You are unlikely to understand their meaning, but a residue will remain. A collection of truly terrible memes has surfaced on Twitter. You are unlikely to understand their meaning, but the residue will remain 40 terrible mistakes during
1) You cum too quickly. Most women are convinced that the reason for this is exclusively male malice. They think you could easily hold out for another half hour. I just didn't want to. Because you are selfish and think only about yourself.
2) You take too long to cum. Now she thinks her body doesn't turn you on. Besides, she was already tired.
3) You are silent all the time. As you know, a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with her ears. And with these ears she wants to hear tender words. Or at least a moan, indicating the strength of your passion.
4) You shout too loudly. Of all the women interviewed, only one complained about this. But it is very active. Violent expression of feelings is wonderful, but still remember that you are not in the stadium.
5) You have sex with her without taking off your socks. Why women get so upset at the sight of a naked man in socks is unknown. It is impossible to understand this; it must be remembered.
6) You undress too quickly. More than anything else, women don't like to be in a stupid position. And if she’s still wearing a fur coat and boots, and you’re wearing nothing but a condom, you both look, to put it mildly, awkward.
7) At the most crucial moment, you stop and ask her: “Have you finished yet?” No comments.
8) You leave the overhead light on. Too much light turns the bedroom into an operating room. In addition, the woman cannot fully concentrate on the process, but is forced to constantly monitor whether she looks sexy enough.
9) You don't shower before sex. Ernest Hemingway said that a man should smell like a man. But women do not agree with this. Of course, they don’t expect you to smell like fresh violets, but the brutal truth of life, unfortunately, often doesn’t excite them.
10) You run to the shower immediately after you cum. Women are like cats. Cats have a habit of rubbing themselves against their loved one to leave their scent on them. And when you are in a demonstrative hurry to part with this smell, they feel offended.
11) You immediately turn away from her and fall asleep. A grave insult. This is probably the worst thing you can do. Even if the day before you delivered birth to a dozen record-breaking cows, you wrote candidate's thesis and set a new world record in the 100-meter dash - that doesn’t justify you. From her point of view, you are obliged to gently caress her after sex. Otherwise, why did you even go to bed with her?!
12) During cunnilingus, you look into her eyes the whole time. Maybe you don’t realize that at this moment you look like a cunning fascist lying behind the parapet. But in any case, you should at least pretend that you yourself are extremely passionate about this process.
13) You don't shave. Since women grow a beard only in very rare cases, we will never understand what torment it can cause.
deliver an innocent two-day stubble. Try rubbing your nose against your friend's chin. You won't like this.
14) You joke during sex. Laughter is the worst enemy of sex. Having fun and laughing in bed is absolutely contraindicated. In the words of another classic: “Who are you laughing at?!” You’re laughing at yourself!”
15) You basically don’t have sex in the morning. To our surprise, it turned out that for many women, having sex with a loved one in the morning is like skimming warm cream from fresh milk. Fortunately, most of us willingly share this exquisite pleasure with them.
16) You have too much long nails. They say that a man is not impotent as long as he has at least one finger intact. But if a long, callous, successfully nibbled nail grows on this finger, then you can safely give up on sex life.
17) You always tell her what to do. You are not a sergeant, and she is not a platoon of recruits. Therefore, the commands “Get down!”, “Attention!” and “All around!”, appropriate on the parade ground, sound stupid in bed.
18) You don't care about her safety. Perhaps we are forced to accept that condoms are our responsibility. Not only do we agree to use them. We are expected to buy them ourselves in advance, carry them in our pockets and put them on (as discreetly as possible).
19) You persistently tilt her head down. Blowjob is an act of goodwill. Coercion, even mild, obliges the partner to do something that she may not want at all right now. If you really really want it, then it's better to provoke her by example - tender kisses into the crotch area, turning his head towards her legs.
20) You spit during cunnilingus. What to do if these hairs are always getting into your mouth? Ignore? Unnoticeably remove it from your mouth with your fingers? The ladies answered these reasonably posed questions in the same way: “I don’t know. Let him come up with something. He's a man."
21) You don't kiss her on the lips after a blowjob. You will never be able to explain to her why you don’t want to experience the taste of your own sperm in practice. For a woman, such behavior is offensive. It seems to her that this is how you express your disgust. Ignore your own emotions and kiss her if she wants it that way.
22) During a blowjob, you don’t warn her when you cum. Sperm tastes like a cross between sea water and egg white. Not everyone likes this whimsical combination.
23) During a blowjob, you try to move yourself. First of all, she's actually afraid of hurting you with her teeth. Secondly, she doesn't want to choke. Lie still - she will do everything herself.
24) You brag about the size of your penis. And to whom should we brag, pray tell? Or was old Freud right, and women would also like to have a penis? Well, okay, let's just remember that they don't like it when we praise him too much.
25) You bite her nipples painfully. Previously, even infants had their prematurely erupted teeth removed for such things.
26) You twist her nipples with your fingers. Nipples, again, are not the knob of a radio receiver, which is difficult to tune to the desired wavelength in hilly terrain. They can only be gently kissed and bitten.
27) You constantly tug, knead and rub her breasts. Chest is not a joystick computer game. And not a melon that needs to be touched to make sure it is ripe. And not wet laundry that needs to be thoroughly wrung out. She requires a careful attitude towards herself.
28) You do acrobatics in bed. Inventiveness and variety in sex are very commendable, but you should remember that your partner may not have graduated from circus school as a child and the prospect of spraining her leg or breaking her collarbone does not appeal to her at all.
29) You lean on her with all your weight. As a rule, a man is much heavier than a woman. When having sex with her in a classic position, do not rely too much on female stamina. Perhaps her heavy, intermittent breathing is not at all a sign of the passion she is experiencing.
30) You're moving too fast (or too slow). The most common complaint. It's probably all about the mismatch of temperaments. Or biorhythms. Try placing her palms on your buttocks - even the most shy and reserved girl will instinctively guide you.
31) You kiss too aggressively. She doesn't like it when you actively push your tongue into her mouth and use it there like a bottle brush.
32) With you, she often feels like she’s at an appointment with a proctologist. Keep in mind that anal stimulation is mainly enjoyed by men. Because they have a prostate. Women don't have a prostate.
33) You interrupt sexual intercourse to respond to phone calls and switch TV programs. There is such a joke. The train is coming. A couple makes love on the rails. Ten centimeters away, the driver barely manages to stop the train, jumps out and grabs the man in a rage. “Sorry, friend,” he says. - I understand, someone had to stop. But I couldn’t.” Perfect example for imitation.
34) You arrange everything too theatrically. Women love sincerity. Or they pretend to love you. Make every effort to make her feel that you are intrigued by her, and not by the surroundings or the situation itself.
35) You slobber on her ears and blow into them. Ears are erogenous zone in many people because they are a very sensitive area. Gnawing, chewing, twisting and vigorously sucking on them is undesirable. A gentle kiss can sometimes work wonders, but you shouldn’t pounce on your ear like a cheerful dog on your favorite ball.
36) You don't care at all whether she has an orgasm with you or not. As already noted, women give great value words. You can sweat like a miner down the face, trying to please her, and not realizing that she attributes all your enthusiasm solely to your selfishness and African temperament. A simple phrase: “I want you to feel good with me” can have a greater effect than a demonstration of highly technical sex.
37) You are conscientious, but too uninitiative. No matter how victoriously feminism marches across the planet, women still love to be the object of attention. She is not interested in doing everything herself; she is not always attracted to the role of a sexual aggressor.
38) You tear her underwear. Women treat their underwear with care. And if romance novels and erotic films are replete with the sound of tearing lace and silk, then in life everything is somewhat different. In the end, you will achieve the fact that she will appear before you exclusively in cheap cotton pantaloons, sewn by Chinese prisoners.
39) You leave hickeys. Even if your friend is not afraid to advertise your relationship, it is still her right to refuse to wear your mark on her body.
40) She doesn’t like what you say. You turn your bed into a mixture of a barracks and a kindergarten. The long-standing question is what to call all these intimate things. Women don't like rudeness. Babysitting is also annoying. It seems that it is best not to call IT anything, but, if necessary, to moo something inarticulate, but very gentle.
Comments (5)
Point 19) Read point 17.
Point 23) Read point 17.
Point 25) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 26) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 27) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 28) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 35) I agree with this.
Point 37) I agree.
Sex, of course, is a matter of taste, but I don’t agree with many things
Point 1) Even if my boyfriend cums quickly, I ask him for more. There's nothing wrong with that.
Point 2) If it takes a long time to cum and I’m very tired, then I find the most advantageous position so that I can cum faster.
Point 3) I agree with this. When I dominate, I want to hear whether he likes it or not.
Point 4) This has never happened.
Point 5) When I'm excited, I don't care about such little things.
Point 6) This has never happened.
Point 7) This has never happened.
Point 8) I agree. This is how I focus on the light. And in the darkness they focus on sensations.
Point 9) I don’t pay attention. My man smells like he always smells. I like the smell of it.
Point 10) This has never happened. We always lie down for a long time after sex, and then take a shower together.
Point 11) This has never happened.
Point 12) This has never happened.
Point 13) This has never happened. Always shaves.
Point 14) This has never happened.
Point 15) Here everything is the other way around. I don't like having sex in the morning. But sometimes you have to.
Point 16) This has never happened.
Point 17) I love it when people dominate me. So I don't agree.
Point 18) We have been having sex without contraception for a long time. If I get pregnant, God willed it.
Point 19) Read point 17.
Point 20) This has never happened. I always shave. And if it doesn’t work out, then I don’t allow you to do cunnilingus.
Point 21) This has never happened.
Point 22) This has never happened.
Point 23) Read point 17.
Point 24) This has never happened.
Point 25) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 26) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 27) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 28) On the contrary, I like it.
Point 29) This has never happened.
Point 30) Always held his butt and guided him.
Point 31) This has never happened.
Point 32) Haven't tried it yet. But my martyr is begging. I'm thinking of giving him a birthday present.
Point 33) This has never happened.
Point 34) I don’t pay attention to such little things when I’m excited.
Point 35) I agree with this.
Point 36) This has never happened.
Point 37) I agree.
Point 38) It’s a pity, of course, but what can’t you endure for the sake of your loved one.
Point 39) I don’t pay attention. Moreover, my martyr puts them very poorly. But then I set which ones.
Point 40) I agree about conversations. But I like roughness in bed.
In conclusion. It doesn't matter what we do wrong in bed. You can always fix it. If, of course, your significant other loves you, she will listen to you.
An account appeared on Twitter with photos of legs in noodles, fat bellies and not at all cute pictures with cats. These are all called "Terrible Memes." Subscribers do not understand well what is happening, but they still watch and laugh. It’s not a fact that you can understand either.
Surely you have more than once come across strange pictures that your friend Petya liked on Twitter, and did not understand what it was and where it came from. Meet the account "Terrible Memes" from - badums! - terrible memes that your mom probably won't like. And try to understand the meaning of what you see below.
Horrible memes
OriginalThe account was created in August of this year and in two months it collected 11.3 thousand readers who like jokes about sausages and creepy photos from social networks. Finally, someone had to rid us of the aesthetic pictures that make us want to cry and give us all those terrible memes.
On average, each “Terrible Memes” tweet gets 300-400 likes and 50-100 shares. But there are also real diamonds among them.
Horrible memes
Original
And users called this meme disgustingly terrible. True, they still liked it.
Horrible memes
Original
But very few people will dare to like it. But there were also such guys.
Horrible memes
Original
Just Dima tights from the Volodya company.
Horrible memes
Horrible memes are now on tights.
Original
The most popular tweet of all time was a meme with a bag of buckwheat with “Rice” written on it. This is a kind of reference to the picture of a sausage with the word “Cheese” written on it.
Horrible memes
Horrible memes have already reached supermarket shelves.
Original
However, despite the popularity of this tweet, not everyone understood its meaning.
@catch__fox
What is this ma'am and what is its meaning? Original @ainsibala
At first I didn’t understand what the problem was. OriginalBut even if not everyone understands the meaning of these memes, they are still recognized as funny. And yes, something about target audience account.
@pesdecnahyblyat
And this is no longer the norm, at 14 years old it’s crazy to yell at this???The Russian President in St. Petersburg with the Austrian Chancellor Sebastian Kurz. The leaders discussed the military conflict in Syria, the refugee problem in Europe and cooperation in the energy sector. There was also a cultural program.
“I really wouldn’t want the whole of Europe to look like Bulgaria, to show such weakness and inability to protect its national interests, Putin said. - I want to assure you that Russia, as it was, is and will certainly always be the most reliable supplier, including because the pipeline system comes directly from the primary source, from Yamal, from Siberia. This is free of transit risks and so on. Is gas really 30 percent more expensive from other regions, including the United States? It’s possible, of course, but this is simply stupidity, waste and a decrease in one’s global competitiveness,” Putin believes. — A more expensive product will reach the end consumer, citizens, and the economy. That's why common sense, I hope, will push us all to implement such projects. We will fight for it."
Communication with the press - in the Field Marshal's Hall, surrounded by monumental portraits. Kutuzov, Suvorov, Potemkin. In his hand is a golden field marshal's baton, created for Emperor Alexander II, inlaid with diamonds and sapphires.
Masterpieces from the collections of the Romanovs and Habsburgs are collected in 14 unique duets. Hermitage and art museum The leaders open the veins in person. Kurtz even posts a photo against the backdrop of two empresses - Catherine II and Maria Theresa - on his Instagram.
Kurtz is also shown Catherine's famous acquisition - the Peacock watch. Don’t waste time on sanctions, but move forward together. This year, mutual trade has grown by 70 percent. Austria is not a NATO member and has refused to expel Russian diplomats.
We decided to remember 10 fashion mistakes that everyone has made and that you should say goodbye to after 20 years!
So, after 20 it’s not worth it...
... wearing friendship bracelets
Friendship bracelets, pendants with half hearts and other cute accessories are best turned into mementos by finding a place for them at home.
... wear things with a monogram
It’s also better to leave things generously strewn with monograms or, even worse, with your initials in your last student years and start choosing in favor of stylish design and good quality.
...carry a mini-clutch on weekdays
Micro-clutches for both the feast and the world? We might have been able to afford it in high school or university, but now save clutches for evening outings and opt for a medium-sized tote or messenger bag on weekdays.
… going out in pajama pants on a day off
Of course, we're not talking about trendy pajama-style trousers (silk and perfect for an evening out) - we're talking about fun pajamas in cheerful colors, which (let's be honest) many of us wore on a Saturday to run to the nearest store in our youth. But the time has come to leave cute pajamas exclusively for home use, acquiring comfortable loose-fitting trousers in case of a “run to the supermarket” situation.
…wearing huge sweatshirts and hoodies
An enormous “boyfriend sweatshirt” is only suitable for returning from a fun party in the morning, when the main thing is to get to your own bed and fall asleep. But for ordinary life It is better to choose models based on size and with an interesting detail, such as lacing or cutouts.
...wear flip flops anywhere other than the beach
Flip-flops are shoes not intended for the city. In addition, the quantity alternative options so big that you can't find suitable pair It won’t be difficult for even the most capricious fashionista!
...wear t-shirts with stupid slogans
It’s better to go in search of a neutral basic model, which will repeatedly delight you with its versatility both in laconic everyday outfits and as an addition to an unusual bottom.
… continue to wear my “dressy” dresses from school days
In 9 cases out of 10, what seemed to us the pinnacle of good taste will cause holy horror in you just a couple of years later. Therefore, feel free to give away all your “dressy outfits” younger sister, and go shopping for laconic and moderately sexy dresses.
...wear expensive classic jewelry with everything
At the age of 18, you can safely wear diamond studs, given as a gift for coming of age, with flip-flops and a beach bag with rhinestones, but at 25, such fashion mistakes are already unforgivable - combining the incongruous only works in a look carefully thought out by professionals.
...wear local sports teams or events
Let the T-shirt with the name of the local football team or music festival 2006 will remain your home clothes or just a memorable souvenir - as ordinary clothes it will look at least strange.
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Orgasm is divided into six stages:
1. Asthmatic- (ooh, aah) “A.. a.. a..”
2. Geographical- “Here, here.”
3. Mathematical- "More more".
4. Religious- "My God".
5. Suicidal- "I will die soon".
6. Murderous- “If you stop, I will kill you!”Okay, stop. We suddenly started something with... end.
Now let's talk about 40 worst mistakes during sex? ;)))
1) You cum too quickly. Most women are convinced that the reason for this is exclusively male malice. They think you could easily hold out for another half hour. I just didn't want to. Because you are selfish and think only about yourself.
2) You take too long to cum. Now she thinks her body doesn't turn you on. Besides, she was already tired.
3) You are silent all the time. As you know, a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with her ears. And with these ears she wants to hear tender words. Or at least a moan, indicating the strength of your passion.
4) You shout too loudly. Of all the women interviewed, only one complained about this. But it is very active. Violent expression of feelings is wonderful, but still remember that you are not in the stadium.
5) You have sex with her without taking off your socks. Why women get so upset at the sight of a naked man in socks is unknown. It is impossible to understand this; it must be remembered.
6) You undress too quickly. More than anything else, women don't like to be in a stupid position. And if she’s still wearing a fur coat and boots, and you’re wearing nothing but a condom, you both look, to put it mildly, awkward.
7) At the most crucial moment, you stop and ask her: “Have you finished yet?” No comments.
8) You leave the overhead light on. Too much light turns the bedroom into an operating room. In addition, the woman cannot fully concentrate on the process, but is forced to constantly monitor whether she looks sexy enough.
9) You don't shower before sex. Ernest Hemingway said that a man should smell like a man. But women do not agree with this. Of course, they don’t expect you to smell like fresh violets, but the brutal truth of life, unfortunately, often doesn’t excite them.
10) You run to the shower immediately after you cum. Women are like cats. Cats have a habit of rubbing themselves against their loved one to leave their scent on them. And when you are in a demonstrative hurry to part with this smell, they feel offended.
11) You immediately turn away from her and fall asleep. A grave insult. This is probably the worst thing you can do. Even if the day before you gave birth to a dozen record-breaking cows, wrote a Ph.D. thesis and set a new world record in the 100-meter dash, this does not justify you. From her point of view, you are obliged to gently caress her after sex. Otherwise, why did you even go to bed with her?!
12) During cunnilingus, you look into her eyes the whole time. Maybe you don’t realize that at this moment you look like a cunning fascist lying behind the parapet. But in any case, you should at least pretend that you yourself are extremely passionate about this process.
13) You don't shave. Since women grow a beard only in very rare cases, we will never understand what kind of torment an innocent two-day stubble can cause. Try rubbing your nose against your friend's chin. You won't like this.
14) You joke during sex. Laughter is the worst enemy of sex. Having fun and laughing in bed is absolutely contraindicated. In the words of another classic: “Who are you laughing at?!” You’re laughing at yourself!”
15) You basically don’t have sex in the morning. To our surprise, it turned out that for many women, having sex with your lover in the morning is like skimming warm cream from fresh milk. Fortunately, most of us willingly share this exquisite pleasure with them.
16) Your nails are too long. They say that a man is not impotent as long as he has at least one finger intact. But if a long, callous, successfully nibbled nail grows on this finger, then you can safely give up on sex life.
17) You always tell her what to do. You are not a sergeant, and she is not a platoon of recruits. Therefore, the commands “Get down!”, “Attention!” and “All around!”, appropriate on the parade ground, sound stupid in bed.
18) You don't care about her safety. Perhaps we have to accept that condoms are our responsibility. Not only do we agree to use them. We are expected to buy them ourselves in advance, carry them in our pockets and put them on (as discreetly as possible).
19) You persistently tilt her head down. Blowjob is an act of goodwill. Coercion, even mild, obliges the partner to do something that she may not want at all right now. If you really really want this, then it’s better to provoke her by your own example - with gentle kisses on the crotch area, turning your head to her feet.
20) You spit during cunnilingus. What to do if these hairs are always getting into your mouth? Ignore? Unnoticeably remove it from your mouth with your fingers? The ladies answered these reasonably posed questions in the same way: “I don’t know. Let him come up with something. He's a man."
21) You don't kiss her on the lips after a blowjob. You will never be able to explain to her why you don’t want to experience the taste of your own sperm in practice. For a woman, such behavior is offensive. It seems to her that this is how you express your disgust. Ignore your own emotions and kiss her if she wants it that way.
22) During a blowjob, you don’t warn her when you cum. Sperm tastes like a cross between seawater and egg white. Not everyone likes this whimsical combination.
23) During a blowjob, you try to move yourself. First of all, she's actually afraid of hurting you with her teeth. Secondly, she doesn't want to choke. Lie still - she will do everything herself.
24) You brag about the size of your penis. And to whom should we brag, pray tell? Or was old Freud right, and women would also like to have a penis? Well, okay, let's just remember that they don't like it when we praise him too much.
25) You bite her nipples painfully. Previously, even infants had their prematurely erupted teeth removed for such things.
26) You twist her nipples with your fingers. Nipples, again, are not the knob of a radio receiver, which is difficult to tune to the desired wavelength in hilly terrain. They can only be gently kissed and bitten.
27) You constantly tug, knead and rub her breasts. The chest is not a joystick in a computer game. And not a melon that needs to be touched to make sure it is ripe. And not wet laundry that needs to be thoroughly wrung out. She requires a careful attitude towards herself.
28) You do acrobatics in bed. Inventiveness and variety in sex are very commendable, but you should remember that your partner may not have graduated from circus school as a child and the prospect of spraining her leg or breaking her collarbone does not appeal to her at all.
29) You lean on her with all your weight. As a rule, a man is much heavier than a woman. When having sex with her in a classic position, do not rely too much on female stamina. Perhaps her heavy, intermittent breathing is not at all a sign of the passion she is experiencing.
30) You're moving too fast (or too slow). The most common complaint. It's probably all about the mismatch of temperaments. Or biorhythms. Try placing her palms on your buttocks - even the most shy and reserved girl will instinctively guide you.
31) You kiss too aggressively. She doesn't like it when you actively push your tongue into her mouth and use it there like a bottle brush.
32) With you, she often feels like she’s at an appointment with a proctologist. Keep in mind that anal stimulation is mainly enjoyed by men. Because they have a prostate. Women don't have a prostate.
33) You interrupt sexual intercourse to answer phone calls and change TV programs. There is such a joke. The train is coming. A couple makes love on the rails. Ten centimeters away, the driver barely manages to stop the train, jumps out and grabs the man in a rage. “Sorry, friend,” he says. “I understand that someone had to stop.” But I couldn’t.” An ideal example to follow.
34) You arrange everything too theatrically. Women love sincerity. Or they pretend to love you. Make every effort to make her feel that you are intrigued by her, and not by the surroundings or the situation itself.
35) You slobber on her ears and blow into them. The ears are an erogenous zone for many people because they are a very sensitive area. Gnawing, chewing, twisting and vigorously sucking on them is undesirable. A gentle kiss can sometimes work wonders, but you shouldn’t pounce on your ear like a cheerful dog on your favorite ball.
36) You don't care at all whether she has an orgasm with you or not. As already noted, women attach great importance to words. You can sweat like a miner down the face, trying to please her, and not realizing that she attributes all your enthusiasm solely to your selfishness and African temperament. A simple phrase: “I want you to feel good with me” can have a greater effect than a demonstration of highly technical sex.
37) You are conscientious, but too uninitiative. No matter how victoriously feminism marches across the planet, women still love to be the object of attention. She is not interested in doing everything herself; she is not always attracted to the role of a sexual aggressor.
38) You tear her underwear. Women treat their underwear with care. And if romance novels and erotic films are replete with the sound of tearing lace and silk, then in life everything is somewhat different. In the end, you will achieve the fact that she will appear before you exclusively in cheap cotton pantaloons, sewn by Chinese prisoners.
39) You leave hickeys. Even if your friend is not afraid to advertise your relationship, it is still her right to refuse to wear your mark on her body.