How to tactfully refuse. How to competently, culturally and politely refuse a person’s request or loan of money without offending him: words, phrases, dialogue. A colleague or friend constantly asks for help: how to refuse delicately and correctly? How to cancel a trip without offending

You need to be able to say “no” so that a person is not offended. For some people, this is a whole problem; they begin to “walk in circles,” thus ending up in an awkward position. But this skill can be developed and it is not difficult. The main thing is to know a few simple rules, adhering to which, you will no longer doubt how to politely refuse someone.

Why are we afraid to say “no”?

Our life is communication, we constantly contact each other and help. But there are situations when it is inconvenient to fulfill a person’s request. That’s when doubts begin, you are tormented by a feeling of guilt that you put your interests above others. But, if you think carefully, you could fulfill the request, within reason, of course.

The root of the problem lies in your insecurity. Usually It is precisely insecure individuals who experience such difficulties. They forget that help is voluntary. It seems to them that if they ask, then they have to give up everything and give up their principles and deeds. This is not quite the right approach, when you don’t have the opportunity - you can safely disagree.

This in no way compromises you or offends the one who asks. You just have to be able to present a refusal. To do this, you just need to try a few times, and then a habit will develop. You should start with a small stock of template phrases that can be used in frequently encountered situations.

How to politely refuse someone?

The main rule successful people- do not say the words “yes” and “no”. They must be replaced with phrases that They will definitely make it clear about the refusal and immediately explain the reason:

• “I don’t want to do this”;
• "I have no time";
• "I dont have an opportunity".

However, if a friend, boss, relative asks you, use other options, a reasonable “no” or a diplomatic one.

It is assumed here stating the reasons and suggesting a possible alternative:

• “I can’t do this because I’m working, maybe there will be a minute later”;
• “I will take your child to school if he is already dressed and waiting outside”;
• “We can repair the car, but on Saturday.”

There are suitable words for all occasions, they just have to be intelligible and to the point.

How to politely refuse a man?

This is a common problem. It all depends on who he is to you. Is it just being “cool” on the street or is it a friend talking about his feelings, maybe - ex-boyfriend, decided to return.

Let's start with annoying strangers, it’s easier with them, you can safely lie:

1. "I'm married";
2. “I don’t have time right now, here’s my phone number” (you give him the wrong number);
3. “Tell me your number, I’ll call you back.”

If the gentleman does not understand, act firmly and confidently, but politely:

• “I don’t intend to get to know each other and date, is that clear?”;
• “I’m not in the mood to communicate with absolutely anyone right now.”

You can speak more frankly with your ex, but without flirting, but seriously and intelligibly:

• “We had a lot of good things, let me leave only these moments in my memory”;
• “Let’s not rush things, maybe I’ll change my mind, but not yet”;
• “You are very good, it’s too much for me. I want to find someone less wonderful."

And you have a completely different conversation with your friend.

How to politely refuse to meet a guy?

You don’t want to break ties with him, but he is dear to you in this particular capacity. And yet don't go in circles, but speak directly looking into your eyes:

• “I love someone else, but I need you, try to understand”;
• “I’m not in the mood for intimacy right now”;
• “Maybe later, now I need to sort myself out.”

Try to avoid common mistakes:

• Don’t waste time, explain yourself as soon as you see the need;
• Do not flirt, as you are giving vain hope;
• Be specific, explain clearly and clearly.

Perhaps you need to leave your friend for a while and not communicate. Your constant flashing in front of his nose will tug at the wound. Try not to catch his eye, let him rest and forget.

Original ways to say no

Sometimes nothing helps, a person does not understand normal words. You'll have to use cunning:

• Move on to a conversation about money. Ask the fan about his salary, where he works and who he works for. Then show your dissatisfaction with a small salary or an inexpensive car. Sigh languidly as you pass jewelry displays;
• Pretend to be a stupid chatterbox, guys don't like them. Tell him what you discussed with your friend yesterday about cosmetics, dresses and a handsome neighbor. Don't let us get a word in;
• Openly ignore its existence. On a date, answer his questions randomly, call your girlfriends and mom while walking with him in the park;
• Tell me what is yours big family: five children, a bedridden mother and an elderly grandfather. Nobody needs such a convoy.

One of these options will definitely frighten an annoying man; miracles do not happen.

How to politely refuse a service to a client?

Sometimes you come across such active clients that they simply don’t let you work. They need to be able to say “no” without being rude or aggressive.

Use delaying phrases, they will gain time:

• "Unfortunately, in this moment a specialist on this issue is busy, as soon as he becomes available he will contact you”;
• “Yes, we understand your problem and will try to solve it as soon as possible. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll call you back”;
• “Thank you for contacting us, we value your time, so we won’t delay any longer and will contact you with the results”;
• “Unfortunately, you are mistaken, our company does not do this, but I can give you the phone number of another company.”

Do not say “no” openly, otherwise the person will think that he was simply rejected. Apologize, spend a couple of minutes with him, and if possible, offer an alternative solution. Main - Don’t lie and let them feel attentive.

If you understand that you are experiencing difficulties in communication, create a few template phrases that will help you out in Hard time. Of course, they are not suitable for every case, but you will become more confident not knowing how to politely refuse, having at least something in your arsenal.

Video: we carefully and politely refuse

In this video, psychologist Igor Kolokoltsev will talk about really working ways to politely but firmly refuse a person, and how to do it so that he does not harbor a grudge against you:

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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Every person is familiar with a situation when we really want to refuse to fulfill one or another request, but for some reason we still end up agreeing. We find a very compelling explanation for this - for example, friendship or strong sympathy, mutual assistance and much more. However, despite all these seemingly significant factors, we have to step over ourselves.

Nobody says that helping is bad! The fact is that not every help is for the good, so whether you like it or not, you just you need to know how to learn to refuse .

Why is it so difficult to say “no” to people - the main reasons

• Most often, it is more difficult to say “no” in family relationships. We are afraid that we will be considered too rude, we are afraid that a child or close relative will stop communicating with you. These and many other fears push us to make concessions and agree to fulfill the request of our neighbor.
• We are afraid of losing opportunities. Sometimes it seems to a person that if he says “no”, he will forever lose what he has. This fear is often present in the team. For example, if they want to transfer a guy to another department, but he doesn’t want to do it. He, of course, will agree for fear of being fired in the future. There are many similar examples, and each of us sooner or later encounters something similar. In this regard, many are now concerned about the question of how to learn to say no.
• Another reason for our frequent agreement is our kindness. Yes Yes! It is the constant desire to help everyone that makes us sympathize and agree to this or that request. It’s hard to get away from this, because real kindness is considered almost a treasure in our time, but few people understand how difficult it is for such people to live. If you consider yourself one of them, don't worry! We will tell you how to say no correctly without offending anyone.
• Another reason for the problem is the fear of being alone because you have a different opinion. This feeling drives us when, having our own opinion, we still join the majority. This entails inevitable consent against our will.
• In conditions of constant stress, modern people Fear of conflict develops. This means that we are afraid that if we refuse, our opponent will begin to get angry. Of course, this is never easy, but this is not a reason to agree with everything. You should always be able to defend your point of view and your opinion.
• Neither of us wants to ruin our relationship because of our refusal. , even if they were friendly. Some people may perceive the word “no” as absolute rejection, which often leads to the complete cessation of any relationship. You always need to realize how important this person is to you, and what exactly you are capable of doing for him. Perhaps, in such a situation, this will be the main factor influencing your consent or refusal.

Why does each of us need to learn to refuse and say “no”?

• However, before delving into methods to combat this problem, everyone needs to understand why sometimes you have to give up.
• In fact, not everyone understands that failure-free behavior can lead to negative results. The fact is that more and more often trouble-free people are considered weak-willed , and all because they don’t have the courage to say “no.” You must realize that trust or respect cannot be gained in this way. Most likely, people around you will begin to take advantage of your gentleness over time.
• Despite the fact that there is now a lot of literature on the topic of learning to say no to people, not everyone wants to fight it. And, if you still found the time to read this article, it means that now you are starting to fight this! Of course, no one says that the word “no” should be used often, since we all understand that if you use it often, you can easily remain lonely and unnecessary to anyone. Moreover, by saying a refusal, we are already internally preparing for a negative reaction from our opponent.
• To feel like a complete person, you need to find balance in your life . Everything should be in moderation so that neither your principles nor the principles of others suffer. Undoubtedly, you need to help, but you always need to analyze the situation and act according to the conclusions. Most likely, a common phrase is: “Be able to say no!” familiar to each of us. These words sit in our memory, but they will not begin to work until we ourselves realize the need for this.
• If we analyze our behavior and thoughts at the moment when such a situation arises, then each of us will understand that before giving an answer to our interlocutor, we We don’t weigh the pros and cons enough . Sometimes we agree to this or that service contrary to ourselves and our plans. And as a result, only our interlocutor “wins”. Let's look at why it is sometimes so difficult for us to provide.

7 Best Ways to Learn to Say No - So How to Say No Correctly?

Let's look at the main ways to learn to refuse people:

Each of us sets up barriers for ourselves that prevent us from speaking directly. Most often, the person asking does not want to be deceived; he wants to hear a straight answer - yes or no. We can all figure out how to say no to people, but this method is the simplest, most understandable and effective.

Now we are learning to say no together!

Polite refusal options.

There is a proverb that says that if you give a loan to a relative, it means losing it. Everything that concerns financial issues often spoils relationships between friends and even relatives. In this article we will tell you how to refuse a person and not ruin your relationship with him.

How to competently, culturally and politely refuse to lend money to a person without offending him: words, phrases, dialogue

This can be done quite simply, but some people need to be refused sharply and in any way so that they lose the desire to come to you the next time to borrow money. These are usually people who borrow money frequently. Their main problem is that they simply do not know how to manage it and spend much more than they earn. The fact is that for such people, spending more than they earn is the norm. Therefore, from month to month they accumulate new debts. They can return them from salary or advance upon admission Money. But then, after quickly spending salaries, money is borrowed again. To prevent this from happening, simply refuse people.

Several ways to refuse:

• Say that you also wanted to borrow money today, because you spent a lot on the holidays and birthdays of your relatives.
• Say that you started a renovation and are going to buy building materials tomorrow, so you don’t have any money.
• It is necessary to repay the loan or return the amount of money taken as collateral. You are going to do it tomorrow, so you cannot borrow money today.
• Your spouse has all the money, and it’s hard to get money from him or her.
• Say that you are going on a trip to another country, so you need the money yourself.
• Say that you are going to buy an expensive fur coat or Jewelry to his wife, so there is no money.
• Remind me if this person has already taken money from you but has not returned it. Tell him that you will not give him anything until he returns the previous amount of money borrowed.

How not to offend a person? There are several ways to help you save a good relationship with a friend or relative, and at the same time refuse to lend him money.

• Tell them that you can borrow money from a certain bank. Recommend a specific bank that gives money at a small interest rate.
• Say that you would be happy to lend, but now you are really bad with money, so there is no way to lend.
• Offer the person help. For example, take him somewhere if he asks for money for a taxi, or give him food. Buy a minimum of products or offer assistance in purchasing. Usually, eternal debtors who constantly borrow money want to get cash in their hands. Therefore, they reject all offers, such as giving a ride or helping with food.
• Advise the person on a website or an additional part-time job where they can get money immediately after completing some work.

A colleague constantly asks for help - how to refuse delicately and correctly: examples of polite forms of refusal

There is a proverb that initiative is punishable. Quite often, people who help their employees with work are the most tired and do the most tasks. And not always the ones that they received.

Opt-out options:

• If you don't want to constantly do someone else's work, learn to say no. If a work colleague constantly asks you for help, there is no need to sharply refuse. Do it gently, say what you think, or refuse in such a way that your colleague will feel sorry for you. Say that you have a lot of work today, you have a monthly report and you will most likely stay in the office after work to finish the assigned work.
• In addition, you can say that you asked for time off today, so you are interested in getting the work done as soon as possible. Therefore, if you can’t help, tell your work colleague that you have quite a lot of work to do today, since you didn’t finish it yesterday because you left earlier, I’m asking for time off from work. Today you are completely overwhelmed and there is no way to help.
• Learn to say NO, because many people distribute incorrectly work time. Very often they shift their work to others. If you refuse several times, they will most likely not ask for help again. This will help free you from doing someone else's work.

In order not to offend a person, follow certain rules:

• Answer quickly. There is no need to postpone the answer until later.
• Try to explain the reason for the refusal. Don't make excuses in any way, just tell them that you have a busy schedule and you can't do someone else's work.
• Offer something in return. You can direct a colleague to a specific resource or reset a report form you completed last month. Perhaps this will somehow help a colleague.

Be sure to complete your answer with the following phrases:

Unfortunately

Sorry I can't do it

Thank you for asking me for help

I'm very pleased to work with you, but unfortunately I can't help you.

I really like helping you, but unfortunately this time I won’t be able to

A friend constantly asks for help - how to refuse gently and tactfully: examples of polite forms of refusal

Many friends like to keep girlfriends close to them, who never refuse and try to help whenever possible. This is very convenient, but very often, if such people are refused, then the friendship comes to an end. Because these are selfish people. If you are tired of fulfilling constant requests and receiving friendship as a reward, you can correctly refuse. After several refusals, a person will not want to be your friend. If he is not a real friend, but is using you, then you will thus get rid of a friend who is annoying you and you spend a huge amount of time and energy on such a friendship.

If a person is really dear to you, you do not want to offend him, try to politely explain why you are refusing him.

1. I won't be able to help you today because I'm busy this evening.
2. I have plans next week, so I won't be able to go to the party with you.

If a friend asks you to borrow something to wear, tell her that you washed it or that it is torn. But in this case, you will have to stop wearing it in front of your friend. You can also gently refuse if a friend asks you for some jewelry, or one of the things, a clutch, a bag. Say that you are going to wear this jewelry yourself today, so you cannot let it be worn.

How to correctly refuse a trip without offending a person?

Many company employees work with customers, and most working hours are spent in meetings, as well as over a cup of coffee, discussing work issues. If for some reason you cannot come or you think that this client will be useless to you and will not be able to use your services, you can politely refuse. In this case, you need to say that you have high workload and you won't be able to come. If you still think that in the future this person could become your potential client, write a few questions and ask the person to answer these questions, motivate by the fact that you want to better understand and explain what you do and what you are interested in.

If this is some kind of work trip, and the management has found no one better than to send you on this trip, and for some reason you do not want to go, you can correctly refuse. It is quite difficult to refuse management, but it is possible.

Options:

• Justify this by the fact that you have children and there will be no one to pick them up from school or kindergarten.
• Tell them that your parents are sick and they need care. You visit them daily.
• Remind your manager that he has instructed you to complete the report by the end of the week, and unfortunately, because of this report, you will not be able to go on a business trip.
• You can refuse your trip if you do not have a passport or it is expired. This will work if you are being sent to another country.
• If the company pays travel allowances after the trip, explain that you do not have extra money. You need to pay a loan or mortgage, you have spent all your money. Therefore, you do not have extra funds for the trip.

How beautiful, harmless, and intelligent it is to refuse people their requests: tips, recommendations, examples

Of course, very often after refusals people do not want to communicate or reduce possible communication. But you shouldn’t be upset, because they will really stay with you Good friends and decent acquaintances who are accustomed not to take advantage of people, but to be friends with them. You shouldn’t refuse too harshly if you like the person and plan to communicate with him. Try to be as correct and friendly as possible, ask for forgiveness. Say that, unfortunately, you are unable to lend often due to financial difficulties.

Ask for forgiveness, and also say that you value communication with this person. If this is your good colleague who really helps you often, but due to circumstances you cannot help him, explain the situation. Tell him that you value his help, knowledge and would love to help, but unfortunately, in this situation you cannot do this.

Here are a few phrases that will help you soften the refusal:

• I see that it is not at all easy for you, but unfortunately, I cannot solve your problem.
• I'm very sorry that this happened, but unfortunately I can't help.
• I really want to help you, but I can’t because I have planned dinner with my loved one for tomorrow.
• Unfortunately, I am not able to agree now, because I will be busy on the weekend.
• I need to think about it, I can tell you later.

The last opt-out option is only for people who are waiting for a response now. They can't wait, so they simply won't contact you in the evening or the next day. You can refuse using a compromise.

For example:

• I will help you if you help me.
• I will help you make a presentation, but only on Saturday from 10:00 to 12:00. This is the time I will have freely.

You can also refuse diplomatically. Diplomats usually never say yes or no. They say: let's talk about it or discuss it.

For example, don’t refuse abruptly, but tell me I can help you in some other way. Unfortunately, I can’t help you now, but I have an acquaintance or friend who might want to help you.

As you can see, it is quite easy to refuse a person. The main task is not to offend him. If you are interested in friendship, in communicating with this person, try to refuse as politely as possible, or offer something in return. It is possible to offer your help in some other way.

VIDEO: How to politely refuse?

Useful tips

Saying no to another person is always difficult, and many of us take on obligations that we would like to avoid.

Sometimes we we agree out of politeness, but sometimes we simply don’t know how to refuse a person.

Human nature is such that we want to be liked. b We want to be kind and pleasant to other people.

In many cases, not being able to say no can become a problem because,that we forget about ourselves and our needs, while at the same time trying not to hurt someone else's feelings.

If you're afraid to say no most of the time, you're doing yourself a disservice. It is important for you to set your priorities. By agreeing to everything, you risk simply burning out.

So how to refuse a person without offending him? Here are some tips, how to do it politely and tactfully.

How to learn to refuse people

1. Use the word "No."

Use " No", "Not this time", but not " I don't think so", "I'm not sure", "Maybe next time". The word "No" has incredible strength. Use it if you are absolutely and positively certain that there can be no other answer. And you don't need to apologize for your answer. Practice saying the word “No” until you feel comfortable saying it.

2. Use decisive but polite options.

I appreciate your time, but no thanks.

Thank you for thinking of me, but my plate is already full.

No thanks!

Not today, thanks.

Not for me, thanks.

I'm afraid I can't.

I'm not that interested in yoga/hard rock/computer games, but thanks for asking.

I don't want to.

I think I'll refuse.

3. Don'tbe cunning.

This goes for family, friends, and even your boss. You don't have to come up with some elaborate ploy all the time - just say you don't want to. If you don't want to go to an event because you've had a rough week and would rather stay home and watch TV, say so. You shouldn't invent a dying grandmother to make your excuse more acceptable.

4. Don't keep explaining.

In some cases it is better not to go into details. If you make too many excuses, it will appear that you are lying, or it will allow the person asking you to find ways around it and get you to agree.

5. Don't be afraid to say it twice.

Some people don't respect other people's boundaries or are used to the person giving in if asked again. Don't give in just because someone is too persistent. Smile politely and say “No” again, even more firmly than the first time.

6. If necessary, say “because.”

Research has shown that the word "because" makes people agree with you, even if the reason is completely absurd. Instead of saying, "Sorry, I won't be able to make the appointment," try to give a reason to soften the refusal.

7. Smile and shake your head.

You can resort to this before leaving. This works when people on the streets are handing out leaflets or trying to get you to sign something.

8. Be relentless.

How to refuse a request

16. Don't delay.

There is no point in making someone wait for an answer if you know the answer will be no. Delaying a response only makes the situation worse. Don't say "I'll think about it" if you don't intend to.

17. You can change your answer.

Just because you agreed once doesn't mean you have to always do it.

18. Repeat this often.

The devil is not as scary as he is painted. The more you practice, the less scary it becomes. Start saying no to everything that doesn't add any value to your life.

19. What a pity!

When you say, "Sorry, I can't," while it softens your message and makes it polite, it sounds rather vague. It's better to say" What a pity, I would like to help, but I have already made an appointment with.... I wish you good luck".

20. Desire to please.

We often agree to things that aren't of primary importance because we don't want people to think badly of us. However, some people will still think badly of us, no matter how polite you are. So stop worrying about what other people will think and finally say “No.”

21. Get ahead of the request.

When you learn to say no, you will begin to proactively say “No” before the request comes up. If you think someone you know is going to invite you to their wedding, let them know you're broke.

22. Avoid those who constantly ask for things.

If you know someone who constantly asks for money without ever paying it back, avoid them, especially when you know they are going through such a period.

23. White lies.

Of course, most of the time you need to tell the truth, but sometimes you have to be creative with your answer. For example, if you know that your grandmother will try to persuade you to eat her pies, tell her that the doctor has forbidden you to eat flour unless you want to offend her. If grandma is very persistent, go back to tip number 2.

24. Not now.

You should only use this answer if you know for sure that you will consider this request later. For example, you could say that you will look into the matter when you return in a week. If the request is not urgent, do not drop everything, but say that you will take the job as soon as you complete your project.

How to refuse beautifully and competently

25. It's not about you, it's about me.

Use this phrase if you feel that the idea/person/activity is better suited to someone else, but that someone is not you. You can also say that it doesn't suit you.

26. It's not about me, it's about you.

Turn that phrase around and don't be afraid to say a firm "No" if you feel confident about it. For example, if you're a vegetarian and don't want to try "a little" of your aunt's meat, say, " Thanks, but you know I'm a vegetarian and would never try this"Draw the line when necessary, and people will respect your choice.

27. Show empathy .

Sometimes all it takes is empathy for the other person. For example, " I know it's unpleasant, but I can't, sorry".

28. You don't have to be nice all the time.

Do you need permission to refuse because you don't want to? Consider it given to you.

29. State your discomfort.

If a friend asks you to borrow money, say something like: " I don't like borrowing money, sorry".

How to refuse a job

30. I would like to help you.

Sometimes you need to be softer. " I'd like to help you with a project, but I'm swamped with work this week.".

31. Thanks, but no.

Sometimes, that's all that needs to be said. Or you can say the above phrase to soften the answer. Thus, you thank the person for contacting you, tactfully refusing him.

32. Use facial expressions and gestures.

Shake your head, raise your eyebrows, and sometimes roll your eyes. Use your body language to demonstrate that you mean business, even when you refuse politely.

33. Buy time.

Use this as a last resort, otherwise you risk being inundated with requests later. You're just postponing the inevitable, but if it helps you, you can say: " Let me think about it", "I'll check my schedule and tell you".

34. I'm flattered, but no, thank you.

Sometimes you need to be grateful that a person has asked you for something. For example, you were offered a promotion at work, but you didn’t want it.

35. I really shouldn't.

This answer is suitable for times when you would like to say "Yes", but feel that you should say no. For example, when you receive an unexpected gift. When you say this, the person will most likely respond so that you accept it without any doubt.

36. No way in the world!

This phrase should be used with caution, and perhaps only with friends.

37. I said "No."

This works with children or pushy consultants. Again, you need to be polite but firm.

38. This is not the best option.

This is a gentle way of saying “No” when, for example, someone asks you “Does this neon dress suit me?” Instead of responding harshly, say that this is not the best color and that you should try on a blue dress.

39. Mmm, no (accompanied by laughter)

Use this phrase carefully, for example, in cases where someone is asking you to work for free or is trying to insult you.

40. I know this is not the answer you were hoping for.

It is important to acknowledge the other person's feelings, and this response will help soften the rejection. If you know that the person is expecting something from you that you cannot do, say “No” and say this phrase.

How to tactfully refuse