Speech for 40 days after mom's death. Orthodox Christian tradition of remembrance. What do they do on this day

Another important tradition for 40 days is holding a wake. Day 40 I received everything I was supposed to. Prayer for the 40th day can be either at home or in church. Don't view the 40 days as an opportunity to gather with friends and family. And one more popular belief It is on the 40th day of the wake that the soul returns to its home for the whole day, and leaves only after it has been carried out.

The most important funeral meal was usually held on the fortieth day of the funeral. Until the 40th day of the funeral, the deceased is called newly deceased, and on the 40th day of the funeral itself, a magpie or memorial service is additionally ordered from the church, for which money must be paid. This was done because on weekends there are big Divine Liturgies and funeral services.

Sometimes this glass of vodka was left until the 40th day of death, and when the vodka dwindled, they said that the deceased was drinking it. Also, sometimes they left vodka with a snack at the grave itself. In theory, such “secret” alms obligated neighbors to pray for the deceased, and even those who took this alms accepted a portion of the sins of the deceased’s soul. Sometimes, for the same purpose, at funerals, relatives were given scarves, which they were supposed to keep in memory of the deceased and remembering him mentally with a kind word.

It was also considered a rule not to install a permanent monument on a grave earlier than a year from the date of death. At this point, the holding of wakes dedicated to death often ended, and then mostly traditional wakes were held for general parenting days and equivalent to them church holidays. We are doubly happy negative reviews, they allow us to become better every day and do more for you.

How to spend 40 days after the death of a loved one in a Christian way?

Good afternoon Svetlana, I sincerely sympathize with you. And soon it will be 40 days. I was told that I need to give someone all the clothes from head to toe, please tell me can I give all this to a blood person or should I just give it to a stranger.

That is, at a minimum, he should not then make a cult of veneration and remembrance in his home from these things and then cry all day long and remember the departed. It will be very bad on all sides, both for him and for the departed. Whether it’s good or bad is up to you to judge, etc.

According to Orthodox traditions, on the fortieth day the fate of a person’s soul is decided. We will tell you what needs to be done and how to spend this day in this article. And if the soul itself is no longer able to change and correct anything for the sake of a better fate, then the relatives of the deceased can do this.

The first and most important thing to do not only on this particular day, but also on all previous ones is to pray. However, in this case there may be exceptions. The fact is that even numbers are a symbol of life and death, that is, the beginning and end, but odd numbers indicate continuation and movement.

Therefore, all these days, try to wear simple, strict and closed clothes without frills. In preparing and celebrating the fortieth day, it is first of all important to think about the deceased and his soul, and the details of the menu, the number of flowers and other similar things are a secondary matter.

Sometimes they even carefully prepared for such a coming of the soul, making the bed in the evening with a white sheet and covering it with a blanket. And the memorial days, which fell on the first week after Easter (Bright Week) and on Monday of the second Easter week, were transferred to a special day of commemoration of Radonitsa.

Funerals on the 3rd and 9th day after death

Often at the table all the deceased ancestors and relatives were remembered at the same time, and the recently deceased himself was imagined as incarnated and being together with everyone at the common table. Often the owners even bowed and addressed free space for the deceased with the words “Eat, dear.”

Therefore, especially if the deceased did not drink alcohol or eat black bread, performing this ritual in this form is simply strange and not even entirely adequate. Sometimes wooden spoons were distributed to the guests of the wake, and when people subsequently ate with these spoons, while eating, they involuntarily remembered the person in whose honor the wake was held. Sometimes all the clocks in the house were stopped and the mirrors were curtained for mourning.

40 days from the date of death is a very important and responsible date, because it is on this day, according to Orthodox canons, the soul of the deceased is given a verdict regarding its future location.

Orthodoxy considers the fortieth day after the funeral extremely important date, the same as the ninth. The accepted canons of the Christian faith say that it is on this day that the soul of the deceased receives an answer about where it will spend eternity. It is believed that the soul is still on earth for 40 days, but after this day it leaves it forever and moves to its designated place.

A wake for 40 days after death is a mandatory event that should be done correctly.

How does a believer approach death?

IN Ancient world There was no such thing as a birthday, and people did not celebrate this date. There is a theory according to which it is for this reason that the time of the birth of Jesus Christ was not precisely indicated. But another date was much more important - the moment of death, when the spirit met the Creator.

Ancient people believed in the afterlife, so their whole life was preparation for this transition. Today's Christians also believe in the transition to another life, through the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ, therefore believers should not be afraid of death, because this is only the moment of meeting God.

The wake on the 40th day after death is a celebration of this transition, after forty days of preparation of the soul for this.

Important articles:

Most Christian denominations believe that after the soul leaves the body, nothing can be done to influence eternal life, much less bring repentance to the Creator. However, after this, emotions and memories are retained, so that the person is aware of everything.

Advice! Thus, death is the transition of the spirit from the body to another world, where it reaps the fruits of its earthly actions. That is why one should not be afraid of it, and believers should not experience horror, but everyone should prepare by committing good deeds and doing alms.

Memorial service

Why 40 days and what happens during this time

Why is this date so important and why exactly this number of days?

Nobody knows this for sure. But it is the Orthodox faith that has unique look on the afterlife and believes that prayer on the fortieth day can influence the sentence that our God will pronounce on the soul.

The countdown starts from the day of death, i.e. it is considered the first day, regardless of the time recorded by doctors or loved ones, even if the person died in the evening. It is also determined that both dates, together with the day of repose, are considered memorial, i.e. On these dates it is customary to remember the deceased. A Christian is remembered through prayer, church and home, as well as dinner and alms.

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Tradition says that 40 days is the time needed to prepare the soul to receive the Divine gift from the Heavenly Father. This is the number that appears repeatedly in the Bible:

• Moses fasted for forty days before his conversation with Yahweh at Sinai, during which he was given the 10 commandments;
• 40 days after death, Christ ascended (which is especially important);
• The Jewish campaign to the Promised Land lasted 40 years.

Theologians took into account all these facts and decided that 40 days are needed for the soul to receive a decision from the Heavenly Father about where it will spend eternity. And at this time, the church and relatives are praying for her, trying to beg the Creator for mercy and for the cleansing of the deceased from sins.

What happens during this time? The soul wanders: in the first nine days it worships God, on the ninth day the angels show it hell, and on the 40th day the Heavenly Father pronounces its verdict on it. During this time, the resting spirit will have to endure the most terrible test - to visit hell and watch how sinners suffer. It is this test that the prayers of the church and the Guardian Angel help to withstand.

It is important to ask the church to pray for the deceased, so it is worth ordering services in the church:

• funeral services.

But it is much more important for relatives and friends to sincerely and fervently ask the Lord for mercy for the deceased. In addition, you can read a prayer to Saint War for the repose of your soul.

Prayer service to Saint War

“Oh, venerable holy martyr Uare, we kindle with zeal for the Lord Christ, you confessed the Heavenly King before the tormentor, and you suffered earnestly for Him, and now the Church honors you, as you are glorified by the Lord Christ with the glory of Heaven, Who has given you the grace of great boldness towards Him , and now you stand before Him with the Angels, and rejoice in the Highest, and clearly see the Holy Trinity, and enjoy the light of the Beginning Radiance, remember also our relatives' yearning, who died in wickedness, accept our petition, and like Cleopatrine, the unfaithful race was freed from eternal torment by your prayers You, therefore, remember those who were buried against God, who died unbaptized, striving to ask for deliverance from eternal darkness, so that with one mouth and one heart we may all praise the Most Merciful Creator forever and ever. Amen".

Icon of the martyr Huar

Procedure: funeral rules

On the fortieth day, the spirit of the deceased returns home for a day and after that leaves the earth forever. Legends say that if the spirit does not attend the funeral itself, it will suffer for all eternity, so it is definitely worth setting the table on this day and gathering to remember the deceased, but this must be done correctly.

1. Pray: on this day, for all 40 days and in the future, remember the deceased;
2. Bring a priest to the grave to perform a service or order a prayer service in the temple;
3. When ordering a memorial service, you must renounce any of your sins, for own benefit and to comfort the soul of the deceased;
4. Make a donation to the temple;
5. Gather at a common table all those who are close to the deceased and Orthodox Christians;
6. Prepare special dishes;
7. Don't sing songs.

A wake is not a celebration or a celebration, it is a moment of grief and petition. It is highly inappropriate to drink alcoholic beverages, sing songs or listen to music at this time. They take place for 1-2 hours, when believers remember the departed and pray for him.

Therefore, it is important that only Christians are present at the dinner who can share this time of grief with the family and support them spiritually.

What to cook

The meal is simple, especially if there is a general church fast. Even if there is no fasting, you should avoid eating meat and under no circumstances donate it to the temple.

Lunch can be arranged both at home and in a cafe. If the deceased was a regular parishioner, the priest may allow the memorial to be held in the church house after the end of the memorial service. Lunch is a continuation of the rite of worship, so it must be done with dignity.

There are a number of dishes that have been prepared for such dinners since ancient times. They are simple and satisfying.

A mandatory dish is considered to be fish, which is cooked in a large pan, and fish, which can be served in any form. Baked or fried meat is not welcome on tables. You need to make your meal as lean as possible in order to benefit not only the spirit, but also the body.

In addition to kutia and fish, you can put on the table:

• rich pancakes;
• fish sandwiches (with sprats or herring);
• vegetable salads: beets with garlic, vinaigrette, herring under a fur coat, Olivier salad;
• cutlets: regular meat or stuffed with mushrooms and cheese;
• peppers stuffed with rice and meat;
• fish aspic;
• lean cabbage rolls (filled with vegetables and mushrooms with rice);
• baked fish;
• pies: fish, cabbage, rice, mushroom, potato or sweet (charlotte).

There are also a number of drinks that should be on the funeral table:

• kvass;
• lemonades;
• sbiten;
• fruit drink and juice;
• jelly: can be cooked from both berries and oatmeal.

Important! It is imperative to remember that the church prohibits drinking alcoholic beverages at such events, as well as leaving vodka on the grave of the deceased. During dinner, they remember the deceased, and with him other deceased relatives and friends.

Funeral meal

Funeral speech

At such meals, it is necessary to make a speech, after which everyone should honor the deceased with a minute of silence.

It is best if there is a manager, someone close to the family, but who controls his emotions and maintains sobriety. His responsibilities will include not only monitoring preparations for the meeting (supervising staff if the event is in a cafe), but also giving the floor to family members.

Usually everyone in the family tries to say something about the deceased. And the manager controls the time of speaking and the order (close relatives should come first - spouse, parents or children, etc.

Grief is quite expected at such an event, so the manager must prepare and divert attention from the crying person to himself in time. It is worth remembering that a person did not die forever, but went into better life and this fact can be recalled in especially sorrowful moments.

Important! If a priest is invited to a meal, then he must serve a prayer service and deliver a sermon. If the remembrance takes place in a small circle, then all those gathered should pray for the deceased and, if possible, read a memorial service or prayer service on their own. At this time it is recommended to light church candles.

What to talk about in such a speech? The man suddenly passed away and it would be appropriate to remember what he was like, his good deeds and distinctive qualities. There is no point in remembering grievances and strife, if they have left resentment in the heart, this best time to talk about forgiveness. It is necessary to remember a person only on the good side, to describe some joint affairs, to remember a funny incident or a particularly touching one.

A funeral speech is a sad speech, but not melancholy. Man has not ceased to exist, he is simply now in a different form and world.

Who is not remembered

• suicides;
• those who died under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Important! If a person independently decides to neglect the main thing God's gift- life, then the Church has no right to remember him as a believer. You can pray for such people in person and do alms in memory of them, but prayer services are not held for them.

Questions usually arise about whether the church serves prayer services for dead babies, and the ruling bishop answers: one should definitely pray for the baby, regardless of age or cause of death. It is believed that the Lord, by taking children, protects them from a difficult fate in adulthood.

It is extremely important for parents to humbly accept His will and pray for their child.

Alms

The tradition of the Orthodox Church says that on the 40th day Christians should sort out the belongings of the deceased and distribute them to those in need.

At the same time, asking people to pray for him and asking the Lord to grant him eternal life in paradise. This is a good deed, which can also influence the final decision of the Lord God about the spirit of the deceased.

You can leave personal items and those that are valuable as a memory of the deceased to the family. If there is no needy person nearby, then the things can be taken to the temple and left with the priest, who will find them a new owner.

Important! Almsgiving is a good deed, which, like prayer, is reflected in eternal life deceased.

Watch the funeral video

40 days after death - how to remember the deceased, what traditions are associated with this day... People believe that this memorial day is important for human soul, at this time the spirit of the deceased appears before the Lord for the third time and finds out where he will be until the Last Judgment.

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40 days after death - as the Orthodox remember

The death of a loved one is a grief for relatives and friends. If you believe the Christian religion, then the 40th day is considered one of the most significant among funeral days (Orthodox tradition). However, not everyone knows how to behave on such a day.

It is important to realize that the living are able to help the deceased pass painlessly into another world, cleanse himself, and find peace and harmony. This is achieved.

You will help your deceased loved one withstand God’s judgment if on this day you speak kind words about him, remember his best deeds and pray. You can do this yourself or call a priest to the funeral.

In Orthodoxy, family members, friends, and acquaintances of the deceased gather for a meal. There is an opinion that the more people say a prayer on the 40th day and remember the deceased, the better the soul will be.

An important part of the funeral rite is. Be sure to bring flowers and candles with you. Remember, a pair of flowers is placed on the grave. This way you show respect to the deceased.

Arriving at the cemetery, mandatory Light a candle and pray for the repose of your soul. Stand by the grave, remember everything good moments, which you associate with this individual, it is forbidden to speak loudly or discuss heatedly. A quiet atmosphere of peace and tranquility is required.

You can also remember him in the temple. For this purpose, a liturgy is ordered for the salvation of the soul. Important: it can be ordered by those who were baptized in Orthodox Church. Family members light candles for the deceased. At the moment when you set it on fire, be sure to pray for the repose of the soul and ask that the person be forgiven all sins: voluntary and unintentional.

In Orthodoxy, it is forbidden to hold a funeral before the appointed date. However, if it is impossible to carry out the ritual correctly for this period, then on the next Saturday after 40 days, distribute alms to the poor.

Remember, a wake is not a feast with sophisticated dishes, arranged to meet friends. On such a day, one should remember the deceased, pray for him, and say “thank you” for all the good that the person has done.

Need to prepare simple dishes, limit alcohol intake. It is believed that there should be more on the table Lenten dishes. Be sure to prepare kutya. This porridge with honey, nuts and raisins turns out to be a symbol of the rebirth of the soul. They often make pancakes, cabbage soup, and various porridges.

If the memorial day coincides with fasting, then pork, beef, and lamb must be replaced with fish.

If you want to give a speech about the deceased, then remember that initially the word is given to children/brothers, sisters/parents, then to close friends, acquaintances - last. The speech always ends with a promise to remember the deceased person.

Where is the soul of the deceased until 40 days

Christian believers believe that the spirit of a deceased individual travels a long way up to 40 days. From the day of her death until the 3rd day, she is close to her family, close and dear people, and moves anywhere.

Religious people are sure that from 3 to 40 the human spirit visits Hell and Heaven. Throughout this entire period, it is still unknown where the soul will end up. The spirit will have to endure ordeals and tortures, which turn out to be the embodiment of sinful passions, familiar to all people.

After which the demons give a list of human misdeeds, the angels provide a list of good deeds. does not seem canonical and is not included in the main doctrinal code of Orthodoxy.

According to the teachings of Christians, after the soul of the deceased has seen Hell and Heaven, it appears for the third time before the Almighty. It is at such a moment that fate must be decided. Wherever the soul goes, it will remain until the Last Judgment.

Until this moment, she had already imagined the delights of Paradise, realized whether she was really worthy or unworthy to stay there. She saw all the horrors of Hell and must completely repent and pray to God for mercy. Therefore, the Orthodox regard the 40th day as a decisive moment.

To support a deceased relative, you should pray fervently. This will help influence the verdict of the Almighty regarding the soul. If a person is sent to Hell, this does not indicate that all is lost for him. The final fate of mortals will be decided during the Last Judgment, and fervent prayer will help change the verdict of the Lord.

In such a situation, if a soul is sent to Paradise, then with fervent prayer the relatives will thank the Almighty for the grace shown. The number 40 is symbolic in Christianity. It is not surprising that the commemoration of the deceased occurs on the 40th day.

For exactly the same number of days they mourned the forefather Jacob and the prophet Moses. After a 40-day fast on Mount Sinai, Moses received the tablets of the Covenant from the Almighty, during which period the prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb.

40 days after death - traditions of different religions

Funerals on the 40th day are important in Orthodoxy.
Muslims a meal in memory of the deceased is held on the 40th day after death. In this religion, the formal side of the ritual is significant. Men and women taking part in the ritual commemorate the deceased person not in the same room, but in different ones. In some cases, men take part in the ritual.

Sweet tea is placed on the table first, followed by pilaf. Many people believe that people shouldn’t talk to each other during meals; they should pray fervently. In Islam it is not customary to cry for the deceased. On this day it is necessary to humble grief. If you cannot restrain yourself, you need to do it as quietly as possible.

The funeral itself takes place at a fast pace, after which everyone goes to the cemetery. In the period from 3 to 40 days, you can organize charity meals for the disadvantaged, the poor, and distribute dishes to them.

At the same time, the relatives themselves are prohibited from eating a lot and preparing luxurious dishes for those who remember them. But every Thursday until the 40th day, remember the deceased, set the table, drink tea with halva prepared according to the recipe.

In Judaism people don't turn a meal into a feast. During the first week it is forbidden to set large tables. As soon as the person is buried, all the mourners' loved ones (who want to pay tribute to the deceased) eat a modest meal.

It includes eggs, beans, lentils, and some bread. During funerals, it is not customary to eat meat or drink alcohol. Another feature is that the family of the deceased person does not prepare a large funeral meal.

When loved ones pass away Dear people, then grief and sorrow settle in the souls of their relatives. Many believe that the human spirit is immortal; after the loss of the physical body, it takes an unknown path to eternal life. But not everyone knows what happens to the soul on the 40th day after the funeral, how to behave correctly at this significant moment for it and what words should be spoken. Holy Scripture says that this time is the end of the heavenly path of the deceased, and close people should help him get to heaven and find peace.

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Where is the soul located 40 days after death?

After a long journey, on the 40th day, the soul of the deceased comes to God's judgment. The role of her lawyer is the guardian angel who accompanied the person during life. He talks about the good deeds that the deceased managed to accomplish and tries to mitigate the sentence.

On the fortieth day, the soul is allowed to descend to earth, visit relatives and expensive places, say goodbye to the living forever. The relatives of the deceased feel his presence next to them on this day. Returning to heaven, the soul is obliged to accept the decision made by the court for its deeds committed during life. She could be sentenced to eternal wandering in a dark abyss or life in eternal light.

If relatives pray on this day, then for the deceased this is the best proof of their love and care for him. In monasteries and churches where daily services are held, the magpie is ordered - this is a daily mention of the name of the deceased for all 40 days. The words of prayer act on the spirit like a sip of water on a hot day.

How to conduct a funeral properly

On the 40th day, the relatives and friends of the deceased go to church. All people who come to pray must be baptized, like the deceased himself. In addition to going to the temple, it is necessary to follow the order of the funeral:

1. 1. Take food with you to church to put on the funeral table. The best options are sweets, sugar, flour, cookies, various fruits, cereals, vegetable oils and red wine. Bringing meat, sausage, fish and other similar products to the temple is prohibited.
2. 2. Having entered the church shop, you need to write a note “On Repose”, which indicates the name of the deceased. You need to order a prayer service at the church on the same day. Under the name of a recently deceased person, all relatives who have ever passed away are registered.
3. 3. You should definitely light a candle for the repose and offer a prayer for the soul of the deceased.
4. 4. If at this time in the temple service is underway, it must be defended to the very end, while reading a prayer. The priest is the first to leave the church, and then the rest of the parishioners.
5. 5. On the 40th day they go to the cemetery, lay flowers and light lamps on the grave. Each bouquet brought must contain even number colors. They can be either living or artificial.

The number of prayers and kind words said about the deceased on this day depends state of mind loved ones and himself. That is why it is important to gather the relatives and friends of the departed relative at a common memorial table on the 40th day.



What do they do on this day

It is believed that the soul of the deceased comes to the house where he lived and stays there for 24 hours, after which he leaves forever. In Orthodoxy, it is generally accepted that if you do not see her through, she will suffer and will not be able to find peace for herself. Therefore, it is important to devote this day Special attention and do everything according to the rules.

No matter how many conflicting opinions exist on how to celebrate this day, there are still certain rules that should be followed:

1. 1. Pray for the deceased. This will help ease the fate of the soul of the deceased. This will also act as a kind of request to To higher powers so that they show their mercy and mitigate the punishment.
2. 2. To refuse from bad habits. For the sake of saving the soul, it is necessary to give up various addictions at least for a while. It is worth excluding alcohol, smoking and foul language.
3. 3. Sincerely believe in God. Those gathered at the table must be believers, since those who do not believe in the existence of the Lord will not be able to help the soul and soften its fate.
4. 4. Behave modestly and appropriately for a mournful event. A memorial dinner should not be seen as an opportunity to meet with friends and loved ones. It is prohibited to sing, drink alcoholic beverages, or have fun.
5. 5. Dress in dark colors. Also, throughout the 40 days you need to look strict and wear mourning attire. It will help you refrain from worldly fuss and hysterics.



What is cooked for a funeral dinner?

Preparation proper lunch is as important as going to church and saying prayers. At the table they remember the deceased with kind owls, thereby helping to rest his soul. Food is not the main component at a wake, so you should refrain from culinary delights. To properly set the funeral table, you need to know a few simple but important rules:

1. 1. There must be kutia on the funeral table. According to custom, the dish is prepared from rice or millet. It symbolizes the frailty of the world and carries a sacred meaning. It is allowed to replace it with pancakes without filling.
2. 2. It is best to wash down food with jelly, bread kvass, berry fruit drinks, lemonade or sbiten.
3. 3. It is recommended to bake special memorial pies with a variety of fillings.
4. 4. If your family decides to cook meat dishes, then they should be simple. They make cabbage rolls, cutlets, goulash. You can also put fish on the table. It must be remembered that on fasting days it is allowed to cook only lenten dishes.
5. 5. Salads are made entirely from lean ingredients. They can only be seasoned with simple fillings; you should not use mayonnaise or various fatty sauces.
6. 6. The deceased’s favorite food must be placed on the table.
7. 7. Simple cheesecakes, cookies and candies can be suitable as desserts.

Who to invite to the funeral

On the 40th day after death, relatives, friends and acquaintances gather at the funeral table in the house of the deceased. They see off the soul of the deceased and honor his memory with kind words, remembering all the bright and most significant moments of his worldly life.

You need to invite to the funeral not only close people, but also his colleagues, students, and mentors. Great value It doesn’t matter who exactly comes to dinner, it is important that the person treats the deceased with respect.

How and what they say for 40 days

At the table, it is customary to remember not only the recently deceased person, but also all the relatives who have died. The deceased should be treated as if he were at dinner. It is necessary to make a speech only while standing. Christians should honor the person's memory with a minute of silence.

Before the funeral or immediately after it, you need to turn to the Lord. You can speak in your own words or read a prayer to Saint Uar. This will be a request from loved ones that the Almighty grant the soul of the deceased freedom from eternal torment.

In order for the wake to go well, you can appoint a leader. This could be a friend or the most close relative. It is important that a person knows how to keep his emotions to himself and is able to prevent chaos at the table. It is necessary that all those present give a funeral speech.

The presenter should have prepared phrases that will help defuse the situation if someone’s words evoke strong emotions among those gathered. Also, these phrases can fill the pause that may occur due to the tears of the speaker.

The leader also has other responsibilities:

• ensure that the words are spoken by everyone who wishes;
• keep others from gossip and prevent quarrels;
• interrupt the wake at the moment when those gathered stop talking about the deceased and begin to discuss everyday problems.

At the funeral table, you cannot report about the illnesses of other relatives, discuss inheritance, or the personal lives of those present. A wake is a gift for the soul of the deceased, which helps to overcome trials and find peace.

Alms and alms

By Orthodox faith On the fortieth day after the Dormition, it is customary to sort through the things of the deceased and take them to church. They can also be distributed to needy people who live nearby. It is imperative to ask those receiving alms to pray for the soul of the deceased, asking the Lord to give him eternal light.

This ritual is considered good deed, which helps the deceased person and counts in his favor at trial. Relatives can keep some things that are especially dear and memorable. The property of the deceased cannot be disposed of in the trash.

The Church advises giving alms in the form of food to people. They will remember the deceased with a kind word and pray for him. It is allowed to give various pastries, sweets, and fruits to the poor and children.

Is it possible to celebrate a funeral earlier?

The soul begins to wander between worlds on the day of death. Her ordeal ends on the fortieth day, when God's court makes a decision about her future fate. This is the most important day when it is necessary to pray and remember the positive moments in the life of the deceased.

The deceased is commemorated on all 40 days, so commemorations on fortieth days can also be collected ahead of schedule. If it is not possible to invite relatives on this day, then the relatives will definitely go to church and order a memorial prayer for the deceased.

The meal itself does not play any role in the future fate of the soul. What is important is not the abundance of dishes on the table, but attention and memories loving people and prayers. It is prohibited to move the commemoration to a cemetery or funeral service.

What to do if 40 days fall during Lent

Great Lent is the main and strictest of all Christian fasts. Commemoration of deceased relatives during this period is allowed only on special days. These are the second, third and fourth Parents' Saturdays. If the commemoration falls on a regular day of Lent, then it should be moved to the next Saturday or Sunday.

It is also allowed to remember the dead on Annunciation, Thursday and Saturday on Holy Week. At this time, you can submit a note “On Repose” and order a liturgy. The best place to find out about the possibility of holding a memorial dinner on a specific day is at the church.

If the 40th day of death falls during the strictest weeks of Lent, then only the closest relatives are allowed to be invited to dinner. Do not forget about prayers for the repose and do good deeds for the repose of the soul of the deceased, and also give alms as on ordinary days.

Gathering at the memorial table for the family of a person who has passed away is not prohibited. But it is worth remembering that according to the rules of Lent, you can only eat fish on Annunciation and Palm Sunday. You can flavor food with vegetable oils only on weekends and on the days of remembrance of saints.

If among the guests there are people who strictly observe the rules of Lent, then you need to prepare special treats for them. The purpose of the lunch is to strengthen people's strength to perform prayer.

According to tradition, there should be pickles on the Lenten table, sauerkraut, peas, potatoes, various water porridges, raisins, nuts. You can treat those present to bagels, bagels and other Lenten pastries.

Who should not be remembered

There are people for whom the church does not hold funeral services and forbids their commemoration. If a person decides to neglect God’s gift and commit suicide, then memorial services cannot be held for him. You can pray for such deceased people and give alms. Also, funeral services are not held for persons who left this world while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

It is best not to hold a wake for dead babies. It is worth going to church and praying for his soul. It is generally accepted that this is how the Lord tries to protect the newborn from a difficult fate in the future. The parents of the deceased child can only accept his will and tirelessly pray for their baby.

Signs and traditions

Also in Ancient Rus' there were rituals and traditions that they tried to adhere to for 40 days after the death of a relative. Some of them have survived to this day. The most famous of them:

• Forty days after the death of a person, it is forbidden to cut hair and wash clothes;
• the table for the funeral dinner is set, excluding sharp utensils, and spoons are placed on a napkin with the back side up;
• crumbs cannot be swept away from the funeral table and thrown away; they are collected and taken to the grave of the deceased so that he knows that he is being remembered;
• It is not prohibited for guests to bring their own food to the funeral;
• At night you need to close the windows and doors; you cannot cry at this time, since the tears of your relatives can attract the spirit of the dead person and prevent him from leaving for another world.

Also, many superstitions have come down to our times, which are observed up to 40 days after the death of a person. So, at this time you cannot turn on the lights in the apartment and clean it; you can burn candles or light a dim night light. It is also forbidden to go to bed in the place of the deceased. All reflective surfaces in the house of the deceased must be covered with thick fabric, otherwise the soul may be reflected in them and take the living person with it.

Sad events are confusing, at a crucial moment all words fly out of your head. The speech at the wake can be written in advance to control emotions.

Examples and order of what is said at the wake on the day of the funeral are presented in the table:

Funeral words must come from a pure heart. The constructed pattern only gives clues. Supplement your speech with colorful epithets, enthusiastic words about what a wonderful person the deceased was.

Remember last words parting words told to you, what the deceased taught you.

End the funeral speech with words of gratitude, make a promise that you will never forget the deceased, and that you will keep the memories deep in your heart.

According to Christian custom, the presentation can be concluded with a short joint prayer.

Advice! Don't make long, pretentious speeches. Keep your speech short and sincere.

How to behave and what to say at a wake on the day of a funeral?

When you first find yourself involved in such tragic circumstances, you should know the rules of how to behave at a funeral. In such cases, it is difficult to contain your emotions; you can offend others with your behavior.

A heavy burden falls on the shoulders of the relatives of the deceased: organizing the funeral and knowing the rules of behavior at such events.

1. Black clothes. Women must cover their heads with a headscarf before entering the temple; men remove their hats.

   It is customary to wear dark clothes, symbolizing longing for the deceased. Don't dress up or wear bright makeup; choose a modest outfit without vulgar cutouts.

2. Organization. For a fee, all events will be planned by a special service.

   Invite relatives, friends, and colleagues of the deceased to the wake. If a family does not want someone at the funeral, they should let the unwanted guest know.

3. Set up a small first aid station. There are a lot of tears and grief at the funeral, and fainting is not excluded.

   Pack a small first aid kit with sedatives and ammonia.

4. Share the feast. After the feast, distribute food to those invited.

Important! Make sure that the wake does not turn into a celebration. Limit or completely eliminate alcohol. Follow the rules of table etiquette.

There are a few more mandatory points that guests need to consider before going to a funeral or memorial service:

• Buy a going away gift. Traditionally, they give a wreath of an even number of flowers with a memorable inscription: “to the beloved father from loving son", "friend, you were the best."

  The inscription can be anything, but not offensive.

• About the deceased it is either good or nothing. Even if your neighbor was boring all day long, remember, he always said hello and treated you with respect.

  Express your condolences to the man's relatives.

• Do not refuse help if you are asked. Men are asked to carry the coffin lid, women carry flowers and look after children if necessary.
• Poetry of farewell speeches. Poems can be read if they are appropriate, it is better to limit yourself to short quatrains.
• During a wake, loved ones speak first. It is better for sister and brother to say goodbye in the middle of the event.

Farewell words at the funeral

Funeral orations in Christian canons are not always pronounced. To give the funeral a secular character, the participant in the ritual can publicly address the guests.

Says the words deceased mother's daughter, close friend families. The moment is unfortunate, because after farewell words The coffin is lowered into the grave pit.

The purpose of such words is to solemnly say goodbye, let go and wish for the kingdom of heaven.

To send off to another world, follow the rules of pronunciation of funeral words:

1. You don't need to tell everyone. Speech must be said close person who knew the deceased well.
2. Choose a person with a loud voice and good diction, emotionally stable. Daughter-in-law giving a speech to her mother-in-law in last way, will cry loudly.

   The best speeches at funerals are given by men.

3. Choosing the right words is the art of calming. The performance should not injure family and friends.
4. Talk about best qualities deceased. Warm words will calm the soul of the deceased in the afterlife.
5. Don't delay your speech speak no more than 5 minutes.
6. Use the outline to write your speech. indicated in the table above. Tell us that in your life there was no one closer to your grandmother, remember your character, actions, how important it is that everyone gathered today for the last farewell.

Funeral words for 9 days, 40 days and 1 year

The more time passes, the less the pain of loss. It is customary to gather the family at a common table for 9, 40 days after death, a year later.

At the wake, the deceased is remembered with joy and warmth. They tell stories and eat traditional dishes.

Drinking is the trend of the secular world, In Christian customs, you can remember the deceased without wine.

Important! Poems are absolutely inappropriate at a funeral. But at a wake, touching poetry will come in handy, especially on the 9th, 40th day after death and on the anniversary.

Sincere and the best option There will be poems of my own composition addressed to the deceased.

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