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Which is easier: with two children or with four? The Real Mom Experience: How to Raise Four Kids While Finding Time for Yourself and Husband Mom of Four's Ultimate Beauty Hack

With the advent of children, our life becomes ... not quite ours. We begin to live more meaningfully and correctly, we become serious and caring. Someone completely devotes himself to household chores, while forgetting about himself, his husband and the rest of the world. Someone gets used to the role of a mother so much that, having raised a child, she continues to patronize him endlessly.

I want to do two things. The first is to dispel the myth that a child is born only to be taken care of, fed, treated and taught. You need to let him be himself, with only a little guidance and help until a certain time. And our unfulfilled dreams (I didn’t become a figure skater - let my daughter become) should be left alone.

And second: to show that being a mother is not “horror, I can’t cope with one thing,” but great happiness! Of course, you need to work hard, organize yourself and always be in good shape. But happiness is worth it. Of this I am sure.

I want to help you gain self-confidence, be an energetic, slim, athletic mom. Become an example for your children in everything, learn to be their closest friend and at the same time observe the line that should be present between children and parents. That is, respect has not been canceled! In general, I am a supporter of the regime and discipline, but combined with my mother's love and affection. Something like this.

Four children: why and how we cope

I am a financial professional by education. A few years ago, I skipped up the career ladder of one of the banks, not imagining such an unexpected twist of fate and not planning to give birth to four at all. But! I always wanted to have children, even long before marriage. And definitely not one. In addition, I am an ardent opponent of abortion, so even now, I do not promise the future.

Where to start ... I'll start from the end, that is, from the present. Now we have two sons, 9 and 6 years old, and two one and a half year old twin daughters. Say a lot? No. Paradoxically, with the advent of girls, my husband and I clearly understood: there are never many children!

I will answer any questions right away.

Yes, we are believers, but in moderation (that is, completely ordinary people who try to live in such a way that they are not ashamed), not to such an extent that faith blocks everything around, including domestic and financial conditions, and families live ten of us for 50 sq. m.

No, we are not going to give birth indefinitely and “produce poverty”, but by virtue of our capabilities we want to raise and raise children with dignity.

Interesting fact. Most people, when they meet our family or come to visit us, the first thing they ask is how I cope. Apparently, having four children suggests something incredible. But after a while they say: in the process of communication, it seems to them that coping with children is so easy that they would not mind having four! Why? You will find the answers right now.

In order to establish a more or less decent existence for our “modest” family (we do not take into account the financial side of the issue, we proceed from the budget of an average family), we need, in my experience, the following conditions.

Mode or daily routine

This point is the first and perhaps the most important. It doesn't matter how many children you currently have. If you get used to the one-child regimen, then with the arrival of new children, it will be much easier for you to organize yourself.

For example, our schedule during the holidays is as follows:

7:00-7:15 wake up, then morning procedures, breakfast preparation.

8:00-8:30 breakfast.

Then football training for older children, and for kids - free time.

10:00-12:00 kids sleep outside, the boys at this time return from training and ... eat again

Small ones come back from the street and also eat.

After dinner, everyone can play together.

At 15 o'clock the boys sit down for lessons (yes, for the lessons during the holidays), and the kids play by themselves in the arena or with adults.

After 4 p.m. we put our daughters to bed again, but if it's hot, then not on the street, but at home, and the guys have a pool at that time. Before the pool and sleep, everyone can have a snack again.

We return home after swimming at about 17:30, rest, eat again, take the girls and go for a walk all together at 19:00. We walk until 20:30, and then water procedures and lights out at 21:00.

During study, the regimen of schoolchildren, of course, changes. In babies, it changes as they grow: for example, there is a transition to one daytime sleep. But regardless of the season, we always adhere to it, thanks to which it is not difficult for us, for example, to do homework during the holidays or go to bed at the same time.

Plus, I forbid boys from things like climbing the fridge for food, eating sweets whenever they feel like it. And it works, although sometimes I have to repeat something more than one (ten) times.

By the way, we have not recently had a TV at home, and children simply do not have phones (tablets, game consoles). But they have the attention of their parents, a lot of books and board games, all kinds of transport (scooters, bicycles, strollers, etc.) and complete freedom on walks.

Au pair

It can be a nanny, a visiting housekeeper, and a grandmother. This component, as a rule, involves additional costs (in the case of a grandmother, more moral than material), but it's worth it. Do not think that I am completely helpless and cannot wash, clean, cook on my own. It's not about that. I can and, to be honest, I do it quite often, or rather constantly. But! If you save on this item, then you will not see the next item as your ears!

Our strength ends sooner or later, and health after childbirth, sleepless nights and childhood illnesses too. If someone can really help you, just accept this help. Believe me, you will definitely find where to apply your strength and energy if at the moment someone is washing the floor instead of you. Older children also need attention and care, not to mention a husband.

Time for yourself, that is, personal freedom

Oddly enough, a mother of many children (like any mother) is also a person, and she wants to periodically have her own personal time. This point is no less serious than the previous ones, and failure to comply with it leads to serious psychological difficulties or health problems.

Imagine that any ordinary person works with days off, but you do not. And then the lack of even a couple of hours of personal time every day can bring you to the limit. Your personal time should be put to good use. For example, I want to go in for dancing or sports 2-3 times a week. Just at this time, the boys start their evening football practice in the hall, to which I take them, and the girls play at home and get ready for bed with the nanny. So I immediately get both pleasure and an additional charge of energy, and, it seems to me, my body is happy about it. On other days, I can run in the park early in the morning after taking the kids to school. I don’t spend my personal time going to restaurants and shopping. I'm not interested. If there is an opportunity and children in their beds, I prefer a book, a movie, or anything else that is educational or for the soul. Husband too.

Multicooker, clothes dryer and other helpers

This point does not make sense to describe in detail. Suffice it to say that the presence of such things in the house will significantly save your time and make life easier.

Homeopathy, home quartz and hardening

I hate to get sick, to heal, to be treated, and when children get sick, it’s generally a disaster for a large family. What can I say, and for the little one too, on a different scale, really. Therefore, I have taken the position “prevention is better than cure”, and I try to follow it ...

A little about the use of quartz at home. I have the most common OUFB-04 (ultraviolet bactericidal irradiator) "Sun", Russian-made. The optimum ratio of price and quality. We usually use it at home during periods of seasonal exacerbation of SARS. Just turn on the lamp for a few minutes 1-2 times during the day, 15-30 minutes per 15-30 sq. m according to the instructions. Quartz is especially good, if someone has already “brought” a virus home, you can immediately destroy it. We also use it with the whole family in the treatment of ENT organs with the help of special nozzles.

At one time, when the children were very young, she was my only salvation. Many people are skeptical about homeopathy, but for myself I realized: it is safe, and it really helps! This is especially true for infants, when the mother's heart shrinks from the fact that the child needs to be given a pharmacy medicine that both heals and cripples at the same time ... With the help of homeopathy, we got rid of dysbacteriosis, rashes, SARS, carried out the prevention of colds, used it for neurological symptoms and to reduce pain during teething, and even cured my allergies during pregnancy.

After unsuccessful attempts to “treat” diathesis in my eldest son with traditional methods, I miraculously found a homeopathic doctor and entrusted my child to him. As a child, I myself had a similar problem with diathesis. Therefore, I remember my condition very well - constant medicines, ointments, hospitals ... Nothing helped - until my grandmother took me to the village and began to treat me with herbs, feed me with natural homemade products. Gradually everything passed. This memory led me to the idea of homeopathy.

The most important thing is to believe in this method (of course, having previously studied its essence), find a good specialist and be patient, since the treatment can be quite lengthy. Duration is perhaps the only negative. As a rule, the prices for the services of homeopaths are not higher than the prices for the services of doctors in paid clinics. And the products themselves are much cheaper than pharmaceutical tablets. And best of all, the kids love it, so you don't have to force them to take the pellets.

When it comes to hardening, the easiest thing you can start with is alternating between warm and cool water while bathing. The kids are excited about this! Douse them several times and finish with cool water. Gradually, the temperature of warm water can be increased, and the temperature of cold water can be reduced. We and our children are all tempered, the elders are already doing it on their own. By the way, we don't wear woolen socks in winter and in general we try to dress in a way that is comfortable, without burdening ourselves with a useless mass of jackets and pants.

Compliance with these simple rules greatly facilitates the life of the mother and reduces labor costs for the maintenance of the family. Good luck everyone!

To be continued.

About me: Anya Markaryan, I am 32 years old, now I teach women's yoga, develop my new project - a chamber kindergarten for girls @_angelday_ - and write for various magazines and blogs about yoga, self-improvement, education. I have four children - Leila (6 years old), Adam (4 years old), Yasenka (3 years old) and Anya (8 months old).

It is believed that each subsequent pregnancy is more difficult than the previous one (and childbirth, on the contrary, is easier). Do you agree with him? How were your four pregnancies different from each other?

It all depends on what is embedded in the phrase "difficult pregnancy." Physically, the first one was the most memorable, with classic nausea, massive weight loss, and a menacing tone. It was uncomfortable, but it did not affect the emotional state! All pregnancies are similar to each other in how I felt - I carried new love into the world! I felt especially beautiful, transformed, feminine. The first pregnancy differs in itself in that it is the first: everything is exciting, interesting, sometimes unreasonably disturbing. At the same time, each of them was not like the previous one: during the first pregnancy (in anticipation of Leila), I designed dresses for expectant mothers, almost founded a maternity clothing brand, listened to classical music with pleasure. The second pregnancy, when I was expecting Adam, was especially active - I actively worked in the PR department of Aldo Coppola, drove a car, listened to lezginka at night and already intuitively felt that a boy would be born! With Yasenka, I especially fell in love with ballet, with pleasure I took Leila to ballet classes for kids, in general, at that time I wanted to develop various female abilities in myself - I even enrolled in a make-up school for the super-talented Dasha Kholodnykh. With our last daughter Ania, I was drawn to spiritual practices, it was during this period that I began to teach women's yoga, and, by the way, pregnancy was not a hindrance to me!

Was it difficult for you to decide on the third and fourth children?

Frankly, we did not plan any of the kids, they choose us themselves, for which we thank them more!

Five beauty products you've used every pregnancy and why?

1) Styx almond oil was applied to the skin after a morning shower, complemented body care with ampoules against stretch marks from Lierac. Actively used moisturizing face creams - Dr. Haushka (rose), La Mer. Of the face masks - I especially fell in love with the Gamard moisturizing mask - after it the face is both rested and saturated with moisture!

Where did you give birth to all four children? Why did you choose these maternity hospitals/doctors?

I gave birth to the first two children in Sechenovka, very qualified employees work there, including my doctor, who managed all my 4 pregnancies. The main disadvantage was that everything there was not as intimate as I wanted, therefore, on the advice of my friend Rita Koroleva, I gave birth to two youngest daughters where she also gave birth to her Margosha and Roma - in the 32nd maternity hospital, this is one of the most chamber maternity hospitals in the center of Moscow, where the balance of modern methods and the best that is in traditional medicine is well maintained.

The main life hack and beauty hack after the first birth and after the fourth?

Life hack after the first child: when the baby is sleeping, it is better to rest yourself - sleep, meditate, do yoga, the attention of a rested mother is more important for children than exemplary order in the house and perfectly cooked pancakes.

Life hack after the fourth: I develop the talent in myself to come up with games that are interesting for three kids to participate in, and sometimes even four. The time they are busy without my participation, I usually use for cooking something tasty and healthy, for yoga practice, for relaxing, and then we all reunite and do something together.

Beauty hack, after the first, after the fourth birth - the same: in order not to part with the baby often and for a long time, while remaining well-groomed and beautiful, I invited beauty masters to my house (epilation, pedicure with manicure, body massage - all these regular outings (with wasting time on the road and traffic jams) have decreased). The time carved out thanks to this trick, I left for sports and dates with my husband.

How do you feel about breastfeeding? If fed, how did you manage to cope with the zealous attitude to this process, which often occurs in older children?

I am always for GV, I fed everyone - some longer, some less. It seems to me that we can talk endlessly about the benefits of breastfeeding - this is necessary not only for the baby, but also for the mother.

There was no jealousy, the mother is a woman, to turn on intuition, be able to communicate with each of the kids in his love language, and also teach them to cooperate with each other. When children feel that they are in love, they do not have anxiety and jealousy. I believe that love unites, you don’t have to fight for mom’s attention, especially if mom is able to instill in them the desire to cooperate and be a team

The main beauty hack of a mother of four children?

Homemade beauty hack for the face - a mask with banana and avocado, for the body - use coconut milk instead of shower gel. When time allows - body massage, and ideally a bath or floating!

In which beauty salon can you easily come with four children?

Since the owners of MAHASH SPA - Isaac and Inara - are the parents of two active boys themselves, the presence of children in their salon does not bother anyone. Of course, I didn’t go anywhere with four, it’s better to go to a beauty salon without children - to relax and retire in silence in order to return filled, rested and fresh.

What restaurant with healthy dishes on the menu do you go to?

Definitely, to our friends in Moscow-Delhi! Galya and Johan choose not only organic ingredients, all restaurant employees who are allowed to cook food are people with a certain level of consciousness and ethics. Maybe Indian food for children is specific in moments, but they like to watch how the guys working in the restaurant prepare food.

Three rules of time management for a mother of four?

1) Do not leave for "later" what can be done now - you never know when this "later" will come, and whether it will come at all :)

2) During the day, from time to time, set an alarm for 5-minute meditations, prayers, whatever - they unload the mind, one might say, completely restart the body.

3) I try to wake up before everyone else in order to meet them with a smile, combed hair and made the bed, raising children most effectively by my own example!

What cosmetics do you use for children?

I like organic brands with a history - I bathe my kids with Weleda All-Purpose Calendula and their diaper cream is the best. Not so long ago, Yana Valencia introduced me to the American organic brand Babo, I fell in love with their lavender line - from time to time I ask my daughters to lend me some cream. Leila has very long hair - we can't do without detanglers - in the Strizh salon she bought Circleoffriends organic for the last time, Leila is happy!

Are you traveling with four children? If so, what are the three main rules for organizing a holiday, allowing mom to relax (if possible)?

Last summer, we were able to test a little what it's like to travel with three babies while the fourth was already in the stomach. I realized for myself that:

1) at the age of 4 and older, you need to stay in hotels, holiday homes where there are other families with children: when the children are busy with new friends, mom can easily devote time to herself. True, the silence in such hotels is from the category of fantasy.

2) do not try to embrace the immensity in one trip: relax on the sea, and go through all the museums, and go to nightclubs with your husband. Spilling oneself on “everything at once” does not fill, but depletes even more. Try to make the trip harmonious, focus all of yourself on one thing: you can set a specific goal, for example, while relaxing, learn to better understand and listen to each other or learn to cooperate (draw pictures together, shoot videos or cook Mediterranean dishes).

3) An assistant on such trips is necessary. Mom, nanny, girlfriend - anyone with whom you feel comfortable, whom you can trust with children. If you plan to live in a hotel, choose one with a good spa!

The top three clothing stores for kids of all ages?

I love Jacadi and Сaramel very much, you can always find something special in Five Kids).

You are actively involved in yoga. What three arguments in favor of this type of physical activity could you name? How does yoga help you as a mother of many children?

As a mother, woman and yoga teacher, practice allows you to keep the body in a harmonious and beautiful shape. Not all types of physical activity are useful for a woman, but it is female yoga that allows you to improve the body - the necessary sequence of asanas plus a competent combination of dynamics and statics allow you to include aerobic, strength and meditative parts in practice. You can lose weight, form a beautiful muscle relief, become more flexible using only your own body weight.

The practice of yoga continues beyond the mat - it teaches you to live in this moment, teaches acceptance, patience, develops intuition, calms the mind and helps to be less critical of yourself and others - you must admit that all these qualities are especially necessary for any mother.

It is important for a mother to remain a woman - in yoga there are many practices that allow you to replenish the spent female energy, remove clamps and blocks in the body, and develop natural sexuality.

Has your relationship with your husband changed since the birth of your third and fourth children? Do you have less time for each other?

I try not to use the word "relationship", love is closer to me. Love has become deeper and more multifaceted, each of the children teaches us something new, we open up to each other from new sides and learn from each other. At the same time, we are aware of the priceless time spent together with each other, and we are convinced that when people want to be together, they will find an opportunity for this even with 7 children. I think if we had fewer children, after almost 10 years of living together, we would take many things for granted and for granted. I often watch couples having breakfast together, each of them immersed in a laptop or their phone. While our children are at a fragile age, they want to be with us more often, so we don’t go to the movies together as often as before, we walk around Moscow at night, we don’t dance and travel as often. But every planned date, a spontaneous walk or a chance opportunity to spend the night together allow you to feel and see the beauty of love in the simplest things. And to me, that's the most important thing.

Continue the phrase "Being a mother of many children is ..."

Happiness! There is nothing more magical than giving love!

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