How to overcome the ego in yourself and defeat egoism. Male egoism. How to "cure" him of selfishness? Psychologist's recommendations

Such a character trait of a person as egoism is a manifestation of his essence. It develops in early childhood and affects adult life men or women. You need to know how to get rid of selfishness and find true reason habits that are aimed only at helping oneself.

Egoism as a phenomenon

Selfishness is part of personality. It affects behavior, habits, lifestyle. The more a person succumbs to nature, the stronger the manifestations of this trait. Selfish intentions are difficult to hide, and she herself is sometimes even proud of the way she behaves.

An egoist always puts himself above others due to a misperception of his personality. Such a person cannot see other people's virtues. Everything that is his world is his own ego, so the trait affects the concentration of attention.

At its core, this is the creation of an artificial, distorted reality. The egoist does not see the problem, does not notice that his behavior is irrational and abnormal. This trait manifests itself in love, work and social relations. In such connections there is only an egoist and his urgent needs.

How does it manifest

Selfishness is not a temporary phenomenon, but a permanent trait of character. This is not a habit, but a sustainable pattern of behavior. A person gets used to building his own life around himself. An egoist sincerely believes that he is special, and that his abilities are unique and in demand.

How to identify an egoist:

• a person constantly talks about himself and does not know how to listen to others;
• a person is self-confident even without real grounds for it;
• the person is trying to be a leader, it seems to her that her ideas are important and valuable;
• a person flaunts his achievements in front of others;
• a person does not accept and does not perceive criticism;
• the person is quick-tempered (such people are not tolerant or patient).

In relationships, the egoist is accustomed only to receiving; for him, bestowal is something unnatural. He perceives his attention as a value to be earned. An egoist does not know how to sincerely rejoice in the achievements of others if there is no benefit to him in these relations. Without profit, any business quickly bothers him with a self-obsessed personality. If the people around him play along or indulge, the egoist sees no reason for internal changes.

Fighting selfishness

In most cases inner circle a person worries about how to get rid of egoism. Over the years, complex character traits worsen. The egoist becomes indifferent and callous. If at a young age narcissism and excessive self-confidence are written off as youthful maximalism, then over the years harmless character traits are reborn into cruelty and indifference.

Why it is necessary to fight selfishness:

• fixation on oneself excludes the correct adaptation of the personality in a new place;
• concentration of attention is reduced, a person cannot notice changes in both strangers and close people;
• it is difficult for egoists to build a harmonious family;
• It's hard for people to bring up children.

You can defeat egoism if you find the strength in yourself to admit that there is such a problem. At this stage important role reserved for relatives and friends. If the egoist himself suffered from his own obsession, he will have to cope with the problem on his own. To fight, you need to work with thinking.

Coping Methods

In cases where selfishness develops, you can get rid of it by looking at your own life from the outside. This is not just an analysis of current situations. The person needs to see how certain habits or behaviors lead to negative outcomes.

For an egoist who always knows better what he needs, the opinion of the people around him is of little importance. He does not believe in things that can be imperfect. To accept the harm that comes from oneself is the most difficult task for a narcissistic, selfish person.

You can get rid of selfishness in this way:

• find the reason;
• take a course of psychoanalysis or engage in self-development (egoists rarely seek help from specialists);
• develop good habits;
• change the way of life (the model of behavior will change - thinking will be transformed).

Gradually, the egoist can change. For him, these changes should be natural. A conscious decision will allow you to lose doubts. If an egoist is forced to change, he turns into a pretender, and the problem only gets worse.

Finding a reason

You can get rid of the problem of a psychological nature only through work with thinking. Egoism is not actions, but a thought that contributes to these actions. Reasons for the development of a narcissistic and indifferent personality:

• defensive reaction: in the process of personality formation, the child learns to understand the world, stable concepts and a model of behavior are formed; parents perceive changes in the child as manifestations of character, but in fact, with the help of self-obsession, the child is fenced off from what is happening; he may hide from situations that are unpleasant for him (this is what children who suffer from domestic violence do); those whose families did not give enough time and love grow up proud - through selfishness, an adult compensates for childhood trauma;
• improper upbringing: parents who try to instill false self-confidence in the child only harm him even more; the kid does not know how to see his true strengths, he is sure that the people around him are unable to appreciate all his talents; when contentious issues, the child relies on the beliefs of the parents, and not on the opinions of others, excessive self-confidence, not supported by real facts, turns into the basis of selfishness;
• bad role model: missing upbringing, when the child is not harmed (do not underestimate self-esteem), and does not help, does not inspire self-confidence, the child is looking for an example to follow on the side; the baby chooses any adult who seems successful to him.

If you find the cause, you will be able to find a way to correct wrong thinking.

Recognition of the problem

To get rid of the problem, you need to see it. Egoists do not try to find in themselves vulnerabilities(such behavior is dictated by fear, and not by the certainty that they do not exist). First you need to look at yourself as a stranger. Understand that this person can make mistakes, unconsciously make mistakes.

The assumption that a problem may exist allows you to look at yourself from a different perspective. Whatever the cause of selfishness, it is necessary to look at how it negatively affects the life and relationships of the individual. Such an analysis is unpleasant, but necessary.

Psychoanalysis as a variant of deliverance

Deep psychoanalysis helps people who cannot change their own thinking. In most cases, these are people with mental disorders who deny the problem to the last. Egoists are very stubborn, they do not want to allow (in front of the doctor or other people) such a possibility.

When a person hears an assumption that she is fixated on herself, she does not show doubt, but a defensive reaction - aggression or anger. Turning to a psychoanalyst will allow you to explore a person, to see how many unconscious attitudes she uses in Everyday life and doesn't even realize it.

Development of empathy

During psychoanalysis, it is useful for an egoist to develop new skills, including empathy. Empaths are people who feel subtly the world. These are sometimes weak and sincere people. They carefully listen to the interlocutor, imbued with his condition.

In psychology, such people are called mirror images: they receive an emotion, accept it, and give it back with more force. For an egoist, learning such skills is not only useful, but also pleasant. Having opened himself to the world, to other people, he will get a new unforgettable experience.

Developing good habits

In getting rid of this kind of thinking, it is important to understand how to get rid of selfishness in relationships, at work and at home. It is necessary to track what actions upset the people around. Habits that benefit only the egoist are changed. Before everyone important decision he analyzes who else will benefit from future actions.

If the situation is beneficial only to the egoist, it should be avoided. Gradually, a proud person will develop a new strategy of behavior. New activities, hobbies or travel will help to overcome the wrong mental attitudes. A change of scenery has a positive effect on thinking and perception of the world around us.

Conclusion

Selfishness is not a disease, but a character trait. It harms the personality, does not allow it to build harmonious relationship. To get rid of it, a person rethinks his life: he recognizes the problem, changes his thinking and lifestyle.

WHO ARE YOU?

Are you your name?

Are you your job?

Are you your feelings?

Are you your personal story?

Throw it all away and what's left?

Who are you?

Can you imagine that you will stop experiencing negative emotions, getting angry, offended? Always feel inner joy, no matter the circumstances? It's very simple. Do you think spiritual growth takes a long time? Nothing like this! It happens instantly. In you already have everything. You just need to remove the excess. The one that closes the real you.

Are you happy? Be honest with yourself. When you are left alone, without a phone, computer, TV and books, you feel something. You drive it away again and again, but it comes back. You feel that something is missing. Something very important. You feel… emptiness. Lack of meaning.

When problems hit you again, you get irritated, angry, sad, happy, offended, craving justice, or any other feeling. You are no longer as happy as you would like. However, all the dramas of life distract your attention. With them, that emptiness in you is filled with something: emotions, feelings, thoughts. All your attention is now immersed in them. And it doesn't hurt so much anymore. Any problem or illness is solved quickly, almost effortlessly. This power is given to us along with life. You just need to remember.

You came here to live a truly great life.

To do something really big.

Something that only you and no one else can do.

All you need to do is see who you are

who you are at your core.

The state of happiness, inner peace, joy and love is your natural state. You will feel good, no matter the circumstances. No matter where you are, with whom and what you do, no matter what difficulties surround you - in your Soul you will feel peace and joy. Permanent happiness. A bunch of problems will not even enter your life, and aspirations will become embodied. This is what the real you is.

For this, one does not need to develop spiritually for years, meditate, study something. You do not need to work hard and hard to achieve your goal. All this just distracts from the essence. You don't have to strive for it. You already are! All the knowledge of the Universe is already in you. They have always been there. Right here and now, you are the truth.

INTRODUCTION

All answers are very simple. They are right in front of us. We already know them, and always have. But they shielded them from themselves with fiction and fantasy, invented by us as a person. Our name, work, dreams, goals, feelings and thoughts - each of us invented a whole life for ourselves and believed that it was me. But this is just our wild imagination.

How to find the real you? You only need to see it once. We will try to make it different ways using various images. You will remain indifferent to some, others can make you angry, and still others will be understandable. All of them work flawlessly. To get rid of the ego, start with the following:

1. Leave everything you know about the world - all your experience, intelligence and wisdom. Everything you read in books. These are kettlebells on your legs, they slow down a lot and take away strength. In reality, everything is not as we used to think.

2. Accept everything you read below. Especially those things that we don't agree with. And just start doing it. You will get results over time. The less you resist, the sooner you will find your true self. The ideas of a book are the highway to your free life and your trust and relaxation is the key to getting going.

3. When you learn to live like this, when honor, morality and nobility become natural for you, when you yourself see and feel the logic of another level and feel happiness always and everywhere - discard all this, discard all knowledge, words, ideas, images - and just live! The danger of any book is that it puts certain thoughts and behaviors into our minds. Consciously or not, we begin to act and think as it is written there. These thoughts are not born by ourselves, they are not ours. And while they fill the space inside, truly our thoughts and feelings cannot be born. Place is busy.

How long does it take to get rid of the ego and find the real you? One minute. More precisely, even a second. The rest of the time is occupied by awareness and habituation. It's like stepping over a threshold. But in order to exit exactly to that very door, you need to know the direction and follow it. This path may take some time. Time is needed to prepare yourself for what you will see there, behind the door. The mind of an adult smart person, accustomed to living in the illusions of the Ego, may not withstand the encounter with reality. For the same reason, I do not advise you to teach someone after reading the book and try to “get rid” of the Ego of others. This story is only about you.

This book was not written by me, it was written by each of us. And, of course, you are also its author. Yes, yes, you, who are now reading these pages, created them. You are the author of everything you read.

YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

Absolutely all problems - in relationships, with finances or self-esteem, with parents or children, with health, depression and sadness, bad habits All these problems have only one root. Attachment to forms. You think your ego is you. Do you think that you have feelings, emotions, thoughts and beliefs, a whole life story. And this is not so at all. Your personality is not you. Your feelings are not your feelings. Your thoughts are not your thoughts.

There are moments when you feel a great joy that does not depend on external things. Inner lightness and freedom. Here you. Artists call it inspiration. However, it does not last long, and life brings us back quickly. What you call your ego, personality, is not you. This is a separate creature that lives instead of you. It has a name and a purpose. It tells you what to do, what to believe and what to think. It doesn't matter how much money, power or respect you have. Are you in Game. And it's his game, not yours. The more money and power you have in his world, the less you have in reality.

Look around. Where are you now? What surrounds you? What objects, colors, smells, sounds? We are given amazing life and we're missing everything. We strive somewhere ... Career, money, relationships, health, family, spiritual development. We are all developing, looking for the meaning of life or drowning in entertainment and bad habits.

Life is simple and amazing. It is happening right here and now, with you. Stop. Feel the taste of your tea or the wind in your hair. Feel the silence and warmth of the other person's hand. You already have everything. This is the Present – ​​and this is Life itself. This is a huge gift. Your 30 trillion cells work and live for you every day. Wisdom is silent. Gratitude for what is brings peace and joy. Love is service. This is the real us. Be real.

DO YOU WANT TO BE REALLY HAPPY?

You can read smart books on psychology, business, study sacred knowledge and wise sciences, practice yoga and "spiritual development". And in one of the areas, something may even work out. But not for long, usually. In addition, there will be problems in other areas.

I have always wondered: “There must be a simple and understandable for everyone

way to be free, happy and confident, to be yourself? Operating flawlessly - regardless of faith, religion, beliefs. To stop experiencing negative emotions, getting angry, offended, blaming? Without esotericism and meditation - simple, logical, understandable to everyone.”

There is such a way. You yourself have always known him. He's right in front of your eyes.

Spiritual growth does not take long. It happens instantly and irrevocably. No need to engage in esoteric, spiritual practices, positive thinking and constellations, no need to forgive or use secret techniques. This is magic. All obstacles seem to disappear before you. Problems with others or relationships resolve themselves. The boundaries in business are moving apart and you just go forward, embodying your vision. It is impossible to offend, frame or betray you - people simply cannot do this. Everyone with whom you communicate will remember you for a lifetime - girls, guys and everyone else. You don't even need to do anything for this - just be yourself. A person who lives in harmony with the heart and mind is difficult to forget. Communication and leadership issues won't come up at all because you know who you are at your core. You are free from fears, resentment, pain, claims. Does it look like a fairy tale? Maybe. But this is reality. And you can live in it now!

“Egoism is not about living the way you want, it is demanding that others live the way you want it.” – Oscar Wilde

If you are forced to go somewhere, but it threatens your health (physical or mental), and in the end you decide to refuse, then this is healthy selfishness (it should be). But if you forbid a friend to go to the meeting he wants, because this will make you feel calmer - this is selfishness that needs to be fought.

Egoism is a style of human behavior based on extracting one's own benefit from everything and satisfying only one's own interests, contrary to the interests and desires of other people. There is a concept of rational egoism and unreasonable.

• Reasonable selfishness is necessary for survival, building own life and careers. It is more common in a group of people, such as a family. Blood ties are very powerful, especially in light of stereotypes. It is believed that relatives must be helped (morally and financially). But whether it is necessary to do this to the detriment of one's health and condition, the standard of living of one's own family (spouse and children) is a question for filling. Everyone will answer in their own way, but I believe that reasonable egoism is vital for a person. Selfishness helps to achieve the goal of one's own life.
• In the case when a person is categorical in any trifles, is not able to make compromises and concessions, makes everyone “dance to his own tune”, unhealthy egoism is observed. This negative trait destroying family, friendship and professional relationships. with such a person it is difficult and is accompanied by a lot.

Reasonable egoism can be described as “I don’t touch you, and you don’t touch me”, that is, a person goes to his goal, but does not interfere with others. Unhealthy egoism makes you "go over their heads", destroy people's plans, plot intrigues. Makes a person angry and cynical.

“Obviously, by nature, everyone is dear to himself,” Cicero.

The concept of egoism is closely related to the term "individualism". Consider this concept in a broad sense. Modern society built on the idea of ​​individuality, self-development, self-actualization, which cannot be said about the old years of communism. Then almost all goals were common, and therefore little was said about selfishness. Moreover, he was categorically rejected by society. Today, thinking about yourself first is encouraged. Possibly growing in modern people personal egoism is the cost of changing the socio-economic situation of the country. There is a suspicion that selfishness is really necessary (in reasonable amounts) in order to survive, provide for and protect oneself and one's family (wife / husband, children).

Types and forms of unhealthy egoism

1. Dictatorial selfishness, or "everyone should serve my interests."
2. Selfishness of one's own exclusivity, or "everyone should be moralists, except me, if it does not benefit me."
3. Anarchist selfishness, or "everyone has the right to be selfish, to pursue their own interests when they please."

In my opinion, the last form in modern world few people take for selfishness. The second is called "double standards" and has long been accustomed to it. But the first kind of egoism never goes unnoticed and is unacceptable even for a society of individualists.

Among the forms of egoism, one can single out superegoism and egoism-self-destruction:

1. The motto of the first: "I am everything, the rest are nothing."
2. The motto of the second: "Look what a nonentity I am."

Sometimes egoism is mistakenly identified with egocentrism or considered as a form of egoism. This is wrong. (inability to understand the situation of other people) is a completely different topic.

Characteristics of a selfish person

Selfishness is associated with irresponsibility, deceit and indifference. If we look at the problem on a large scale, then what can we say about the egoist (besides the fact that he achieves his goals to the detriment and to the detriment of the interests of other people)?

• He is loud and confrontational.
• He has a poorly developed system of values ​​and principles, conscience, sense of duty and dignity.
• He is frivolous and often lazy, careless, ignoring the rules and duties of a person.
• He will not intervene in a fight or conflict, which he will become an eyewitness to (even if children fight, animals are offended).
• He will not be embarrassed by the untidy appearance of the interlocutor, he may not even notice it.
• He will not be embarrassed by the mess in the room (he is used to the mess, because he has it inside).
• He ignores any advice, including really useful and friendly.
• He ignores the demands.
• It is difficult for him to engage in activities that require conscientiousness, responsibility, honed skills and abilities. He doesn't like this job.
• He does not know how to empathize and does not differ in empathy.
• He is also rational.

Get rid of unhealthy selfishness

“After all, I just want everything to always be my way.” - Bernard Shaw.

What to do if selfishness is so ingrained in you that because of it there is nothing to protect, because there is no work, no friends, no family, no self-love? P.S. Yes, do not be surprised, selfishness and self-love are not identical concepts.

• Stop reproaching yourself for selfishness and consider it your sin or vice. Don't get hung up on the idea of ​​getting rid of it. Do not toss between "selfishness is needed, it's good" and "selfishness is not needed, it's bad." Selfishness is good in reasonable quantities, it needs to be controlled, not destroyed. More precisely, even we are talking about the development of love for oneself and others, self-acceptance. A person tends to transfer his qualities or attitude towards himself to other people. Whoever loves himself is able to love others. Whoever does not love others probably also hates himself, and from that he acts selfishly (E. Fromm).
• What is love for another and for yourself ()? It is confidence in one's own life, acceptance of responsibility, care and respect, knowledge of oneself and others. You need to develop these qualities in yourself.
• Don't let yourself and don't do it yourself.
• Take care of your life, don't let it take away your individuality. Learn to appreciate the life, freedom and personality of each person. Develop tolerance.
• Improve your communication skills and abilities. Learn to communicate without conflict.
• Study your psychological features( , ) and learn to understand other people. An egoist, as a rule, does not know his capabilities and does not see his own potential. From which the higher ones (self-realization, self-actualization) remain unformed and not developed, attention is focused on the lower needs ( wealth and security). Higher needs allow a person to assert himself, develop himself and at the same time help other people.
• Expand your range of attention. Learn to think big. Egoism, that is, petty attempts at self-affirmation at the expense of others, is the result of a lack of understanding of the missing link for full-fledged personal self-realization and harmony. Have you noticed that charity, generous tips are an integral part of life successful people. No, they do not crave public attention on this (not all). This is their new need, which came with harmony and self-actualization. It's not just about the "stars", these people live among us, "mere mortals."
• Learn to respect and appreciate yourself, accept yourself and love, correct self-esteem, cultivate self-esteem. By the way, a worthy person will not allow himself to offend others, infringe on their interests and ruin lives.
• Well-known psychologists of the past and present argue that an inferiority complex often hides behind egoism. Moreover, it is not always realized by the person himself. Understand yourself, visit a psychologist.
• Remember the portrait of an egoist, described in the previous paragraph of the article, and act according to the “by the contrary” method. That is, destroy or correct what is applicable to you.

Sharing the position of the German psychologist Erich Fromm, I will say that the means of getting rid of egoism is a productive life, full of creativity and action. In an effort to live and create, you yourself will not notice how instead of enemies you will be surrounded by friends, and instead of failures and restrictions - successes and opportunities.

In any invention, work of art, song, product of production, there is a share of egoism, and a considerable one at that. But this is the same healthy egoism mixed with altruism, the golden mean. You will receive recognition, self-satisfaction and income, and society - useful product. Everyone is happy, no one considers anyone an egoist.

Conclusion

Egoism is an echo of the instinct of self-preservation, therefore it is inherent in all mentally healthy people (this is confirmed by many studies by psychologists, sociologists and psychoanalysts). Based on this position, I dare to assert that unhealthy egoism is a consequence of a lack of a sense of security, low self-esteem, and self-rejection. The more often you have to defend yourself, the more selfishness develops as a character trait. What or who are you protecting yourself from?

• Egoism is a philosophy of life, a person's worldview, expressed in words and actions.
• How to get rid of selfishness? Change the worldview, understand your inner world.
• Egoists are not born - they are made.
• Dig into yourself and answer the question: who or what made you the way you are?
• Further, problems need to be solved as they are “digged out”, step by step.

Don't forget about reverse side medals - and heroism. This is also abnormal behavior, in which not other people's interests, but yours and loved ones will be at risk. To create something for society, to fulfill oneself in love and profession - best option. Normal behavior in the context of "egoism-altruism" is to do something well and with pleasure for the benefit of oneself and society.

“If we want to do something to help some cause, it must first become our own, selfish cause,” Friedrich Engels.

Many of us love to be the center of attention, but sometimes this habit borders on selfishness. Some people enjoy being selfish and some don't, and it hinders relationships, careers, and self-development.

However, if you just ask yourself how to get rid of egoism, then it is unlikely that the answer will be found - this is not the easiest process, which involves a certain personal transformation. You can overcome this negative feeling in yourself if there is a desire and an opportunity to make some efforts for this.

How to understand if you have selfishness

I’ll make a reservation right away that this formulation is not entirely correct - egoism is present in each of us to one degree or another, this distinguishing feature healthy psyche. Another thing is that selfishness can take on an exaggerated form, and then it truly becomes a problem. It can be determined using the following observations:

• how often do you do good deeds;
• do you listen to other people;
• Are you capable of putting someone else's interests ahead of your own?

If you start to analyze your own behavior, you can find a lot of interesting things. So, for example, people who are convinced of their own rightness spoil any relationship over time - they simply categorically cut off the interlocutor in mid-sentence and impose their opinion on him.

There can be very, very many manifestations of a selfish nature. Ask yourself some questions. For example:

One of the reasons for possible selfishness may be a lack of attention. Try to make sure that the amount of attention you get is enough for you personally. Otherwise, you will not be able to finally understand how to get rid of egoism - this problem will come back to you again and again.

Looking for reasons

Let's say you have discovered signs of a selfish person in yourself, and now you want to overcome them, but you have absolutely no idea how to stop being an egoist. This is not done in a couple of hours - after all, killing a part of your ego is not so easy. And selfishness is nothing but an exorbitantly overgrown ego. And in order to overcome it, you need to understand in general the nature of its occurrence.

The ego is that part of the subconscious that is responsible for psychological safety and health. In other words, it in every possible way prevents some unpleasant decisions, changes and any changes.

Defeating your own ego means making life easier for yourself. The fact is that the ego leads us in the wrong direction - we begin to want not what we really need, but what seems simply attractive to us. In order to understand this for yourself, try to imagine the following picture - you did not have a bicycle as a child, you felt unhappy, and now you can buy it.

But the ego will convince you that an adult and a bicycle are not a very good combination, and all peers have long been changing foreign cars like gloves. Feel the difference? You want a bike, but the ego is talking about a car. And so in everything. Imagine how many problems with yourself can be avoided if you learn to curb the ego.

We find a solution

So, what needs to be done to pacify your ego and how to stop being an egoist?

1. See your own manifestations of selfishness.
2. Learn to be interested in other people.
3. Know how to put someone else's interests ahead of your own.
4. Learn to be generous.
5. Be responsive in relationships.

Seeing selfishness in yourself is not difficult - as soon as you say "I, me, mine" - this is selfishness. As soon as these words become more significant and often used, this is selfishness. Of course, we are not talking about spoken language- you can use these words in speech. But when one of them becomes a familiar answer to any question from the outside, this is an alarming bell.

Interest in others is very easy to develop in yourself - just try to look at the people you meet every day. Egoists often do not have enough breadth of view, and they often think that the people around them (including family and loved ones) are not as interesting as they are. This is an erroneous opinion, any person can be interesting if you get to know him better.

The ability to exalt other people's interests comes by itself over the years, but if suddenly for some reason it has passed you, it makes sense to develop it in yourself. To do this, we learn unconditional service to others. It can be taking care of younger or elderly relatives (of course, not for money or inheritance, but simply as a training and personal development), it can be volunteer work. Even if you set aside one day and completely devote it to your loved one, you will notice how something is changing for the better in a relationship.

Generosity in our time is similar to luxury, but it does not have to be about material generosity, although it is also necessary. Learn to be generous. Take part in charity gatherings or marathons, try to give attention to those who need it from the bottom of their hearts. You will be surprised at how quickly you can transform.

Relationships are an essential part of human life. How about your loved one? You need to learn to listen and be responsive to all the wishes and comments of your soulmate. You can always take care of yourself. Just do not think that a simple agreement in everything with your loved one will save you - it is important to start reacting, taking some steps, acting, then you can cure yourself of indifference and selfish antics.

Conclusion

If you set out to overcome your ego and learn to be a responsive, kind and generous person, then you have to big way. As you know, any road begins with the very first step - try today to defeat some petty selfish desire, and instead do something nice for your loved one or colleague. And you will see how something will change in you and in your relationship with the world.

All the happiness that exists in the world comes from wanting happiness for others.
All the suffering that exists in the world comes from the desire for happiness for oneself.

Shantideva

How often do we really think about others? How often do we share our warmth, just give and do not demand anything in return? Why does it seem to us that a person is something special, separate from everything else? Unfortunately, it is hardly possible to find a person who sincerely answers the first two questions: "Always", and the third - "It's not." The reason for this is selfishness. In some it is pronounced, in others it is carefully veiled, and is absent only among bodhisattvas, whose existence many people doubt. In this article, we will try to understand what egoism is, why get rid of it, and consider several methods that allow us to moderate our ego a little.

Egoism is...

In a nutshell, selfishness is the opposite of altruism. That is, the manifestation of the human “me”, “mine”, “I”, etc. Egoism grows out of a person's self-identification with race, profession, some qualities: smart, good, cool, wild and other labels acquired in society, as well as with his physical body. When we assign ourselves a status, we immediately endow ourselves with a certain set of hallmarks, i.e. separate ourselves from total mass. We want a special relationship, status, or, conversely, we can underestimate our dignity, which is also to some extent a manifestation of selfishness. After all, it doesn’t matter what labels you put on yourself: positive or negative.

In my opinion, selfishness is a vivid manifestation of fear, fear of losing something, whether it be life, money, children, a car, a dog, etc., etc. This is a manifestation of attachment, the desire to control everything, greed, lack of compassion. The ego is cunning and can hide behind helping the poor, the weak and the disadvantaged. A person himself may not be aware of this and sincerely believe that he is doing good deeds, but at some point the ego may come out in the form of “I’m here, so for you ... and you!” Someone may say: “Why should I get rid of egoism, and in general I am a person, and ego is inherent in a person, there is no getting away from this!” Indeed, a person is characterized by the presence of mind and ego, and in some situations this cannot be dispensed with (at least in samsara). However, there is a limit to everything. Let's try to understand why get rid of egoism.

What do we lose sight of by remaining selfish?

Perhaps the strongest and effective remedy from egoism - these are prostrations. The essence of prostrations is that a person not only shows his respect to a certain deity or bodhisattva, but at the same time indicates his humility and admiration for him, his own, so to speak, insignificance. Humility at the level of body, speech and mind. In the full version, the prostration is performed as follows: while standing, we bring our hands together in namaste (palms together, as for prayer) above the head, while the thumbs are slightly directed inside the palms; then we lower the namaste to the top of the head - worship at the level of the body; then we bring it to the forehead - admiration at the level of the mind; to the throat - worship at the level of speech; to the middle of the chest, at the level of the heart; then the palms, knees and forehead fall to the floor, the arms are extended above the head (on the floor) and brought together in namaste, while the chest moves forward and the body, as it were, leaves for a lying position, i.e. we stretch out on the floor; then there are different options, either to stay like this, or bend your arms at the elbows and raise the namaste above the back of the head, or open your palms and, as it were, make an offering, stretching them forward, or simply bring the namaste to the top of your head; then again palms, knees, forehead on the floor, after which we rise to our feet, namaste at the chest. It is desirable to do 108 such approaches at a time, or any number, preferably 9, 27, 54 or 108.

The essence of prostration is as follows. First, we go through the first four chakras: sahasrara above the crown, ajna on the forehead, vishuddha - throat and anahata - heart. In this way, we purify them and indicate worship at the level of body, mind and speech. When a person puts his hands, knees and forehead on the floor, he puts the mind below the heart. The bigger the mind, the bigger the ego, they are directly related. During prostration, mind first, i.e. ego, is placed below the heart, i.e. souls. A person, as it were, recognizes the insignificance of his "I" and says that the soul, that is, the divine principle, is higher. When we fully prostrate (lay down) on the ground, we compare our body with the ground, indicating its frailty, thereby placing ourselves below the deity, recognizing his greatness.

Prostrations can be difficult to do in the early stages, so you can start with regular bows. Maybe someone just for religious reasons closer bows than Tibetan prostrations. The bow is performed without going through the chakras. We just kneel down with our palms and forehead touching the floor. At the same time, it is quite effective to imagine in front of us those who hurt us the most, whom we do not like, those to whom our ego reacts very violently. For those who have a bias in the other direction, for example, a person does not love himself, you can perform this technique in front of a mirror. In other words, bow to yourself. But this is only if you know for sure that you have just such a problem, otherwise there is a danger of growing an ego in yourself even more. Otherwise, bows work the same as prostrations.

Jnana mudra and Chin mudra

Jnana mudra and rank mudra differ only in that in jnana mudra the palm is directed upwards, while in rank mudra it is downwards. There are two ways to perform mudra: the first, when the pads of the index and thumb; the second, when the nail plate of the index finger rests against the first articular bend of the thumb. Since the index finger is a symbol of a person’s individuality, and the thumb symbolizes the universal “I”, it is more effective to perform the second version of the mudra to pacify the ego. We often use the index finger to indicate, that is, to command, to dispose. However, it is not necessary to point the finger directly; in any case, it is a symbol and a reflection of the desire to control. And if the second version of jnana (rank) mudra is hard for a person, then this is a clear indicator of the size of his ego.

This gesture can often be found in the images of various Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, for example, the hand of the Buddha, performing jnana mudra at the level of the heart, is a symbol of openness towards the entire universe.

Among other things, there are many nerve endings at the fingertips, as well as energy channels, so doing mudras allows you to “close” these channels and stop the “leakage” of energy, which has a beneficial effect on general state organism. Jnana and rank mudra often accompany meditation practices, asanas and pranayamas, help to focus and calm the flow of thoughts.

Exhalations are longer than inhalations

It is believed that inhalation symbolizes consumption, and exhalation, respectively, the ability to give, share. Therefore, one of the practices for getting rid of egoism, and therefore the development of altruism, is pranayama, when we try to make the exhalation longer than the inhalation. This is not an easy practice, especially when adding breath stretch. One can do this practice in pranayama (full awareness of the breath). in an “altruistic form”, when we try to stretch our breath as much as possible, as if we are sifting air with our nose, slowly, slowly, so that we practically do not notice how the air passes through the channels, while adding a count and trying to make the number of counts on exhalation exceed the number of counts on inhalation. When doing this pranayama in the usual form, inhalations and exhalations are equal.

Mantra "Om"

In my opinion, the ego is worked out very well in practice. Firstly, the sound "Om" is the sound from which everything appeared and in which it disappears, the sound contained in every particle of any object and living being. Therefore, pronouncing the sound "Om", we seem to be reunited with our original nature and with everything that exists - absolute equality and acceptance. Secondly, here the exhalation is also longer than the inhalation, since we try to sing the four sounds "A", "O", "U" and "M" as long as possible, while the inhalation is done quite quickly. In addition, not everyone can sing in a circle, so it can be very useful for working out the ego to practice this mantra not alone, but in a circle of like-minded people. For example, the Site Club regularly conducts the practice of the Om Mantra both in Moscow and in other cities of Russia. You can also gather friends and sing with them.

Sorting out the rosary from oneself

The way the practitioner touches the rosary also characterizes him. Sorting the rosary away from oneself symbolizes bestowal, while on oneself - on the contrary, the desire to take, consume. Therefore, if you strive to pacify egoism and cultivate selflessness, then you need to sort out the rosary from yourself.

In addition to the practices described, you can learn to listen, help others for free, donate both something material, and time or your work, for the benefit of those who strive for development, try to establish relationships with those who may annoy you, make peace with those with whom you are in a quarrel, or simply clean up in the entrance, in general, take and sincerely do something for the benefit of others, step over your “I”. If we daily get rid of pride, envy, anger, hatred and other negative qualities, then the world will begin to show all the best towards us: kind smiles and words, disinterested help in business, warmth, understanding - everything that cannot break through the thick armor of the ego.

Selfishness is the voluntary death of everything that is alive and good in a person.