“Cutting people out of your life is easy if you believe in yourself.” How to forget someone you were crazy about

Life is all about attachments. At one fine moment you suddenly realize that you have already forgotten what it’s like to live without a huge burden on your shoulders, what it’s like to not give a damn. And you don't know how to become her again.

You are tightly attached to people, opinions, various trinkets, hopelessly dependent on time and money. So is it any wonder that you are not very happy?

But wise Tibetan monks teach that happiness lies in small things. The fewer attachments, the more peace inside, the closer you are to your essence.

So don't think about the judgments of others anymore.

People judge as long as they live. Just tell yourself firmly that you don't care about their precious opinions.

And stop thinking about how similar you are to others. If you look up to glossy supermodels, you will begin to consider yourself the latest kikimora. If you become like ordinary people, then you will gradually forget who you really are. The single standard, the single role model for you should be yourself.

Don't even think about extra pounds. Life is too short to stay on the scale, count the calories you eat ten times a day and look with envy at the shiny, silicone, disproportionate anorexics in a fashion magazine. Don't be afraid of calories - they are very easy to burn, all you need to do is run a little in the park. Feel free to indulge yourself with fried chicken or kebab. Well, the truth is, if you have bulimia, then you shouldn’t follow this advice.

In our age, social networks are the real root of evil. So if you don’t want to be upset until you cry because of the terrible photos of you drunk and smoking that your ex posted, quickly get rid of all the random Facebook friends and hypocritical Twitter followers. After all, they will all be willing to arrange a wide repost of compromising photos.

Yes, yes, real indifference is finding the strength to get rid of “friends” who are nothing but trouble. Sit down and think about who your real ones are faithful friends. Take them with you into your careless future, and give up on the rest of your “comrades.”

Inept partners - well, what good are they to you? Why waste precious time and nerves on guys who think only about themselves and are also inept in bed?

Isn’t it better to chat with friends or try to find a normal, confident partner with a sense of humor, a bit of romanticism, and a little familiar with the Kama Sutra wisdom? A partner willing to learn and listen?

Well, what about your “almost” exes? Why are you holding on to them so much? In the words of Shakespeare's Lady Macbeth, "What's done is done." Holding onto your exes with your teeth is the same as not cutting your nails for a long time. Just cut them, otherwise they will break on their own and cause you pain.

Remember: time is not a healer at all, but a huge enemy.

If you constantly think about the future or regret the past, you will never live in the present, here and now.

Let the beating of your living passionate heart become your guide, and not the inexorable ticking of a dead mechanical watch. Just go to hell with all this dead mechanics.

Send passing fashions there too. Various “trends” and fashionable gadgets are very reminiscent of Kim Kardashian. At first it seems like the limit of perfection, but before you blink your eye, the streets and trams are full of these perfections. And now you somehow don’t really want to have such shapes or physiognomy.

Don't care about uncertainty and remorse

Uncertainty is paralyzing. It makes you look like an elephant in a zoo, chained to its cage.

Just start taking action, even if you become like a bull in a china shop. Well, never mind, the dishes in this shop are bad, why feel sorry for them?

Don't think about all this broken dishes, about all your mistakes and misdeeds. Life is too short to constantly regret your mistakes and remember missed chances. And do not touch the bitter cup of guilt. Drain the bowl to the bottom? This is all nonsense. Just throw it away, throw away any regrets and move on with your life.

Cast aside your doubts. By the way, they are very reminiscent of chicken pox. It's not difficult to pick it up. But getting rid of smallpox is much more difficult - you can’t pick it out of your face with your fingernails. So just drive doubts away before they take root in your head. Life will be much easier for you then.
This is human psychology.

Everything ideal lives in dreams, but the path to reality is closed to it. You grew up and began to believe it. But if everyone thought so, then we would remain troglodytes who are afraid to stick their noses out of their cave. Remember when you were little, the world was full of surprises, rich in pleasant surprises. Your imagination turned even the most disgusting and terrible things into something interesting. So to hell with adult rationalism and pragmatism together. Revive your imagination, look at the world again with the clear eyes of a child. Sing, dance, clap your hands whenever you want. Smile when you smile, cry when you cry. Don’t you know that childish spontaneity is not giving a damn!

Don't care about all the established views

I know that I don't know anything

Socrates

And you went to hell with all your views. Ask and don't be afraid to seem stupid. This is how you will discover new truths. Become an “eternal student”, an eternal beginner who is interested in everything. Discover America, invent a bicycle. To hell with all professionalism. Only an amateur can see more, move further.

When you were little, you probably wanted to become an actress, journalist or top model. You didn’t become one, but most importantly, you believed that you could. Bring back this feeling:

Tell skepticism to go away.

Destroy all internal restrictions. To hell with the brakes and self-censorship.

Dream big again.

Right now we are recruiting pioneer colonists for Mars. Believe me, it’s those who don’t care who are the first to fly to the red planet. For everyone else, the internal brakes will work. Do you want to fly? If you don't give a damn, you'll fly away.

And finally, to hell with consistency

Just yesterday you liked such cozy and homey plush toys. And today you stopped loving them. And great! You do not stand still, you are in motion, your life is a process, not static. In tartarars, constancy and staticity - a real indifference is easy, nothing holds him back. So inflict cruel reprisals on the plushies. Don’t feel sorry for anyone - neither cute bunnies, nor darling bear cubs, nor charming kittens. Now you change and set the rules of the game. Now you don't care...

You can't live an hour or even a minute without thinking about the object of your adoration? If you know that your feelings are not reciprocated, then constantly thinking about him or her will only bring you pain and suffering. Fortunately, if you try, you can distract yourself by doing what you love, spending time with loved ones, and simply enjoying life. It may take time, but if you put in the effort, very soon you won't even remember what that person's name was.

Steps

Part 1

1. Give free rein to your emotions. If you want to forget a person, the first thing you must do is admit how you feel about him strong feelings. If you deny the person's importance to you, then these feelings will never go away. Cry, talk to a close friend to admit how hurt you are and accept your feelings.

   • Write about how you feel. If you can't pour your heart out to a friend, you might find it easier to do it on paper.
   • If you feel sad for a while because of non-reciprocity, that's normal. Tell your friends that you have decided to “lay low” for a while, and don’t force yourself to be sociable.
   • But after a couple of weeks, try to stop lying around and start communicating with others. Spending too much time alone with your feelings will only make you feel worse.

2. Forget anger and resentment. There may be many reasons for you to feel angry and resentful. Maybe you were hurt a lot. Maybe you were confident that you would achieve reciprocity, but this did not happen. Maybe your crush has started dating your friend and you're angry at both of them. Naturally, these feelings will accompany you in this situation, but this does not mean that they are healthy and will help you move on.

   • Write down all the reasons for your anger and resentment. It is necessary to admit that you are hurt - this will help you forget about it. Once you figure out where all your negative emotions come from, you can get them out of your head one by one.
   • If you have met the object of your adoration, do not show him or her that you are angry or suffering. The best thing you can do is to be indifferent, as if you don’t care. If you pretend that you don't care, you will be amazed that very soon you really won't care.

3. Concentrate on negative qualities ah the object of your adoration. Stop thinking about how beautiful, smart or charming he/she is, no matter how much you want him/her to be. Instead, focus on negative aspects, for example, it could be his/her strange taste in clothes or gratuitous rudeness towards strangers. If it helps, make a list of all the negative qualities. And as soon as you think about this person, instead positive thoughts Negative associations will immediately pop up in your head. This will help you remember that this person is far from perfect.

   • If you think this person is perfect and you can't think of a single negative, then guess what? So you don't know him very well. In the world there is no ideal people, and everyone has shortcomings.
   • The more you think about the disadvantages of the object of your adoration, the sooner you will realize that you are not particularly suitable for each other.

4. Know that you deserve better. You may think that you would perfect couple, but this is not at all true. If you were meant to be together, why didn't you? For whatever reason, you are not together, perhaps because you are simply too good for him or her. Your crush is not your soulmate, and once you accept that, you can find someone more worthy.

   • Of course, your friends have told you many times that you deserve better, but you must understand this yourself.

5. Remember what a wonderful person you are. If you are depressed because you were not reciprocated, you need to try to get out of depression. You may be sad because you are not dating the person you love, but believe me, it's not worth it. Think about your most wonderful qualities, distract yourself with the friends and opportunities life gives you, and think about the character traits you like about yourself. Repeat to yourself that you are the most wonderful person who deserves the best - and by “best” you don’t mean this person!

   • The key in this situation is to stay positive. If you don't look for only the negative in everything, but focus on all the good things in your life and yourself instead of thinking about what you haven't achieved, you will be able to move on much faster.

   Part 2

   Cut a person out of your life

   1. Stop talking to your crush. It is clear that in order to forget a person, you need to stop communicating with him, but there is a high probability that even knowing that this is not good, you will continue to communicate. You don't need to be overtly rude, but you should make it clear that you should avoid any contact with him or her. There is no need to write to him, call him or say hello at all. The sooner you stop seeing a person and hearing his or her voice, the sooner you can cut him or her out of your life.

      • If you have to cross paths with the object of your adoration, for example, you are in the same class, be polite and nice without visible effort. Don't be rude - it won't help in this situation.

   2. You also need to stop talking about this person. Although talking about your situation with a friend will help you move on, if you vent to everyone you know, it won't make you feel better right away. Don't deny your feelings, but don't think about him/her again - there's no need to rub salt in the wound and remind yourself of what caused you so much pain.

      • If you have mutual friends, under no circumstances inquire about how the object of your adoration is doing. Will this make you feel better?

   3. Avoid this person in social networks. If you're on Facebook, Instagram, or other social media just to keep track of whether he's dating someone or just hanging out with that cute girl in your chemistry class, then you might want to take a break. If you really enjoy being on Facebook, then resist the temptation to go to their profile and use social media to connect with people who bring you positivity. Looking at photos of your failed significant other will hurt you, so stop torturing yourself.

      • Set yourself a time limit - say, spend only 15 minutes a day on Facebook. If you spend that time looking at photos of your crush, then you won't have time to look at the news feeds of the people who really matter to you.

   4. Avoid places where you might meet the object of your adoration. You don't need to completely change your schedule, but if you have decided to cut someone out of your life, then you need to avoid places where you might meet them. You shouldn't go to his favorite restaurant or movie theater if you are one hundred percent sure that he will go there on Friday night. If you know he's going to a party and you're still hurt, then it's best to do something else.

      • This doesn't mean that your crush has "won" and you can't go anywhere else; just try not to date him until you feel better.

   5. Break up your daily routine. If you decide to cut a person out of your life, then it's time for drastic changes. Cook yourself something special for breakfast. Hang out with a new friend instead of old friends. Find a new hobby. Try going to school or work by a different route. Although these changes will not directly affect this person, nevertheless, trying to change something in your worldview will help you begin to look at the world in a new way, and your thoughts will no longer revolve only around the object of your adoration.

      • Think: perhaps, most often you think about this person at certain moments? If so, is there anything else you can do to help you forget about it faster? For example, if you always look out the bus window and feel sad about unrequited love, download a new incendiary album and listen to it while driving home - this way, instead of sad thoughts, you will get a positive mood.

      Part 3

      Move on

      1. Rely on your friends and family. In order to forget the object of your adoration, spend as much time as possible with loved ones. Your friends and family will always be ready to support you and cheer you up even in such a difficult situation. You should not overload yourself with household chores, otherwise you will not have time for yourself and communication with loved ones, but you should be grateful to fate for the positive things you have, and not be sad about a failed relationship.

         • Don't spend your Friday or Saturday nights alone, otherwise you will start to miss the object of your adoration. Instead, hang out with your friends and girlfriends and you will have so much fun that you will quickly forget about this person.

      2. Do what you love. Doing what you love is one of the the best ways get the person out of your head. Spend as much time as possible doing what you love - this could be running, drawing, working out, reading, or whatever makes you happy. Maybe you think it's not worth spending your time on a hobby. If this is the case, then you need to rearrange your schedule; If you are busy with what interests you, then all thoughts about the object of your adoration will slowly begin to disappear.

         • Perhaps you are so depressed because you simply have nothing to do with yourself. Maybe it's time to leave your comfort zone and take courses in photography, ballroom dancing, acting or singing, or just try something completely new for yourself, something that can make you happy.

      3. Get high from being alone. Although getting over someone requires spending time with friends and family, if you truly want to be at peace with yourself, you will have to learn to be alone with the person you care about most—yourself. If within a second after stopping the activity you feel sad and sorrowful, this means that your feelings for this person have not yet cooled down. Have a weekly “date with yourself” by spending time doing something you love, or simply relax while watching your favorite TV show or lying in a hot bath. Whatever you do, the most important thing is that it should bring you pleasure.

         • Don't let unexpected plans ruin your "date with yourself." You should value your “me time” as if you were on a date with your favorite celebrity.

      4. Come out of your shell. Don’t hide from people in your dark and sad cave, full of thoughts about why you couldn’t build a relationship; Better go outside to get some fresh air. Finding on fresh air and walking in the sun instead of sitting at home will make you feel more alive, full of energy and strength. If you need to do something, don't be a recluse - go out for coffee or take a walk in the park instead. Being around other people, even if you don't interact with them, can make you happier and make you think less about your crush.

         • Try to get out of the house at least once a day, even if it's just a half-hour walk. Sitting within four walls all day long will ruin the mood of any person, even those who do not suffer because of unhappy love.

      5. Value solitude. If you really want to throw a person out of your life, then you don't have to suffer alone and wait until you meet another person. You should be happy with yourself, do what you like, hang out with friends and flirt freely, even if it doesn't lead to anything. You should appreciate the freedom that comes with being single, as you may not have that chance if you're in a relationship.

         • Let time will pass. This may take weeks or even months - only after a while you will begin to appreciate freedom, and once this happens, you will realize that you did not really need the object of your adoration, but you simply believed that this relationship could make you happy , but in fact you were looking for something completely different.

      6. Get ready to fall in love again. Once you've done everything you need to do - think about the future, get rid of thoughts about this person and do something that brings you joy, you can sincerely congratulate yourself on being able to cut the person out of your life. You realized that life is beautiful, you are beautiful and you are happy. If you really have been sick with this person, then your heart will slowly begin to open to new feelings.

         • If you're really moving forward, then it's time to celebrate your victory and look forward to meeting new people with excitement.
      • There is no need to hang out on the pages of the object of your adoration on social networks. Don't ask your mutual friends about his/her life. You don't have to keep track of what he/she is doing. You have your own life.
      • There's no need to rush. We are all human, and sometimes we get hurt.
      • Know that no matter what you do, sooner or later you will forget this person.
      • There are many people in the world who can make you happy. Maybe this man was one of them, maybe not. But you still need to remember that there are many people in the world who can become your soulmate. It's time to look around.
      • If you start to beat yourself up, remind yourself: there is no reason to suffer for a person who did not appreciate you. You deserve better.

“Some people consider persistence and holding on to something to be signs of great strength. However, there are times that require much more will to know when to let go and then do it.”
- Ann Landers

When we let go of something or someone, it doesn't mean we no longer care about them. It just dawns on us that the only thing we can truly control is ourselves, right here, right now. It is a necessary process of adaptation to the ever-changing realities of life - leaving the past behind to make way for the present.

Here are 50 quotes from various articles that will help you let go and start living happily.

1. As we get older and wiser, we begin to understand what we need and what we need to leave behind. Sometimes leaving is a step forward.

2. You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are too attached to things that you need to let go of.

3. Sometimes something appears in our lives that should not linger. Sometimes unwanted changes are necessary changes for our growth.

4. Growth and change can sometimes be painful, but the most painful thing in life is staying out of place.

5. The hardest part of growing up is letting go of what you're used to and moving on with something new.

6. Accept what is, let go of what was, and believe in what can be.

7. Don't be afraid of change. There is a reason for everything. Deal with it. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

9. Never let fear determine your future.

10. Fear is just a figment of your imagination. Sometimes it is difficult to decide to follow your heart, but you will make a huge mistake if you allow false fears to stop you.

11. You can't wait forever for the perfect moment. Sometimes you have to let go of doubt and take risks because life is too short to wonder about what could have been.

12. You are not the same person you were a year ago, last month or last week. You are constantly evolving. Nothing stands still. That is life.

13. One of the most pleasant moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.

14. You should never force things. Do everything that is required of you and let life take its course. If something is supposed to happen, it will happen. Don't tie yourself to something you can't control.

15. When you stop expecting people and events to be perfect, you can begin to appreciate them for who they are.

16. Live simply. Love with all your soul. Speak sincerely. Breathe deeply. Try your best. Leave everything else for something that is higher than us.

17. Surrender and letting go are two completely different things.

19. Giving up does not always mean showing weakness. Sometimes it just means that you are strong and smart enough to let go and move forward.

20. Stop focusing on your stress level and remember how lucky you are. Things could have been much worse.

21. Whatever upsets you, let it go! There is no need to accumulate negativity. Stay calm and have a positive outlook on life. Something good will definitely happen to you.

22. Some people cannot accept the fact that you are moving forward in life, and therefore they will try to cling to your common past. Don't condone their behavior. Keep moving forward.

23. No matter what you do, someone will always be unhappy. So live by your principles and make sure that you yourself do not end up disappointed.

24. Love yourself! Forgive yourself! Accept yourself! You are you, this is the beginning and the end - and no regrets.

25. You are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. You don't need anyone else's approval to know that you are valuable.

26. One of the most liberating things life teaches us is that we don’t have to love everyone, everyone doesn’t have to love us, and that’s absolutely okay.

27. Try not to take too seriously what other people say about you. What they think and say is a reflection of themselves, not you.

28. If you worry too much about what other people think of you, in some way, you will always be their prisoner.

29. Sometimes we expect more from others because we ourselves would do the same for them. Keep loving. Eventually you will find out who is worthy.

30. Not everyone is able to appreciate what you do for them. You must understand who is truly worthy of your attention and who is just trying to take advantage of you.

31. To say “yes” to happiness, you must learn to say “no” to people and things that cause you pain. Be wise to avoid negativity.

32. If you allow something, it will continue. It's better to be alone than to be alone negative people and their judgments influence your life.

33. If you feel like your ship is going down, perhaps it's time to throw away everything that weighs you down. Let go of the people who bring you down and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.

34. Just because someone has been a part of your life for many years does not guarantee that one day there won't be a moment when you finally decide to let them go.

35. One of the most difficult tasks in life is to cut someone out of your heart.

36. You must understand that people come and go. That is life. Stop holding on to those who let you go a long time ago.

37. Sometimes we forgive others not because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it, because we ourselves need it, and because without it we cannot let go and move on.

38. The one who asks for forgiveness first is the bravest. The one who forgives first is the strongest. The happiest one moves forward first.

39. Don't be sad about the past, it won't come back. Don't worry about the future, it hasn't come yet. Try to live in the present and make it beautiful.

40. Be wise enough to let go when necessary and strong enough to hold on when required.

41. Don't let minor troubles overshadow your happiness. True wealth is the ability to feel and appreciate every moment for what it brings.

42. Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself. Learn to accept and forgive. By letting go of yesterday's troubles, you take the first step towards happiness today.

43. Worry casts a big shadow over small matters. In the end, you can focus either on what is tearing you apart, or on something that helps you pull yourself together.

44. Old concerns - down payments on problems you may never have to deal with. Let them go. Today is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start again.

45. Smile even when everything seems to be falling apart. Smiling doesn't always mean you're happy. Sometimes it just means that you are strong.

46. ​​There comes a time when you stop thinking about your mistakes and move on. No regrets - just life lessons that show you the way.

47. Remember the good times, be strong in difficult times, love every moment, laugh more often, live honestly and be grateful for every new day

48. You can't let one bad thing spoil the bunch. good times. Don't let silly daily dramas get you down.

49. If you are diligent and patient, everything you really need in life will come to you at the right time.

50. In the end, everything will fall into place. Until then, learn everything you can, laugh as much as you can, enjoy every moment and remember that it is worth it.

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And for girls, free Winx games can be suitable for forgetting, which you can play online and fantasize about a fairy-tale world

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Is this what you were looking for? Perhaps this is something you couldn’t find for so long?

Like every other person on the planet, I have good periods in my life, and sometimes the whole world is against me. And while I hate self-help advice (in the form of quotes under Instagram photos), sometimes I need a pick-me-up. Most of the time, to get out of the swamp (and my brain has a penchant for science and mathematics), I need to blow up a logic bomb in front of my nose.

This will be a long article. If you find it in your inbox and are already wondering what kind of crap it is, then just delete it. If you are reading this post in a browser window and see how slowly the scrollbar moves because the end is still far away, close the tab and return to the collections of tricks and tips.

Are you still here? Nothing, all unnecessary ones will be eliminated using points 1, 4 and 8.

This guide works when all sorts of crap happens in life. Does anyone write nasty things in the comments? Read this post. Someone demands a refund for a product you worked on for five years, and at the same time they find fault? Read the article. Did you get fired, did your client leave you? Read this post. The zombie apocalypse? Well then, stock up on food and weapons. And then read this post.

1. People get offended all the time.

We hold on to our beliefs. We love to talk about how broad our views are, but we ourselves find fault with other people over little things. Drivers crawling along the road (who speed up when the road widens to two lanes), seventeen-year-old yoga instructors (who spend the first 45 minutes of an hour-long class talking about the meaning of life), authors who stir up controversy on the Internet (like me), people who swear or cluttering up social media feeds...

Take it for granted that no matter what you do, someone may be unhappy with it. And will be.

This doesn't mean you need to stop minding your own business. Just don't be surprised when someone reports that .

2. If someone is offended by you, then he noticed you

Before you get discouraged because someone has spouted a lot of dirt, understand that this person took the time to tell you what they think. He found you, noticed and appreciated the product you made. Well, yes, he hates you. But you wasted his time because he takes minutes to talk about his hatred.

Even if you don't answer (and you shouldn't), you win. He doesn't want to know anything about you, but you're already on his radar. And then, if someone expresses dissatisfaction, that’s the maximum that can happen. Life goes on, the Earth still turns, someone got offended, and you became smarter.

A more tragic scenario: someone complains about you publicly. This is also not so scary, because people only pay attention to what concerns them personally. Therefore, public sensors and Twitter feeds will quickly forget about you.

We go crazy thinking that we will be hated. Especially when we do something for people and post it on the Internet. It’s better to understand that while a few people are scolding you, the rest are silently downloading your work. Or they even buy it, which is even cooler.

3. When people don't notice you, it's bad. But that's the way things are

If no one hates you, then no one cares about you. If you need attention for confidence, a sense of self-worth, or, scary to imagine, to make money from it, understand that you won’t get it instantly. The people you pay attention to were once in your place. They want others to start listening to them.

And one more thing: if no one is looking at you, you are truly free.

Dance in your underwear. Write to the table for yourself. Swear like you just returned from a swear sale. Find yourself. Not in the ways that grown-up hippies do, eating pasta and meditating in an ashram, but in ways that will help separate the important things from the unimportant. Do something just because you feel like it. Lay the foundation for the confidence that will soon come.

4. People will judge you no matter what you do. Because they love to judge

Fear makes you worry about what others will think. The question of whether people will judge you is not even worth it, because they definitely will. People like to pretend to be judges, and the verdicts are scary.

True story: I just received an invitation to an event, read it and immediately decided it sucked. I even said out loud: “Fucking hippies!” I was invited to a party to dance, eat organic local food, drink rosé, take pictures with people who had dreadlocks, were into body art, and were constantly hugging. Should others miss a party just because I won't go? No. Is the party going to be terrible because I don't think much of the hippie crowd? Yes, they didn’t care about me. They're going to drink their wine (perhaps from cups they carved from wood while talking to the fairies), dance all night, and have a blast.

So here it is. You don't have to do like me. Do like these hippies. Not literally, of course (although you never know), but you get my point.

Look at things from this angle: whether you do or don’t do something, someone will still judge you. Even if you are afraid and do nothing at all, you will receive a portion. And if there is no difference, maybe it’s worth doing something? Thus, even if you criticize yourself, you will at least sleep peacefully at night (tired of wine and dancing - in a figurative sense). And everyone else who is trying to judge you, you can politely send them to hell.

It is important to us what others say. But it is dangerous to value other people's opinions above your own.

As importance decreases, the list should look like this:

1. Your opinion about yourself.
2. Someone's opinion about you.

There should be a huge distance between the first and second points.

5. Fortunately, judgment and respect are two different things.

Condemnation and respect are not the same thing. People may think you're an asshole but think highly of you. People may completely disagree with you, but still recognize your merits.

And vice versa. You may be considered a decent and pleasant person, but not respected one bit. It is customary to wipe your feet on nice people. It's disgusting, but what can you do? On the other hand, no one will wipe their feet on a person who commands respect.

6. If you respect yourself, others will begin to respect you

In a world where everyone is trying to offend and judge you, it is damn difficult to respect yourself. But it is necessary.

Figure out what you respect yourself for first, and others will soon begin to do the same. This is because people behave like sheep in a flock. They see someone acting a certain way and start repeating it. Like millions of lemmings and hamsters. Derek Sievers told a TED talk about how one guy started dancing and everyone picked up on his moves (or maybe he just drank some rosé). And if you respect yourself - loudly and proudly - chances are others will too. And if not, you will have a whole bag of self-esteem, which is cool.

7. Self-esteem and self-confidence are very, very different concepts.

Self-respect means knowing exactly what you are willing to do and what you are not ready to do. This is your honor and dignity. This is the line you draw to understand your place in life and appreciate what you have done.

Self-respect does not give you privileges and additional rights. Slow down, dude!

Overconfidence is when you think you are worthy of something. You deserve only self-respect and adequate assessment of others. To achieve the rest, you need to work hard. And even then, not everything turns out the way you want. The card just didn't work out that way.

Arrogance is the fastest way to lose respect. The world doesn't revolve around you. You don't deserve anything you haven't earned. You need to start small and grow, invest in development. You can’t just go and become famous or make money doing what you love to do. The world works differently, and I'm glad about it.

Ashton Kutcher was right when he said, “The path to a good life is to work hard, be smart, considerate and generous. The only thing that could be beneath your dignity is not to work.”

Self-respect does not mean that you deserve something or that you are better than others. This does not mean that you can afford not to take risks (as we all do) and not be interested in where your actions will lead.

8. You don’t need someone who doesn’t respect you.

So, you've loaded up on your self-esteem. And I realized that self-confidence is trash. And some people still don't want to respect you.

The best reaction to these people is: as long as they don’t bother you, don’t care about them. They won't support your work or help you. Get rid of them as quickly and quietly as possible. Otherwise, they will hang on you like a dead weight and prevent you from moving towards victory.

As long as they don't do any harm, don't pay attention. People who don't respect you shouldn't be allowed even close to your life. This is not your audience, not your flock, not your clients. They are not needed at all.

9. You only need those who respect and appreciate you

If you exclude trolls and assholes from your life, there will be two categories of people left in the world: those who know nothing about you and those who value you. The former can be ignored until you need to win the audience's attention. Then you will have to tell them about your existence.

The second ones are your people. The most important to you on the planet. They don't just pay attention to you, they are interested. They should be treated as members royal family. Work for them, be generous with them, and make sure they know how much you appreciate them.

10. Even shy people, introverts and “not like everyone else” can be confident

I'm a weird little nerd who is afraid of everything, doesn't like crowds and loves being alone. I'm definitely not your typical extrovert.

I'm confident, not because I'm selfish (okay, a little because of that), but because I try things, make mistakes and learn. I've spent my whole life learning how to do a couple of things (and am still working on it). You too can gain confidence this way. To do this you need to work and study.

You don't have to be loud to be confident. Sometimes the most confident person in the room may only say three things the entire evening. But when he speaks, everyone else shuts up and listens.

To be confident, you don't need to tell everyone how much you know. Confident people are aware of their knowledge and do not need to prove anything. They share experiences when appropriate or when asked. And they do it in a way that helps themselves.

A confident person is not someone who prances around the stage shouting platitudes and waving his arms. I'll bet 100,500 million dollars that he just doesn't feel confident. A confident person can be quiet, reserved, and know when to slow down.

11. Don’t worry like the world is ending tomorrow

And experiences are your everyday reality.

If you spend your nerves on everything and everyone, you will soon be left completely without them, or, even worse, you will get into nervous debts. There will be no time left, you will waste it on trifles and insignificant people, circumstances will control your life and bury all your undertakings in the ground.

If you pay attention to something unimportant too often, then this is a signal that not everything is in order with your life. You need to look for ideas and people who are worthy of your nerves.

Don't waste yourself on little things you can't control and on people who don't deserve it. For example, on trolls. And a long line at the cash register doesn’t cost a single nerve cell. Better meditate.

If you can contain your emotions and stock up, you will have something to react to when you really need it. Take care of your nerves! Hold back the negativity until the moment when you really need to throw it out.

12. You can worry about important things.

When something or someone really matters, you can spend a few nerve cells and strong expressions. Give away emotions when required, otherwise they will become worthless and you will turn into a cynic. There is only a very small group of people and ideas that I am willing to take risks for. And I’m ready to spend my worries on them, because I’ve made a reserve, like a squirrel for the winter.

13. Calmness and apathy are not the same thing

Apathy is the indifference you feel towards unimportant things. Calmness is the ability not to attach importance to things that do not deserve it. This needs to be thought about and it needs to be understood.

Calmness is a character trait similar to. Apathy is a lack of feelings.

14. Greatness comes from being okay with stupidity.

Nobody knows what to do.

Experts, thought leaders who seem to have it all - there are too many opinions to consider to decide what will lead to success and what will not. And the whole difference between successful people and losers is that the first ones did God knows what and continued to do it until one of them worked. And then they wrote a bestseller about how they achieved it, as if they knew what they were doing all along. And they became even cooler. Such a cycle.

Doing something new and unknown is always scary. And no one can guarantee the result. You need to stand up, pull yourself up and take a step. Sometimes you can move forward. And sometimes the laces get tangled and you fall face down.

The most successful people are not afraid to look stupid when they try something. They think about what will happen, and not about other people's thoughts about themselves.

I even discovered (to my wife's dismay) that I enjoyed making a fool of myself in public. I'll tell you little known fact: “losers” enjoy life more because they know when to worry and when to give a damn about other people’s opinions, and they have fun drinking their rosé and dancing with themselves at concerts (or, like me, in the aisles at supermarket).

15. We are all strange, abnormal, different

And you too. Use this to your advantage. The only way to stand out - to be a strange, abnormal self. Otherwise you will blend in with the crowd.

Understand what makes you different from others, even if it's hard to do. All the people you admire and look up to do exactly this. They have all accepted their characteristics and use them as strengths.

No one achieved fame and success simply by being the same as everyone else.

And those who seem normal are just pretending. Well, or you just don’t know them well. Everyone has their cockroaches. We're all weirdos. That's why life is so interesting.

16. Give up boundaries that other people have set.

If they tell you: “Don’t do this, it won’t work,” understand that these words concern them, not you. People have the best intentions, but their advice is based on personal experience, their choice and all sorts of bullshit.

Set your boundaries and accept only them. Don't want to answer your boss's calls and emails after 11 pm and on Saturdays? Well, don't answer.

Boundaries are like self-respect. Most people would be happy if you stayed within the boundaries because they made them up. Let them know that you are not happy with this state of affairs. This will make you not an asshole, but strong personality and a respected person.

Never let anyone set boundaries. Because these will be someone else’s attitudes, not yours, and you will have to follow someone else’s lead.

17. Be honest with yourself. Know who you are and who you are not.

When you gain self-respect and create your own boundaries, you learn a lot about yourself, so you can define who you are. But be honest about this. First with yourself, then with others.

It's much easier to be honest if you play the role that you need. Being honest is easier and ultimately more fun.

18. You can be honest without being rude

Feel the difference between situations: clearly express your opinion about something or behave like a sheep. If you don't like someone or something, don't argue. Sometimes being honest means just shutting up and moving on. To become a great person, you don't always have to win. Sometimes you need to make others feel like winners. Sometimes it is better to be a nice person than to be right.

Honesty does not give you the right to wag your tongue with impunity, ending your speech with the words: “Yes, I just wanted to tell the truth!” No, you were just being rude. Do not do it this way.

Even other boors don't like boors. If you are rude, you will die alone, surrounded by 17 cats, who will have no one to feed.

To understand when you are being honest and when you are just being rude, think first and speak later. Otherwise, instead of words, you risk giving out a stream of abuse. If you notice such a flaw in yourself, take a five-second pause before starting a conversation. A pause works wonders.

19. The less you expect, the more successful you will become.

The Bhagavad Gita, a mega-wise and old Hindu book, says: “We are worthy of work, not the fruits of it.” A deep and true thought.

Don't start a business just because you want a reward. Start because you want to do it. It's like writing a book because you want to publish a bestseller. No one can guarantee you such a result. You should write a book because you want to write. With this approach, regardless further development events, you will already complete the task.

Focus on what you are doing, as if the result does not matter.

All the points listed above are worthless without your attention. Attention to others, to your nerves and, most importantly, to yourself. You alone are responsible for your life, start managing it yourself.

Like this. Nineteen tough, invigorating tips to help you win. Now stop reading collections on the Internet and go to work.

You shouldn’t think that a don’t care is a person who doesn’t give a damn about anything at all. It is necessary to distinguish healthy indifference, expressed in a precisely dosed degree of control over the situation, from irresponsibility, which can lead to the most severe consequences.

Imagine what will happen if doctors, drivers, airplane pilots, etc. become people who don’t give a damn. – the list of professions that require high responsibility is very long. Becoming a don’t care doesn’t mean not giving a damn about everything, it’s about the ability to distance yourself from unnecessary worries that don’t give anything in practice and only spoil your nerves.

Features of healthy indifference

A person who doesn't care is to a large extent a fatalist. For example, you have to fly on an airplane. You know they fall sometimes and that makes you afraid. You are afraid to fly, the road to the airport reminds you of the path to the scaffold, and the flight itself becomes a serious test for your psyche.

What about the indifference? Not only is he completely relaxed, but he also enjoys the flight. His logic is simple - why worry if nothing depends on you in this case anyway? It is better to enjoy the journey, throwing stupid thoughts out of your mind.

This is healthy indifference that preserves nerves and mental health. At the same time, it is worth noting a very interesting point: in practice, people who don’t give a damn rarely get into accidents and other unpleasant situations. There is a completely logical explanation for this: without worrying about trifles, such a person does not waste mental energy on difficult thoughts. Which, in turn, significantly increases his intuition.

That is why it is easier for someone who doesn’t give a damn to avoid a plane crash than for someone who is terrified of flying. He simply will not board a plane that is destined to crash - something will definitely happen that will prevent him from flying on this flight. This is how he manifests himself high level personal strength accumulated as a result of the absence of empty experiences.

How to get rid of worries

To become a person who doesn’t give a damn, you need to learn to get rid of unnecessary worries. Use logic - what's the point of worrying about what's going on? this moment Doesn't it depend on you? Convince yourself that you will think about it when a more appropriate time comes, and push the worries away.

Don't try to keep everything under control, nothing will come of it anyway. Relax, learn to rest. Divide your time into work and leisure time. Don't be a workaholic - after all, you don't live to work. There are other interests in life. Do something interesting, find yourself a hobby. Invite your friends and enjoy an evening in good company.

Pay more attention to the beauty of the world around you, drive away all negativity. At least for a while, forget about crime action films and dramas - watch comedies, musicals, cartoons. Everything that can lift your spirits, inspire cheerfulness and optimism.

If something is bothering you, you can’t get away from difficult thoughts, ask yourself - what will happen if the most negative forecast comes true? Then accept the possible negative outcome, no matter how severe it may be. Get used to it, recognize it as already happening. And if so, you no longer have anything to worry about. The ability to accept any outcome, even the most negative, is one of the characteristic features healthy indifference.

Believe in your lucky star, in your luck, in your protection higher powers is one of the best ways to deal with anxiety. Everything will be fine, there is no reason to worry. Think about the positive, drive away the negative, and the most brilliant prospects will open up before you.