What is self-respect and self-esteem? Self respect

Self-esteem is an important trait of every person, on which his success and level of life satisfaction depend. The higher self-esteem, the more achievements and victories, and the lower it is, the more failures and defeats.

What is self-respect, and how can you learn to respect yourself more?

Self-respect is accepting yourself without judgment and recognizing your worth and worth. This is how respect gives birth to love and a positive attitude towards oneself. It is also satisfaction with one’s actions and deeds, confidence in the correctness of one’s business, one’s choice. And successfully built relationships with other people.

This means that self-respect means being satisfied with yourself and what you do, feeling joy and pleasure from the relationships you have built. It is not surprising that psychologists call a person’s self-esteem the basis for his personal happiness.

Self-respect and respect for others

And since self-respect presupposes effective communication with others, it has nothing to do with selfishness, arrogance or pride. A self-respecting person does not consider himself better than others, but knows how to interact with them in a way that is convenient and pleasant for himself and those around him.

What happens when a person cannot respect and love himself?

He experiences insecurity and a sense of inferiority, feels unworthy and incapable. This gives rise to doubts and difficulties in all endeavors - decisions are difficult to make and goals are difficult to achieve, relationships with other people cause awkwardness and painful experiences. It seems that everyone is against it, and offensive ridicule and condemnation are about to be heard. Other people's assessments hurt greatly, and this sensitivity, together with shyness and the expectation of something bad, forces such people to avoid society. Although loneliness does not bring them relief - they crave support and approval, but cannot ask for it.

That is why it is so important to learn to love and respect yourself - like nothing else, this will help you cope with difficulties, achieve success and enjoy it.

How to start respecting yourself?

Start by showing love and care to yourself. This doesn't mean smiling at your reflection when looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself, although it's good if you do that. But confirm your love with deeds.

First, treat yourself and give yourself gifts. Fulfill your desires, arrange pleasant breaks between tasks. Get out into nature - into the forest, to the river or to the nearest park. Update your wardrobe, buy yourself clothes at least once every 3 months.

Secondly, watch your health. Everyone begins to take care of their health during periods of epidemics or when there is a threat of an onset of a cold. Some still play sports. And that's where most stop. But taking care of your body doesn't stop there. Rest when you are tired and take sick leave when you get an infection, follow the rules traffic on the street and safety requirements at work, eating properly and nutritiously instead of going on a starvation diet, and taking a walk during your lunch break instead of smoking - this is what you need to do if you want to respect yourself. Be sensitive and careful about your body and your safety. Respecting yourself means valuing your life in every moment.

Third, give your time and attention to your family members. You are an amazing person and you are loved so much - so share a part of yourself with your loved ones!

Fourth, believe in yourself and your capabilities. You are capable of much, you just need to overcome your inertia and laziness. You need a business - get involved in it, you are looking for love - start loving people yourself, routine tasks take a lot of energy from you - find a goal that would ignite you and go towards it. Do it for yourself! How many times have you sought your confidence and strength in the support and assessments of other people? And they have always been with you, inside you!

Therefore, fifthly, accept and understand your true self, without comparing with others and without judging for failures. You go your own way and you are good at something - appreciate it.

A person must begin to respect himself and he can learn this as soon as he wants. Not everyone will succeed easily and quickly, but it will definitely work out.

I periodically suffer from low self-esteem. And before, in childhood and adolescence, I suffered from overestimation. Surprisingly, they are essentially the same thing, both

I periodically suffer from low self-esteem. And before, in childhood and adolescence, I suffered from overestimation. Surprisingly, in essence these are one and the same thing, both are a basic lack of self-respect. So you spend your whole life tossing between conceit and self-abasement, but the truth, as always, is somewhere nearby.

It would seem like such a natural thing, but how few people fully possess it. When a person respects himself, this forms a certain attitude towards him from those around him. To put it briefly: if you respect yourself, others respect you.

Do you treat yourself with disdain and consider yourself unworthy of respect from others? Rest assured, they will definitely take advantage of this. As my grandmother used to say: “They will sit on your neck and let your legs hang down.” And it’s not a matter of humility - oh, I’m so bad, everyone around me is better than me, which means I owe everyone.

Respecting yourself means both valuing your personal interests and having clear boundaries of your personal space. By the way, people who tend to be talkative and frank (nice to meet you, that’s me) at some point find it difficult to respect themselves, as they end up with too open boundaries. Your identity becomes public knowledge, and the public is not usually shy. But even if no one said anything unpleasant or took advantage of your openness, self-esteem often suffers. Well, you know, you talk to people like that, and then you painfully think - oh, what a fool I must look...

And the worst thing is that attempts to respect oneself, one’s dignity, run into Christian prejudices. You're not supposed to respect yourself. Who are you? You should think the worst of yourself! The remaining options are, at a minimum, unworthy pride, and even hellish pride. So to me for a long time It seemed as if the neophyte had long since passed. But you still shudder with horror if you suddenly say something good about yourself, or think, or, oh horror, boast of your achievement - ah, vain, proud!

But the word “respect” is similar to the word “uvaga” (in many related Slavic languages), which means "attention". That is, “treat with respect” means “treat carefully.” Both to others and to yourself. Is this sinful? On the contrary, it is very useful, both in spiritual life and in the soul. Self-respect is an attentive attitude towards oneself, and therefore a sober assessment of one’s strengths and weaknesses. The word “sober” is key here. It seems to me that if you approach it from this side, then every person, including those with low self-esteem, will be able to find more than one or two virtues in themselves, which means that they will always have something to respect themselves for.

By the way, pride is right next to it. Not the one that is pride, but the one that is dignity. What healthy pride is is just the joy that you have some virtues. I began to adequately perceive the feeling of pride when I began to evaluate my creative work, including evaluation in monetary terms. Yes, I am proud that I can draw like this, this is my personal achievement. And yes, I evaluate it this way and not otherwise, because I respect my work.

Or, for example, I’m proud that I can run a few kilometers, this is also my personal achievement. And I can also be proud of my children, because I am also involved in their achievements in one way or another. And be proud of my parents, friends, work, country, everything that I feel involved in. But as soon as the process of comparing oneself with others begins, this is where healthy pride ends, and pride begins. I am proud of my country because of its merits, and not because it is better than other countries. And this pride does not negate the understanding of its shortcomings either. Same with the rest.

You, in fact, should not care at all about what others did or did not do, whether they were worse than you or better. As long as a person evaluates his actions without comparing himself with others, he is pure. As soon as he starts to think - what a great guy I am for running 10 kilometers “faster than Vasya” (or “Vasya couldn’t run, but I did”), that’s where pride comes in.

This is also why self-respect is so important - it is a healthy feeling, not sinful, unlike pride. Including in narrower aspects, such as male or female self-esteem. Of course, I cannot ignore this issue. For a woman, self-respect is especially important in connection with the centuries-old patriarchal structure of the world.

In my grandmother's understanding, a woman's self-esteem included different aspects. For example, appearance- there were certain criteria. You always need to look neat and clean, and it’s not about the high cost, fashionability and brightness of clothes and hairstyles. And not in comparison with the neighbor! A good hairstyle, neat nails, clean shoes, ironed clothes - these are signs of self-respect in appearance.

In matters of building relationships with men, self-respect is almost the first thing that is necessary for normal family life. A woman should always clearly understand that if she does not respect herself, a man will not respect her even more so! And there can be no excuses here, especially religious, “humble” ones - they say, I probably don’t deserve anything else, that’s what I need. Not a single person deserves a derogatory, contemptuous attitude (unless, of course, he does intentional nasty things), whether he is a woman or a man. Regardless of talents, skills and other conventional advantages. On the contrary, everyone deserves respect, that is, attention to his interests and needs, and a woman no less than a man. Therefore, any disdainful attitude from above characterizes a person from the basest side.

I observe one wonderful everyday example of how a woman gradually gains self-respect after for long years humiliation. And this contributes sudden change the attitude of a man who looked down on her for many years. Yes, the marriage broke up, the love passed, and yet this is a small victory! It's great to see how a person changes before your eyes. And this is not the first positive example of how a woman begins to respect herself despite all the humiliation!

Speaking about self-respect, one cannot help but say that people who do not know how to respect themselves cannot fully respect others. They may worship, fear, but not respect. And the most common feeling that such a person experiences is envy, I don’t know. Instead of joy for the merits of another, instead of admiration, instead of inspiration by his example, there is always envy. If a person doesn't see intrinsic value, his own merits, how can he see and appreciate this in others?

WITHthe simplest and affordable way learn to respect yourself and others - stop comparing. I think that with some effort, anyone can do this. After all, living with respect for yourself and others is much easier and more joyful! published

In most cases, a person’s self-esteem is based on childhood. Due to the wrong attitude of parents, a person will grow up to be insecure, always doubting himself, having an inadequate assessment of his actions and, as a rule, dissatisfied with life. How to prevent this? And if a person has already developed it, how can it be increased, become more confident, appreciate oneself and change one’s life? This will be discussed in the article.

Mom: punishment and praise

If a mother wants to form in her child a personality capable of adequately assessing herself and her actions, she must be able to not only punish, but also praise her child. When an adult asks himself the question: “How can I learn to respect myself?”, he has to look into childhood. It turns out that he was scolded a lot and praised little or not at all by his parents, especially his mother. When a child is constantly exposed to criticism, he develops a low self-esteem. If you only praise the child, a person with high self-esteem will grow up. So it turns out that it is always better to stick to the golden mean. Mom has always been and will be the main link in raising a daughter or son.

From the mother’s point of view, punishment may be completely justified, because the child does not obey. However, often children contradict us not because they want to spite us, but only to learn something new, to learn something, and for the parent to this moment it's inconvenient and troublesome. So that there is no conflict situations, a mother should develop a sense of respect for her child, the ability to see him as an independent person. “I said!..” should be heard rarely when communicating with your precious child. Imagine how a child can learn to respect himself if he is constantly subject to criticism! Such a little man will grow into an adult who is unsure of himself and, perhaps, offended and angry at everyone. Only mutual respect and calm communication is the right path to the development of a harmonious personality that respects itself and the people around it. No one excludes rigor, but nothing good will come of rigor alone. A person is not like the string of a bow. You can pull it, release it and pull it again, but if you tighten it, your psyche will suffer...

The essence of self-respect and how to learn to respect yourself with low self-esteem?

Self-esteem sounds like the voice of a judge inner man. He evaluates our actions, results, words, emotions, self-image. As a result, self-esteem is formed, influencing our perception of the world around us and our position, social behavior in it, on confidence and determination to act, change something and decide whether to help someone or not, etc. Often, the self-esteem of most people depends very much on how others perceive us. If this attitude is positive, then, accordingly, we grow in our own eyes. The opinion of others is important to everyone: women, men, girls and boys, teenagers and small children.

To understand how to learn to respect yourself, you need to:

• Admit that you have a low opinion of yourself. Awareness is the first step to solving a problem.
• Stop focusing your attention on your own shortcomings. Switch to the virtues.
• You are not a victim! Everyone has problems, and you are no exception. Your problems are no more than others. If you whine, they will get worse. People turn away from a whining person, and then new paths and opportunities are closed.
• Relax! Make time for yourself. Even if it’s just a few minutes, you should have them - minutes of complete calm and relaxation.
• Rejoice and please yourself and those around you... From time to time give small surprises, gifts, take a walk, go to the cinema, a cafe or just to the park... By giving joy to yourself and your loved ones, you receive in return a colossal amount of energy and a positive charge, which, in turn, affects your self-esteem, self-esteem and quality of life.

Reality and self-esteem

Interestingly, our self-esteem has nothing to do with reality. Self-esteem, talents, and abilities often do not correspond to each other. History knows many cases when geniuses with exceptional talent and abilities had a low opinion of themselves. At the same time, there are people who have mediocre abilities or are completely deprived of both intelligence and talents. At the same time, it’s amazing what high self-esteem they have!

Lack of self-esteem leads people to suffer from insecurity, constantly feel guilty and depressed, unable to reach their full potential, and endure abusive situations and relationships. For example, how can a woman who endures constant reproaches, insults, reproaches and humiliation love herself and increase her self-esteem? Such a wife with low self-esteem will say words to her husband that she would never say in another situation. With another man, who knows how to emphasize her advantages and shows respect for her, she would be a completely different woman, with a different view of herself and the world around her...

The main danger of disrespect for oneself lies in the formation of an inadequate perception of society and one’s place in it. Very low self-esteem provokes the appearance of constant shame and various kinds of phobias. All this, of course, has an impact on the success and self-realization of the individual.

How to increase self-esteem for a woman or a man?

There are many reasons that result in low self-esteem. Typically, it is a person's deeply ingrained view of himself, originating in childhood, past experiences, and long absence parents. Self-sacrifice can be caused by the experience of psychological and (or) sexual violence, wrong decisions that led a person to significant problems. If a person has experienced any type of violence, he will definitely need the help of a professional to improve his self-esteem.

The help of a psychologist or psychotherapist will provide an opportunity to release painful issues, speak out and reconcile. Many people try to increase their self-esteem on their own, but this does not give the expected result. Sometimes this approach leads to a worsening of the condition, even to the point of negative consequences. To raise your self-esteem, you need to have remarkable fortitude, will and a stable psyche. The best option there will be a call to a specialist.

What are the signs of lack of self-respect?

Self-esteem is a variable value. It depends on the situations and environment. There are people who are calm and positive with close people, but withdrawn and shy with strangers. Others, on the contrary, are confident, active and optimistic outside the home, but at home they get lost and seem to fade away. We are all different. Not everyone knows how to maintain a balanced state of mind under stress and difficulties. Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are formed in childhood. However, this does not mean that it is impossible to form it in adulthood. It just requires at least the desire of the person himself.

Sometimes it seems that a person is quite confident in himself, optimistic and positive. But in fact, such a person can constantly be in a state of struggle with himself, with his phobias and complexes. Therefore, low self-esteem manifests itself in different people not the same. To understand how to learn to value and respect yourself, you need to conduct a self-analysis of the causes and signs of low self-esteem:

• feelings of guilt - frequent and unreasonable;
• auto-aggression;
• incessant self-criticism;
• tightness and shyness;
• phobias and fears of various types (for example, when speaking in public).

People with established low self-esteem, as a rule, perceive the world as something hostile, and feel themselves in the role of a victim. They feel fear and reluctance to express and defend their rights, refuse new experiences, miss opportunities and feel completely helpless and unadapted to life. All this only worsens the condition, and the person moves in a vicious circle, constantly feeling shame and fear.

• create a list of your achievements and strengths, re-read it regularly;
• remember your uniqueness, value for your loved ones and others, and even if there are none, then God certainly needs you. You are a person whom God loves and values, but wants her to be transformed and get rid of bad thoughts and painful state of mind;
• forbid yourself to even think: “Nobody needs me, no one loves me, I never succeed, I’m a loser...”;
• tidy up your appearance, this is very important for solving the problem of self-esteem;
• eat only healthy and wholesome food. Do not eat while listening to TV, videos, radio, etc. Make it a special time with a set table, even if you are alone;
• exercise at least three times a week and take walks in the fresh air every day;
• be sure to get enough sleep;
• undergo relaxing massage procedures and spare no expense for your health;
• the house should be clean and cozy, and let the walls or shelves be decorated with your certificates, cups, valuable gifts or just your paintings, photos;
• Sometimes treat yourself to treats or do something you love and are interested in;
• listen to positive music, watch motivating, kind and bright movies, start taking an interest in painting, dancing, culture;
• communicate with positive people;
• set realistic goals for yourself and achieve results;
• and souls;
• learn to cook deliciously, sing, dance and go to church, pray to God and ask to let love into your life and heart;
• complete unfinished business and do good deeds for people, review your social circle, devote your time a little more to your loved ones, while simultaneously broadening your horizons;
• don’t be afraid of those who don’t value you, stand up straight, straighten your back - you are no longer that humiliated little man. You have your own opinion and self-respect, confident and positive, and let evil remain somewhere out there, far from you;
• never compare yourself to anyone.

Every change in yourself is work. This process should not be perceived as hard, tedious work. Enjoy the transformation, get joy and satisfaction from it.

Let's be clear: self-respect does not make you narcissistic or stuck-up or self-centered...in fact, it does the exact opposite. Self-esteem is a deep feeling self-esteem and a feeling of self-love, showing that you are worthy to receive and give love.

The problem for most of us - myself included - is that we are going the wrong way. We try to feel a sense of self-worth by accumulating “likes” on Facebook or by purchasing a new gadget, when the truth is that external factors will never give us the self-esteem that each of us craves.

12 ways to show yourself respect:

1. Find out what makes you respect yourself.

One of the concepts that allows me to respect myself is to keep my word to other people. If I say that I will do something or be somewhere unless something unexpected happens, I feel better when I do what I said. I develop self-esteem by working out regularly, starting my day with a green herbal juice, and crawling under the covers at 10 pm to get a good night's sleep and gain energy for tomorrow!

1. Be honest about who you are and who you are not.

If you have figured out what makes you feel good (see Step #1), continue to be honest not only with yourself but also with those around you. Honesty not only leads to a reduction in labor costs in work, but also makes it more enjoyable.

If you know that your calling is to work for outdoors on some farm, then you will not prove yourself if you work from 9 to 5 in the office of a local marketing company over the next ten years. You will be disrespectful of your talents and interests, and you will be disrespectful of the company that might hire someone who would actually excel in that position.

I know I'm disrespecting myself when I plan nights out with friends three times in a row after work because I feel exhausted afterwards. I do my best to admit this to myself and be honest with my friends.

1. Respect yourself by acting in an area that inspires you.

Yes, actions in an unknown area frighten us. We cannot know for sure that everything will work out for us, and the fear of failure can make us retreat from great success. But the most successful people The people I know aren't afraid to try new things. Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard and made history. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak started making Apple in a garage. Alicia Keys used her talent and fame to create a completely new non-profit organization"Keep A Child Alive" Through clinics, education and medicine, the global pop star is treating and preventing the spread of HIV in Kenya, Rwanda and Uganda.

1. Stop trying to be “normal!”

The only way to stand out is to be original, real, unusual in your own way. This is easier said than done, but think about this: all those people you want to emulate have identified what makes them different from others and turned it into their advantage. Also, if you are not who you are, you blend in with others and lose your individuality. And what's so interesting about this?

1. Don't let other people limit you.

Many people have good intentions, but their advice is often clouded by their emotional baggage. So when someone tells you “you'll never be able to do that” or “you shouldn't” or “you can't,” ignore them until you find out for yourself whether that's true or not.

1. Learn to say no.

Expressing your disagreement to others does not make you bad person, it makes you a strong and respected person. When you stop saying yes to things you don't want to do, you will create more time and energy to pursue activities and people that make you happy.

1. Date people who REALLY want to date you.

Do you know where all of us tend to lose self-respect in the first place? Yeah, you guessed it: in dating and meetings (I mean between a man and a woman). I am sure that when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, there should be a firm rule: if it is not a hundred percent yes, then it is a hundred percent no!

Countless people have so much to offer the right partner, but they are paralyzed waiting for their current partner to talk to them about critical aspects in their relationship. I understand that it takes some time for a couple to grow and develop a relationship, but I'm talking about people who have moved beyond compromise and are living in a frozen state.

Gain self-esteem so you can start over! Although scary, starting over is less painful than being with a partner who is unwilling or unable to give you what you need.

1. Allow yourself to pause for today.

Self-respect means not engaging in excessive self-criticism, self-blame, or self-restraint. It's very easy to tie yourself down to a to-do list and measure yourself by completing the items. How about making a deliberate shift to self-compassion? What if, as you finish one task and as you consider the next, you say to yourself, “I may or may not do this. If I choose to stop now, I will allow myself to be content with what I have already accomplished today and not beat myself up about it.” How about respecting your ability to work?

1. Know that you are more than just your genes.

We could spend our whole lives untying the knots of your past, but at some point, you have to realize that these knots are no longer yours. They belong to our parents, grandparents and their parents. The line of succession is very complex and long, heredity is easily transmitted from only one generation. We have a choice and at any time when we reflect on how our heredity affects us, we can declare: “This is not my story. I am not my bloodline.”

1. Apologize with SELF-RESPECT.

Saying “sorry” is rarely pleasant or easy, so keep this in mind when you want to apologize! When apologizing, it is important to learn not to make excuses. (Because that's just disrespectful to the other person and your integrity.)

So the next time you feel the urge to beg someone for forgiveness, place your hand on your heart and check in with your inner truth. If you feel that an apology is definitely needed, apologize once (without excuses).

1. Be prepared to accept reality.

You must be willing to see things and people as they are. It can be painful to admit that there is a problem with us, with our loved ones, or with a situation. But if you don't engage with curiosity and courtesy, your situation will get worse and the problem will drag on. And this is not very respectful of your time and energy.

1. Give your body compliments.

Our health, like everything else in our lives, depends on our attitude towards it. The more attention we pay to it, the better our body will feel. Often, when we think about taking care of our health, we usually stand in front of the mirror, looking at our body and imagining what we need to “fix” about ourselves.

Instead of making self-judgment your morning ritual, stand in front of the mirror and list three things you love about yourself. Later, write them down, preferably on sticky notes. Then choose one or two that make you feel the way you want to feel every day and stick those love notes on your bedroom mirror, on your wallet, on your TV remote and read them even on those days when you don't feel at all differently.

In conclusion, remember to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. By focusing only on our (self-imposed) mistakes and shortcomings, we give the rest of the world permission to focus on them too.

Know yourself. This will help you identify what kind of unique person you are and increase your self-esteem. Think about your talents and strengths. This process of self-discovery may take some time, but it will be time well spent.

Learn to forgive yourself if you want to increase your self-esteem. Forgive yourself for what you have done in the past. If necessary, admit your mistakes and ask other people for forgiveness. If you blame yourself for offensive words or wrong actions and decisions, then it will be difficult for you to live. Remember that all people make mistakes and learn from them, so forgive yourself and others.

Be yourself. Love and accept yourself for who you are. Don't think that you are ideal - just come to terms with who you are. Be proud of your strengths and don't be discouraged by your weaknesses, especially those you can't change.

• Are you planning to love yourself only after you lose 20 kg? This is a bad approach. Love yourself for who you are in the present moment.