What does a man expect from a woman? Psychology. What men want: what an ideal woman should be like. Be a teacher for your children

Unfortunately, many relationship problems arise because there is a significant contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them and what the opposite sex actually wants. In particular, women, as more emotional creatures, often feel resentment and anger towards men. Well, how can you not be offended: you try for him, you try, but he is still dissatisfied! Well, just complete hopelessness!

But the man, as it turns out, doesn’t really pay much attention to our efforts, because what’s important to him is not what we think. That’s why he can’t appreciate our efforts, and that’s why it seems to him that our image is far from ideal. So what do men want from women, what do they want to find in each of us? Let's look at men's vision of the ideal woman.

What men want from women

Now we will try to tell you what men think about this or that matter. In addition, we will tell you how to act correctly in each case to give a man exactly what he wants, which will help you create a great relationship.

1. Honest and open communication is a top priority for men

   They want the woman not to be cunning and not to resort to vague hints, but to speak directly and frankly. They want a woman not to beat around the bush, but to confidently ask if she needs something. They want a woman to respect the truth and not distort the facts. And men also dream of seeing a woman next to them who would treat them without being overly critical and who would know how to take care of preserving not only her own, but also their personal dignity when communicating. Unfortunately, most often women act exactly the opposite.

   It seems to us that men like it when we are silent about our needs and don’t ask for anything. We are afraid to show that we need something, we are afraid to show our feelings. It’s better to scold him once again than to praise him or tell him how much he means to us. How, after all, a man can use our weakness in order to gain the upper hand over us... And how we know how to criticize every word and action of a man, believing that only we know how everything should really be! But it is precisely this behavior that disgusts men the most.

   Advice for women: any person likes to be spoken to simply, frankly and without any criticism. But men want it especially badly. One of the best ways to attract a man and build a good relationship with him is to learn to calmly tell him your needs and respect his personality. And never, under any circumstances, infringe on his male pride!

2. Men always want to deal with a self-sufficient and confident woman

   Any man wants a woman to choose him over others only for his personal qualities, and not be guided by an attempt to escape from need and despair with his help. Any male partner, no less than us women, wants to be loved and desired. It is very important for a man that a woman herself be an active and independent person, with her own interests, friends and social circle.

   It seems to us, women, that a man should like it when we completely dissolve in him. All affairs and thoughts are only about him and only for his sake... And at the same time, the man does not value the minutes spent together at all - he would rather go to the TV or to his friends. And if you try to impose your company on him, he will look for a reason to run as far away from us as possible. Yes, but not so. A man is quite capable of appreciating the time spent with a woman.

   But at the same time, he wants to see in his soul mate not a reflection of himself, but a full-fledged personality, an interesting person. And he won’t want to run away from you if he knows exactly what you need and that you value and respect him as an interesting person.

   Advice for women: men want the same thing as women: to have a reliable and interesting partner next to them. And if you want to build strong and vibrant relationships, then try to live a full life, develop your inner world and treat your partner with warmth and respect.

3. Men always want relationships without manipulation

   They do not tolerate manipulation of any kind. They don't want to guess their partner's thoughts or try to interpret any signals. They don't want to be forced to move faster in a relationship if they're not ready for it yet. They don't want to be misled or tricked into getting anything out of them. Men don't want to play games whose rules they don't know. Women think that men themselves don’t want much, so they don’t understand the needs of others.

   And the only way to get what you want from them and satisfy your needs is to influence a man through manipulation. It often seems to us that a man does not understand that relationships need to be developed, and we just want to push him to the next step!

   Advice for women: People do not tolerate manipulation of any kind, and men get incredibly angry when someone tries to control them. If you want to build a good foundation for your relationship, learn to be tolerant of your partner's wants and needs.

4. Men always want emotional stability and personal responsibility in a woman.

   Guys want to have a woman next to them who knows how to laugh at herself and approaches life with humor. They don’t like hysterics, they like women who are able to show courage and mental strength. This does not mean that a woman should be masculine; she may well be fragile and defenseless, but at the same time she must be emotionally stable.

   Men value a woman who is responsible for her personal development and emotional experiences. It seems to us that when men communicate with us, they only think about how to have a good time. It also seems to us that men are only interested in our external data, and in any case they will give preference to a young girl with a model appearance.

   But this is not all that men want from a woman. Of course, they will always turn their head after a beautiful girl, but when choosing a mate, they will give preference to a woman who is emotionally mature, kind, loving and capable of support.

   Advice for women: Emotional maturity does not mean the absence of emotions. This means learning to deal with your emotions. If you want to arouse sympathy from a man, then learn to control yourself and manage your experiences and their expression.

5. Men always want to see loyalty and devotion in a woman.

   This is an absolute necessity for a healthy relationship, and it is perhaps the most important thing a man wants from the woman he loves. Relationships grow stronger when a guy has confidence that his beloved will not flirt with everyone, but will give all her attention to him alone. He will appreciate a woman who is able to fully commit to building a relationship with him.

   Many define this commitment as loyalty and a desire to work at the relationship - even when not everything is going well. It seems to women that all men want only sex, and the development of relationships interests them only until intimacy occurs. Like, what else do you want if you’ve already achieved your main goal? It seems to us that we cannot trust men, they are always ready to cheat; so why should we remain faithful?

   Many of us are sure that when there is even the slightest discord in a relationship, men run away from us without looking back.

   Advice for women: betrayal will never be justified. Good news for those women who have come to terms with the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and deception are just as unpleasant for men as they are for us women. All men should not be considered mindless males; they are able to value good relationships and will protect them from unnecessary shocks. They also have an idea of ​​how to build a great relationship, and they also understand that fidelity is the main ingredient of such a relationship.

6. Men always want to see a woman next to them who understands how much he needs praise and encouragement

   Many women treat a man in such a way as if they are consciously trying to hurt his ego as much as possible, making him feel inadequate. Guys would prefer to be praised as much as possible, to be recognized that they are doing everything correctly and flawlessly, and to be constantly made aware that they are wonderful guys who are simply impossible not to love and appreciate.

   And we are confident that men do not need us or our praise at all. We feel like men don't care about the things that are incredibly important to us, and we start nagging them instead of encouraging their every step towards solving our problems. And where there is no recognition, grievances are more easily born.

   Advice for women: don’t be afraid to spoil and spoil your boyfriend with praise. Don’t think that he will eventually turn up his nose and begin to think that you are not worthy of him. This is wrong. Unfortunately, there are very few women who understand the importance of recognition for every man. Therefore, he will especially appreciate you because you see and encourage his virtues, achievements and successes. Yes, he will simply blow away specks of dust from you for this!

   What most men want most is recognition and gratitude from women. If you learn to turn a blind eye to unimportant shortcomings, see the good and praise more often, then you will master one of the most powerful tools for building strong relationships.

Now you know what men want from us women, and it will be easier for you to understand your partner and easier to find a common language with him. But in order to have a very good understanding of men’s preferences, we will try to make a list of the traits that men look for in their girlfriends. Let’s summarize some of what was said above, consider new facts, build a coherent list - and we will know what we need to focus on!

10 traits that men want to see in their women

We would like to immediately make a reservation that this list is based on many years of research by a group of female psychologists from America. So, what are men really looking for in women?

1. She has her own life - and that makes her interesting

   Dear ladies, this means that you must take care of yourself, have some interests and find time to communicate with friends. Do not miss the opportunity to travel or go on adventures, take from life the opportunity to experience joy - from eating your favorite dessert to a walk in the park on a sunny day. A woman who lives a full life and enjoys every day will not poison the existence of those around her, and a man understands this very well.

2. She never takes the first step towards starting a relationship

   This issue has always been subject to heated discussion, and it has not yet been possible to reach a true consensus. But observations of men suggest that they don’t really like it when a woman starts taking the initiative and pursuing a guy. Men are simply not programmed by nature to behave like prey. They prefer to hunt themselves.

3. She's sexy without being vulgar or promiscuous

   This means that at the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from any statements or comments that are overtly sexual. But at the same time, a man will be very pleased if a woman begins to flirt with him with the help of seemingly non-sexual fleeting touches. You can, for example, put your hand on his shoulder or even on his knee - but not for long. Or you can touch his knee with your knee under the table; This guy will like this game.

4. She's in no hurry to have sex

   Yes, the sexual revolution has long thundered over the world, yes, a man always strives to quickly move on to sex. But if he intends to build a serious relationship, he will never rush his chosen one. Many women don't realize how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. And if you move on to it too early, it will significantly impoverish the relationships that could develop outside the bedroom. Therefore, psychologists advise waiting at least one month before having sex with a new person. And the man will appreciate your pickiness and will be confident in your integrity in the future.

5. She constantly shows concern for a man

   And it’s not at all necessary to do some grandiose things: for example, wash and starch his shirts every day or cook dinner every day, like in a restaurant. The bottom line is that you should be attentive even in small things that will allow him to understand that you are thinking about him, without forgetting his individual needs. He will do the same for you, believe me! Well, he cleared the ice from the windshield of your car in winter! Moreover, every morning and without any reminders. Would he do this if he didn’t feel sorry for your tender hands?

6. She must be her boyfriend's best encourager

   Remember the popular saying? The man, of course, is the head, and the woman is the neck, which supports this head and turns it in the right direction. Help him with advice, laugh at his jokes, help him show his best side. Of course, he will try to do the same for you.

7. She never puts pressure on a man

   This is very important, we have already talked about this. Men are disgusted by any kind of pressure. This also applies to developing relationships. Guys don't like it when a woman tries to constantly keep her finger on the pulse of the relationship. They don’t like to analyze what stage their feelings are at, they just like to enjoy them.

8. She doesn’t get into bad stories, because a decent woman will never do bad things

   You should not bother married men or those who already have girlfriends, you should not deceive anyone, you should not allow yourself to be humiliated. If you respect yourself, then a man will respect you.

9. She must share his views on life

   Although they say that opposites attract, any person will think twice before getting close to someone who is capable of words and actions that are unacceptable to him.

10. She knows that love is the biggest ingredient in the formula for a happy marriage.

    Some women are guided rather by selfish motives when building their relationship with a man, and are not at all interested in him as a person. But love includes a unique feeling of spiritual comfort and the feeling that someone else’s happiness is as important to you as your own. The desire to love and be loved is a basic human need, and men understand this no less than we women!

We told you how to understand what a man wants from a woman whom he could love all his life. And it doesn’t matter whether you are at the beginning of a relationship, or you have been married for a long time; It's never too late to correct mistakes, if any. We women are naturally endowed with special wisdom, which helps us smooth out rough edges in relationships with men. This, by the way, is another quality for which men value us. And now we know how to predict where these “angles” may arise!

Discussion 1

Similar materials

This article is written mainly for women.

They turn to a psychologist much more often than men, and their requests often relate to the topic of relationships with men.

This is understandable: everyone wants to meet in their life the one person with whom they can build a harmonious relationship and be happy.

However, not everyone succeeds in this, and certainly not right away. And here I did not discover America. A great many books and articles have been written on this topic. I will also share my experience: what I have learned from my life, as well as what men most often say in consultations with a psychologist. This article does not claim to be the ultimate truth, but only invites reflection.

But first about us, about women.

We are emotional, sensitive and vulnerable creatures.

What is important for a woman in a relationship with a man?

• to feel a gentle soul;
• could listen and talk about painful issues;
• to always care and support, even if you are wrong;
• to be the master of the house, “with his hands,” as they say;
• to openly admire unearthly beauty, even if it has already moved into the + size category.

In general, to always love and be a reliable defender of the space created together.

Men, as my consulting practice shows, are not at all against all this. The topic of relationships with women worries them no less, and they usually talk specifically and directly about what they want from women. Sometimes these are practically aphorisms. They say them to me, a psychologist, but for some reason few of them think to directly tell their beautiful halves about this. I will give the most basic statements in a generalized form. Perhaps they will provide answers to some pressing women's questions.

1. Men are very flexible creatures in family terms: how a woman feels, so a man behaves.

It is clear that she needs male support. But when a woman feels insecure inside herself, that for some reason she is not worthy of love, then a man does not have the desire to support her. "I don't want to feel like a crutch". And I want to distance myself from her and close myself off. It’s the same in sex: when she herself doesn’t feel her beauty and sexuality, then he doesn’t feel real sexual attraction to her. There is only one “marital duty” left.

1. When a woman is constantly worried and nervous, her work falls apart.

She wants him to earn a lot of money, to be able to support his family, and reminds him of this in ways that are not the most motivating: she “nags” him, “whines”, gives advice on how to work correctly, compares him with other men. I either want to run away or get drunk. And the meaning of his activity is lost: it becomes meaningless and ineffective. He “grinds” a lot of information, does a lot, but there is no result.

1. When a woman is in a calm, relaxed state, the man begins to behave differently with her: he wants to do something for her.

She may think that I’m so pretty, that’s why I attract male attention. But often very beautiful women do not make you want to interact with them for a long time, much less do anything for them. All their self-doubts and obsessive desire to be liked are immediately felt by men. It’s not a fact that they are immediately realized, but they influence behavior 100%. A man’s behavior towards a woman develops as if by itself. That is, if she smiles welcomingly, but is very tense inside, you want to run away from her.

1. It is extremely important for a man when he tells his woman - "We'll do it this way" so that she accepts his decision.

And this is not stupid submission, but faith in it. Even if he makes a mistake in the result, this will be the clearest lesson for him on what not to do. It’s as if he builds in his head an algorithm that is optimally useful for both actions. And in the future this will benefit her too, because he feels responsible not only for himself. In other words, a man is ready to yield to a woman in internal family matters (for example, she prepared such and such dinner - and that’s good) and expects from her that she will yield to him in solving external problems (for example, we will go from point A to point B today on a different road). Dialogue, of course, is possible when everyone is ready to voluntarily listen to the arguments (and not accusations) of the other. But more often there is not a dialogue, but an argument that causes quarrels. Men definitely don't like this.

1. Most men find it convenient to view relationships as a business in which one partner does this and the other does that.

And then everything is clear. After all, how is it in business? If one of the partners says: “Why should I do this? Do it yourself, I won’t.”, - the business is falling apart. Or a dissatisfied partner leaves. Here you are in the same boat: either you row together or you go to the bottom. But this is not enough. You should want to row in one direction. And together too. Women are often offended when men start talking about relationships like that. I wonder why?

1. And the most important thing! When a woman enjoys life on her own, a man feels freedom.

And this “ties” her to her most of all. This is the biggest “drug” when a woman is happy because she is who she is, and not just because he is next to her.

That's all, actually.

Agree, dear women, not so much. You can treat this any way you like, you can say that not all men are so reasonable... Do you often talk to them about such topics? If yes, then you can easily write your list.

Our culture is full of myths about love and romantic relationships. I encounter this mythology every day, listening to my clients, both men and women. Unfortunately, it is the belief in these myths that keeps many people in unhappy marriages, and instills fear in single people about love relationships and prevents them from finding partners. It seems to me that my duty as a psychotherapist and writer is to educate and, in particular, to dispel these far from harmless fables.

Myth. Men only care about sex and nothing else. Typically, I hear this from women.

In fact. Good sex is truly the most important part of a healthy relationship. I know as many women as men who love sex and choose partners with whom they will have a lot of sex. Men, in turn, expect a lot from relationships (like us!), including, of course, sex. But this does not mean “only sex.”

5 main expectations of a man

1. To be respected. One of the most common complaints from my male clients is that they are disrespected by their wives or mistresses. They admit that this hurts them greatly. Men really need to be appreciated. And in our culture it is customary to have a positive attitude towards men who are truly respected. Therefore, do not forget to show respect to your partner. We all deserve to be valued by those we care about.

Men expect us to be gentle and condescending with them.

2. To be treated kindly. If I had a dollar for every time I hear a client say, “I really want my wife to be more gentle with me!” - I would have been rich a long time ago. Our men expect us to be gentle and condescending with them. And women dream about it. Let's meet each other halfway, for our own good.

3. To show interest in his inner world. Yes, of course, men are from Mars, and women are from Venus - no one has canceled this aspect of heterosexual relationships. But to make your partner feel how much you love him, show interest in what he considers important.

Okay, maybe you don't like sports in general or golf specifically. And when he starts telling stories, you can hardly suppress a yawn. But try to put a good face on a bad game and act as if you are interested too. You may well find that you have a lot more common interests than you thought.

We all want to be loved for who we are.

4. To be accepted for who he is. Let's admit that sometimes we can be overly picky. Oh, what happened when I took my husband shopping for the first time, intending to update his wardrobe... I always hear stories of women telling men: “Why are you such a bore?”, “Couldn’t you say something smarter?”, “ I don’t think you’re overworking yourself at work!”

We all want to be loved for who we are. The next time you feel like criticizing your partner, remember that life is not easy and we need to support each other. Keep this in mind and don't try too hard to change who you are with.

5. So that she will be faithful to him. Everyone, without exception, has a need for a partner’s fidelity. We all have the right to count on this if our alliance is strong. In my practice, I see how many hearts are broken due to infidelity. You might be surprised, but men actually value monogamy.

The beautiful and strong halves of humanity are so different that sometimes it becomes unclear how they even managed to unite? Multivolume works of psychologists, philosophers and physiologists answer not only this question. Scientists also know that from men. Only as long as you study the research, the need for an answer will disappear by itself... But do not despair, you will find out the answer to the burning question here and now.

The main thing from women is... No, not sex, but sincere interest in it. Attention and care are the first things a man wants to feel next to a woman. An affectionate, joyful look from the meeting, without a shadow of resentment or reproach. He wants someone to care about whether he feels good or bad, whether he is full or hungry, cheerful or tired, whether he is warm or cold. Of course, it may look like “mommy,” but there is a significant difference: in the observance of the measure and in the intonation, full of languid love.

The next most important item on the list, from women, is wisdom. When he is listened to carefully, supported and given valuable advice. At the same time, a woman does not have to be an expert in her man’s professional field, a hint can be given about how to get out of a conflict situation, for example, making useful contacts, investing money, and so on.

Grooming is what men want from women. No, don’t meet him every time in full dress and stiletto heels. But basic cleanliness and neatness is a must. Sincerity and fidelity in relationships. Flattery will sooner or later be recognized, and it will be followed by the least - alienation. And fidelity is such a natural state of love that it is not surprising when betrayal is followed by a breakup. Sincerity in sexual relationships is also important for a man. Imitation of violent passion is almost as disappointing as betrayal. And frankness and the desire to please each other cements relationships better than forged chains.

A man also wants to believe that he is the source of a woman’s happiness. This is confirmed by the smiles emitted by the other half upon meeting, and the cheerful laughter at his jokes. And also a slight sadness in the eyes when parting, even for a short time. He likes cute SMS, kisses when meeting and other small ones. Believe me, a man flies to such a woman after work on the wings of love and tries to pleasantly surprise his beloved with something: flowers, cake, or even jewelry.

And one more important point. A man needs freedom. Not in the sense that he can cheat on a woman left and right. He must be sure that he is running to your meeting not on orders and not because a stamp in his passport obliges him, but of his own free will. And so that the desire does not disappear... re-read the article from the beginning.

This is the psychology of relations between men and women. Books written by scientists tell in detail about every nuance of their relationship and can become a good guide to the world of understanding and love.

What do men want? We can't understand their logic. They say that they value kindness and complaisance in women, but they themselves go after obstinate bitches. They are looking for a selfless woman, but they fall in love with a “party girl” whose love is measured by a man’s ability to fill her life with Gucci, Maserati, Tiffany. They dream of throwing in their lot with a woman who can understand and forgive, but end up marrying a narcissistic egoist. So where is the truth, and what do men look for in women?

“Look, observe, listen to men, but do not believe what seems obvious in their behavior. Read between the lines!” - psychologists advise. A man wants to see a woman next to him who is flexible, but not weak-willed; selfless, but knowing her worth; understanding, but having her own opinion. The male “rider” contains a list of basic needs, the fulfillment of which will allow one to find that golden mean and give a man exactly what he expects from a relationship:

Bed

For men, it always comes first. You cannot argue with this and appeal to the voice of reason, not instincts. This can only be accepted and reconciled. A man seeks pleasure. And a woman for a man is always a source of pleasure: aesthetic, sensual, bodily. This is their nature, just as women have a genetic need for a man - a provider and protector who can provide a well-fed and safe life for her and their children. Giving a man a beautiful night is a woman’s pleasant duty. And a satisfied man is a submissive man. A true woman will make intimate relationships an anchor, a drug, an addiction, and a man will return to her again and again for the next “dose.” But why come back if you don’t have to leave?

Loyalty

The ability to give a man quality sex should always go hand in hand with fidelity. Otherwise, even the most high-class romantic man will be devalued and reduced to the primitive satisfaction of a “basic instinct.” The explanation for this should also be sought in male nature. When a man receives sexual pleasure from a woman, he believes that she now belongs only to him, and wants to be sure that no one else will receive this pleasure from her. Therefore, men are often very jealous and aggressive about their woman’s flirting with other “males”. They can subconsciously regard attention to them, smiles, a deep neckline and even expensive underwear as elements of a love game. Men rarely understand all these subtleties of female sexuality, and even a harmless smile at a compliment from another man can become a reason to doubt the fidelity of his woman.

Respect and recognition

Many relationships don't work out or fall apart due to lack of respect for the man. Women may underestimate respect in relationships, mistakenly believing that it is already implied: “I live with him, which means I respect him.” Recognition of men's merits to family, children, work, society is an unspoken women's responsibility. If you don’t respect and appreciate what a man does, he may go looking for respect elsewhere, and not just from another woman. He, for example, may devote himself more to work or stay with friends who respect and recognize his success, whatever it is - business, hobby, recreation, etc. Therefore, everything in him must be respected: time, resources, talents, abilities. And most importantly, do not remain silent about it. Speak sincerely, but let it be not only words, but also actions. For example, if you learn to be rational about the money he earns, he will understand without words that you respect his work, time and health. Respect breeds respect. It's so simple that many don't even see it as a solution to relationship problems. And in vain!

Gratitude and admiration

It's hard for many women to understand, but gratitude is just as important as bed. She will not be in a relationship with a man, he will go looking for her on the side. Unfortunately, the ability to thank and admire is usually characteristic of fresh relationships. The years we have lived together make any work a chore. A man builds a house, plants a tree and raises a son, but this should not be taken for granted as his duty. This approach is completely wrong! Men are like children, they should be praised for the porridge they ate (especially if it was not a success today), thanked for their obedience (took out the trash, bought a chandelier, took their mother-in-law to the dacha) and admired their successes (painted a fence, defended a dissertation, earned a million). There is no greater motivation for a man than sincere gratitude and admiration. This is real magic. Check!

Care and attention

The main thing here is to figure out what your man cares about. Each of them has their own individual concepts about the manifestation of female care and attention. For some, it is enough for the woman they love to make coffee every morning and not forget to throw in a pinch of salt, as a man likes; someone will not be able to live without daily replacing handkerchiefs to match the color of their shirt in the breast pocket of their work suit; and for some men, perhaps the highest degree of care will be for a woman to provide for her family while he is on maternity leave with a child. One way or another, strict adherence to these daily rituals, traditions or ordinary routine actions turns the relationship into love.

Support

Even the most courageous, successful, strong and brutal man needs support. When he creates a relationship with a woman, he hopes that she, in the literal sense of these well-worn words by filmmakers, will be with him “in sorrow and in joy, in wealth and in poverty, in sickness and in health.” He will connect his life with that woman who, even if the whole world takes up arms against him, will stand behind him and give him ammunition. You will be able to be useful to a man, instill in him faith in your strength, provide support when he needs it like air, and he will do everything and even more for the sake of you and your relationship.

Family values

For most men, family is the engine of their achievements. A man, unlike a woman, is more realized in the outside world - building a career, achieving financial independence and recognition by society. At a certain stage of his life, when he lays the “foundation”, he does not need a family. It's distracting. But how much does he need for himself personally? No. New achievements begin to lose meaning, and external realization no longer gives him the same complete feeling of life. Statistics do not lie when they say that married men live longer. They have something to live for. In children, a wife, and living together, they find deep meaning and the realization of their ancient instincts. Inspire a man with family values, show him the benefits of family life, make him dependent on your love, and he will stay with you forever.