The state of being in love. How to distinguish love from feelings of falling in love, affection, passion, infatuation, friendship, what a person simply likes: comparison, signs, psychology, test. How long does love and falling in love last and can falling in love turn into love?

What is falling in love? Symptoms of falling in love. What is the difference between love and infatuation?

What does psychology say?

Butterflies in the stomach

This phrase can most often be heard from girls in love; guys usually say that they feel warmth in the lower abdomen. But can this be considered controversial point a sign of serious intentions. And what does this fact generally indicate: sympathy, infatuation or love, that very deep and sincere feeling about which they write novels and poems, sing songs and make films? In order not to be unfounded, you need to consider falling in love in more detail, the symptoms indicating its arrival.

Some people believe that this is a sublime feeling that not everyone is able to experience, while others are sure that falling in love is a disease with its own symptoms that certainly need to be treated. So, what do inspired patients most often complain about:

Tossing between heat and cold, sweating;

Trembling in the knees;

Insomnia or restless sleep that does not contribute to the development of fatigue;

The desire to talk and think every second about the object of one’s adoration;

An involuntary smile at the sight of a beloved object;

The desire to sing, dance, write poetry or pictures (what talents);

The mood of at least the coming day depends on the behavior of the object;

Absent-mindedness and inattention, as it is difficult to concentrate on anything else.

In addition to everything, we can add that falling in love is when you like your appearance, smile, look, dimples on your cheeks, timbre of voice and smell. This is the idolization of one’s idol, the biased placing of him on a pedestal.

At first glance, falling in love is somewhat similar to a nervous breakdown. A violent reaction to a telephone or doorbell, to the sound of an SMS message, due to the constant hope and expectation that it is from a loved one. Regardless of your desire, biochemical processes occur in the body. Vitality, strength and bursts of inspiration appear due to the production of the hormone dopamine. And feelings such as anxiety and nervousness are provided to individuals in love thanks to a large amount of adrenaline.

These two feelings have a lot in common: a craving for a loved one, the desire to hug, cuddle, kiss, feel his warmth and breath. I want to think only about him, but when I meet, I can’t take my eyes off him. All these signs may indicate Great love, or maybe just about falling in love. How to correctly determine whether it is infatuation or love, how to understand your and his feelings?

If you are more concerned about what your partner is experiencing, then most likely you are in love, but if the goal is to understand your feelings, then this is already the beginning of love.

How to determine the truth of intentions by phrases and actions?

A guy in love, confessing his feelings, first of all cares about not getting rejected, and about saying everything correctly and beautifully. If a guy loves, then during the explanation he will watch his chosen one and rejoice at the fact that he became the reason for her pleasant excitement and smile.

If during a quarrel you continue to defend your views and interests, then this is far from love. In falling in love there is a place for selfishness, but in love there is no place.

The whole difference is that when a person thinks more about himself, then this is love. If it is more pleasant for him to bring joy and pleasure, then this is love.

Love does not tolerate haste, takes care of its partner, and does things for his benefit. If you want to call, but you can’t, and you call, then this means that you don’t care, that you are causing discomfort.

You shouldn’t think that this is blind adoration and fulfilling all the whims of your lover. In serious love relationships there are demands, rights and obligations of each party. Prohibiting drinking and smoking, not allowing overeating, is not at all an infringement of the rights and freedoms of an independent individual. This is health care.

Both love and infatuation are attraction to your partner, both spiritual and physical, but for what purpose exactly?
This can be easily determined by a little reflection with yourself. If you are determined to get pleasure, to satisfy your thirst and need for love, if you want to receive attention and gifts, then this is falling in love. The symptoms and signs of love lie a little deeper. They may not even be immediately distinguishable. Falling in love is a charm, but it passes quickly. True love with care for a partner and respect for him only grows stronger from year to year. It's more serious feeling, less common. You need to learn love, you need to grow into it.

As strange as it may sound, this is a fairly common fact among women. At first glance, this seems vulgar and thoughtless, but everything has a scientific basis. During orgasm, the hormone oxytocin is produced in large quantities, awakening passion and love. This is a cunning mechanism, explained by the fact that a woman tries to discern the future husband and father of her children in each sexual partner. If he is able to satisfy her, then he is in good health, hence he is a suitable candidate.

Regardless of which of the two feelings you experience, you must not forget that all the above classifications and definitions are conditional, that each situation is individual and only you know the whole truth and depth of your intentions. Any journey of thousands of kilometers begins with the first step. So love, as a rule, begins with falling in love. Do not forbid yourself to experience this feeling, do not reproach yourself for your consumer attitude. Perhaps this is exactly what you need right now. But don’t limit yourself to just “I want”, “give, give, give.” Develop a sense of caring and protecting your loved one, and you will see how pleasant it is.

State of being in love

Falling in love is a wonderful, sublime feeling that every person experiences at least once in their life.

Love- a wonderful, sublime feeling that every person experiences at least once in their life. It helps you discover new perspectives and opportunities, and get to know yourself and the people around you better. Falling in love is often compared to obsession; a person is sometimes able to lose control over himself, but at the same time, this feeling is idolized, they look forward to its appearance in their life, and they consider it the chosen one.

The more mature a person becomes, the deeper she experiences this state, the greater opportunities for self-improvement open up before her. Love requires focus on your partner, the ability to perceive someone else's life as your own, and all this is actually considerable and difficult work. Thousands of people are not ready to experience the state of falling in love only because they do not know how to give and cannot receive. This is the only reason why suffering arises, which a person does not have the opportunity to throw out, speak out and be heard. unrequited love - one of the most bitter life dramas, but necessary for the development of personality. And most often it happens to those who love themselves little. The feeling of falling in love sometimes seems to not depend on the person himself, but it certainly teaches him something.

Many people are sincerely interested: by what signs can one understand that a person has fallen in love? There are a number of characteristic symptoms that make it easy to recognize this feeling.

It embraces the lover and accompanies him throughout the whole day. A person can do work, do any work, but inside he is warmed by his own sun of warmth and joy. These positive feelings come simply from the knowledge that a loved one exists. Outwardly, the state of falling in love may be invisible and not noticeable to strangers, but those who know the person well will still notice visible changes in her behavior. Falling in love in itself gives a person enormous strength and opens up previously unnoticed opportunities. Now the perception of the world itself is changing: if before it seemed irreconcilable and cold, now it is bright and fabulous.

Can everyone experience the feeling of falling in love? Much depends on the degree of openness of the heart, on the ability to accept a divine gift. To one degree or another, falling in love sooner or later comes to each of us. Another thing is how we deal with the opportunity given to us. Someone deliberately pushes this gift away from themselves, even “without unwrapping the wrapper.” This person loses in advance. The other one happily accepts, but begins to manipulate a loved one. And the bright feeling goes away.

Particularly noteworthy is youthful love. When not in youth to make amazing discoveries, to perform feats in the name of a wonderful feeling blooming in the chest? At 16–18 years old, the feeling is taken for absolute truth, it seems that this is forever, forever, and nothing like it will happen again. But in practice it turns out that sublime youthful love, so often mistaken for true love, is only a threshold, preparation for the future family life and more mature relationships.

For the first time, beginning to experience the feeling of falling in love, a young girl or boy discovers a completely new, amazing world, full of mysteries and secrets. And now yesterday’s child begins to immerse himself in new feelings and experiences, dreams. Girls aged 13–15 years actively dream about future love, build in their heads the ideal parameters of a boy they might like.

If you watch two lovers, you can almost always notice that they are not talking about serious things, but about all sorts of nonsense. In general, serious scientific conversations are not what partners expect from each other. Much more important is the feeling of security and the knowledge that you are loved. The feeling of understanding, the establishment of a spiritual connection between lovers, the ability to make compromises is significant. Falling in love is sometimes given to a person as a test that shows what else is worth learning from life. It is for this reason that the first youthful love in rare cases is happy and mutual. Mostly it is unrequited and very bitter. But therein lies the lesson, to learn to accept it. The mistake is made by those young people who begin to run after their “beloved” and demand reciprocal feelings from him. Parents, if they notice such behavior in their child, should immediately try to stop and prevent such behavior, so as not to make the teenager even more painful, not to make him suffer even more. Everything passes with time, and even the most strong feeling someday it will be forgotten, the young man will simply outgrow it.

A characteristic feature of all lovers is the presence of constant thoughts about their beloved. A girl or a boy dreams of their other halves and knows exactly what they should be like. Moreover, inner world young girls are disproportionately richer than boys. The latter needs to go through a long process of growing up before he is able to love on a mature level. However, a girl also needs to gain a certain amount of experience, and it does not necessarily have to involve the number of guys. Falling in love helps a person to realize himself, to come to an understanding of his own infinite essence.

In addition to the joy and inspiration it brings, love, like a medal, also has back side. This condition makes us vulnerable and touchy. It is as if the personality ceases to completely belong to itself; now its thoughts and moods largely (though not in everything) depend on the behavior of the partner. What if one of the partners said harsh words, had the imprudence to offend or anger someone? The mood of his other half is guaranteed to be ruined. Falling in love presupposes the presence of some painful “button”, and if you press it in a certain way, you can easily manipulate the person. This is why the state of falling in love is dangerous: the lover often does not notice that he is being used.

When we love, it seems that we are ready to do anything in the name of our loved one. If necessary, we can walk even through the entire city, sacrificing personal time and rest. And all this for her or him. It’s good if the other half reciprocates and, in turn, is ready to offer something in return. And if not? Then the lover will remain devastated and feel deeply unhappy.

The willingness to make sacrifices must be mutual. No matter how much you would like to accomplish a feat in the name of great and bright love, you always first need to think, is your other half ready to accept such a generous gift? After all, it may happen that she doesn’t need your ardent love, and then the lover’s heart will be broken for a long time. In order not to lose in love, you need to acquire a clear view of things, including learning to look at your own feelings impartially.

Many scientists and thinkers agree that over time, the feeling of intoxication, delight from seeing a loved one and interacting with him, gradually decreases. At the beginning of a relationship, when we see our lover, our heartbeat quickens, our palms sweat, and various other signs of excitement appear. nervous system, but gradually they pass. Those couples who have managed to “translate” infatuation into love before this time are already at a different level. Those for whom this did not happen, unfortunately, are doomed to remain “with nothing”

Falling in love itself cannot last for years, because it is a very exhausting state, and it carries a certain burden on the psyche and on the body as a whole. Scientists have conducted relevant studies and calculated that, on average, love can last about three to four years. This time is quite enough to form sensitive, trusting relationships and get to the next step. In fact, this is the task of each individual couple. The age of love is much greater. If the feeling is constantly maintained and developed, then you can carry it throughout your life.

Many young people, experiencing a strong feeling of falling in love, mistake it for true love due to inexperience. We need to understand one thing simple thing: love in itself is a fairly deep feeling, and it cannot arise in a few weeks or even months after meeting. It takes years to mature and develop. Moreover great value Both partners contribute to the formation of love. Love cannot be carried on one hump, that is, you cannot truly love alone. Based on this statement, unrequited love (namely love with a capital L) does not exist in the world. The Creator would be too cruel if he allowed one of the partners to suffer for the sake of the other over a long period. Unrequited love has its place, but such a test is always given higher power as a necessary lesson, and nothing more. Those who experience it need to reconsider life values, draw appropriate conclusions for yourself.

How to distinguish love from infatuation? There are several criteria to help you understand this difficult issue.

Love is a bigger feeling than falling in love. It embraces a person from the inside, helps him discover the hidden depths of his own “I”, find and determine the meaning of his existence. Falling in love, despite all the severity of its manifestation, is a very superficial feeling. It does not touch the transcendental depths of the heart, but is located near the lover. This state can be compared to drug intoxication, when a person enjoys his own sensations rather than rejoicing in the fact that he can really give something to his loved one. We most often experience this feeling in our youth and early youth. A person becomes capable of loving maturely much later.

Most often, in their youth, a young man or girl does not think about making their partner happy. They still have a lot to understand about themselves, and this is not always a quick and painless process.

Love, unlike falling in love, is manifested in deep things: concern for the well-being of a partner, his health and well-being. Falling in love is rather aimed at satisfying one's own needs and wants. Being in a state of love, a person enjoys the extraordinary sensations inherent in it and thinks that he is in love. In fact, as practice shows, he is mistaken. Only having truly fallen in love does he understand how great and significant this difference is. In love, both are equal and completely different relationships arise. Love, moreover, is less noticeable to others.

If a person truly loves, it will not even occur to him to demand that his partner satisfy any of his needs, he will not do this at the expense of another. Loving, first of all, to take care of the well-being of his loved one, he will not allow unnecessary suffering, tears shed through his fault and disappointments. The one who loves strives in everything to make the life of his partner happier, brighter and emotionally rich.

Falling in love is characterized by a certain self-centeredness, focus on oneself, on one’s own well-being. Most young men and women experience falling in love. It is characterized by stimulation of all senses, opening new reality, but, at the same time, this feeling is quite superficial and does not lead to committing any moral actions in the name of a loved one.

Thus, only one detail actually distinguishes one concept from another, namely, the ability to selflessly give, care, and share the warmth of your heart with a partner. And I would like to wish this kind of love to everyone - bright, pure, from which you yourself become better.

It is known that men and women love completely differently. For a man, the main thing in a relationship is trust. Therefore, he perceives the very fact of betrayal extremely painfully. For him, this means losing control over the situation, ceasing to be in charge.

In love, it is important for a man that a woman values ​​him as a person and respects his individual characteristics. Almost all representatives of the stronger sex, one way or another, are focused on a career and work, whatever it may be. It is extremely important for him to succeed in the professional sphere. A man with a highly developed self-awareness and sense of responsibility strives to become a real support in the family, to be useful in some way. He feels a certain degree of responsibility for everything that happens in the family. The development of children’s ability to self-improvement depends on the man. Who else but the father should by example demonstrate this practice? A man’s love helps him realize his responsibility to loved ones, build ways and means of constructive interaction with them. Read in detail about the signs of a man falling in love.

Women are unpredictable and impressionable creatures. For the fairer sex, love is synonymous with care and fidelity. If a woman suddenly decides to cheat on her husband, this means that she no longer loves him. It is extremely important for her to feel supported and protected, and in order to achieve this goal, she will look for an appropriate companion. A woman who has a child and is raising him alone, when choosing a partner, will definitely take into account whether she can specific man be her baby good father. Falling in love with a person himself will also be determined by the fact how reliable he is in everyday life and family life.

Women are by nature very sophisticated creatures. It is extremely important for them to feel the care of their partner, to feel needed, to hear affectionate speeches. Therefore, a wife may sometimes be offended by her husband if, in her opinion, he does not pay enough attention to her. In fact, a man can sincerely love his soul mate, but not even suspect that she lacks tenderness. Read in detail about the signs of love in women.

Sometimes falling in love brings a person only disappointments, deprives him of peace, joy, and bright feelings. Sometimes a feeling exhausts a personality, undermines it from the inside. This happens when love is not reciprocated, unrequited or rejected. In order not to force yourself to suffer even more, in some cases it is useful to know how to free yourself from obsessive love and return your heart back. Almost always you have to fight with own feeling, go through a war with the whole world, which is contained within ourselves.

The most exciting illusion has nothing to do with the performances of famous magicians. It can only be born in its own brain, and then it will gain perfection, giving the brightest emotions and impressions. The feeling of falling in love is what we are talking about.

Mechanism of occurrence

Scientists, psychologists, and philosophers have been trying for centuries to determine how falling in love occurs. Opinions differ seriously. Recent advances in science indicate the presence of special chemical processes. A lover's gaze at a photograph of his object triggers the release of dopamine, causing chemical reaction a state close to intoxication.

Psychologists give out more interesting reasons loves, often different from each other:

• Falling in love is an immature version of love. A person is not ready to fully accept either himself or the object of his emotional attachment. He replaces unacceptable traits with others that suit him better and lives in a state of love, being in a comfortable illusion.
• Fleeting love can be based solely on the physical level. In the future, it can turn into a stronger feeling - love, if the couple fits according to deeper, psychological criteria.
• Teens and adults in love at critical, transitional times in their lives to fill the void. At this moment, one stage of life ends, but the transition to the second has not yet been made, and by receiving strong emotions, a person recognizes himself as internally filled, and not empty.
• The most interesting version is about the state of projection. Near some people our deep subconscious positive features(aspirations, possibilities) that one is not yet able to accept burst out. But the lover does not recognize them as his own; he attributes them to that person. Therefore, when a person is in love, he incorrectly evaluates the object of his attraction. But thanks to these experiences, the personality grows and begins to accept the newfound part of itself. Having risen to this level, the need for projection disappears, and the state goes away. When falling in love passes, the object begins to be assessed adequately. Love occurs if the object actually possesses the projected traits.

They agree on one thing - the state of being in love helps a person develop as an individual; it is positive, despite the frequent presence of negative experiences. How to determine whether falling in love is a disease or additional potential for growth should be decided on an individual basis.

Signs

How to recognize falling in love? It's not difficult at all. In some cases, the signs are so obvious that outsiders perceive it as a mental illness. It should be noted that this also happens if the condition turns into love addiction. Symptoms of falling in love:

• daydreaming;
• feeling of joy;
• a constant desire to communicate with the object of love, a feeling of the high value of spending time together;
• frequent thoughts about your lover;
• willingness to sacrifice (time, needs, etc.);
• vulnerability.

You can also recognize a lover by negative emotions, which are often signs of a lover. Sometimes, without a lack of reciprocity, joy takes the place of sadness, and in some cases despair. Separation is also difficult to experience.

Visible non-verbal signs of falling in love:

• preening before a meeting, adjusting clothes when seeing an object;
• the toes of the shoes are pointed towards the interlocutor when talking;
• dilated pupils;
• the gaze of a lover eats the person he likes;
• an attempt to get closer, to enter the comfort zone and vice versa, consent to enter his zone of intimacy.

Such signs of a lover cannot be faked; they occur on a subconscious level. More common is spring love, which is provoked by renewal, flowering of nature, bright colors and sounds.

It is also believed that the behavior of a lover largely depends on family traditions, as well as genetic characteristics of hormonal balance. This once again demonstrates that falling in love combines the physical and spiritual, psychological.

Duration

How long falling in love lasts cannot be said for sure. This condition is unstable. The first signs of falling in love can appear in just a few days, but lasts 3-5 years. For some it goes away within a few weeks. But most often we are talking about 1-2 years. And this is justified, since a longer presence of constant arousal becomes dangerous for the health of the nervous system, cardiovascular, gastrointestinal tract. It’s interesting that 1-1.5 years is a period that, on the contrary, brings the body’s condition into ideal shape precisely due to strong positive emotions.

A longer period indicates a transition to a more stable, less emotional stage - love. This usually happens between established, self-sufficient individuals who have no reason to prove anything or assert themselves at the expense of their partner. If emotional balance does not occur, or reciprocity is not achieved, love turns into addiction.

Gender differences

How a person in love behaves is clearly noticeable from the outside. The psychology of falling in love notes that women and men experience it differently. The behavior of a man in love is based on his need to be in charge, so he tries to keep the situation under control, and the worst thing for him will be betrayal. He expects a woman to recognize him as an individual; he is pleased if his chosen one clearly notes any of his individual characteristics.

Women associate falling in love with care, tenderness and fidelity. It is important for them to feel needed and protected. If a woman has a child, she definitely takes into account how much the lover understands this, how their relationship develops. She can change only if the state of love has passed.

How to get rid

Why is love needed? To move forward, to develop. And even an unrequited feeling becomes positive in this regard, although emotionally complex. In this case, we are talking about increasing self-awareness, having an incentive to demonstrate your best qualities (to prove to your partner how much they have lost), more attention professional qualities. All this is achieved during a period when you have to overcome your attraction to an unsuitable object.

When you are deeply in love, it is difficult to make a decision to ban your feelings and stop hoping for success, but this is extremely necessary. At this stage, it is important to feel the moment of determination and begin to act.

• Allow yourself to feel pain. You can cry, break dishes, lie in a ball under the blanket and suffer without trying to hide your condition. It gets boring, some faster, some longer. How do you know when it's time to move on? You must want to move physically.
• New impressions. And then start moving. Moreover, in new directions. Never played sports? Go to the pool, or run in the morning in a crowded place. New acquaintances and physical exercise together they give excellent results. Traveling, hiking or cycling, even master classes will help fill the void with new joys.
• The feelings of lovers are especially strong during personal contact. The look of the lover, his photo, things - all this in this case only intensifies the suffering. At this time, it is important to get rid of any memories of the object of unsuccessful passion, especially personal meetings. If necessary, you can move for a while. Of course, this is a radical solution, but it is effective and will help you solve your problems much faster.
• Love yourself. Do you have a desire to try something new? You need to support yourself. The person closest to everyone is himself. The best support is always nearby. It's not about the purchases you can afford. The point is to believe in yourself, in your capabilities, the existence of internal energy that is enough for everything you need. You can afford to change your job, image, country, family. Anything where there is a real need for change.

Such work on oneself raises a person to the next stage of development. Many of the best achievements not only in the field of art, but also in science and technology, were born thanks to love. But because of it, hostilities began, states collapsed, and not just isolated human destinies. It is important, even in the brightest moments, to maintain connection with real world, continue to communicate with friends, pursue a career and professional growth.

Falling in love is a complex of positive emotions and feelings that is directed towards another person. Humanity has long been wondering. Are there differences in these concepts, is it feelings, hormonal surges or something else? Some people believe that falling in love is a disease for which there is a cure. Others think that this is a gift from above, and not everyone can experience such a feeling. In a state of love, a person experiences euphoria, but what then to do with an unrequited feeling, because then this feeling does not bring euphoria, but suffering. If this is a gift from above, then why does fleeting love exist?

Scientists have something to work on, periodically about this state New theories and hypotheses are being put forward, because the psychology of falling in love has not been studied. Not long ago, experts came to the conclusion that such a condition is nothing more than a physiological reaction. In presence, the human brain is saturated with dopamine, and the person cannot see flaws in his beloved. How long does falling in love last? According to psychologists, on average this feeling can last up to 2 years.

The essence and definition of love

Of course, scientists have long been thinking and researching this condition, which excites the heart and mind of a person, but they have not come to any consensus. However, there are still some postulates.

A lover is a person who experiences strong emotions, passion and sexual attraction to another individual, his feelings are uncontrollable, and he is unable to force himself to stop experiencing them. in his feeling he receives stimulation for creativity, self-improvement and discovery. For the body, love is stress, and some scientists are sure that when a person is in love, noticeable changes are observed in his mental state, they resemble a mental disorder!

Reasons for falling in love

How does falling in love happen? Why does a person fall in love with someone who doesn’t seem to suit him, while another, who has much more merit, remains unattended? Everything has reasons, and even such a bright feeling as falling in love can be found.

1. Changing habitual behavior. This happens not only in better side(to please), but also unconsciously: a pedant can become completely absent-minded, the life of the party - quiet and silent, etc. This is due to the fact that the feeling that arises always turns out to be an unexpected surprise for which a man is not ready.
2. Increased attention. The lover’s gaze is always directed towards his chosen one, and when even she is not around, the man will be interested in who she is friends with, where she goes, etc.
3. Using different approaches. You can recognize a man in love by his unusual and unusual actions: he can get a dog so that he can run into the girl he likes in the park, enroll in courses where she goes, etc.
4. By the way a lover behaves in the presence of the object of his interest, one can guess about his feelings. As a rule, these are stupid actions, empty and nervous conversations. The lover’s gaze is clouded: he is afraid of making a mistake, but at the same time wants to show himself in all his glory. He may be awkward, knock over his cup of tea, drop his fork - all indicate that the person is in an extremely excited and nervous state.
5. The lover's gaze is directed not only at his beloved, but also at himself. He begins to take care of himself, tries to earn more, gets rid of bad habits, if they are not pleasant to his lady love.

These are signs of a man in love. With a woman, things are a little different:

1. The girl is completely delighted with everything that her lover says and does. Moreover, she remembers everything he said or did well.
2. She really wants to know the opinion of the object of her interest about her.
3. The girl is nervous, a strange smile may freeze on her face, she becomes absent-minded and, as they say, flies in the clouds.
4. The girl is more active than usual: she is constantly somewhere, meeting, talking. She wants to support, advise, help, she is always in a good mood.
5. A girl in love begins to get involved in horoscopes, predictions, fortune telling and other esotericism.
6. For a girl it ceases to exist the world. She is completely immersed in her feelings, which she constantly shares with her friends.

Dangerous disease

Intense love, as many doctors believe, is sometimes a rather dangerous condition for human health. The behavior of a lover is accompanied by strong stress, both nervous and psychological, that is, the human body suffers both morally and physically. At their core, the signs of a person in love are very similar to the signs of a person: a drug addict, suffering from neuroses, as well as manifestations of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

But people are not afraid of this condition, they do not go to the doctor, on the contrary, they look for love and are happy when they find it. All this is wonderful and wonderful, but only when the feelings are mutual. But if there is no reciprocity, then falling in love often becomes a serious illness that can even threaten a person’s life, especially if the lover becomes fixated on his condition.

However, it all depends on the person’s attitude to the situation, his personal qualities, will and maturity in psychological terms. How a person in love behaves, who still hopes or already has a reciprocal feeling, was considered. But what happens to a lover? This is where doctors begin to sound the alarm: after all, in this case we can talk not only about psychological and mental health a person, but also his life. How to determine love that has not received reciprocal feelings? There are 3 scenario options here:

Love and infatuation

How to recognize infatuation and love? What is the difference? Well, firstly, falling in love is fleeting, but love can accompany a person throughout his life. Falling in love begins brightly and quickly, but ends the same way. People understand that they are completely different, nothing connects them, and all that was between them was a passion, nothing more. Love is an eternal feeling, it does not appear suddenly, it develops and grows stronger gradually. Love is based on strong ties, and the winds of change are not afraid of it. Love makes a person better, more perfect, 2 loving people do not need anyone else. But in relationships between people in love, a third person very often appears, which, as a rule, breaks the couple’s relationship. When falling in love passes, a person may feel discomfort and a lack of something in his life for some time, after which he calms down, and maybe even completely. Love never passes, even if loving people cannot be together, they love each other from a distance, and sincerely wish mutual happiness.

In fact, only love can make a person truly and forever happy. Therefore, you should not succumb to deception and rush into a relationship with a person you don’t really know. After all, sooner or later disappointment and pain will appear. Expect love - this is a lot of work, but at the same time a great joy: living with a person with whom you want to always be, having children and remaining loving and loving until old age. true friend to a friend.

Love is, of course, not a disease, but it has obvious signs that are difficult to confuse with something. Usually a person quickly realizes that he has fallen in love, but how? Scientists are trying to decompose feelings into their components and find out their causes. We have collected signs that indicate that there is more than just friendship between you.

You're feeling a little drunk

“Drunk in love” is not such a figurative expression. Slight dizziness, a feeling of euphoria and the feeling that nothing is impossible - familiar feelings after a first date? that alcohol and oxytocin, which is called the “love hormone,” act on the brain in approximately the same way. In an experiment on animals that were injected with oxytocin through the nose, it was found that when the level of this hormone increases, sympathy for others, the tendency to self-sacrifice, generosity and trust increase, while fear, anxiety and stress levels are greatly reduced. That’s why a person feels after the first awkward kiss the same as after drinking a glass of champagne.

You become less sensitive to pain

That the feeling of falling in love has an effect comparable to the effect of painkillers. This is due to activation of the nucleus accumbens. The same zone wakes up when receiving analgesics or, for example, when big win at the casino. For the experiment, the researchers gathered students who had been in romantic relationships for up to nine months. A thermostimulator was attached to their arm and heated to a temperature that caused pain. After this, the students were shown photos of their lovers, and the level of pain decreased significantly. At the same time, activation of the nucleus accumbens was clearly observed on MRI. In addition, students were shown photographs of random attractive people, but this effect no longer occurred.

You feel like you've run a hundred meters

It's like you're not looking into another person's eyes and you've just set a world record in a sprint. It's all a surge of hormones. Falling in love increases the level of adrenaline and norepinephrine, which causes the heart rate to increase. Your breathing involuntarily quickens and you feel hot. This is all reminiscent of the body’s reaction to a very strong fear. But this is the beauty of the human psyche: one emotion differs from another in a set of elements. When you fall in love, a pinch of dopamine and other pleasure hormones are added to adrenaline, and sensations are born that are not at all the same as when you are scared.

You lose your appetite

Just yesterday it was not difficult to eat a whole pizza alone, but today, after that very meeting, you don’t even want an apple? It's oxytocin again. that increasing the level of this hormone dulls the feeling of hunger and leads to a decrease in the number of calories needed. So you can really lose weight from love.

When you see your loved one, your pupils dilate

This unusual physiological response. When a person sees the object of his love, his pupils dilate to embrace the entire image. This is also what happens when we first see someone we find attractive. Then the whole world around us seems to fade, and all our attention focuses on it. Romantics explain this as love at first sight, scientists explain it as dilation of the pupils.

Your face glows

You can't put two words together

When a person is in love, he is a little like the characters in Jane Austen's books: he blushes, turns pale, mumbles something unintelligible. Your palms become wet and your mouth becomes dry, like in the desert. This does to us dangerous mix noepinephrine and oxytocin. Their level rises sharply when someone with whom we really want to start a relationship is nearby. Over time this goes away.

Love or infatuation? These words sound as often as “mom”, “dad” and others that we pronounce from childhood. As soon as a couple of years pass, we do not directly say this wonderful word, but its verb is “I love mom.” And we understand perfectly well what it means. This means that we treat the person to whom we pronounce this expression with all our hearts.

Love is something that can make a person happy in an instant or completely destroy his life. Perform a miracle and turn a greedy, tough person into a kind and merciful person. Or vice versa. There are two most popular opinions about love, which we will study briefly.

Romantics' idea of ​​love

Romantic people are confident that love is something that cannot be compared with any other feeling on Earth. It was given to us by God. And thanks to love fluids, we can reliably appreciate the beauty, richness of both internal and outside world the object of your desires. It can give a person powerful strength, and he can easily “move” mountains in order to be useful to the object for which he feels this feeling.

From the point of view of pragmatists, love is an attentive, interested and caring attitude towards the person you love. If an adult, accomplished person is exposed to a feeling, then the obligatory ones are added to it - respect, value, it becomes mature, intelligent, and is treated with responsibility. If there are no additional factors, then love will not live long, it will wilt and disappear. At most, it will develop into affection, but no more. Pragmatists also argue that love is a way to embellish sexual attraction between the female and male sexes. I really don't want to agree with this.

Unlike animals, we have intelligence, special structure souls. Love exists for us, even if we cannot be close to the object of strong feelings. Therefore, it is not always associated with physical contact. We can love for decades a person who has left this world or even left this world. Again, proof that love is not an embellished passion. So whatever one may say, love is truly a special gift that allows you to fly “in the clouds” and completely change your attitude towards the world.

What is falling in love

This feeling is also wonderful and sublime. It is probably difficult to find a person on the planet who has not at least once felt this light and pleasant feeling of falling in love. It also arises almost from childhood. Remember kindergarten, there was always a boy in the group with whom all the girls fell in love. Then school, there were a couple of guys there too of different ages, as a rule, peers or older, for whom many girls were obsessed. And so on. We often fall in love, and what’s remarkable is that it’s good.

So, what is love? How is it useful for humans? According to psychology experts, falling in love is very beneficial for health and spiritual growth. If someone has never experienced this feeling in their life, their affairs are bad. There are problems with mental state. Both a dysfunctional childhood and diseases - acquired or congenital - can leave an imprint on the psyche. In the first case, the child was often subjected to physical pressure and did not feel care and warmth from adults.

Falling in love itself helps a person experience new feelings. Remember yourself when you fell in love. Let's give a trivial example - you fell in love with an actor. This happens especially among teenage girls. Having watched enough of some TV series, she thinks only about him day and night. This is how fan clubs arise; those who want to touch at least a little bit into the life of their favorite star participate in them. Falling in love opens up excellent prospects for each of us; we get to know those around us better, as well as ourselves. It's like an obsession that fell on a lover's head in one minute. Quite often, we enjoy losing control over our actions and words, but still enjoy the moments of falling in love.

The depth of love depends on many factors, and the greater it is, the higher the likelihood of falling in love developing into true love. Moreover, many experts argue that falling in love is the precursor true love.

There is another type of relationship -. This is a very difficult state when you love, you are ready to give everything, even your own life, and nothing in return. It happens that instead of answering, we are used, we are manipulated, knowing that we agree to a lot for the sake of our loved one. And if someone “manages” to fall in love unrequitedly with an egoist, an aggressor, a greedy person, then he risks becoming a toy in his hands.

What is the difference between love and infatuation

Before feeling true love, a person first experiences sympathy, then falling in love. Moreover, loving one person, he can continue to fall in love, more than once. People like this are called “loving people.” This belief is proven by the numerous relationships of married people, both men and women. But still, falling in love, which gives impetus to a serious feeling, differs from love.

How long does falling in love last - it is more short-term than love, this is the most common sign of the condition. But at the same time, the feeling has a great emotional overtones. The reason for this is the feeling of intrigue in a state of love, because this is not yet a stable feeling. It takes effort to lure your subject or make sure he pays attention. Love is a long and strong feeling (we are talking about a true feeling).

It is worth noting that the feeling of falling in love has, so to speak, negative sides. The whole problem lies in the feelings of a person in love. As soon as he is “covered”, he becomes “blind” and does not “see” anything. They “appear” before him only positive sides object of love:

• beauty;
• activity;
• temperament.

And no matter what she or he does, everything is great, everything is cool, everything is fun. That is, to put it in simple words, a lover sees perfection in front of him, an ideal that he has dreamed of all his life. It is precisely because of “blindness” that he commits actions, tries to look as romantic and heroic as possible, and, unfortunately, often commits recklessness.

Love allows you to remain sane. It allows you to see any imperfections. But this does not mean that negativity arises towards the person. You just love him so much that you want to fix all his problems or take them for granted. Moreover, it is precisely because of the shortcomings that a greater depth of feeling arises.

Remember how Pushkin said in Othello: “She loved me for my torment, and I loved her for my compassion for them!”

Falling in love doesn't always turn into love. It also happens that it passes without a trace. Especially if there are certain factors for this:

Separation – often with long absence There is a cooling of communication, and people simply become unaccustomed to each other. If it is not real love, that is, the likelihood of becoming carried away by another person and forgetting that you just recently suffered about someone else.

Difference of interests. At first, a person in love looks at the object of his passion with “ open mouth“, but this quickly passes. A misunderstanding arises and is revealed true essence everyone. Disputes, scandals, conflicts - and that’s it, love dissolved.

If a disease affects appearance, relationships, communication, then very soon the love will pass. After all, the object that once attracted and captivated is no longer the same.

It happens that a feeling passes without a trace on its own. You don't have to have a reason, just time is enough.

Another object. Frequent falling in love is when a person is carried away by one or another object. That is, this is not even falling in love, but banal hobbies, characteristic of frivolous people, selfish people, etc.

Quite often we confuse falling in love, infatuation and love. Especially young people. Every now and then we come across reports that some teenager jumped from the roof of a high-rise building, took pills and poisoned himself. They don’t yet fully understand how wrong they are in their feelings. But young people are temperamental, and children at that age are, as a rule, maximalists. It is difficult to convince them of anything! If only they had waited at least a couple of days or weeks, they would have understood that passion is an empty phrase. So, dating, to broaden your horizons. True love should develop into love that will accompany you throughout your life, or at least most of it.

Falling in love develops momentarily, but love develops over a long time. Has anyone probably heard the expression: “The feeling struck me like thunder among clear skies", "When I saw her, I was stunned. That’s it, I don’t need anyone else!”, “As soon as I looked into her eyes, I immediately wanted to take possession of her and spend the rest of my life next to this beauty.” People call this love at first sight, and most of us want to feel exactly this feeling. But at this pace, love does not arise, but only falling in love. And, as we already know, it does not always develop into a strong feeling. Therefore, you should never say “Love at first sight”; it would be more correct: “Sympathy”, “Special affection” at first sight. And it’s worth remembering that such a strong attraction from the first minutes of communication is a superficial feeling that will evaporate just as quickly.

In a state of falling in love, a person strives to receive passion satisfaction from the object of desire. And if the answer he hears is “No!”, then suffering, pain, and sadness begin. As for love, it is a patient feeling. It knows how to wait. Moreover, you can love a person with everything and, seeing that he is happy, not disturb his peace. For a complete understanding of this situation, we suggest interesting story from real life.

“Maria met Anton and Valera on her friend’s birthday. The guys were also invited to visit and each of them immediately felt a strong sympathy for the girl. Of course, our heroine was beautifully built, her long and shiny curls drove all the young guys on the course crazy.

She had stunning looks and knew it, but she was never arrogant or selfish. Not that kind of upbringing. So, at the height of the evening, Maria was invited to dance by Valery and Anton in turn. There was even a squabble between close friends over the girl’s heart. Both guys invited her for a walk along the embankment the next day. Masha came and spent half a day surrounded by courtship and care.

She liked both of them, but she still felt more attracted to one of the guys. Anton was more modest, and Valera was a natural womanizer, an experienced suitor. And at some point she made it clear. Valera, of course, was angry, but stepped aside.

Anton was a young military officer and had to go to Afghanistan. Masha just didn’t want to let her beloved go and that’s why she was nervous. During the next battle he was mortally wounded. Masha suffered for a long time, and, of course, Valera was her main support. Several years passed before she agreed to marry him.

The wedding was small, only relatives and close friends were present. Afterwards, the guys worked for a long time on construction sites to earn money for their own apartment. So, they eventually discovered own business. Maria devoted herself completely to both family and work. They had an excellent son, who looked like his father and pleased his mother with his constancy of character and kindness.

The only person who behaved badly was Valery. Just a couple of months after the wedding, he easily spent time with his sister’s friends. When Masha came and saw this, she realized that she had made a big mistake. But there was nowhere to go - she was already pregnant.

This continued until she was stunned by the appearance of Anton before her eyes. As it turned out, the guys were captured and for a long time they were thought of as dead. Upon returning 7 years later, he learned that Valera and Maria were married and had a son. But Maria was afraid to admit to herself that all her life she had loved him. And Anton continued to love her.

As for Valery, this was the same love, then he lost interest and began to get carried away with other women. The guys divorced, Maria restored her relationship with Anton and they are really happy. None of them have the desire to look around. They understand each other perfectly and rejoice at the day they celebrate together.”

Unlike falling in love, love has a calming, positive effect on a person’s behavior and state.

It is thanks to true love that we begin to do good deeds and take risks to save our loved one. Thanks to this feeling, we become stronger and stronger. But this is more likely to happen if the feeling is mutual. Remember what happens in our soul when we feel loved, love ourselves - we grow wings, any work is given with ease. As for lovers, they rather suffer from fears and doubts.

After all, it is unclear how their attraction will end - whether she or he will respond to the feeling; they are not sure how the relationship will be built and developed.

Falling in love is the very chemistry that scientists and skeptics talk about. Due to certain processes in the body, a person completely loses control over his body, and power over him is gained by a fleeting state, more similar to obsession. Love is not an obsession, but an expectation.

Some people mistakenly believe that sex with true love is the best. Unfortunately, it is not. Only in a state of love does that same stunning, unlike anything else and unique ecstasy of intimacy arise.

And all this because, due to strong passion, hormones of joy, happiness, and complete relaxation awaken in the body. Sensations, including touch and smell, become more intense, as do sensations with proximity. But as soon as a person’s passions in his soul subside, he feels the same as a drug addict. Insomnia and suffering arise, he becomes sad, becomes depressed, and his consciousness becomes confused. And all this is because the increased production of hormones is disrupted, that is, a malfunction has occurred in the body. Withdrawal syndrome falling in love must be treated with antidepressants, fresh air, communication, new acquaintances, healthy and in an active way life.

If a person loves, then he perceives his beloved as he is. In every character trait, even if it is impartial, a lover sees only positive things. There are also no conditions, that is, love is an unconditional feeling. She will never say: “I’ll leave you if you don’t break up with your friends!”, or “I won’t date you as long as you listen to your mommy!” etc.

If they love, then they sincerely wish only goodness and all the best. At the same time, any word, deed, or action is additional evidence of what was previously said. Only kind words, only gentle, sweet actions, support and support. A lover will never leave you alone with problems; he will help, in extreme cases, lend a shoulder and look for a solution to the problem together. The lover is more likely to go away on his own issues and is unlikely to start fussing. Quite often relationships cool down and go south.

The lover takes, and the lover gives. And as soon as the moment of receiving something from another dries up: gifts, sex, services, pleasant time, etc. - the feeling cools down. With love, on the contrary, a person wants to give and give, to please with gifts, to arrange surprises, so that the loved one feels joy and happiness.

A loving person always says the word “We”- “It’s so good that we met!”, “We will enjoy this trip!”, “We will be pleased to visit this center!” And what about a lover - he only has the word “I”, because he has not yet associated himself in a closer relationship. Thoughts loom in his head that any act or action will benefit him, but it doesn’t matter what happens to his companion or companion. “I’m so glad I met you!”, “I really want to go on vacation with you, from which I will get a lot of pleasure,” etc.

True love is not about sighing, oohing and ahhing on a bench. This is only possible during the candy-flowery period of falling in love, but no further. True feeling– these are actions, deeds. A person who loves will not do anything but whisper beautiful words in his ear. He works to make lifelong relationships and gives it his all. That is, he takes responsibility, gives in, respects, values.

Falling in love goes away quickly, but true love lasts for years. Sometimes it’s completely impossible to get rid of the latter; it follows you around and constantly reminds you of itself. The reason for this is its long course. That is, it does not appear instantly and does not disappear after a couple of weeks. Usually people who love each other get to know each other for a long time.

Love is generally accepted as normal by friends or family. They see that you are serious in your intentions and understand that it is simply not possible to destroy your relationship. But if you appear before them with someone for whom you only feel in love, expect censure, criticism and disapproval, especially from close relatives. That is, you have not convinced them that your intentions towards the person are very serious. In this case, it makes sense to listen to their opinion, because loved ones will not give bad advice. And if you understand that the moment will come when you tell yourself that this is “Not the one!”, end the relationship. Or try not to force things and run to the wedding palace. Get to know each other better.

A loving person is confident in himself, a lover, on the contrary, is full of doubts “nest” in his soul. The latter continually catches himself thinking that his confidence in the future with this person is melting before his eyes. And yet, a feeling of jealousy grows in him, which should not happen between a loving couple. Jealousy should be minimal; rather, it is a way to show how much a person is loved, and how afraid they are of losing him.

Psychologists present an excellent and centuries-tested scheme according to which strong and sincere relationships develop: falling in love, then love and, as a result, devotion. These three important positions should accompany those who truly love. If at least one of them is missing, the chain completely collapses.

With true love, people openly look at the world and do not minimize the importance of problems that arise. The lover simply ignores them. If you continue like this, you may lose sight of the issue, which will be too late to resolve.

Love knows no boundaries of race, status or even age. Everyone is submissive to her. It is important to understand that if an already busy person with marital status sincerely fell in love, he will not torment the one he fell in love with. He will let you go and wish you happiness. A lover doesn’t care - what matters is intrigue, passion, the rest doesn’t bother him.

We have listed the main differences between love and falling in love. We hope you were able to learn important points for yourself that you can confidently apply in life. The only request is to take your time. If some points coincide, you should not immediately assume that this is not a real feeling, but love, infatuation. Be patient and carefully monitor the development of your relationship. Anything can happen in life, and a slight infatuation can easily develop into the kind of love that you can write books about. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet. After all, he was initially in love with another girl, and having met young Juliet at a ball, he became interested in her. We won’t continue to retell it, this is not about us. We wish our readers only positive relationships with a happy ending.

Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.