How to properly break off a relationship with a married man. Relationships with a married man: advice from a psychologist. What married men look for in a relationship
Romance with married man makes a woman a hostage to such relationships and although she holds on to them, deep down she understands perfectly well that this relationship cannot end in anything good. Therefore, the first step towards your own liberation may be to find an answer to the question of how to break off a relationship with a married man.
What pushes girls into the arms of married men? Most often this psychological reasons. Agree, not everyone is interested in waging a continuous invisible war with the wife of their chosen one, trying to get around her and be better than her. But many girls believe that they will be able to win the man over to their side and take the man away from the family.
Indeed, there are cases when a man, having fallen in love with another woman, leaves the family, but, as a rule, they are quite rare, and usually a married lover is simply content with the situation that has developed and is not going to change anything in his life.
Sometimes he immediately honestly warns about this, sometimes he simply openly stalls for time, but if you get involved in a relationship with a married man, sooner or later you have to make a decision about breaking it up yourself, even despite the feelings that you have for him.
In fact, it is difficult to break off a relationship with a married man because it is a kind of addiction, a disease that psychologists even called Marilyn Monroe syndrome.
You understand that you are no better than his wife, otherwise he would not live with her, but you still continue to hope that one day that happy moment will come when he will finally decide, but this moment still does not come, and you continue wait. And all this may last long years and almost never ends in anything.
Breaking up a relationship with a married man
Maybe you won’t believe it, but every man in the depths of his subconscious understands perfectly well that no matter how good his mistress is, no matter what lace lingerie she wears when he arrives, no matter how mind-blowing sex she gives him, if he exchanges his family for her , she will be exactly the same an ordinary woman, like his current wife.
He understands that sexy lingerie and exquisite makeup are a holiday, and in ordinary life a significant part is taken up by ordinary everyday life. In addition, he is far from sure that his mistress, although good in bed, will turn out to be a good mother for his children and a wonderful housewife.
If you are considering leaving a relationship with a married man, realize that his wife, who is waiting for him at home while he has fun, is his back. It was with her that he went through all the difficulties that he had in his life. She is the one who sits at his bedside when he is sick. Only with her can he really be sure of the future.
He married her because he realized that he could trust all his problems to this woman, she would not leave him in grief, even though he leaves her alone when he is happy. Only with his wife can a man be natural and not wear various masks.
He doesn’t need to seem like a self-confident macho with this woman; she will understand and accept him in any state, even weak and helpless. He will understand, accept and lend his fragile shoulder.
As for the mistress... Today there is one mistress, but tomorrow there may be another. A mistress is temporary, it’s a backup option when you want to unwind a little and add adrenaline to your blood. And if she does not satisfy him for some reason, you can part with her easily and without regret.
First of all, you should be determined to end the relationship yourself. Think about how much time you've already lost and how much time you still have to lose if you continue to sneak together. But you lose not only time, but also the strength of your soul, wasting it completely in vain. In addition, even if you manage to take a man away from his wife, aren’t you convinced that he is used to deceiving, and, therefore, the same story will almost certainly repeat itself with you. Is this what you want? A man cannot be changed; he always remains as he is.
Once you allow yourself to realize that you are the subject of manipulation in his hands, and in fact he is more than happy with this situation, you must act decisively and without the slightest delay. You need to break off a relationship with a married man in such a way that there is not the slightest chance that it can resume. From now on, this man is an enemy for you, with whom you no longer want not only to see, but even to talk on the phone.
Let him know about your decision and ask him not to bother you anymore. Stop answering his calls. Do not call yourself and try not to meet even by chance. If necessary, change your phone number and try to leave the city somewhere, at least temporarily, on vacation.
When a man realizes that you are determined, he will resort to all sorts of tricks in order to dissuade you from this step. Yes, he agrees, you really need to break up, but let's give ourselves a romantic goodbye. Let this night be your farewell. Don’t fall for this bait, it will almost certainly start all over again on your farewell night.
Ruthlessly get rid of everything that may remind you of him - his gifts, photographs, personal belongings. All this must be thrown away, just do not return it in person. Remember - you should not see each other again under any pretext.
Remember that such love is somewhat akin to a drug. So you need to take your all free time so that there is no opportunity to indulge in sad thoughts. It’s very good if you go on vacation, especially to places you’ve never been before - new experiences will help you look at your life with different eyes. You will understand that it was not in vain that you decided to break off your relationship with a married man. If there is no way to leave, just completely load up your life - with work, sports clubs, new acquaintances, whatever. Just don't be alone.
Suffering is unproductive, it destroys your soul and prevents you from creating your own destiny. Think about how much time this person has already stolen from you without actually giving you anything in return. Is this fair? Get yourself in order and don’t sit locked up, look for your own happiness.
Start dating other men. You missed out on so much while you were with him.
Although no woman of her own free will would want to fall in love with a married man, however, such a feeling as love cannot be controlled and sometimes such romances still happen. However, as a rule, they end in nothing but bitter disappointment, so today I would like to talk about how to forget the man you love. If he is married. No matter how painful it may be, this issue has to be resolved sooner or later, since men rarely leave their wives for their mistress, and such relationships bring much more suffering than joy, to each of the three parties. Love triangle- a very unstable thing.
If you have made the difficult decision to break off a relationship with a married man, the first thing you should do is get rid of everything that may remind you of him. This concerns joint photos, if you have them, letters, SMS messages and gifts dear to your heart. Drive away the memory of past relationships from home.
Naturally there should be absolutely no more communication. Remove his contact from your phone, computer and social networks in the Internet. If possible, you should not meet in real life. Even if he tries to continue communication - this sometimes happens, firmly stick to your decision.
Women tend to idealize their lovers, but try to look at him soberly. If a man who promised another woman to be faithful to her starts an affair, you are probably not his first. And - not the last, believe me. Put yourself in the place of his wife - what would it be like if you had such a husband? And even if he leaves his wife and goes to you, do you think he will stop there? Cheating is the norm for such men in their lives.
Think about the constant hell his wife lives in. Surely they have a child, the care of which falls entirely on her shoulders. Mentally ask her for forgiveness for all the grief that you caused her - after all, she is not guilty of anything before you. It was you who agreed to become her husband’s mistress, thereby playing, it must be said, not the best role.
It doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not, but the law of Karma works inexorably. Be sure that in the future you will have to pay for everything you do now. Try to atone for your sin before the higher mind as quickly as possible, using those spiritual practices that are closer to you.
Use these tips and try to break off your relationship with a married man and finally close this page of your life. Then, perhaps, you will be able to find your own, and only your own, happiness.
An affair with a married man is a very difficult type of relationship. This cannot be called a union of two free people, because, as a rule, other people are drawn into such relationships - children, spouses, relatives.
Whatever the advice of psychologists, they all call to first adequately assess the situation and understand what the woman herself wants. After all, intrigues with married men rarely end in marriage. Even if a mistress manages to take a person away, there is no guarantee that life with him will be happy.
A married man is the same man, only with disabilities.
Roman Gusev
Relationships with a married man: are they true?
Every second mistress is convinced that the married man she is dating loves her, not his wife. The other half of women will argue that the legal spouse is somehow worse than the mistress, therefore. This is what the “infidels” themselves can say, because how else will they start relationships on the side? Roughly speaking, usually a man simply lies to assert himself or to diversify his personal life with good sex.The desire to find very rarely pushes a married man into extramarital affairs. Even if he becomes attached to his mistress, he is unlikely to be ready to leave his wife, with whom he is connected by common property and years life together. It can take quite a long time to make a responsible decision. A man has a lot of reasons not to leave his family - the age of the children, the common business, the opinion of relatives.
Such a relationship may well suit a man who has decided to sit on two chairs. But for a woman, such a situation will become more and more dramatic, especially if she has feelings.
There is no point in making claims against a married man, but in order to understand his true attitude towards his mistress, she needs to clarify several questions:
- What is it? Is he really unhappy with his wife and is trying to compensate for this on the side?
- Does she need such a relationship and can it replace her real family?
- Will a woman be satisfied with a supporting role, is she ready to be content with what is left after her family?
- Does she agree to wait until the man “ripes” and decides to divorce?
- Will she be able to calmly accept the fact that the romance has exhausted itself?
How to maintain a relationship with a married man?
If a woman decides to maintain such a union, despite all the negative aspects, psychologists recommend the following:- Keep this relationship a secret from everyone. If the wife finds out about the husband’s affair, she may demand to separate from her mistress.
- Do not say anything bad about his wife, even if the man himself complains about her. There is an invisible connection between spouses, and a man can be hurt offensive words to his wife.
- Do not put pressure on a man and do not demand anything from him.
- Constantly convince a man how important and loved he is.
- Be skillful and relaxed in bed.
How to break off a relationship with a married man?
If the mistress understands that a man will never leave his family, and such a relationship has no future, she should get rid of them as soon as possible. Of course, if a woman is satisfied with a relationship without commitment, she can continue to have a forbidden affair. But if she sincerely loves her chosen one, it is better to refuse such love so as not to ruin her life.To make it easier to leave a married lover, it is recommended to write down all his shortcomings on paper and re-read them before each date. A woman also needs to ask herself what it is about this man that inspires her admiration or respect, and look around. Really not? more men with the same qualities?
To break up with a married man for sure, you need to break off the relationship sharply and decisively. The mistress should directly tell her chosen one about this and ask him never to seek a meeting with her again. There is no need to answer his calls and SMS, or call yourself. If you still have to communicate, for example, at work, you need to talk only about business, and at first you can generally ask for a business trip or vacation.
Conclusion
If thoughts about married lover become an obsession, and you just can’t forget it, you need to go to another city, change your surroundings, or find yourself an interesting activity that won’t leave you time to be sad.We must not forget about other men and doom ourselves to loneliness. Perhaps we’ll walk nearby somewhere real love- a person with whom you can build a reliable family fortress. Don't miss your chance.
No one plans to get into a dependent relationship voluntarily. It’s unlikely that since childhood you wanted to become fixated on someone, abandon all your interests, suffer and wait for everything to change. But life works differently.
Love for a married man has always been shameful, condemned by society, and a taboo was placed on relationships with someone’s husband. That's how we were raised. If you fall in love with a married man, you are a homewrecker, a destroyer of the social unit. But it happened: you are a mistress.
Stop reproaching yourself, look at modern realities, which is not customary to discuss with colleagues over lunch, so as not to cause another portion of condemnation.
The vast majority of young families are formed according to the following scenario: they met at 20, got married six months or a year later, gave birth to a child at 22, and couldn’t cope with their marriage at 23. adulthood and played enough. Feelings and love pass, but the family remains due to habit, fears and obligations. A man takes a mistress, his wife either endures it, losing herself in worries, or also starts a new relationship - on the side. This may take years.
Is a relationship with a married man doomed or is there a chance?
You fell in love with a married man. The main thing is to stop blaming yourself and giving up on further happy life. If a married man is in love with you, is there anyone to blame? Try to figure out why he appeared in your life. It is possible that its appearance was not accidental.
Ask yourself 4 questions
Why did I end up in this connection?
You know that being a mistress is bad, but every day you firmly connect yourself with a married man. What motivates you? Are you ready to “fight for it” and build a future together or do you want to live in the moment? Respond by looking at things unemotionally.
What do I get in this relationship, and what do I give to my partner?
You are free individuals who feel good together or the relationship is built on a dependency or passion unknown to both of you, perhaps there is material interest or other benefits.
Did I consciously choose this type of relationship?
Were you scared off by the presence of a future man's wife, or was it easier for you to associate yourself with a married man, so as not to be responsible for a serious relationship?
Can a relationship with a married man make me happy in the future?
How do you see the development of this relationship, do they have a future, or do you understand that when the passion subsides, it will be difficult for you to accept his life with two families?
People joke about dating a married man only in jokes. In fact, being a mistress means constantly having an internal struggle and thinking that the man you love has a wife, that the relationship is doomed from the start, and still going on secret dates with him, attacking your own self-esteem.
From a psychological point of view, women who choose a relationship with a married man over and over again have internal problems. At a minimum, because entering into a relationship with a married partner means recognizing your “second role”, being prepared to be hidden and asked not to write, not to call, not to wear perfume.
Depending on your relationship with a married man, you begin to justify him, look for solutions for him, believe that for your sake he will leave the family. But why does he need this if the only suffering party here is you, not him?
To be the mistress of a married man means to take on the role of a strong woman, not burdened with problems.
You can increase your self-esteem by realizing that you are better than others: “After all, he runs to me, and she sits at home and doesn’t know anything, which means I’m more worthy.”. But the paradox is that after every date a man hurries home to the one who is waiting at home. And when he leaves, the sense of self-worth instantly fades away. Are you really happy with this?
Do married men get divorced for their mistresses? Stop fooling yourself. Living someone else's life or being a detail in someone else's relationship means wasting your own time. Will a self-sufficient, self-respecting woman really agree to a supporting role, be ready to hide and not appear in those moments when her married partner is with his wife? Listen to yourself, what do you think?
Relationships with a married man: commentary from a psychologist
When you start dating a married man, at first you feel at ease, feel increased attention and satisfy your self-esteem by the fact that he prefers you to his wife, he has fun with you and he is deceiving her, not you. But time passes, and it becomes more difficult for you to share him with his legal wife, from whom for some reason he still has no intention of leaving.
Then falling in love risks developing into addiction, driven by jealousy, selfishness, the desire to achieve one’s own, the desire to prove that you better than wife. By becoming dependent on a relationship with a married man, you inevitably find yourself in a scenario of abandoning yourself, focusing all your interests only on your partner, and looking for meetings with him in any way.
When strengthening ties with a married man, the following appear:
- decreased self-esteem: all the energy goes into trying to meet, call, see each other, “fit” him into your space. You see yourself as a “backup option.”
- internal dissonance: oscillation between “love” and “hate”. Quarrels become more frequent because he leaves the family.
- intense jealousy. If a partner cheats on his wife, then who knows if he is cheating on you too?
- loss of interest in life, work, meeting with friends, internal destruction of personality.
- justifying yourself.
Even if you voluntarily entered into an affair with a married man, knowing that he will not leave the family, you gradually still begin to claim the No. 1 place in his life.
This is how female psychology works
First, you prove to yourself that everything suits you: “I don’t need a wedding, I just want to be near you and love you,” then you gently and unobtrusively voice what you want, and as a result, tears, depression and demands to leave your wife begin.
And if you manage to convince a man to leave his wife, will you be satisfied? Is there room for new suspicions ( “If he cheated on me, he will cheat on me too”), mistrust ( “Dating secretly or wants to get back to ex-wife” ), past grievances ( “I was with her for so long and didn’t divorce her right away”)? So, out of the desire for romantic love and a full-fledged family, you drive yourself into dependence on experiences, reducing the relationship to “no”.
Of course, it happens differently. When you are in a relationship with a married man, devoting time to him, you are following your own choice. And, if you really want there to be a sequel, bother doing 2 things:
take off your rose-colored glasses.
“He is ready to do anything for me,” he just can’t leave the family right now,” “He has a difficult situation, I’m ready to wait, because we love each other”;
take time for yourself.
Your development, expansion of your sphere of interests, awareness of yourself as an individual, and not as an attachment to a partner. Don’t immerse yourself in his interests, don’t live his life, and especially don’t try to solve his problems.
Have you decided to take a married man away from your family?
Why doesn't a married man leave his family for his mistress? Because he created for ideal model life: saved his family, thereby protecting himself from the attacks of society and loss loved one, avoided financial difficulties and at the same time leads parallel life, where he receives care and warmth, fresh emotions and the realization of his own goals.
At the same time, he can experience emotions for his mistress many times stronger than for his wife. Driven by passion and love, he promises her (sometimes even sincerely) that love is enormous, “a little later” he will leave the family for her, and “those golden mountains in the distance are yours.”
What's happening in reality?
More often than not, nothing. Everything is locked at the level of promises, relationships stall at this phase and, without developing (and relationships without development are doomed), they move into the phase of disappointed expectations and accusations and later end.
If you are determined to become a legal wife from a mistress and take your husband away from your current wife, you have a chance. But not in the case when you voluntarily agreed to a “supporting” role for years and suddenly decided to become the main one in his life. No matter how well he treats you, no matter how pleasant your meetings are, he is comfortable with you as a mistress, and he will not radically change his life for your sake. The psychology of a married man’s relationship with his mistress is based on his stability, and changes contradict it.
If you still dare to take a man away from your family
There are chances to take a married man away from the family, even if they are small. Men often have a mistress, family life which they have not been happy with for a long time. And love on the side is a way to get pleasant emotions, without ending the relationship with your spouse, because drastic changes are too scary.
By acting carefully and slowly, you can influence a man, proving to him that living together with you will save him from existing problems, and will not add new ones.
Direct demands, quarrels and reminders of his promises will not lead to divorce, but they will show that relationships with you in the future will involve problems, scandals and nerves.
How to behave with a married man so that you have a future? The psychology of a relationship with him is not very different from the behavior with a free partner, if your plans are to build strong, trusting relationships.
Respect his decisions, give him the choice and the right to act as he sees fit, do not put pressure on him and do not impose your opinion - it is useless.
How to change from a mistress to a wife: a comment from a psychologist
Set a goal - not to impose yourself, but to make him want to be with you. Focus on yourself, not on him, his family or your relationship. It's about about expanding your personal space, about your own plans, about development in directions not related to your relationship. By doing something to “build up” your personality, working on the psychological restoration of a true attitude towards yourself, and cultivating healthy egoism, you will restore the balance between personal space and relationships. An internally free person is always more attractive than someone who focuses all his interests on one person, all the more limiting him and negatively influencing his life.
Don't judge his wife
Even if he speaks negatively about her. She is his choice. By showing that you value your partner's opinion, you influence the subconscious, he feels like a recognized leader, and this radically influences further decisions.
Just ask yourself whether you are ready to build further relationships according to such a scenario, to adapt and drown out even own feelings for him? It is possible to take a man away from the family. But are you really ready to compete with another girl and waste your energy on destroying your family? Psychologically, will it be easy for you to accept him and not allow the thought that he will find a mistress for himself while he is already your husband? Achieving a goal is a normal desire. But how correctly did you set this goal?
Pregnancy from a married man
Some girls do not want to look at the situation realistically, and having become fairly “involved” in a dependent relationship with a married man, they decide that The best way lure him over to your side and force him to leave the family - get pregnant. Various tricks are used, including deception.
However, before considering the latest ways to take a man away from your family, calm down, weigh everything that is really happening in your situation: his relationship with his family, with his children, with you, take a realistic look at your life together. You are his mistress, and it is unlikely that his mistress’s pregnancy will be a significant reason for leaving the family (especially if he already has children).
Pregnancy from a married man in most cases will only bring problems. Moreover, both for you and for him.
What do you want to prove to yourself, him or his wife by getting pregnant? How will your self-esteem grow if you are ready to take such drastic measures? Think about a child who will initially be a partner's attachment tool. And about his children, whom you think he will leave.
If the pregnancy is unplanned
He promised mountains of gold, you lived happily for a year or two or three and were happy with the meetings, sometimes he said that he would definitely leave the family for you, but there was no right time. When he heard the news about your pregnancy, he said that he loved you as before, and... gave money for an abortion. How to cope with a situation when a pregnancy from a married man turns into abortion?
You don’t want this, you consider the child the fruit of your happiness, and you cannot believe that he acted so treacherously. You try to analyze and come to the conclusion that “yes, now is really not the time, besides, he loves me and speaks about it directly.”
Understand that it is up to you to decide about the fate of the child. When you started dating, were you happy with everything? Start from this. He will not leave his wife, will not become your legal husband, and, at best, will support you financially. Are you ready for such a life? Do you agree to raise a child in a single-parent family?
Just stop flattering yourself with the hope that with the advent of a child everything will change. It will change, yes, but it won’t make it easier, that’s for sure. After all, many women raise children without men.
If a child is valuable to you, then you should only be glad that it is from the man you love, even if this love differs from its standard understanding.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that your child is more important to a man than his existing children. Don't think that once you give birth, you can manipulate him. The good thing about a married man’s mistress is that it’s easy to take a break from family problems, get distracted and then return home. If she creates difficulties (and a pregnant mistress is a big difficulty for a married man), then the very meaning of a relationship with her is lost.
Do you want this child?
Are you ready to give birth to him for yourself, without associating the birth with your married partner? If yes, have no doubt, you will hold out, survive this difficult period of torment and draw conclusions. It is possible that your priorities, goals, and, possibly, your man will change.
Should a married man give birth: a comment from a psychologist
It is important to clearly understand that a child is not a way to tie a man to you, that his decent fatherhood in a legitimate family does not mean that he will treat your child with the same reverence. Whether to give birth to a married man is only your choice; here you cannot hide behind your partner’s excuses and the thirst for mythical happiness. Giving birth to a man while remaining his mistress is a psychologically difficult task. If you perceived your partner as a patron, afraid of your own responsibility, then now you will have to grow up and be responsible not only for your life, but also for the life of another person.
Don't paint a picture in your head where it's just you, him and your child. When you realize that there is another family in this picture of the world, you can accept correct solution and avoid emotional breakdowns, depression and neuroses.
How to end a relationship with a married lover
If:
- It is psychologically difficult for you to continue a relationship with a person who does not plan to leave the family, despite all the assurances.
- Or you finally realized that your relationship with a man ended emotionally a long time ago, but for some reason you are holding on to it.
- You don’t have the strength to break off a dependent relationship; you are ready to be content with the illusion that you are loved, just so as not to be left alone.
- You understand that the relationship is futile, but you become more and more attached to your partner, clinging to rare moments when everything is fine.
The time has come to part!
The main problem of girls who decide to end their relationship with a man is that they want to prove something by leaving: “Let him feel that he cannot live without me”, “I’ll leave, he’ll come to his senses and bring me back,” “He’ll understand that it’s better to be with me, and he’ll leave the family.”. Understand that your care should not be directed at your partner, but at you. If you made a conscious, informed decision to leave, then you did it because the current course of things no longer suits you. By returning your partner after a breakup, you will only prolong this nervous period.
Understanding what you get and what you lose in a relationship will make it easier for you to make a decision. “They give me emotions, love and care” is not the answer you should give yourself, it will only keep you stuck in a dependent relationship.
Time to question yourself
The feeling that someone needs you is not a reason to continue the relationship. Evaluate all the disadvantages without making excuses or trying to prove to yourself that you are satisfied with everything.
- Are you okay with being hidden?
- Are you happy that your future is vague or completely unrealistic?
- That you will never go on vacation together or plan a weekend together without taking a third person into account?
- What is your beloved man? serious relationship with another woman, even if he says he doesn’t love her?
He is a married man, his established life consists of frameworks and rules, and he will not change it, even if it does not completely satisfy him. It's easier for him to start new lover unpretentious.
If you decide to break up with the man you love, it means you are tired of justifying yourself and him without receiving anything in return.
Be a lover family man- the path to a dead end. Continuing a painful relationship is also a dead end. It may be longer or shorter, but it will not lead you to a happy future. Eventually, you will come to the questions: “Why did you need all this?” and “How to live further?”
It is difficult to stop loving a married man because you are accustomed to an emotional, mysterious dependence on him. But dig deeper. Remember your feelings when after meetings he went to his family or when his wife called him. Did you feel better than her at that moment? If he didn't value her, would he hide you? By recognizing the actual emotions that you received in the relationship, you can set yourself up to stop depending on a married man.
Understand also that the connection with him may drag on for years, but there will be no development. You will get used to the role of a mistress, you will take it for granted, but is this how you want to see your life? He will not leave the family for you, realize this. And even if you decide to accept it this way, how ready will you be for such a model of life? Look at it from all sides: from yours, from his, from friends and parents, from colleagues. Ready?
Match promises and reality
Healthy relationships are built according to the scheme: “personal interests of the first partner + personal interests of the second partner + common interests of the couple.” What common interests will arise over time, what goals will unite you if your main goal is to hide the relationship and be together in secret?
It is difficult to leave a relationship with a married man, just like any other dependent relationship, primarily because of your own fears and doubts. You make an attempt to leave, but fall into a series of worries, looking for ways to relieve moral condition, but you see that only he, the culprit of your problems, will help. And everything begins in a new way, with a heap of old grievances and misunderstandings and a new round of problems.
Open your eyes
Compare your dreams and hopes with reality. You want to be with the man you love, receive care from him, you want to develop a relationship and, later, a family. The partner promises that it will be so, that living together with his wife is a temporary obstacle, he has not loved her for a long time and there has been no sexual contact with her for a long time. You wait and believe because you rightly believe that relationships cannot be built without trust.
Now look at reality. Are you getting, albeit gradually, what you are striving for? Is he committed to your life together? If you are wondering how to break up with a married man, apparently, reality and dreams still differ.
How to break up with a married man: commentary from a psychologist
Remember: no conflicts, external factors, or other people will pull you out of a protracted relationship. Only an inner attitude and working on your own goals and understanding their feasibility will help you get out of an addictive relationship with a married partner. Perhaps you are driven by fears or do not want to take responsibility, but only internal changes can improve your life.
Break up your breakup with a married man into 3 stages:
Talk
A maximally honest conversation with direct questions about the future of your relationship will eliminate illusions. Set deadlines and specific actions. The goal is not to be heard Once again that everything will work out, but to determine your personal attitude to what was said and what is actually happening. If you see an opportunity to continue the relationship “in a new capacity,” take this chance, but determine why you are continuing and what exactly you want to achieve, and within what time frame you need to achieve it. If there is no opportunity, and all that remains is the promise of mountains of gold, break up.
Understanding.
Relate what you hear to your vision of the future. Imagine yourself in this relationship 5 years later. You’re not getting any younger, you can’t turn back time, but you don’t want to let it go. If you understand that you will break up anyway, why are you delaying this moment for the rare calm of “now”? Remember past relationships, problems: you painfully let go of most of them at one time, and today it’s easy for you to remember them. Why do you consciously go through suffering and drag the burden of your current hopeless relationships into the future?
Shifting focus from relationships to yourself.
If it’s hard for you to give up your partner overnight, use “switching” techniques. Continue communication with your married partner without directing efforts to get rid of the role of mistress. But gradually look for new activities, interests, set personal goals outside of relationships, even if they are to the detriment of them. Especially if they cause damage! By complementing your personality, you inevitably leave the space of dependence on relationships and become not part of them, not part of your partner, but an independent person.
At this stage, it is important to accept your feelings (love, selfishness, painful addiction - it doesn’t matter), but consciously begin to focus not on them (or how to get rid of them), but on something from a completely different plane. Over time, the psychological tension arising from constant twisting of the situation in the head will weaken.
Be honest with yourself and your partner. Your task is not to prove to him your strength, independence or superiority, but to achieve your own peace of mind. When you are ready, talk to him, tell him that you are ending this relationship not in a fit of emotion, not because he is guilty of something. The reason is the lack of a future together and your justified desire for stable happiness. Ask not to keep you because you want to build a full-fledged family in the future and think that you deserve it.
“I understand everything, but...”
If you (consciously or not) became the mistress of a married man, start by asking yourself why this happened. And then decide what you want to achieve. If you feel you need help, talk to a psychologist: collaboration it will help you understand the situation more deeply and find a comfortable way to resolve it.
All article topics -
Every woman dreams of being happy. For some it is interesting job, for some - travel. But still almost everyone dreams of happy family. A caring husband, healthy cheerful children, a cozy home... But sometimes it happens that the man you love already has a family. There is a house and children. A relationship with a married man is not an easy burden.
Lover and mistress
Mistresses are not always unhappy. There are women who quite consciously enter into a relationship with a married man. And this state of affairs suits them quite well. Let's say a married lady is simply looking for pleasure on the side. A man with a family is ideal for such purposes. He will be careful and prudent, and will not bother you with calls and SMS. It would never occur to the father of the family to drop in on his beloved to have a serious conversation with her husband. Purely functional relationships, in which both partners are looking for what they lack in marriage. Adrenaline, romance, intimate moments that are unacceptable for a spouse.
Second option - classic mistress. A beautiful, well-groomed girl who is simply looking for a “sponsor”. She is interested not so much in a man as in his wallet, so whether he is married or not is not so important. Nothing personal, just business. And if such a girl decides to take a man away from the family, it will not be because of suddenly flared up feelings. This is more of a raider takeover rather than a love drama. And why? After all, you can always change your lover to a richer or more attractive one, and a divorced man will pay alimony and help his ex-wife.
Option for singles
Businesswomen are also not always eager to get married. If a woman is satisfied with her own life, but I just want to start a non-binding romance, a relationship with a married man - perfect option. Stable, comfortable, problem-free communication that will not cause inconvenience.
A married man will not be jealous of his hobbies and work, he does not need to do laundry and cook - he has a legal wife for this. Nice conversations, dinners together in some uncrowded cafe and high-quality sex - all that such a mistress needs from a partner. And marriage is not included in her plans at all.
Is it easy to be a lover?
But cases when a lady agrees to the role of a mistress, without claiming more, are the exception rather than the rule. The attitude of a married man towards a woman can be simply fabulous - care, financial assistance, bouquets every weekend. But this is not what ladies need. They dream that one fine day their loved one will divorce his hateful wife and get married. Maybe not now, maybe later, but he will definitely get married. They wait for this for years, hoping for happiness.
Such relationships require enormous patience and self-denial from a woman. You need to constantly, every minute, be on “combat readiness.” What if he calls right now? What if he finds a free minute and comes in? Or maybe, on the contrary, he will make an appointment, but won’t come, because he had to go to his mother-in-law for dinner... You have to meekly listen to endless complaints about your wife, stories about children, when any mention of someone else’s family resonates with deep pain in your soul. Letting go of your loved one, each time realizing that he is leaving for another woman. He kisses her in the hallway, eats the dinner she prepared, and goes to bed with her. It's very hard.
Men are in no hurry to leave
Sometimes women start dating married men just for fun, and then the relationship drags them in and won't let go. But much more often they do not even suspect that their chosen one is married. The truth comes as a shock to them. It would seem that you should immediately end your relationship with a married man. But many ladies forgive deception. They wait and hope. Such a relationship often lasts for years, leading the woman to despair.
What makes ladies maintain a relationship with a married man? The psychology behind such a connection usually has some kind of internal wormhole. A woman who is confident in herself, happy with life and her surroundings, will not condemn herself to endless waiting. Yes, probably everyone can name a couple of men who nevertheless left their wives for their mistresses. But this is a drop in the ocean. Usually husbands have been “going to the left” for years, but if they still decide to act, then, as a rule, they leave their mistress, not their family.
Yes and public opinion always condemned the “homewreckers”, blaming them for the destroyed family hearth. The statement is, of course, controversial.
The man makes the decision, and if he wants to have a mistress, he will have her, not this one, but another one. And if he decides to leave the family, he will leave. Maybe not even to the woman, but to the mother. Or to a hotel room, or anywhere. When a husband leaves the family, it means that the family as such has not existed for a long time. And a mistress is simply a logical consequence of the current situation. The attitude of a married man towards his mistress is often quite functional. She's the one in love. And a man, at best, is carried away and simply takes advantage of someone else’s weakness.
Lover - who is it?
And yet women are in no hurry to break off relationships with a married man. Psychology explains this by some specific features, originally present in the character.
Chronic lovers are usually extremely insecure. The inner conviction that she does not deserve better forces a woman to transfer all her dreams and aspirations to the available man. Subconsciously, she is afraid to take risks, afraid to be completely alone. At the same time, the paradox of the situation is that such a woman, to some extent, also enjoys the situation. Deeply experiencing her own imaginary unattractiveness, she strives to prove to herself and others that she is not only no worse, but better than others! And what could be a more powerful argument in this kind of dispute than a man won from a rival?
In addition, the status of a mistress has a certain romantic aura, albeit a very controversial one. Psychology defines a relationship with a married man as attractive precisely because of its ambiguity. On the one hand, this is proof of female attractiveness, on the other hand, it is a reason to feel like a victim of circumstances. And self-pity is a pretty pleasant feeling. And an excellent excuse for any misdeeds and mistakes. “Yes, it was stupid. But can you judge me? I’m so unhappy!”
One more last chance
Often mistresses wait for a man for years, although it seems obvious that he has no intention of leaving the family. Each time there are new excuses, each time new arguments.
Psychology characterizes relationships with a married man as addictive. The woman gets used to it. She convinces herself to believe again, now definitely for the last time. Although there was already one last one. And one more. And further. After all, it seems that the goal is so close... It is always difficult to admit your own mistakes. It's not that the man is so persuasive. It's just that a woman doesn't want to face the truth. So much energy wasted waiting, so many nerves wasted.
And the woman tries more and more. She goes out of her way to become the best, all in the hope that her loved one will appreciate the efforts. At the same time, the man simply doesn’t care. He is comfortable, he is satisfied with this state of affairs. Perhaps even his wife has already gotten used to it constant cheating and got used to it. So the unhappy mistress is the only one who seeks to break the knot that is tightening ever tighter.
You need to break off the relationship decisively
Does he really strive though? Does she really need a family that much? If this is precisely her goal, then what prevents her from breaking off a relationship with a married man?
Then you can move on, look for someone who is ready to start a family. But a mistress doesn’t do that. According to psychologists, this is due to the fact that in fact a woman is afraid of such responsibility and subconsciously looks for a way to evade it. And what is better for this than hopeless love?
Those women who really want to break out of the vicious circle and move forward need, first of all, to work on themselves. Cut off all ties with your lover, change phone number and a lock on the door. And then contact a psychologist. Friends won't help here, you need a professional. He will help you get through a difficult moment and tell you how to change yourself. Both the inferiority complex and lack of self-confidence are just psychological problems that can and should be fought. Only by eliminating internal causes can you truly change your life and create it anew.
If you are tormenting yourself with the question of how to end a relationship with a married man, then carefully read some simple, but quite effective tips given in this article.
Definitely good. But what to do if you, to your heart's content, fell head over heels in love with him? Today on the site for bitches Koshechka.ru we will talk not only about how to break up with a married man, but also how to do it with less loss mental strength and self-confidence.
What's in the article:
Ending a relationship with a married man: why is this necessary?
When you begin to be tormented by the question of whether you need a relationship with a married man, you should carefully listen to the voice of reason. Even if the heart is intensely whispering words of love, a relationship that lasts more than a year and does not foresee changes in either direction can be called decaying.
If you try your best to change the situation, and at the same time your loved one, the relationship will still not last long, and you will still feel not entirely happy or completely unhappy.
It is impossible to change others without their willpower and consent. But you have a pretty good chance of sacrificing your moral values, losing your sense of pride, acquiring a lot of complexes and, ultimately, deteriorating your health.
The rupture will still happen sooner or later, when the feeling of pain and fear overwhelms your heart. So why wait for the inevitable, aimlessly wasting time on a person who is not worthy of your mental anguish?
How to end a relationship with a married man: look around you and do what you love
When wondering how to end a relationship with a beloved and married man, carefully look around you. The world is full of people with similar interests to you, attentive and unmarried. If in the office many men are boring or already tied up marriage ties, there will definitely be a couple of nice neighbors, funny friends, acquaintances, familiar friends. It is extremely undesirable to rush to extremes, and it is also undesirable to rush to get involved in the next love affair. But you should take a closer look at your surroundings. As they say, whoever seeks always finds.
As the site notes, feelings for ex-partner No one could win in one day. Therefore, a new daily routine, a new hobby, playing sports, communicating with friends, or any activity that brings you joy and gives you peace will help distract you from bitter thoughts.
It may be difficult at first, but time spent usefully for yourself and your future will give you strength to follow your intended path. Switch your attention to something new, lively, interesting, and you will notice that, like a child, you will forget about the pain, bruises and cuts when you see a new toy. Over time, you will notice that you will noticeably increase your self-esteem and learn something new, no matter whether it is yoga or martial arts lessons.
You can end a relationship with a married man by loving yourself as a real person.
During the sluggish course of fruitless relationships, you probably forgot about yourself as a Personality with a capital P. Now that you have finally managed to end your relationship with a married man, it’s time to start again, just as you deserve.
You can always treat yourself to a chocolate candy or a cup of coffee with your girlfriends, you can buy expensive stockings or a new blouse. Accept invitations to parties more often, there you will have great opportunity flirt with interesting men.
Only by sincerely loving yourself do you send the right signal to the cosmos, which will definitely give you a faithful and worthy person.
Anger can help
Feelings of anger will also help you. You have already accumulated many reasons for tears and resentment, with this you will be able to perfectly emerge victorious from this unpleasant situation. Why do you need a relationship with someone who betrays two women who love him? Is your partner ideal? What did he put into your relationship with him? Does he understand your feelings, does he share your pain? If you stay with him, what will change, if at all?
You are not a piece of soft carpet where you can easily and naturally stretch out in moments of relaxation. You are a person who deserves respect, love and devotion.
Accumulating feelings of anger within yourself is extremely dangerous; it is necessary to throw it out. Having done this once, do not allow yourself to return to this vicious circle again and again. You deserve more.
Any separation is difficult, and it doesn’t matter whether your chosen one is married or simply too inattentive and rude in his treatment. But if thoughts of separation are already ripe in your head, and the voice of reason clearly insists on the futility of continuing the relationship, You should still end your relationship with a married man. And the sooner, the better for you.
Time will heal any wounds, it just does not forgive disrespectful and wasteful attitude towards oneself. Don’t make time your enemy; friends are much more useful and important in the life of any person.