It turns out that the concept of "treason" is so different! Someone is tormented by conscience after an erotic dream, and someone, having slept not with a spouse, considers this to be completely normal. Remember, in the musical Chicago, the main character admits in court that she had many lovers, but immediately adds: “I only slept with them, we never even had dinner! Can this be called treason?"
So where does change begin? From fantasies? ? Kisses? Joint gatherings in a cafe or a stormy night? Be that as it may, each adult has his own idea of \u200b\u200btreason.
According to studies, from 10% to 40% of women admitted that they were cheating on their regular partner. Among men, this percentage is even higher - 20-60%.
The well-known ELLE conducted his own research on this topic, and here is an interesting fact that was noticed: to the question “What is treason?” women usually began the answer with the words "When he ..."; to the same question, men began the answer with the words "When I ...". As if the concept of "treason" is attributed only to the male sex!
In general, the very attitude towards treason is interesting. Men in this matter treat themselves more than condescendingly, justifying their actions with all sorts of good reasons. It would not occur to any man in a fit of awakened conscience to tell about a fleeting “adventure”.
With women, things are completely different. Women are more often tormented by conscience and guilt, the desire to repent of their “sin” to their partner. This is due to centuries-old stereotypes of culture, religion, etc. What is there to hide - admit it, because at all times and in all cultures, male infidelity was treated more than condescendingly, while female infidelity was considered the gravest sin and most often punished by death.
Most people consider sexual relations “on the side” to be cheating, but there are those for whom banal flirting is already infidelity. Frames are usually determined by culture and religion. For a Muslim woman to take off her hijab in front of an outsider is adultery; A “western” woman, on the other hand, can calmly topless on an open beach, and it would never occur to anyone to suspect her of adultery.
A mentally normal person does not like to feel guilty, so ways to justify infidelity are interesting. For men, everything is banal: "" and "I don't cheat, because I just sleep with her, but I don't love her." Women are more versatile. For example, resuming a relationship with a former partner is not considered treason. Just as the case when the “fall” occurred after the feelings for the real partner had already cooled down is not considered a betrayal: “I don’t love him anymore - what kind of betrayal is this?”
It turns out that in case of infidelity, we are much more lenient with ourselves than with our partner. “For me, kissing a cool guy at a party, hugging him in a secluded corner is more of an adventure than a betrayal, but if I saw my husband in a similar situation, I would break both him and her,” Zhanna S. admits Galina also says: “I happened to sleep with other men once OR twice (so one or two? - Author), but I would not forgive my husband for that.”
Many psychologists believe that the stage of betrayal is a normal stage in the development of any strong relationship. And if two people are mature enough, they will survive this stage with wisdom, and their union will not fall apart.
Usually for women, adultery begins with feelings. For men - directly from known actions. And it is interesting that most men do not consider cheating or using the services of a prostitute. They are justified by the fact that in this case they do not deliver sexual satisfaction to the partner. What kind of betrayal is this?
Our time is the time of new relationships. Some psychologists say that the value of the institution of marriage, of real human relationships, is being lost, and that an era of chaos is coming in these areas. Other psychologists argue that humanity has simply entered a new stage in its development, where spiritual fidelity is important, not bodily. I personally agree with the first.
And time will tell everyone.
Cheating, what is it and what is it eaten with? Is it possible to allow such a combination of circumstances? In what case is going “to the left” a betrayal and is it possible to forgive at all? There are many such questions.
In general, here you need to pay attention to how a person puts himself. What are his norms of permissible and, in general, relations between partners. Many factors actually influence both betrayal and its course. After all, it is now quite fashionable to have “free” relationships. Therefore, people who do this do not feel guilty at all. Even more than that, they share with each other the impressions of their “adventures”. In general, one can talk on this topic endlessly, because, how many people, so many opinions. But are there certain situations where cheating is not considered cheating?
The first step is to consider all the most common cases. Well, try to take everything not with hostility. After all, it doesn't have to be that way. In relationships, the main thing is trust, and then everything else. So, it is worth looking at all this from a female point of view. If you make love and at the same time close your eyes, then this can not even be considered treason. Is there anything bad in this, the girl did not see her partner, it is likely that there was nothing serious? Change is not something to be pursued for a long time and purposefully.
When a guy is in the army, a girl may have a natural desire to take a walk with someone and not only. After all, the fair sex is still not iron, and therefore does not have to wait so long. If treason occurs a second time, then there is nothing to worry about. When the campaign "to the left" ends with the receipt of monetary compensation, then something bad? You can buy some good gift for your husband, he will be pleased. So, if the cost of a hotel room exceeds 900 euros, then this is just a joy. You shouldn't even think about it. If the betrayal occurred with a former loved one, then everything is fine.
Why consider this as something bad? After all, earlier something connected with this person, so there should not be “oblique” looks from a loved one. If you tell your husband that there was no betrayal, and repeat it 20 times, then everything, suspicions can be removed. Treason on Forgiveness Sunday is not such. So you don't even have to worry about it. And finally, if this happens at a fairly mature age, then this is generally fine. Sex without love is cheating or not? In general, here it is necessary to consider the fact of what happened and nothing more.
Everything that has been said above is just a joke. In fact, it is simply impossible to talk about it. Each person has their own limits. Someone is able to forgive betrayal, for someone it is equated to the most terrible sin. In general, it is necessary to understand first of all, what is it all about? What is treason?
Naturally, everyone understands that this is the same “turn to the left”. But it can also be completely different. A person is able to imagine something in his own head and just lose, and this is already, and there will be that betrayal. After all, you can really do all this and not consider it something incredible. Where does this phenomenon and concept come from? If there was a betrayal, what should a person do and how to proceed?
To save a marriage, it is recommended that you simply not talk about it and forget it, as if it never happened. As a rule, nothing just happens. Certain factors contribute to this. Be it friendly meetings, correspondence on social networks and relationship problems. It is the last criterion that is the founder of everything. Insufficient communication, problems of an intimate nature and just banal fatigue from each other. This is what causes this change. But if there really are all these problems, then maybe you still don’t need to chop off your shoulder?
The first step is to try to understand everything that is happening and only then draw conclusions. After all, you can change at any time, but is it worth it? Is it necessary to destroy the marriage because of this? Although it is quite possible to do all this and not tell anyone about anything. In this case, what has been done will remain only a memory and will not incur any consequences. The theory of treason is not fully understood, because, as mentioned above, it is definitely impossible to judge this act.
Life is quite unpredictable, for many years anything can happen. Including we are talking about adultery. Sometimes it’s not worth chopping off your shoulder and ruining a family, you just need to try to find a compromise.
Interacting with each other, the opposite sex hardly understands what is considered and what is not a real betrayal, since ideas about this are sometimes very different. But how to be 100% sure, and not make scenes over mere trifles?
What can be considered treason and where does it start? At least the majority of the population faces this issue, and there are even more opinions on this matter. After all, to a greater extent, this is how you feel about her and what is considered a betrayal for you personally. This is determined by personal moral values.
Undoubtedly, sex is an irrefutable fact of betrayal, but there are other definitions - a moral, emotional connection that brings much more pain and disappointment than a simple physical one.
When harmless correspondence is often repeated, your family secrets are exposed, and after that, the interlocutor is bestowed with compliments, over time it develops into a virtual affair. Although she is purely platonic, she cannot be called harmless. Is texting considered cheating? In that vein, no doubt! If a spouse confesses his sympathy to another woman, what difference does it make where it happens? And the discussion behind your back? Isn't this a betrayal?
Today, Internet culture acquires a special status.
The concept of "virtual sex" is not a myth, so it is more than real.
All feelings, emotions and personal time are directed to the one on the other side of the screen, and not to you. Do you still think this game is stupid? Beware, texting is an ingenious way to spin romance in front of your eyes.
When a husband flirts with others, anger and jealousy seize every reasonable girl. And not in vain, because behind one's own manner of communication and "well-bredness" lies a primitive courtship and elevation of one's ego! Polygamy does not justify his behavior.
Perhaps he does not even imagine how much this will hurt his spouse and what it is fraught with, but this does not mean that you should look at it through your fingers. You need to act decisively otherwise sex is less than such tenderness will end. The open display of interest that alpha males resort to is the first step towards an affair and a family split.
You must convey to him that compliments to another young lady are unacceptable, and in order for him to feel why, switch roles. Start flirting with the opposite sex in front of him. This will be an unexpected turn, and the surging jealousy will slightly “sober up” and make you look at you with different eyes. After several years of married life, addiction sets in, passion subsides, and routine everyday life kills romance.
How to respond to flirting? Making a scandal is not the best solution, you automatically lose to your opponent. Psychologists say that the success of a family is 80% dependent on the spouse. Therefore, analyze the behavior and work on yourself. A unkempt appearance will not add to the chances of success. Try to change for the better. Surely before marriage you were different. Follow this direction. Domestic problems can put out the mischievous light of your eyes. Men feel this, therefore, on a subconscious level, they look for positive girls with whom it is easy, and idolizing their appearance, they feel like heroes. The boundaries of what is permitted are blurred, over time it degenerates into something meaningful, when, we can say that flirting is treason!
Kissing and sexual relations are an indisputable fact of infidelity, but it is important to understand how this happened and what caused it.
depends on the following factors:
Staying in an atmosphere of resentment and disappointment, obstacles and psychological barriers arise that complicate the rehabilitation process, it seems that it is impossible to forgive, restore trust. The pain and powerlessness in what happened add self-doubt, which complicates everything even more. Here it is necessary to remain calm and maintain your own morale, no matter how difficult it may be.
Adultery is a hot topic. Those who suspect it torment themselves and those around them with mental anguish; those who cheat get tired of the lies and the constant fear of being exposed. Accomplished adultery often becomes the cause of divorce and separation. But is cheating as simple as it seems? Are there ways to forgive her and save the relationship, what reasons push men and women to infidelity, we will tell in this article.
Everyone puts their own set of ideas into the concept of "treason" and it depends on upbringing, religion, life experience and individual character traits. For some, the fact of bodily, physical betrayal is important, while others attach more importance to the moral aspect and outraged feelings. Cheating is often compared to betrayal. Adultery is considered sinful in almost all religions, it is condemned. At the same time, the definition of adultery as such refers only to sexual intercourse with another partner with whom the person is not married.
In practice, such a definition looks rather sparingly and meagerly, since it does not reflect all the nuances. It is a mistake to believe that treason is limited only to the boudoir. The world today offers many other forms of communication outside of marriage., and therefore some consider cheating and virtual communication with someone on intimate topics, and virtual sex and other electronic forms of erotic communication.
Change is multifaceted. This includes the lies that invariably accompanies attempts to hide the truth from a partner, and the neglect of his personal interests and requests, and the violation of these promises.
Adultery, despite the fact that it appeared in antiquity, almost simultaneously with the institution of marriage, is shrouded in many myths, which also leave their mark on the idea of adultery as such. So, it is believed that rich men and women cheat more often than poor ones. This is not so - moreover, it is poor women who are more prone to adultery than the rich, which cannot be said about men.
It is believed that the one who fell out of love or did not really love becomes a traitor. This is fundamentally not the case, very often cheaters treat their soul mates with tenderness and tenderness, and their plans do not include divorce and separation. Love as a feeling and sex on the side without such a feeling distinguishes most men, which cannot be said about women, since for them there should be at least a minimal emotional, sensual component even “on the side”.
Many people think that “they don’t walk away from good sex in the family,” and sincerely believe that diversity in the bedroom is a panacea for cheating on a partner. Not at all, because there are other causes of adultery, and sexual dissatisfaction - not the most important of them. The allegations that men cheat more often than women are in principle true, and sociologists also confirm this: 75% of unfaithful men in Russia account for up to 25% of women who have decided on adultery.
If you look at the facts of adultery more closely, it becomes quite obvious that men and women cheat for different reasons. This was also emphasized by the well-known Russian sociologist Andrei Zaitsev, who devoted a considerable part of his work to the preservation of the institution of marriage.
Andrey Zaitsev singled out several reasons that are characteristic of male and female adultery. At the same time, very interesting trends emerged. If it was previously believed that men go “to the side” solely at the call of nature, which dictates their polygamy and indefatigable libido, then sociological studies have shown that due to dissatisfaction with the quality or quantity of sexual relations in marriage, only 9% of the stronger sex change. Another 2% honestly admit that they have outstanding sexual needs and abilities that are clearly superior to similar indicators, while they do not connect their “health” adventures with the realm of feelings, love, and do not destroy the family.
Please note that much more men (from 14%) claim that they began to change because of the need for falling in love, for emotional new sensations, and sex as such did not play a role. This often happens in families in which the spouses are already accustomed to each other, the feelings have faded somewhat, but they have not yet lived together so much to come to terms with the spiritual vacuum that has arisen after the loss of bright love.
New true love is met outside the family by about 6–7% of men. And there is nothing to be done: as a rule, their marriages end in divorce on their own initiative or on the initiative of their wife. Self-esteem is increased to 10% of unfaithful men, but here we are talking mainly about the stronger sex with low self-esteem. Up to 9-10% of men indicate that the reason for the betrayal was a long business trip, departure; at the same time, most of these men do not see anything criminal in temporarily replacing their departed spouse. In 14% of cases, men indicate “accident” as the reason. This is a whole complex of various circumstances in which he simply could not resist or was not fully aware of himself: a corporate party, a company with alcohol. A small degree of alcohol intoxication enhances sexual desire and weakens internal inhibitions, even in very principled men.
For reasons of revenge, men change infrequently, but a conflict with his wife, a quarrel, may well push a representative of the stronger sex to adultery in order to simply prove to himself that he is a free and independent person. Features of male infidelity lie in the fact that most cheaters are usually confident in their own abilities: if the spouse suddenly finds out, he will be able to resolve the issue with gifts, persuasion, scandal or blackmail in the end. Men are more likely to believe that the wife will not know anything and will not guess anything.
Women's infidelity, for the most part, is an escape from family relationships that do not suit her. The most common cause of female adultery is a situation in which the wife does not feel her husband's love, does not see its manifestations, does not receive emotional support, attention, and does not have financial and household assistance. This is the reason for cheating in about 35% of cases, in any case, this is exactly what women indicated in an anonymous survey conducted by Zaitsev. On the "side", thus, a woman is looking not so much for sex as emotional support and attention.
It can be more difficult for a woman to decide on treason, she goes to her longer, and, as a rule, more women than men decide on serious relationships “on the side”. Therefore, it is not uncommon for true love outside of marriage to force a woman to abandon the ancient instinct of preserving the hearth and destroy the family for the sake of a new life. Men usually do not take revenge for treason by betrayal, but this can be expected from a woman: up to 10% of unfaithful wives reported cheating on their husband just because he cheated on them. Women over the age of 35 sometimes try to prolong youth, increase self-esteem, if their spouses do not understand that even after 15 years of marriage, the wife really needs male admiration.
About 2% of cheaters decide to cheat on purely business (career) reasons, and about 4% of unfaithful wives change because of a random set of circumstances - a corporate party, alcohol. About 1% of unfaithful married women indicate that they use adultery as a way to earn extra money for themselves or receive expensive gifts from a lover. A distinctive feature of female infidelity is the presence of one lover, while a man can have several mistresses at the same time. Moreover, more often a woman completely refuses intimacy in the family, while an unfaithful husband can maintain sexual contacts with both his wife and his mistress.
Usually, women begin to guess that they are being cheated on earlier than men, because women have developed intuition. There are a lot of ways to detect infidelity in the family, it all depends on what the deceived spouse considers acceptable and acceptable for himself personally. It’s easier for some to talk heart to heart with a partner, put everything on the shelves, look at the partner’s reaction and draw conclusions. Others arrange espionage, with reading messages, checking mobile phone, e-mail, tracking along the route to and from work. Still others hire a private detective or ask a friend to watch her husband. Still others set up a fake account on the Internet and flirt with their own spouse on behalf of someone else and persuade them to intimacy.
There are many signs that may indicate infidelity. But each of them (and this should not be forgotten!) may not talk about anything like that. For example, refusing to have sex can also be a sign of illness, stress, fatigue, and nothing more; and being late home from work can be explained by the desire of a man to meet a friend, drink beer. It is very easy to come up with an imaginary betrayal and begin to suffer for it quite for real. And here it will be just a stone's throw from a pathological form of jealousy: paranoid delirium. Even if a partner’s betrayal hit you unexpectedly “like snow on your head”, there is always a way out, it is only important to know exactly what you want, whether you want to maintain a relationship and whether you are ready for corrective work “on mistakes”.
The answer to this question is very simple. Revenge is destructive not only for the one who is being avenged. First of all, it cripples and deforms the personality of the one who takes revenge. It is based on malice and anger, it kills in a person all the best that was given to him initially. Of course, the desire to take revenge on the traitor for outraged feelings and lost trust, especially at the very beginning, will be strong. He must be dealt with at all costs. Don't give up, don't lose your self-respect.
After the situation is well thought out, the reasons are analyzed, an understanding will come - to forgive or not to forgive. Forgiveness is an act of strong and adult people. Only generous people can forgive. There is a reason to become the same, because you still need to forgive a person, even if continuing to live with him is not included in your plans. To forgive means to justify, admit and share one's own guilt in what happened. But do not get carried away and do not start to engage in self-discipline.
It is possible to save a family after adultery only if both spouses are set up for it and want it. It is important to remember that after the cheater is forgiven, certain changes must occur in the life of the couple. Leaving everything as it is is impossible. Household responsibilities and general obligations need to be negotiated and discussed. It is necessary to eliminate the original cause of treason. The preservation of the family will require a lot of spiritual and psychological work on oneself. And each of the partners will deal with it. Otherwise, the family will not be able to save.
Given the large number of reasons that can be a motive for adultery, there is no specific prevention of adultery. Just re-read the section on what most often leads to infidelity of husbands and wives, and try to reverse it. It is important for a man to express his feelings for his wife more often, not to skimp on tenderness and participation, care. It is important for a woman to avoid tantrums and scandals from scratch, suspicions and dryness in the manifestation of her feelings for her husband - a kind word and a man are pleased!
Common interests and common leisure can hold spouses together better than any prohibitions and restrictions. And friendly participation in the life of a loved one and the rejection of criticism, claims and nit-picking will increase the degree of trust in each other, which ultimately will become a strong foundation for honest relationships. Unfortunately, all these measures do not guarantee betrayal "by coincidence", involuntary adultery, but if you have a good relationship, it will be much easier to forgive, accept the situation, and find a worthy way out of it.
For signs of adultery, see the following video.
The relationship between a man and a woman will always be considered a difficult area, since everyone has their own desires and requirements for a partner, which he is not obliged to fulfill.
As long as you yourself do not preserve female solidarity, that is, do not refuse flirting and intimate entertainment to "busy" and married men, become those who develop polygamy in them. Could men cheat if all women refused relationships with those who already have a couple? No, they couldn't. In this case, as long as there are those who are ready to become the mistress of a married or "busy" man, the representatives of the stronger sex will continue to be unfaithful.
Women themselves make men unfaithful. It's like teasing a rabbit with a carrot. As long as a rabbit is given a carrot, he will do anything to get it. But if no one will give him carrots, then he will begin to be content with what he already has.
As long as women agree to relationships with men who are already in relationships with other ladies, the partners will remain polygamous, cheat and hurt their beloved companions. But if women keep women's solidarity when a "busy" man becomes uninteresting for the fairer sex, then only a myth will remain from male infidelity.
Change is increasingly beginning to acquire new characteristics and manifestations. Sex with other women is no longer the only way to cheat on your missus. A man can change not only in body, but also in spirit, although at first women are also ready to adhere to the opinion, they say, this is treason, and everything else is nonsense.
But let's remember ourselves: did you consider flirting or correspondence between a man and other women a betrayal? Probably yes. Cheating is not necessarily sex. Cheating is also the direction of your emotions and attention to other women, instead of devoting all this to the one and only one with whom relationships are already being built.
So sex is cheating. It is unlikely that anyone will argue with this. Sexual intercourse with all penetrations and touches is treason. What about texting or flirting?
Corresponding with other women can be considered easy fun when a man just communicates as if with friends. But here you should be careful. If a man really discusses sports, weather and other neutral topics with women, then this can be taken lightly. But is it considered cheating if a man compliments other ladies, confesses his sympathy to them, and even has virtual sex? It seems that there is no physical contact, but for some reason jealousy and indignation arise inside.
In fact, correspondence can also be considered platonic betrayal if the partner talks about his feelings to other women, pays attention to them, has virtual sex with them and, moreover, talks about his beloved, puts her in an unsightly light, complains and criticizes. All this can be considered a betrayal in the truest sense of the word, when a man does not protect relationships and his lady of the heart.
Do not think, since there is no physical contact, then this should not be called betrayal. This does not always require action. You can change your partner at the level of thoughts and emotions.
What about flirting? Here, too, there is no sex, but for now. Often, partners allow themselves to go to bed if no one stops them from flirting. Thus, flirting is also a betrayal when a man courts another woman, although he could direct all his strength to his beloved. Often flirting ends in sex, despite the fact that it can last for a long time.
If a woman watches her man flirt, a storm of indignation and jealousy naturally arises inside her. Men do not understand this until they themselves are in the place of those who are betrayed. If you ask a man to stop flirting with other women, and he does not understand and continues to act in his own way, then the lady is allowed to flirt with other men. Only when a man himself is in the place of a woman, he will understand how unpleasant it is when he is betrayed behind his back or in front of his eyes.
No need to make scandals if you suddenly notice a betrayal of a man. Psychologists recommend using common recommendations in this regard:
Cheating is different, and yet a woman needs to understand when her relationship is on the verge of breaking up, and when reconciliation is possible.
The betrayal of a loved one at no time was tolerated calmly and kindly by anyone. Absolutely everyone experiences shock and disappointment. But it's not over yet. Relationships can be restored and trust restored if both partners work on it. How to survive the period of news of treason and still maintain a relationship?
Cheating is becoming an increasingly frequent reason for parting partners. What you should do if you find out about the betrayal of your man is up to you personally.
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