I am being forced into marriage. Marrying at twenty is not too early. Early marriages cause instability

The story of a resident of the Northern capital, who was taken by force from Russia to Lebanon at the age of 14, is published by Life78.

"My mother is Russian, my father is Lebanese. My father came to St. Petersburg, met my mother, she taught him Russian, they had two children - me and my brother. When they divorced, the court left my brother with my father, and me with mother. But my mother was still pregnant with her third child. I lived until the age of 14 with my mother in St. Petersburg. I lived like all normal children: I studied, went out with friends, went in for dancing, volleyball, athletics. Then at the age of 14 I left for three months to visit my dad in Lebanon, he is a Muslim. Three months later I found out that I was staying there. This is how my life in Lebanon began. At first it seemed to me that life there is a fairy tale, but very soon I realized it is not so."

Life78 quotes Alice Adham

Very soon, the girl turned into a servant for the huge family of her father, who had five sisters, five brothers and numerous children and close relatives, whose names she simply could not remember. Not knowing the language, the girl communicated with them with gestures and got used to Muslim customs. She was allowed to go out into the street only accompanied by her brother; by ten in the morning she must the whole apartment was to be cleaned, and by 12 there was breakfast for the whole family on the table.

Soon Alice was introduced to a man who was later introduced as her future husband, three weeks after they met, they got engaged, and a year later, they got married.

“I was 16 years old and he was 32. The wedding was very magnificent and beautiful. But at the moment when they put on my wedding dress, I realized that today is the day when everything collapsed. into slavery. That is, there was no way out of this situation. It was so disgusting for me to be there, although I tried to smile. And when we danced a slow dance, I could not stand it and sobbed. "

But the worst awaited the young bride ahead. Alice Adham remembers with horror the first night in the status of the wife of an adult man. The girl recalls how “she had to do what she didn’t want to,” and the next morning all the relatives appeared before the young, waiting for material evidence that the bride was innocent before the wedding.

I was afraid of my husband. Once I fell asleep on the couch, because I didn’t want to go to bed, he came at night, almost forcibly dragged me to the bed and did what he needed there. Moments like this made me fear him. When I called my dad, told him that he was pushing me, kicking me, that he threw me out of bed, he said: "You are lying, you are as much a liar as your mother." Although I even showed him the bruises, - says Alice. - I started a terrible depression, I lost weight up to 40 kg. I wanted to die.

When the girl nevertheless decided to escape, she thought out her plan to the smallest detail. Alice asked her husband to go for three days to her mother, whom she had not seen for five years. The husband showed favor and gave Alice his permission for her birthday.

The day I got on the plane, it was an indescribable feeling. I knew that I would never return to this country again. I understood that in Russia he could not do anything to me. The truth is on my side here. As soon as we arrived, I said that he was a monster, that I had never loved him. My father told me that either I was going with him, he divorced me from my husband, bought me an apartment, a car. Either I stay here and the whole family refuses me, all 150 people. "And even if you die, I will not help you. I can easily just kill you now, and I will not be ashamed," he told me.

In St. Petersburg, the girl began her life "from scratch", and the first thing she did was get a tattoo so that her eastern husband and imperious father could not kidnap her - in Lebanon, a tattoo is considered a sin. But if for relatives the girl became a shame for the family, then for Petersburg friends - a brave girl who was not afraid to break out of the "golden cage".

Recent studies have shown that the number of marriages concluded with girls under the age of majority is growing in Kyrgyzstan. According to the national survey "Gender in the perception of society", 12.7% of girls aged 15-49 were married underage.

At the same time, it is noted that most often such marriages are concluded in rural areas - 14.6%, in urban areas - 9.2%.

Nuriza grew up on the outskirts of Bishkek, got married at the age of 15 and moved to Talas. She said K News, the story of her life: about how she was forcibly married in the 9th grade and how her fate developed.

Engagement

I came to my husband's house at the age of 15. Of course it was scary, I did not understand anything. Yesterday I was still making eyes at the boys from the parallel class and did not even think about family life. I thought marriage was still far away and planned to build a family at least in 10 years, but my parents thought otherwise.

50% of respondents are ready to give their daughters in marriage at a young age, if the groom is a "good person".

In the 9th grade, in the middle of the school year, my parents had a serious talk with me about marriage. I thought they would talk and calm down, but no ... they began to select suitors for me. Mom specially went to visit friends and acquaintances to find me a husband. The psychological pressure on me increased. I could not answer them anything, since I was brought up that the word of my parents is law for me. I could only cry quietly and not show my disagreement. I could not even choose the person with whom I will live all my life.

During the winter holidays, they still found a groom for me. He was 23 years old, graduated from the Academy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, a future policeman. Before the wedding, I saw him only once, when we were introduced, they put on earrings, thus “booking” me. His parents were happy that they would become related to a respected family, his father was a police colonel.

Of course, I finished my studies somehow, because the preparation for the wedding took all my time. I wanted to become a lawyer, protect people's rights and dreamed of going to university. But, alas, this is no longer the case. The husband's family was in anticipation of a new servant.

Wedding

The wedding was played in May of the same year. The groom's side gave us a dowry, mom and aunts put on gold jewelry and took on all the expenses of the wedding. I was taken to a new home.

There were a lot of my husband's relatives at the wedding, about 300 people. From my side there were only relatives. There were no places for my friends. The evening was a test for me - my husband got drunk, my friends got drunk and even began to pester me. The tests did not end there, the first wedding night is ahead.

After the gala evening, we arrived at the groom's house. Husband's aunts prepared a “koshoy” for us and left us alone. All evening I was afraid of this moment and I wanted everything to happen quickly. However, my drunken husband beat me and then raped me. There was nothing I could do… all I could do was cry quietly.

The next morning my aunts checked me for innocence. They grabbed a sheet with blood and ran to show all relatives. I was hurt and ashamed.

In Kyrgyzstan, 89% of people consider virginity the key to a happy married life

My mother-in-law was strict. She pushed me around all the time. For any wrong action, she called me stupid and even hit me on the head. My husband also beat me and raped me when he came home drunk. Once he hit me so hard that I flew off and hit my head against the wall. Blood flowed like a river, my husband just left the room, and when my mother-in-law saw me, she just said, “What are you lying about? Get out and wash the blood off the wall!” I never went to the hospital.

When I complained to my mother about this, she told me to be patient, because all daughters-in-law go through this. I really thought every girl was treated like that.

Ready to justify child marriage for various reasons 81% of respondents

Heir

A month later, I found out I was pregnant. Relatives were delighted with this news and demanded that I give birth to a boy. There was no question of a girl, because they needed an heir.

During pregnancy, nothing changed, I did all the housework and even cleaned the corral with cattle and looked after the garden. At the fifth month of pregnancy, I had a threat of miscarriage and they put me in storage, that's when they realized that pregnant women need to be protected.

Three months later I gave birth to a beautiful daughter, my husband's relatives were unhappy. After giving birth, they began to load me with homework even more. I barely had time to follow the child, they did not love my daughter.

Six months later, I became pregnant again, although the doctor warned me that it was impossible to give birth for two years. This time, I was less burdened with homework.

The pregnancy went smoothly and after 9 months I gave birth to a son. The husband's family arranged toy. Dust was blown off the child and treated like a prince. It was a shame for her daughter, who was not to blame for anything, her husband did not even notice her. A year later, I became pregnant again, as I found out, I immediately had an abortion in secret from everyone. My rebellion went unnoticed. Last year I gave birth to a daughter again, but my husband demanded a son.

This year will be 10 years since I came to my husband's house. I am 25 years old and have three children. Daughter and son go to school. My attitude has not changed over the years. My husband, as before, drinks and beats me from time to time, and my mother-in-law did not become my mother, as in other families. In the family, I am nothing more than a servant and must take care of the household.

All my hope is for my children, especially for my daughters. I will never wish them a fate like mine. They must graduate from high school and become highly qualified specialists.

I dreamed that I went out married. Moreover, as if I see myself after the wedding at the wedding, I am completely at a loss, the engagement ring is modest, the groom does not like the dress, I can’t even imagine who. ... then he wants to have to wait a long time, he understood and went on to have fun. The whole wedding was moving across the bridge, the bridge is solid, the water in the river was clean. Married me supposedly issued by design, I told my mother that I would never talk to her again because of this.

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Rabban Gamliel betrayed his daughter married. - bless me, father! - asked the daughter. Rabban Gamliel said: - May it be the will of the Lord that you no longer cross my threshold. Having given birth to a son, she ..., - said Raban Gamliel, - so that the words “Woe to me!” were your usual exclamation. - Father! - said the daughter. - There were two celebrations me- and both times you cursed me! - No, my daughter, - answered Raban Gamliel, - these were not curses, but blessings: I wished you such a happy and joyful life in ...

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But I was alive) and wanted to inflict a second cut, but either I somehow persuaded him, or he himself decided that it would be better to inflict cuts on my arm. AND, by force holding my right hand, he began to inflict with a knife very deep numerous cuts on the upper side from the wrist to the elbow (blood did not flow, but the depth was visible ...

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I dreamed that me issue married for a man I don't know, an Armenian. I saw him only from afar, outwardly I liked him and I agree to marry him. His mother brings me a wedding dress and says that in this dress they came out married 6 generations. I agree, I begin to measure the veil first, it is made of a thin white veil, on top in the form of a cap ...

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That me issue married. And against my will, then I don’t like the gentleman, then I just don’t want to, then according to the plot of the dream, I didn’t see him before the wedding. In general, I run away at the last moment. But now I dreamed twice that I still went out married. In the previous dream ... I didn’t like it at all. I was morally broken in a dream by marriage. And today I dreamed that I managed to get out again married, but me this again does not please, the "husband" is annoying, the fact itself is oppressive and I think how this marriage can be annulled. Then...

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I dreamed that me by force want extradite married for the unloved ... And the question is so urgent that it does not tolerate delay, supposedly everything is already ready for the wedding, which will be literally one of these days. The man I should marry married I know - this is my ex-boyfriend, from whom I left. I see him clearly. And I love another ... His appearance is blurred and moreover, the images ...

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Hello. I dreamed that me by force marry a girl with whom we had a relationship, but we broke up .... At the same time, she married me mother. What could this dream mean? Help me please!!!

Yasmine Koenig has done what many Arab teenage girls have failed to do. She was given in marriage as a minor, but she managed to escape from Palestine back to the United States and find a new family, freedom and a new future.

I was six years old when my two older sisters unexpectedly left to "visit relatives" in Palestine. That's what my parents told me. I was born in Chicago, and my mom and dad are in Jerusalem. My father died when his gas station was robbed when I was 4 months old. Then my mother moved with me and my sisters to the basement of my grandmother's house.

Too old to wear jeans

Our mother did not raise us in some very strict religious principles. We did not wear the hijab, except to the mosque, which we visited on holidays. Yes, we wore long sleeves and knee length skirts. My sister was 13 years old and she became a fan of Usher, bought a poster of him with a naked torso and hung it in our room. One day my grandmother saw him. She tore it off the wall and tore it into pieces. She was furious. A year later, both my sisters left for Palestine. I was left alone. I really missed them, because the only time I could spend with friends was the time spent at school. When I was finishing middle school, they organized a tour for us and none of my classmates would wear a school uniform there. I told my mom about it and she bought me three pairs of skinny jeans. But after graduation, when I was preparing to continue my studies in high school, I found my mother and grandmother cutting jeans into small pieces. They said, "You're too old to wear that!" I was left with long dresses and some baggy pants that I hated.

School is cancelled, boyfriend is out of the question

I was waiting for my mom to enroll me in high school. I even brought her some information materials myself. July and August passed. “I’ll write it down a little later, but only to a school for girls,” my mother said. But in September all my friends went to school, but I didn't. I could only communicate with them on Facebook, where I had an account with a fake name so that my relatives would not identify me. I said that I was not enrolled in school, my friends replied that I had the right to continue my studies, but my mother continued to keep me at home. I wanted to at least start working, for example, at my stepfather's gas station. When he heard about it, he said, "No problem!" But as with school - time passed, nothing happened. Like I said before, social media was my sanctuary. Once I corresponded with my former classmate, I liked him. He invited me to a cafe, I agreed. For me it was a risky adventure: at home I said that I was going to visit my cousin, who is 24 years old. She even agreed to “cover” me, if anything. The date went great, but a few days later this guy rang the doorbell of my house, my mother opened it, I was standing right behind her. The guy asked: “Is Yasmin at home?”, Mom started shouting: “Who are you and by what right are you breaking into our house?” He replied, "I'm Yasmin's boyfriend." After that, my mother locked me in the house for two weeks. And then she announced: “Pack your things. You are going to Palestine to your sisters!”

My wedding

The last time I was in Palestine was when I was 10 years old. I only remembered that it was very dusty and hot there, not a single tree. I didn't know Arabic at all. When we were driving with my mother and grandmother to the airport, I demanded that they show me my return ticket to the States. Mom was hurt, but she took it out and showed it to me. I felt a little lighter in my heart. I was glad to see my sisters. Both lived in the city of Ramallah, where my grandmother had a house. We talked for two weeks, they even made fun of my ill-fated date: “Are you crazy to date a white guy!” Two weeks later, they suddenly sat me in a room and began to comb my hair and do makeup. I liked it - at home I was forbidden to paint. I asked what was the reason? They replied that we were waiting for guests. And the guests came. With a son who was 21 years old. He and his parents spoke to me in Arabic, I realized that they were asking how old I was. I said that I was 15. After the answer, the guy seemed confused to me. A few days later, in exactly the same way, another family appeared in the house with a son who was ugly, gap-toothed, shorter than me. I disliked him terribly, but my relatives said that he had a job and a house, and that was enough. Only then did I realize that my mother and grandmother had brought me here to marry me and leave me here. I was furious. I yelled at my mother: “How could you do this to me? I'm your daughter!" Mom cried, I think it was not easy for her at that moment, but she thought that this was the best option for me. Well, I felt betrayed. And then grandmother came into the room, she slapped her cheek and exclaimed: “How dare you treat your mother so disrespectfully?”, and then turned to mother and said: “See? She needs it. Otherwise, how will she learn respect?” I never really liked my grandmother, but at this moment I just hated her. The wedding date was set for September 30th. I threatened my mother that I would run away, but she only answered: “If you don’t marry him, we will find a less pleasant match for you.” My sisters only made things worse by saying how lucky I was. A few days before the wedding, one of them nevertheless admitted that she was also married against her will: “I screamed, resisted ... But in the end I learned to love him. You will learn too."

I don't remember the ceremony. Everything merged into one color spot. But I remember when he tried to kiss me on the cheek, my mother hissed, "Kiss him!" I could not. After the celebration, my sisters chatted about their wedding night, they even told me to text them how it went. I hated them. Hated!

Yes, it happened in a civilized country. Thirty-four years later, Trevika clearly remembers the day she was married off.

On the morning of October 19, 1983, Trevika Williams came to audition for the school. She wanted to be in the school play. When she left the school building with an armful of textbooks, her mother was waiting for her outside. Her mother put her in the back seat of the car, and she got behind the wheel. Before moving off, she turned around and said in a casual voice: “Today you will get married.” Trevika was shocked. She didn't protest, she didn't ask questions, she just sat quietly like a frightened mouse while her mother drove her to the courthouse. "We never discussed my wedding, I had no idea what would be required of me in this new role."

DIFFICULT MARRIAGE

Her future husband, Will, was 26 on their wedding day. A difference of 12 years would be enough for him to be accused of raping a minor. But after marriage, rape actually became legal.

This is a classic example of forced marriage in the US so far. So, only in Texas for the period from 2000 to 2014, forty thousand child marriages were concluded (with girls under the age of 18). Almost all of them are with men much older. The activist group Unchained at Last, which works on the issue of child marriage in the United States, estimated that more than 250,000 were concluded across the country in the 10 years from 2000 to 2010. Some state laws allow children to marry with the consent of their parents, judges, or both. In Trevika's case, her mother signed the paperwork for her. “I didn’t have words, I didn’t have the strength to object, I was in the deepest shock from what happened to me overnight.” Her marriage did not work out from the start. Will was either out of work or out of work overtime. Trevika continued to go to school. "Not only was it ridiculous and inconvenient, but my husband didn't have the money to feed us." Not even a month had passed since the wedding, as her husband beat her. The girl asked her mother to take her in, but she refused. “At one point, Will and I were so short of money that we spent the night on the floor in the church, in the very mission whose pastor convinced my mother to give me up.” Yes, the girl was not sold to her husband, it was a disinterested act on the part of the mother. He didn't have any money either. She was simply given to "a good hard-working guy in our community" like a toy. And Trevika's mom had one less eater in the house.

Throughout November, the young slept on the floor in an unheated church. At Christmas, Will found some work and they moved to a nearby town, 40 kilometers away. Trevika continued to go to school, covering this distance each day in both directions by bus.

Trevika with her daughter

At the age of 15, she became pregnant. After her belly began to grow, she asked to be transferred to a school for pregnant teenagers. To endure the sidelong glances of her classmates and ridicule was beyond her strength. About the fact that she is legally married against her will, she never told anyone. "I was very upset. Being pregnant and studying is doubly difficult. I saw myself missing my chance for a normal life with every bad grade.” After the birth of her daughter, she again moved after her husband to another city, where he found a new job. They had just settled in a new place, when Will was caught after raping their neighbor and sent to jail. "A good boy from our community" sat down for several years. At 16, Trevika was left alone with her daughter in her arms. But she still wasn't free.

RETURNING YOUR LIFE

She had to wait another two years before coming of age to file for divorce. “I was denied a claim, citing the fact that I do not have the right to divorce by age.” Only later did she find out that this was a lie: having entered into marriage, she immediately acquired all the rights of an adult. This is called "emancipation". But the teenager had nowhere to learn about his rights. "It took one day to lose my own life and four years to get it back." Immediately after the divorce, she saw an advertisement for the hiring of corrections officers, with a serious salary of $ 18,000 a year. For a single mother with no qualifications, that was a lot of money. So, ironically, the ex-wife of a prisoner became a warden in a death row prison. For four years she worked night shifts in prison, leaving her daughter to spend the night under the supervision of her colleague, also a mother, who worked during the day.

Along the way with work, she entered college for a bachelor of criminal law. And successfully completed it. After that, Trevika completed her PhD in behavioral psychology.

On graduation day and at work Now 47, she's a successful lawyer and she got the state of Texas to pass a law banning early marriages. She spoke before the State Senate, telling her story and the stories of other girls whose fate was decreed in this way. After hearing her case, the Governor signed into law a law prohibiting, in principle, the marriage of persons under 16 years of age and the need for a judge's consent for the marriage of persons from 16 to 18 years of age. Several states, under public pressure, followed the example of Texas. Only in New Jersey was the law considered and rejected, "due to local religious traditions." Trevika still urges to limit the age of marriage in all states. “When parents abuse their right, the state should stand up for the child. There can be no question of any meaningful choice of a teenager. Childhood should be a preparation for adulthood, and not be devoted to marital duty. Based on materials