance when communicating? find out right now.
Transactional analysis by Eric Berne:
Transactional analysis of communication
Transactional analysis was founded by Eric Berne in 1955 (USA). Transactional analysis is based on the philosophical assumption that each person will be “okay” when he takes control of his life and is responsible for it. A transaction is an action (action) aimed at another person. This is a unit of communication. E. Bern's concept was created in response to the need to provide psychological assistance to people with communication problems.
E. Berne identifies the following three components of a person’s personality, which determine the nature of communication between people: parental, adult, child.
Parental (Parent - P), which is divided into a caring parental state of the Self, a critical parental state of the Self. The parental Self, consisting of rules of behavior, norms, allows the individual to successfully navigate standard situations, “launches” useful, proven stereotypes of behavior, freeing consciousness from overload with simple, mundane tasks. In addition, the Parental Self ensures with a high probability of success behavior in situations of lack of time for reflection, analysis, and alternate consideration of the possibilities of behavior.
The adult (Adult - B) state of the Self perceives and processes the logical component of information, makes decisions primarily thoughtfully and without emotions, checking their reality. The Adult Self, unlike the Parental Self, promotes adaptation not in standard, unambiguous situations, but in unique ones that require reflection, giving freedom of choice and, at the same time, the need to understand the consequences and responsible decision-making.
The childish (Child - D, or Child) state of the Self follows the life principle of feelings. Behavior in the present is influenced by feelings from childhood. The child's self also performs its own special functions that are not characteristic of the other two components of the personality. It is “responsible” for creativity, originality, relieving tension, receiving pleasant, sometimes “sharp” impressions that are necessary to a certain extent for normal life. In addition, the Child Self comes into play when a person does not feel strong enough to solve problems on his own: he is not able to overcome difficulties and/or withstand the pressure of another person. This self is divided into: the natural child self (spontaneous reactions such as joy, sadness, etc.), the adapting child self (adjusting, subservient, fearful, guilty, hesitant, etc.), the objecting child self.
From the position of the parent, the roles of the father are “played”, older sister, teacher, boss; from the position of an adult - the role of a neighbor, a casual travel companion, a subordinate who knows his own worth, etc.; from the perspective of a child - the role of a young specialist, an artist - a favorite of the public, a son-in-law.
All three components are found in the personality of each person, however, under the condition of poor upbringing, the personality can be deformed so that one component begins to suppress the others, which causes a violation of communication and is experienced by the person as internal tension.
Instances of the Self and typical ways of behaving and speaking
Instance I Typical ways of behavior, statements
Parent Caring parent Comforts, corrects, helps “We will do this” “Don’t be afraid” “We will all help you”
Critical parent Threatens, criticizes, orders, “Are you late for work again?” “Everyone should have a schedule on their desk!”
Adult Collects and provides information, assesses probability, makes decisions “What time is it?” "Who might have this letter?" "We will solve this problem as a group"
Child Spontaneous child Natural, impulsive, cunning, self-centered behavior “This is the third time this stupid letter has been on my desk” “You did it just great!”
Adaptive Child Helpless, fearful, conformist, compliant behavior "I'd love to, but we'll get in trouble."
Rebellious child Protesting, challenging behavior "I won't do that!" "You can't do this"
Each of the states of the Self performs certain functions and, as a result, is vital. Disharmonies and communication disorders are associated either with the suppression of one of them, or with manifestation in situations that it should not control. Psychotherapy, according to E. Bern, should be carried out precisely in this direction: to “revive” a suppressed I-state or teach the actualization of a certain I-state in cases where this is necessary for harmonious communication.
For optimal functioning of the personality, from the point of view of transactional analysis, it is necessary that all three states of the Self are harmoniously represented in the personality.
Bibliography
To prepare this work, materials were used from the site http://www.troek.net/