How to be an interesting conversationalist: important tips. How to be a good person

Find out what it means to you personally to be a good man. Some people think it's enough just not to harm others, but good is often expressed in what you do for others, and not in what you don't do. A good person should help himself and others. You must decide what it means to you to be a good person.

Choose a role model for yourself. That way you can look up to someone. This person should have those character traits that you want to have. Think about how you can adopt these traits and apply them to your work, in creative search, in relationships, in lifestyle and nutrition.

• Who do you look up to and why? How does this person make the world a better place? Can you do the same?
• What qualities of this person do you admire and can you develop them in yourself?
• Always keep a role model in your head to inspire you. Think about how the person would react to the question or event, and respond in the same way.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Try to understand that many people are doing better than you, but many are much worse. If a person feels unhappy because of comparison with others, he is wasting time and effort that could be spent on developing his personality. Praise yourself every morning. Good mood makes you a more positive person and helps you share kindness with the world.

   Love yourself. Learn to love yourself. Embrace your identity. The only way To love others is to first accept and love yourself. You should feel good about what you do for yourself and what you believe in, not just what you do for others. If you try to do something for others, forgetting about yourself, it will turn into resentment, anger and depression. If you love yourself, you will be able to sincerely help others.

   • Are you trying to artificially impose on yourself the qualities of a good person? If inside you hate yourself and are angry at the whole world, you cannot be considered a good person, even if you commit good deeds.

2. Be yourself. Always be yourself and don't try to pretend to be someone else. Don't act like someone else. Be yourself and do what you can. So you will be a sincere person who can give good to the world. If you are true to yourself, you will be able to understand what you believe in and what you consider important.

   Meditate and/or pray. Prayers higher powers or meditation will help you develop the qualities you need. Meditation and prayer will enable you to gain inner peace and concentrate on your inner world. When you understand yourself better, you will know what you really want and gain clarity in your life. When you become calmer, you will feel better, and this will help you become a good person.

   Start with small changes. It is impossible to change overnight, but small changes are very important. Every month or every two months, set a goal to overcome one or two habits that you do not like.

   • Goal 1 example: "I will listen to others without interrupting with words or gestures." Think about how unpleasant it will be for you if someone tries to say something when you have not finished your statement.
   • Goal 2: "I will try to think of things that will make the other person happier." Sharing food or drinks with people when they are hungry or thirsty; you can give up your seat or do something else.

3. Review your goals daily. To become a good person, it is important to reread the list of desirable qualities every day. It must become part of you. Follow the tips from this article, and also come up with something new from yourself.

   Be honest. Lying destroys trust and ruins relationships. Don't lie to others - be honest with them. Good people do not lie, they directly talk about their thoughts and feelings. Instead of lying and getting someone else into a difficult situation, be direct about what you think. Don't be passive aggressive.

   Make small acts of kindness a habit. The little things will help you get better. Smile at someone or hold the door. Very soon it will become a habit that you won't even think about.

   Show empathy. Remember that kindness, understanding and compassion are the result of loving and caring for others. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see the situation from their point of view. Think about how you would feel if you were that person. Most likely, you will begin to consider the feelings of other people. It will show in your words and actions. Be a good person, not in order to appear good in the eyes of others, but in order to benefit others.

   • Don't always try to be diplomatic. Do not be afraid of possible difficulties.

Interaction with others

1. Accept all the people around you. To become a good person, it is important not to judge others. A good person accepts everyone, regardless of their race, age, sexual orientation, gender and culture. Remember that everyone has feelings, that every person is valuable and worthy of respect.

   • Respect the elderly. Do not forget that someday you too will grow old, and you will need help. The next time you are in mall, in a parking lot or anywhere else, look around for an elderly person who needs help (for example, with bags). Offer your help - he will appreciate it. If the person refuses, apologize and wish him have a good day. If you meet somewhere old man, smile at him and ask how his day is going. This may be enough to make the person feel better.
   • Show empathy for people with mental disabilities. They also have feelings. Smile at them and treat them like people worthy of respect. If someone laughs at you, don't pay any attention and continue to associate with the person who is your true friend.
   • Don't be racist, don't be homophobic and be tolerant of other religions. The world is multifaceted. Learn new things from other people and enjoy this diversity.

2. Control your anger. If you are arguing with someone, keep your anger under control. When arguing about something with a friend, do not be rude, but do not hide your feelings. Talk to the person and solve the problem. It is better not to take out your anger on each other, but to take a break and think about the problem. Try saying something like this: "I want to look into this because you are my friend. Let's not talk about it for a while - we need to think it over."

   Praise other people. Pleasant words is an easy way to achieve a friendly atmosphere. Praise new hairstyle colleagues and the dog of a passer-by on the street. Compliment friends you envy. It is very correct to praise what is worthy of praise, and you would certainly want your successes to be noted by others too.

   Listen carefully to others. Many people rarely listen to the words of others. Everyone wants to matter and be valuable. Listen to people. Follow the person's story. Do not be distracted by external stimuli and do not look at the phone.

People with whom it is interesting to communicate have been valued at all times, starting from the cavemen. After all, there is no greater pleasure for a person than to talk with his own kind, while showing himself and listening to others. In general, a good interlocutor is a great rarity, having discovered which, you feel incomparable pleasure. Most of the people among whom our life flows are either unable to connect two words, in any case, to do it logically and excitingly, or they are flooded with a nightingale, but fixated on themselves, loved ones, and are ready to devote dozens of hours to describing their boring life circumstances.

Is it possible to learn to be interesting interlocutor if by nature you have neither eloquence nor special charm? Psychologists say it's possible. After all, the main quality that people appreciate in communication partners is not the ability to speak beautifully, but the ability to listen well. And this wisdom can be mastered by anyone, especially if there is a desire.

What else should a person do in order to pass for a pleasant conversationalist and invariably gather interesting and popular personalities around him?

1. Ask. We have already understood that the main thing that people need is our interest. Observing our sincere interest in their person, people feel significant and admirable. And this is good for everyone. To emphasize your interest in the words of the interlocutor, it is not enough just to listen to what he says. You need to ask questions relevant to the course of the plot: “What is he? What is she? And then what? And how did they react to it? etc. It’s good to nod your head, widen your pupils in surprise and make exclamations of approval.

   Say compliments and other nice things. Approve appearance, behavior and life attitudes narrator. You like it all, don't you? If not, why are you talking to this person? Find yourself another, more congenial, interlocutor. In your desire to be an interesting interlocutor, you do not need to go too far and listen to the speeches of those who are not interesting to you. A conversation is a two-way process, and both parties should enjoy it. If this is the case, feel free to put it into words.
   

2. Observe the interlocutor. Maybe he's bored and wants to change the subject? Ask a question from another area that you think might be of interest to him. Tell something yourself, look at his reaction. If he responds vividly, continue to develop the topic, ask his opinion on certain issues. If your submission doesn't find support, try something else. Talk about his friends, family, hobbies. Some topic will definitely be of interest to him.

   If you are tired of listening and admiring, and you want to be heard now, this can also be arranged.

   Learn to logically, easily and beautifully express your thoughts and judgments. If you are a silent person by nature or are tongue-tied, you can and should fight this. You can start with a letter. Writing is easier than talking: the situation is calm, there is no tension, there is time to think about elegant formulations. It does not matter what you will write: a diary, a personal blog, a detective story or an essay on a free topic. Even the result is not of paramount importance. The main thing is practice. You will be able to develop the ability to express what you think in regular workouts. When you learn how to communicate in writing, it will not be so difficult for you to move on to coherent oral speech.
   

3. Practice speaking. This is advice for inexperienced interlocutors who get lost in the company, begin to mumble something indistinctly, insert remarks inappropriately and are often ready to fall through the ground. If you're afraid of the spotlight and crave it at the same time (not an uncommon combination), practice in front of a mirror first. Choose an arbitrary topic, you can randomly open a dictionary or a book, and start developing it. The topic could be captive breeding of kangaroos or how an electric bike works. It does not matter. Do not worry, no one sees you, you can carry complete nonsense and nonsense, most importantly, do it easily and confidently. If you are afraid that you will be heard and the orderlies will be called, make sure that you have privacy: check the doors, windows and hidden places for the presence of "bugs". You can record your speech on a voice recorder. So it will be easier for you to find all the shortcomings of your oratory and correct them in order to be an interesting conversationalist.
   
4. Read. To develop the ability to speak and tell stories, it is very useful to study samples: classics and contemporary literature, women's novels and police detectives, glossy magazines and political papers. In all this printed matter you can find the element you need - a coherent and fascinating speech. Adopt the experience of storytellers, use new words and interesting topics to enhance their own status as an interesting interlocutor.
   
5. Stay up to date. If you haven't watched New film with Tom Cruise or have not read Pelevin's recently released novel, you will have nothing to discuss with friends. Of course, if your friends are interested in these particular characters. Follow the latest news in sports or politics, on Facebook or YouTube, in glossy magazines or on the Fashion channel. And then they will turn to you to learn something new, to discuss events, to find out your opinion. Opinion at first, if you are an inexperienced talker, you can prepare in advance. But in no case should you stop at this stage. Develop not only speech, but also the brain. Have your own opinion on everything.
   
6. Develop a sense of humor. A witty interlocutor especially attracts attention, both of his own and of the opposite sex. And in our time, wit is especially valued, it’s not for nothing that KVN and Comedy Club are so popular, and every self-respecting channel has its own sketch show and other humorous delights. Acquiring wit, or at least a reputation as a person with a sense of humor, is difficult, but possible. Study primary sources. Read Ilf and Petrov, listen to Humor FM radio and watch TV, there is especially a lot of funny stuff, and not always in humorous programs. At first, you can use blanks: learned jokes, jokes heard somewhere, funny stories that happened to others. Just don't force them into the conversation. Wait for the right moment to make a splash and hear a burst of laughter.
   
7. Be yourself. But in his best, positive and full of optimism, option. If you are overcome by problems, you do not need to load others with a gloomy expression on them. Either keep quiet, or talk about what happened with humor. This will not only amuse your interlocutors, but also help you abstract from the situation and look at it from a different angle. Enjoy communication, it is always noticeable and pleasant to those with whom you spend time. If that doesn't work, spend your time in some other way. You don’t need to force yourself to do what you don’t want, this will inevitably lead to the accumulation of tension and damage to character and behavior.
   

Do you dream of becoming an interesting conversationalist and always being the center of attention? Effective advice from a psychologist will help you become an interesting conversationalist today!

Well, who does not dream of being liked by everyone around?!

Agree, there is hardly such a person on earth.

We all want love, universal recognition and worship, but we don’t know how to achieve this at all.

So here's to become an interesting conversationalist, must be:

• clockwork;
• charismatically active;
• interesting;
• and a great listener.

It is worth understanding that it is simply impossible to please everyone!

After all, not everyone likes even the chic Brad Pitt.

However, not everything is so bad.

And if you cannot please all the people on earth, then you can easily.

Of course, it is not easy, but it is quite real.

And if you decide to become an interesting conversationalist by all means, then the following tips will help you in this difficult task.

A bore will never become an interesting conversationalist

Believe me, no one will ever be able to interest you with tediousness.

Yes, because people will quickly get bored of hearing for the hundredth time the story that your ex is a goat or how you chose a battery for the kitchen.

Other bores may find this story exciting, but your goal is to be an interesting conversationalist, not to create a club of bores.

Charismatic person = good listener

Remember, all charismatic people are good listeners.

Don't feed us bread - just let me tell you about your beloved!

We absolutely do not like to delve into other people's problems.

Knowing this feature and starting to listen to the interlocutor, you will instantly turn into a good listener, with whom they will share experiences, and with whom they will consult in any trifles.

Talk about the interests of your interlocutor

Ask your interlocutor about his hobby, ask leading questions.

You can even discuss his interests.

A study conducted by psychologists showed that when talking, the main attention is paid to facial expressions and gestures.

Often with a confident tone and with the right gestures, you can carry such nonsense that the listeners will pray for this person!

And this clean water truth!

Note that at the university it often happens that losers who confidently carry bullshit get a higher grade than stuttering crammers who answer correctly to all questions.

Diversify your life

Meet interesting people, read interesting books and live an interesting life!

how to always stay interesting and never fall face down in the dirt!

We take note.

Believe me, when you have all of the above, you just won't need to become an interesting conversationalist.

Your life will be so diverse that other people will involuntarily begin to consider you an interesting conversationalist, and an interesting person.

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Many are interested in how to become an interesting conversationalist, what needs to be done for this, what are the ways, methods and recommendations. After all, being different and interesting is very useful when communicating, it allows you to be more confident, find new acquaintances, friends, and at the same time become better and more successful.

In this article, you will learn how become interesting interlocutor, what are the secrets of psychologists, tips and tricks to learn how to communicate with all people and be interesting for everyone. We are all different and each person needs his own approach, this article will help to develop such a feeling if you put all the tips into practice.

Learn to listen

To become an interesting conversationalist, you just need to learn to listen to the person who communicates with you. We all love to talk about ourselves and our problems, and if you put down selfishness and allow the interlocutor to express his thoughts and opinions, he will see that you know how to listen and you will become a better interlocutor for him, even if you personally do not know how to communicate as well.

Talk about what people need, not you

To become an interesting conversationalist, stop being selfish and think only about yourself. Start the conversation by solving the other person's problems and end the conversation by solving your own problems. Then you and the interlocutor will remain in excellent relations and solve all your and his problems. Many people are only interested in their own problems and as a result they cannot solve anything.

Be like an interlocutor

To become interesting interlocutor, you need to remember that people like people like them. Therefore, try to adapt to each interlocutor, but at the same time remaining confident in yourself. Copy the voice, pace, intonation and behavior of the interlocutor and then it will become easier for him to communicate with you and you will find mutual language to solve problems.

Connect with people more often

To become an interesting conversationalist, you need to try, experiment and not be afraid of being rejected. Fear prevents us from communicating with others and, accordingly, our self-confidence falls. To lift her up and become a better conversationalist, do not be afraid to communicate with different people Don't be afraid to push yourself and try to help people. Communicate with those who share common opinions with you about life and are interested in your advice and suggestions.

Use a smile

Support the interlocutor

To be an interesting conversationalist, you need to keep the conversation going and share an opinion with the other person. If he is wrong, it is not necessary to tell him about it, if he does not ask you. Keep the truth to yourself and then you will not offend anyone. But if you have to make a decision and the wrong point of view is being forced on you, you shouldn't hide it. But do not just tell the truth, but refer to the facts and evidence. Don't waste time arguing and criticizing.

The Strawberry and Cream Principle: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That's why when I go fishing, I don't think about what I love, but about what the fish loves.

(Dale Carnegie)

If you want someone to be interested in you, talk about what he is interested in (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple, and well-known to everyone - but how to put it into practice?

And in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interest of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.

Usually 2-3 of these 6 topics are favorites for a person - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why about this? it doesn't matter!"

To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type separately.

The cat caught the mouse:

- Do you want to live?

- With whom?

- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!

Favorite question: Who? People are important to him: with whom he communicates, who surrounds him.

Such a person selects a job for himself based on which team he will join, with whom he will have to interact.

Talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he rested, whom he met.

If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?”. He asks because it is the most important thing for him.

At the headquarters of the missile forces:

- Today came the order to reduce staff by 10%. Does everyone understand?

- Yes…

- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama ...

Favorite question: Where? It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or favorite place at the table, on which he tries not to let anyone in.

When choosing a job, the most important factor will be the location of the office, and how much he likes his workplace.

Talking about the rest, he will describe the places he visited, through which sights his route ran.

Meticulously will ask about "where the party will take place." At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.

A Frenchman is asked:

- What do you like more? Wine or women?

To which he replies:

- It depends on the year of manufacture.

Favorite question: When? For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.

He selects a new job based on such criteria as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the duration of his vacation.

He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.

Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? what time will it end? when does the last bus leave?

"Values"

Doctor, will I live?

- What's the point?

Favorite question: Why? It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about your values ​​and beliefs.

Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant for him, with devils in the middle of nowhere, wasting a lot of his time on the road, if at the same time he considers that by working here he benefits people, or some benefit to himself.

He will not talk about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “he improved his health, spent at least a little time with his family, made useful acquaintances.”

Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this be useful for me?”, Because the party itself is not of particular value to him.

"Process"

A hefty lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:

- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, through the pipe to the roof ...

At that moment, the pipe below him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.

Cat (angrily):

- Do not understand!..

Favorite question: How? It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that must be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.

In work, the most important thing for him is that the process itself gives him pleasure.

Talking about the holiday: will describe the sequence of events, day by day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.… The next day we went on an excursion, after that…”

He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? What about after we dance? What about after we have tea?

A customs officer looking into a passenger's suitcase from an arriving flight:

- So, dear, let's decide where your things are here, and where are mine.

Favorite question: "What?". Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.

When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room ... It is important that he likes it.

He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during his vacation: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator…”

Be sure to ask "What will happen at the party?". If it is important for a process type person to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea”, then it is important for a person of the “Things” type to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”

Now the question is “What to talk to him about?” the solution is quite simple: after listening to a person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk with him, trying to get into the sphere of his interests. If it is “people”, then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell me where you yourself are going to go ...

To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “detune” from the interests of a person. He told you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you asked him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “And when was that?”. The reaction of the person will immediately tell you that it is better not to do this (except when you need to quickly end the conversation)

To check yourself how well you are now oriented in this "typology of interests", try to answer the questions of the following tests.

Test #1

Read statements 6 different people about your vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.

Test #2:

Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.

Test #3

You came to your boss to ask him for a raise. Different bosses need different arguments. Determine for each phrase, on the bosses, what type it will work best.

Right answers:

If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!

It remains only to wish: often use the knowledge gained in practice. And then you will be an ideal interlocutor who knows how to pick up the key to any person.