Youthful love psychology. Love in adolescence: the opinion of psychologists. years - the age of awareness of oneself as an individual

Teenage love is the earliest experience of romantic feelings, caused by changes in hormonal levels and restructuring of social interaction. These sensations are the most vivid and force you to do rather risky things and not to trust your elders about the fleeting nature of sensations. This happens due to the lack of romantic experience, the perception of what is happening as something magical, eternal and unique.

Criticism of what is happening is reduced, because the teenager lacks practical skills in experiencing love feelings, choosing a suitable partner and a general assessment of the situation.

Stories of teenage love often have a sad ending precisely because they are designed to provide a certain life and mental experience, to initiate the maturity of the spiritual world, and only a small percentage of couples are able to carry the emerging first feeling through the rest of their lives.

Problems of teenage love arise due to the fact that people have not yet decided on their own personality, life path, but are already trying to make the final choice of a companion - as a result, the paths can diverge so far that you can find next to you a completely stranger, stranger, and sometimes and an unpleasant person.

The meaning of teenage love comes down to learning your new physiological reactions and immersing yourself in the world of pleasure. Along with the new opportunities provided by puberty, adolescence also brings more freedom, and the joy of night walks, first alcoholic parties and independent travel When shared with someone, it intensifies many times over. If such a new way of life is shared by a companion of the opposite sex, then the feeling of independence and adulthood is overwhelming.

The psychology of teenage love is similar to an epidemic, when after the first couple formed, literally within a week, several more appear, and then all the classes and neighboring yards are divided into lovers. A similar effect is associated with a strong desire to imitate in teenagers - they copy adults, favorite performers, movie heroes, and if you look closely at the walking teenagers themselves, you will notice a small percentage of individuals; usually the whole group looks and wears the same thing.

Teenage love is a manifestation of one’s own attractiveness, and many are just waiting for the ban from their peers to subside and being friends with the opposite sex becomes cool, not shameful. At the same time, there are couples created on the principle of finding social positions in the topic - when a person understands that it is now fashionable to start dating someone simply for the sake of maintaining his image (very similar to how in childhood they demanded a toy that they had everyone).

However, the difference in the reasons for the relationship or simply the appearance of a feeling of love, and regardless of the ending (romantic wedding or misfortune and six months), it is teenage love that helps to learn many basic and extremely necessary things. In such relationships, the ability to listen to a partner, notice other people’s desires and give them freedom develops; communication skills develop, namely the ability to deepen a conversation, develop its interest and build a dialogue so that the other person can open up and become closer.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

The entire transitional age is quite a crisis period: behavior, tastes, preferences and emotional reactions change. You can understand the concerns of parents about what is happening and help them a little to understand what exactly the changes that have appeared are connected with. It may not be a good idea to immediately raise the alarm about drug use when excessive great mood caused by increased levels of endorphins from the experience of first love.

Usually, having fallen in love, everyone tries to spend more time with their passion, so what changes in a teenager’s behavior is the time spent outside the house in the evening. The romance of squares and parks with lanterns, the opportunity to hide, helps young people survive the embarrassment of the first manifestations of feelings and immerse themselves in the atmosphere previously observed on romantic screens.

Since parental control is still present, and young people do not have the opportunity to spend 24 hours a day together, they can fill the hunger for emotional communication while at home with telephone conversations and correspondence. Even those who usually avoid talking on the phone are beginning to use it intensively, because they really want to hear the voice of a loved one. Video calls and constant correspondence are used, that is, a teenager who already spends a lot of time on gadgets begins to hang out there even more, only toys are replaced by increased use of other programs.

Teenagers in love can send each other photographs of almost every step and new discovery (a morning cup of coffee, a quote read, a bird perched on a nearby window). They begin to watch films together, including a conference and each being at home - the capabilities of modern means of communication make it possible to bypass parental prohibitions, being in constant and comfortable communication with their loved one. The only clear difference will be that now the mobile phone will be blocked, and in order to talk, the teenager will go to another room. This is not related to criminal secrets or anything forbidden, there is simply a great emotional need to preserve the intimacy of the first feeling.

Requests for pocket money may increase, regardless of gender. Boys will spend all their savings on cute gifts, flowers, treats, and girls will buy themselves new dresses and jewelry to appear even more beautiful. It is not always appropriate to fully satisfy a teenager’s increasing material needs; you can show him ways to earn money on his own.

Experiments and increased attention to one’s appearance are an external need for attention and a desire to be liked. Due to lack of experience and similar tastes, a teenager cannot always do this harmoniously. Of course, hygiene is maintained at a high level, everything is ironed and washed, but the piercing is also done excessively, and the hair is dyed acid colors.

Changes emotional sphere– a person becomes more vulnerable, sensitive and independent of surrounding factors. So, if the relationship develops mutually, then no one can overshadow a happy one, but if love is unanswered, then there will be no limit to grief. Slight vulnerability leads to rapid mental closure from everyone, so the usual criticism that the passion is unworthy of the sufferer can not cause relief, but only turn the person away and force him to no longer reveal his experiences.

If parents allow themselves to rummage through the teenager’s things (which will soon come to light and trust will be completely lost), then they can find contraceptives. This frightens some, because parents are not ready to recognize such manifestations of adulthood, but this speaks of care and a logical approach to the situation.

Adults remember themselves and their experiences from teenage love, so they will try to protect the teenager from all negative manifestations, but they will not do this using very high-quality methods. The truth is that this first feeling cannot be stopped by anything - it is the brightest and freshest, it is the one that will be exchanged for all the opportunities and available prospects.

Teenagers in love who are left without support in their choice are advised to choose a neutral position - they should not conflict, but they should not overinvolve their family in their experiences either. You need to try not to let other parts of your life suffer while you develop your relationship. That is, set aside time for study and friends (you can do this together), help at home (for example, organize a parent's day on Saturday).

The more you can create success in the most diverse parts of your life, the less worries and reproaches from adults will be, because they are afraid not so much of the wrongness of your choice as of lost opportunities. And it will be easier for you yourself - while all the couples in love fail their exams, you will enter the chosen institution and lay the further foundation for a strong relationship.

As for the part of the interaction with your partner itself, it is best not to rush to immerse yourself completely in his world, losing your individuality. Remember that hormonal surges sometimes play a cruel joke and the person who satisfies you in bed may turn out to be the one who fails you in other life situations.

Until the mechanism for recognizing your own reactions has been developed, it is better to slow down a little and give yourself time to think. Take your crush to all the places where you like, devote him to activities that you cannot live without - if this is your person, then such a pastime will only strengthen the relationship.
And don’t be shy to ask the opinions of those around you and people significant to you - if your tenth friend is already talking about the same negative quality that you cannot discern in your chosen one, perhaps you should try to look more carefully and not quarrel with the tenth friend.

Unhappy teenage love

Friends, parents, and even books can help a teenager survive. How this stage will proceed largely determines the further development of a person’s personal life, the ability to choose a partner, resist unworthy treatment and, in general, the readiness to build any kind of relationship. Some get burned so badly, and then, withdrawing into themselves, do not give vent to their feelings that they live without a full-fledged relationship. Naturally, these people have romances and perhaps even emotional attachments, but everything is tragic, not bringing spiritual fulfillment, in some ways repeating the unsuccessful teenage experience.

Parents can help you survive teenage love - they are able to provide support and smooth out possible negative consequences.

Be lenient towards whims and some violations of accepted norms for the first days of emotional turmoil. It is quite possible for a girl to buy a new dress if she really wants it - this increases her self-esteem, and boys can be allowed to skip a few lessons on the sports ground - this is how aggression and pain spill out.

In this situation, it is important for parents to be for the child, for his internal experiences, which are more important now than social conventions - this is how confidential contact is maintained. No matter how the level of anxiety goes off scale, you should not get into correspondence, eavesdrop on conversations and start monitoring the child - it is better to ask direct questions or show your constant readiness to come to the rescue and support the decision made.

You should be wary if, after unhappy teenage love, suicidal thoughts and statements begin to arise - some of them are only demonstrative and appear when it is necessary to attract attention to oneself, others are uttered due to the loss of life guidelines against the background of the brightness of experienced emotions. Only quiet preparation with an indifferent attitude towards surrounding reality is an alarming signal and possible help from a specialist; all other options are resolved by switching attention and new impressions.

How to behave as parents

Parents are no less scared of their child falling in love than the youngest romantic, so many try to bring everything back, ignoring the laws of mental development. This is where the main mistake lies – non-acceptance. The greater the resistance to the onset of personal changes, the greater the resulting gap between parents and teenagers. No amount of prohibitions or ignoring will stop the onset of falling in love, but it is easy for a teenager to develop a feeling of incomprehensibility and loneliness. Criticism and authoritarian demands regarding hobbies and pastimes cause silence and opposition. If parents go too far in their dictatorial line of behavior, then in the end the child may even leave home, coming to the conclusion that there is no point in being among strangers.

Instead of judging and voicing concerns, parents are encouraged to ask questions. About what exactly attracts this person or what they have in common, how his friends treat him, what his successes and weaknesses are. Noticing that parents also show interest in the object of sympathy, the teenager will begin to more actively share his experiences. It is better if the attention is shown by the same gender as the child - here various secrets, advice and transfer of experience are possible, and the opportunity to bypass moments that cause embarrassment and shame. But this is not obligatory; there are many cases when girls turned to their dads for advice on building relationships, and boys turned to their mothers to understand what their beloved wanted. The main thing that should be absent is criticism of the object of love, because any negative remark turns the one who expressed it into an enemy.

Invite someone your child likes to visit, make it clear that your home is open to his presence. They will still meet, so let it be better to have a cozy and warm apartment than dark entrances or cold streets. In addition, such a position will allow you to establish good relationships with the entire couple at once - you will be able to independently assess your child’s passion and ask questions of interest, rather than conducting an independent investigation by studying profiles on social networks.

All that parents are allowed to do is ask the right questions that make the teenager think about what is happening, where it leads and what he gets in the end. It is impossible to protect everyone from mistakes and heartache, so in a situation where everything goes downhill, it is important for parents to prepare mentally, maintain trusting contact and be available to provide support. This is an experience that a child needs, and if you force him out of this situation, you will only remain guilty and incomprehensible.

Do not interfere and do not try to upset the relationship by accident or through the wrong hands - teenagers are extremely sensitive to such manipulations and, out of a spirit of contradiction, can only cling more tightly to the wrong person. It’s better to constantly increase your child’s self-esteem so that this level allows you to choose the worthy ones and not be manipulated.

Remember that this is not yet a relationship between adults, and you are in charge, so provide more freedom, for example, letting you go for a longer walk, but never deviate from the established boundaries. Do not allow your arrival home time to be changed without prior agreement. You also have the right to demand the fulfillment of assigned household duties and study-related tasks - this will become increasingly difficult, but the main thing is to respect the border. Now you are the only person thinking about the future; the teenager himself is completely absorbed in love and is ready to give up his whole life and plans for it.

Love in adolescence- this is one of major events this age. The memory of it is retained, as a rule, for life, thanks to vivid and unfamiliar experiences.

Who among us has not experienced special experiences in our lives about our first love, when the sight of the culprit of our experiences took our breath away, our legs gave way, our hands and forehead sweated. When we wanted to constantly see, hear and be close to the object of our admiration. Bad dream, appetite and mood, if there was no reciprocity and vice versa - a cheerful mood, increased ability to work and a desire to hug and kiss everyone, if these feelings resonated with a loved one.

From a psychological point of view, first love is the first real personal test for a person. The final “completion” of his personality depends on how a person experiences the period of his first love. The fact is that each of us lives in a society in which the conditions of life and behavior in society are stipulated, no matter in what capacity we are. A child knows how to behave, a student knows what his academic performance depends on, adults know what needs to be done to keep the family in order. But with first love, you have to decide for yourself what to do, you are your own student and examiner. There are no written rules here, no one taught this, and it is impossible to write rules for lovers, since first love gives a person a completely free scale of his personality. Here you are no longer a successful student, not a caring father, not a good friend or an attentive husband, here you are revealed in relation to another person - as you are.

Robert Semyonovich Nemov defines first love as the emergence of intimate emotional relationships between boys and girls. In girls they usually appear somewhat earlier and have a deeper character than in boys. In the relationships in question, personal qualities of fidelity, affection, and personal responsibility for the fate of a loved one are formed. Together with general moral guidelines, they give rise to a specific, individually unique answer to the question “what to be?”

For I.Yu. Kulagina's first love is youthful love. Youthful love involves a greater degree of intimacy than friendship, and it seems to include friendship. After, as a rule, feigned hobbies in adolescence (although even then there may be very serious exceptions), the first real love may appear. Falling in love is an impulsive, stormy, albeit superficial feeling. She and love are two sides of an interconnected process. Love begins with falling in love, falling in love ends with love. Falling in love, like a blinding flash, can a short time burn, blind, deprive of reason.

First love is most often just falling in love, which quickly passes, but is remembered forever only because it is the first. Boys and girls in their first love get to know themselves, try their hand at winning the sympathy of a person of the opposite sex. The ancient Indian treatise “Kama” speaks with good humor about the period of first love: “The one I constantly think about is indifferent to me: she strives for another, and he loves another. Meanwhile, another one is pining for me. Everyone failed: this one, and that one, and the god of love, and this one, and myself!”

First love is an irrational, psychological event. But not vital. You cannot step into the same river twice. When going to meet our first love, we perceive her in advance as a 16-20 year old girl or a young man. But in the end, we have before us a completely different person who may be very inferior to our current life partner.

“The youthful need for self-disclosure often outweighs interest in the other as he actually is, prompting one not so much to choose a loved one as to invent one.” Genuine intimacy of relationships in youth, that is, the combination of life goals and prospects of lovers while maintaining the individuality and characteristics of each, is possible only on the basis of a relatively stable image of the “I”. While he is away, the young man often rushes between the desire to completely merge with another person and the fear of losing himself in this merger.

To understand the psychological differences between the love of adults and youth, three points are especially important:

the relative completion of the formation of self-awareness;

expansion and differentiation of the sphere of communication and activity;

the emergence of new intimate attachments.

Love involves a greater degree of intimacy than friendship; it kind of includes friendship. Love is a high degree of emotionally positive attitude of a subject, distinguishing his object from others and placing it at the center of his life needs and interests. If at the beginning of adolescence the main confidant (the person with whom personal problems are discussed) is usually a friend of the same sex, then later this place is no longer compensated by the girl with same-sex friendship; Moreover, feeling that he lags behind his peers in this regard, the young man sometimes becomes less frank and withdraws into himself with friends. Psychosexual difficulties are one of the main causes of youth loneliness.

Often, a youth’s dream of love expresses, first of all, a thirst for emotional contact, understanding, and spiritual intimacy. The need for self-disclosure and intimate human intimacy and sensual-erotic desires very often do not coincide and can be directed towards different objects. Psychological intimacy is initially easier to achieve with a person of the same sex, with whom the teenager is connected by a wide range of common significant experiences, including erotic ones.

Despite the democratization and simplification of relationships between boys and girls, they are not at all as elementary as some adults think. “The modern courtship ritual is simpler than the traditional one, but it is not codified anywhere. This creates regulatory uncertainty. It is characteristic that most of The questions asked by teenagers and young men concern not so much the psychophysiology of sexual life, the full complexity of which they do not yet understand, but rather its normative side: how to behave in a courtship situation, during a date, when you can kiss, etc.” The preoccupation with the ritual side of the matter is sometimes so strong that young people are often deaf to each other’s experiences, even their own feelings recede before the question of whether they are doing the “right” thing from the point of view of the norms of their gender and age group. Courtship is a game according to rules, which, on the one hand, are very strict, and on the other, quite vague.

The most developed modern classification based on empirical data (according to K. Hendrick and S. Hendrick) distinguishes six styles of love:

EROS - passionate, exclusive love-infatuation, striving for complete physical possession;

LUDUS is a hedonistic love-game, not distinguished by the depth of feeling and relatively easily allowing for the possibility of betrayal;

STORGE - calm, warm and reliable love-friendship;

PRAGMA - rational, combining ludus and storge, love of convenience, easily amenable to conscious control;

MANIA - irrational love-obsession, which is characterized by uncertainty and dependence on the object of attraction;

AGAPE - selfless love-self-giving, synthesis of eros and storge.

The love experiences of young men contain more erotic and especially ludic components, while in women pragmatic, storgic and manic features are more clearly expressed. Manic hobbies are more typical for teenagers and young men than for adults.” Researchers have found that some styles, such as eros, are associated with high levels of relationship satisfaction, while others, such as ludus, tend to be less satisfying. Some love styles are characteristic of all love couples: mutual understanding, mutual support, pleasure from communicating with each other. Some elements are distinctive. If we experience passionate love, we express it physically. We consider this relationship to be exceptional, we are simply fascinated by our partner, you can see it in our eyes. Intensely loving couples paid little attention to those around them and mostly kept their eyes on each other.

Love is a passion that is emotional, exciting, intense. E. Hatfield defines it as “a state of an irresistible desire to connect with a loved one.” If the feeling is mutual, the boy and girl are filled with love and experience joy; if not, it devastates and leads to a state of despair. Like other forms of emotional excitement, passionate love is a mixture of delight and despondency, joyful trepidation and melancholy dejection. Love-passion is a state of powerful attraction to union with another person. Passionate lovers are completely immersed in each other, become ecstatic when they achieve the love of their partner, and inconsolable when they lose it. But unlike boys, girls are more likely to focus on the intimate trust of relationships and the need to take care of their partner. Guys are more interested in the gaming and physical side of their relationship.

The expectation of love and its experience in boys and girls is inevitably associated with sexual behavior, which, in turn, is determined in them both by the speed of puberty and by social factors.

An important role in love relationships is played by ideas about what a loved one should be like, which serve as a standard of choice and a criterion for its evaluation. IN social psychology There are three hypotheses about this:

The ideal image of a loved one precedes the image of a real object, prompting the individual to look for someone who would best match this image. For young people, this ideal image is vague and contains many unrealistic details;

Unconscious idealization of the object of love, to which desirable traits are attributed, regardless of what it really is;

The properties of the real object of love determine the ideal of the lover.

“In all likelihood, all three hypotheses have known grounds. In some cases, the “object” of love is chosen in accordance with a previously established image, in others, idealization takes place, in others, the ideal is formed or transformed depending on the properties of the real object. But what is the relationship between these moments and how they are combined in different people and in different circumstances - science cannot say.”

In adolescence, moral and psychological readiness for family life is formed. “She is somewhat delayed in terms of sexual motivation.” I.S. Cohn notes that among young men in general there is often a discrepancy between sublime love for a particular girl and sexual aspirations for women in general. Readiness for family life is often expressed in rapprochement and coincidence of both spiritual and physical aspirations in relation to a particular partner. E. Spranger, understanding eroticism as a spiritual, aesthetic manifestation of people’s love, notes: “For the psychology of a teenager, however, the most important thing is to establish the fact that during the years of development, nature keeps both sides still separate in experience from each other, and that the consonance of both moments in one great experience and the associated act of fertilization is a symptom of maturity. In the mind of a teenager, eroticism and sexuality are initially sharply separated from each other. This is the most significant provision that should be established in this connection.” Also, readiness is manifested “in realistic ideas about the material and financial side of family life, the formation of a sense of duty towards the spouse and the family as a whole.”

youthful love psychological help

Teenagers, due to their maximalism, tend to call everything love. But love is a mature feeling based on realistic expectations for another person. In principle, it is not typical for teenagers.

Marina Slinkova

Family psychologist, leader of trainings for teenagers and their parents

What scares parents

Falling in love is a strong, vivid feeling that can completely take over a person. Just yesterday your child could study, have some goals, hobbies. And now he locks himself in a room, endlessly talks and texts with someone, spends more time outside the house or lies on the sofa and does not react to anything...

Falling in love is a selfish feeling. The emotions that boil in a teenager are much more important to him than the object of sympathy himself. In just a month, several lovers can change - and each time it will be considered that this is serious and for a long time. Your boy or girl's mood during the period of falling in love can be compared to a roller coaster. It’s a difficult time for parents: they simply stop being heard. In addition, for the first time in your life you understand that your child can be completely happy separately from you. Or (in the case of unrequited love) absolutely unhappy, despite all your care. Not everyone can easily accept this.

All you can do for him is be there and emotionally bear his experiences without devaluing them. Well, casually, regardless of his specific passion, throw in information for thought.

Love or friendship

It happens that a child has a long-standing “paired” relationship, but he calls it “just friendship.” But it happens the other way around: all communication comes down to tracking an object on social networks or sitting at the same desk, but your teenager talks about “his girlfriend” or “his boyfriend.” Not like you, it’s hard for him to understand his own experiences. Let's approach the question purely formally. Friendship and love - what do they have in common?

Emotional Attraction. We enjoy being in the same space, seeing another, appreciating the time spent together - be it a friend or a lover.

Confidence. Sharing your dreams, thoughts, plans, and counting on a response revelation is natural both with friends and with your loved one.

Respect. Friendship and love presuppose that relationships are built on mutual respect.

Support. We count on it and expect it from friends and loving people. And they themselves are ready to provide it.

How is love different from friendship? It would seem that the answer is simple - sex. In fact, there is both “sex for friendship” and chaste love - we’ll talk about this later. More in-depth, psychological plots allow you to distinguish a friend from “my girlfriend”:

Common goals. Friends each share their plans, but lovers certainly build them together and include each other in them.

Time and attention. The desire to be together every free minute and give attention to each other, this can never be found even in the strongest friendship.

Positive illusions. When we fall in love, we stop perceiving our chosen one as reality; his negative qualities seem to disappear. If someone talks about the shortcomings of the chosen one, then it is unbearable for the lover to hear it.

This is important to discuss with your children.

Same with sex

If you suddenly find your teenager kissing in the entrance, you may panic: what's next? Most likely nothing.

If we are talking about teenagers 11-14 years old, then sex at this age is a rare occurrence. The first ejaculation in boys normally occurs at 12-13 years, menarche in girls - at 11-12 years. That is, purely physically, they were not previously capable of sex and were not interested in it. Which, of course, does not exclude some behavioral features.

We have already said that teenage girls are afraid of the changes occurring in their own bodies. But at the same time, they strive to announce these changes - this is expressed in attacks on boys, awkward, inept, sometimes frighteningly intrusive coquetry. Boys, still remaining children without signs of puberty, pester girls themselves, trying to touch them, making various jokes, or deliberately building very distant (strictly academic or emphatically friendly) relationships. At the age of 11-12, the discrepancy in communication between girls and boys reaches its maximum.

But at the age of 13-14, both begin to make efforts to build relationships with the opposite sex. In a couple, a teenager learns to communicate correctly: not only to talk about himself, but also to be interested in his partner, giving him the opportunity to talk about himself; seek balance and not overload with your life’s difficulties; talk about your feelings, and not just about events and incidents; do not attack with kisses, but smoothly move from conversation to kisses.

At the age of 14-17, adolescents already have the necessary theoretical knowledge, natural curiosity and the need to establish themselves in the role of adults. In addition, young men have a strong sexual attraction, girls have a desire to be convinced of their feminine attractiveness and strength. And the combination of these factors, even without falling in love, can prompt them to make a sexual debut. You may not approve of this. But pretending that this doesn’t exist is stupid. This is why we need to talk to teenagers about sex and contraception even before puberty.

Stages of libido

Both parents and teenagers need to understand that all of the listed age stages correspond to the stages of libido formation: romantic, erotic and sexual. Each is important in its own way.

Romantic accompanied by surprisingly bright, sharp, incomparable feelings. In their fantasies, young men perform feats to attract the attention of their beloved, or even better, save her and thereby win her. In their dreams, girls picture themselves as desirable, tender, reverent, and their hero as selfless, caring and patient. All this raises attraction to the heights of True Love.

Erotic The stage of libido formation is marked by an increasing craving for physical intimacy: gentle touches, kisses, hugs. This phase in young men is quickly replaced by the need for direct sexual contact, but it is important because it teaches them to notice the partner’s sensual response to caresses. For girls, awakening a sensual response is very important: their emotions prevail over the processes of arousal, they are able to “love without sex” for quite a long time.

Sexy- the final stage in the formation of libido. If the previous stages have not been completed, then in adulthood difficulties may arise in sexual and partner relationships due to the lack of self-regulation skills and experience in observing the partner’s sensory response - the combination does not occur physical intimacy with psychological.

What should parents do?

A child's first love is perhaps one of the most difficult stages in your relationship. On the one hand, you understand perfectly well that a teenager, even in a normal situation, is not inclined to listen to parental lectures, and an attempt to devalue feelings or “denigrate the image” of a lover will completely undermine your relationship. On the other hand, you want to protect from danger... What to do?

Set boundaries. Mutual respect for boundaries is the basis of human relationships. There are no borders - there will be no security and development. First of all, you need to agree on a time to return home. For a teenager, the feeling of control and guardianship is not only practical, but also psychological: he feels the stability of his life, feels the strength of his parental position. If there are consequences for violation, then they must occur. Yes, he protests, resists, threatens not to go to school - remain firm and calm (even visible), do not shout.

The very restrictions that you create for him will help him avoid questionable actions by blaming everything on you: there is an agreement with your parents to come no later than 10 p.m. and not to drink alcohol or drugs.

And over time, you will have to discuss whether it is possible to leave the girl (boy) overnight, whether they can go to a camp site for two days. In order to gain more freedom, a teenager must gain the trust of his parents, that is, fulfill their demands and his own promises. The expansion of freedom comes as a consequence of your trust in him - and this connection must be voiced and emphasized.

Hello again, readers of the lost romantic's blog, today's article will be dedicated to youthful love, the purest and most sincere. After all, it seems to us that this love once and for all, relationships at this age are based solely on people’s feelings and are of a unique nature.

I was prompted to write this post by the news that was told - he finally found himself a girlfriend, which (I searched for a long time) I truly fell in love with. that he is ready to spend all his time with her and still it’s not enough for him. This is how I understand the relationship, I just want to be happy for him, because she is really beautiful and they look great together. This news gave me even more confidence that I too would one day find my soulmate.

In this article I don’t want to go into thoughts, I just want to be happy for people who managed to experience these feelings when you don’t yet know any special problems: financial, housing, family, and so on. The only thing that concerns us primarily is our appearance, which does not always meet our expectations, and how to carve out extra time from our hectic schedule to be together.

Another very important point is the opinion of parents about such children. As a rule, they are skeptical about them, thinking that all this is not serious, that their child is still small, almost regardless of age. This is a very big mistake, just like the fact that . There is no need to rush from one extreme to another, be restrained and patient, the time will come and you will find out everything if this youthful love develops into something more.

The most important thing for young people is not to lose their heads with love, because in this moment It seems to us that this will last a lifetime, that this is exactly the person you were looking for. But we need to be careful, because under the influence of hormonal changes in a young body, our feelings can deceive us and very often give us wishful thinking. In this age even a little sympathy can seem like great love.

These sensations can be compared to a fire into which gasoline has been poured: first, a huge flame flares up, which fades out just as quickly. After which only ashes remain, from which it is almost impossible to revive the former fire. I don’t think it’s worth talking about the consequences of making the wrong choice of a life partner, everything is clear without words. Maybe in the future I will write a separate article on this topic.

In conclusion, I would like to say: everyone sooner or later experiences youthful love, so remember this feeling of endless and boundless happiness, because it may not happen again and I wish you that this particular love becomes the love of your life. Love and be loved. Sincerely .

P.S. So, as always, here’s a new song at the end: Vlad Darwin and Alyosha - You are the meaning of my life.

Your teenage child hides his eyes from you, often locks himself in his room, whispers on the phone for a long time, does not say who he is going out with... Maybe the child has fallen in love?

Do not panic

Even if everything is known and the teenager does not hide the fact that he has an object of sympathy, his parents will not have fewer questions about this. After all, according to psychologists, teenage love is something special. Everything is for the first time, everything is unusual, and most importantly, everything is risky. Therefore, it is important to know about the peculiarities of teenage psychology in order not to commit actions that could harm your son or daughter more than help.

If a mom or dad suddenly finds their daughter kissing at the entrance, they are overcome with horror - what next? Adults have the ability to completely forget that they were once teenagers. And their first kiss, it is possible, was also “early”. And even if this is not the case, there is nothing wrong with your child kissing. After all, he had already grown up so much that he began to be interested in issues of gender, sex and love. 13 years old, and even more so 15-16, is a fairly “mature” age to begin to show attention to the opposite sex.

How should adults behave? Never yell at a teenager. It is better to ask a few questions in a confidential conversation about how your daughter or son feels when he touches the object of his love. And also - how your child generally imagines a model of relationships.

What's the secret"?

A feature of adolescence is a kind of “revolution” that occurs both inside the child’s body and in his mind. Hormonal development is proceeding at a rapid pace, against the background of which changes are taking place on all fronts. The period of puberty is stormy and problematic. A teenager's mood can change several times a day. He himself often does not understand the reasons for such changes. Mothers can understand their children more easily if they know that this state of mind is very similar to the state of a woman during pregnancy and after it.

The teenager changes in appearance. At this time, it is very important for a child how his peers evaluate him, so during this period parents need to show maximum tact. Any remark regarding appearance can give rise to an inferiority complex in a teenager. And he will grow up to be an insecure person. For example, a mother told her daughter a couple of times (even if laughing) that her nose is too long, and you can give an 80% guarantee that the girl will be embarrassed about her nose all her life.

One of the features of teenage love is the sudden “change of loves”. That is, a child can fall in love several times a month. And every time consider that this is serious and for a long time. This is how teenage maximalism manifests itself. In addition, boys can idolize one girl, but date and be friends with a completely different one.

Teenagers can speak freely and obscenely about things related to sex, and immediately enthusiastically and sublimely praise the one they like.

When they are in love, they are eager to go outside. The reasons are understandable - a thirst for communication. The desire to see your loved one and friends with whom you want to discuss everything that is happening. It is difficult for teenagers to withstand the colossal stress of new feelings and desires; they have not yet developed norms of behavior, and self-control is not sufficiently developed. Therefore, you should not demand unquestioning obedience, but it is more important to show that he can discuss everything with you.

The first "I want"

The sexual side of relationships among teenagers is often not associated with first love. Adolescent and young adult sexuality is characterized by its “experimental” nature. Your own sexual reactions and the reactions of your partners are explored. Hormonal changes in many teenagers lead to an explosion of hypersexuality. Therefore, many boys and girls begin to masturbate and get involved in erotic and pornographic magazines and movies.

Parents should not react violently if they catch their child doing such a “horrible” activity. Your task is to be ready to discuss any issues sex life with kids. Forget about embarrassment and awkwardness. Otherwise, peers will tell the child about THIS. And what knowledge they have is anyone's guess. In such conversations, the mother should tell her daughter about what she can expect in relationships with men. And dad should acquaint his son with the basic wisdom of sexual relationships with women. Watch films about love together, discuss what is happening on the screen.

What can be done?

At the stage of teenage development, it is important for a child to learn how to build relationships with people of the opposite sex. The information he gets from books and films is not enough for him. New relationships are a way to learn about the characteristics of different people and understand your own sympathies.

Love in adolescence, of course, is like a “roller coaster”, in contrast to adolescence, which is already more stable and even. And parents need to look at this with understanding and condescension.

Let your child know that you are his friend, not his enemy. Let him always have the opportunity to come to you and tell his spiritual secrets. The first feelings are always painful. A teenager may feel that “this is a disaster,” “it’s all over,” because “he (she) doesn’t love me!” If you want to help your child, advise the correct solution, in your opinion. Make it clear that you are confident that he will make his own choice. This way you will gain the trust and respect of your own child. And he will most likely listen to your advice.

Interesting

“LOVE is like a song” is the title of a section in a new native language textbook for ninth-grade secondary school students in China. It focuses on the nature of romantic love. Materials published in the section and literary works should, according to the authors, teach schoolchildren a rational approach to the emotions that grip them at the stage of puberty. The guys must understand that love is beautiful and diverse, but they need to prepare themselves for it. A letter from the Russian teacher Vasily Sukhomlinsky, a poem by Alexander Pushkin, and a famous passage from Charlotte Bronte’s novel “Jane Eyre”, published in the textbook, tell about what this wonderful feeling is, in which the main character talks about her desire to have equality in her relationship with her loved one. This manual illustrates a kind and gentle approach to feeling. It is interesting that the textbook does not contain a single memory of Romeo and Juliet, the most famous work about teenage love. It turns out that the Chinese education system does not approve and, moreover, considers this work dangerous. Shakespeare tells the story of star-crossed lovers who defy their families, run away from home, and commit suicide. And the feeling of love should be developed in young people in the most prudent way.

Everyone understands perfectly well that the first time we fall in love remains in our memory for a long time. We often forget about the time when we become parents. And when a child admits that he has fallen in love, at times we find ourselves completely unprepared for such a turn of events. Especially if it happened at a very young age.

Often adults are openly perplexed and express their indignation: “What kind of love is that at this age!” And if the object of a child’s adoration is not as good as we would like, some parents try to “open the eyes” of their child by having many conversations on the topic “he is not right for you.” The result is mutual disagreement and tension in relationships.

What do family psychologists say about this?

A very difficult age is 14-16 years. At this age, negativism is acutely manifested, all conversations of parents become doubtful. A teenager can even say that his parents are getting into his soul. He creates relationships with the opposite sex for the sake of his self-affirmation or withdraws into himself. The opinions of peers and friends play an important role.

It is very important for a teenager to be admired and envied by others. Such an object of admiration could be a handsome young man or an attractive girlfriend. Sometimes a child starts a relationship just to seem like an adult. Whatever your motives, try to suppress your parental fervor and adhere to the following rules.

First: be sure to meet your teenager’s chosen one or chosen one. There is no need to jump to hasty conclusions without talking to the person. Maybe he is as bad as you thought at first glance.

Second: hold back criticism and complaints.. There is no need to point out to the child many times that this young man is not a match for him. This will only make the situation worse. It’s better to try to get him into a friendly, frank conversation to understand what attracted him so much.

Third: do not turn a frank conversation into a moral lesson. With lectures and reproaches you will only lower his self-esteem. In such a situation, it is better to sincerely praise him. Tell him about his merits, and he will look for a worthy partner for himself.

Fourth: give him the opportunity to make mistakes.. It's no secret that falling in love for the first time can lead to painful and painful experiences. But believe me, it is difficult to protect a child from harm in advance. So wouldn't it be better to give him the opportunity to gain his own experience?

Fifth: do not try to quarrel lovers. If you cannot approve of your child's choice, then at least respect your own teenager. Remember that when you get involved in a loving relationship, you risk being guilty of all his failures. Even after many years, he can remember you how you destroyed his fragile feelings.

Sixth: be sure to talk about contraception. Of course, the thought that a very young child will experience the joys of sexual intercourse is unlikely to please anyone. It’s not uncommon for adults to prefer not to think about it, because it’s still very early. But you don’t have to be an ostrich and stick your head in the sand. Today's teenagers grow up very quickly. And lack of knowledge, increased hormonal levels and emotions can play a cruel joke. So, it's helpful to talk in advance. After all, then it may already be too late.

Seventh: if you categorically do not like the child’s choice, try to explain to him that first love is not always eternal. And the object of his love is not the only person on this planet. And maybe not even ideal. Let him understand that life path still to come.

One last thing: Be a sincere and true friend to your teenager.. After all, he is just learning about adult life, and good advice from adults will help him cope with his first love.

Love...What a wonderful, amazing feeling... Everyone sees and understands it in their own way. Everyone feels and senses it differently.

Teenagers... They have the most incredible, wonderful love. But the parents, they are precisely afraid of her. When they see their child kissing at the entrance, they are seized with a strange horror. At that moment, they completely forget that they once experienced the same thing. You shouldn’t scold a teenager for kissing: you should understand how important and beautiful it is at this age.

Love in adolescence. In general, a lot of changes occur during this age period. Teenagers' mood changes very sharply: now they are laughing, but literally a minute later they can already be walking around, overwhelmed with thoughts and sadness.

Adolescence is dangerous. However, parents often do not take this into account and “play with fire.” They are afraid for their children, afraid that they will make many mistakes. However, paradoxically, it is the parents themselves who make mistakes in relation to their teenage children. Everyone knows that at this time children’s appearance changes greatly. Parents, jokingly, may say something like: “What a big nose you have.” For a child this is a disaster. He will take this quite seriously, he will develop complexes about his nose... Ultimately, he will “smoothly move” through all parts of his body, inventing completely unfounded “ugliness” of his appearance.

Teenagers– very vulnerable and impressionable. They perceive even the most ordinary pimple (the smallest size) with hostility. So, dear parents, on the contrary, try to emphasize the advantages of your child’s appearance so that he feels as confident as possible.

Love in adolescence, adolescence. If your child suddenly starts locking himself in his room and starts hanging out on the phone for hours, we can assume that he has fallen in love. What vivid, indescribable feelings a teenager experiences at such a moment! However, it goes away quickly. Adolescence is “the age of a thousand loves.” It is for this reason that a boy, for example, can “idolize” one girl, but he can, at the same time, date two. But at first, it seemed that I fell in love once and for all...

Don't demand your teenager obey you “one hundred percent”, there is no need to punish him by saying: “That’s it, don’t go outside today.” Communication with friends, new acquaintances, new experiences is very important for them... They can fall into terrible depression if they don’t see the one they suddenly fell in love with (for a long time or not, it doesn’t matter).

Psychology of teenage love. In general, if you do not want your child to move away from you, become a friend for him, gain his trust. Then he will tell you everything, share his experiences, ask for advice. Thus, you will take a “winning position”: you will no longer need to be at a loss about what is happening to your son (daughter), how he (she) lives and breathes.

If in adolescence love is like a “hurricane,” then in adolescence this feeling is more moderate and calm. Youthful love is unusual. It has its own “uniqueness”. For example, it is already interesting that friendship and love, at this age, are very closely intertwined. Friendship can easily “float” into love, and love into the process of courtship. Of course, few people at this age begin to seriously think about getting married. However, it is youthful love that “lives” in our memories forever.

Main What worries boys and girls at this age is precisely the external manifestations of love. Many questions arise about the first date, about kissing...

E If we talk about dating, then there are many different nuances. Such, for example, as the choice of clothing, choice of makeup (for girls), behavioral manners...

Kiss is the first step towards intimacy. By the way, young men attach much more importance to the intimate side of relationships higher value than girls: their emotional side dominates.

Psychology of parents. Unfortunately, parents often interfere in the lives of their children. And it’s very disappointing when a son comes to introduce his girlfriend to his mother, and her mother doesn’t like her at all (either in appearance, or in character, or for some other reason). Naturally, quarrels and scandals begin, which, strictly speaking, are not needed by anyone. The guy is confused: who to choose...Mom or his girlfriend? You can't choose here!This is unfair! Dear parents, your child will forever remain your child, but he will never be your puppet, a toy whose fate you have the right to control. Perhaps you are simply jealous of your son (your daughter) for his (her) other half. But you must understand: absolutely every person has his own “legal” right to his personal life, and absolutely every person always has a place in his heart that is “dedicated to the one (or the only one), and not to you, parents. The choice is unequal. Mom is a parent, and the chosen one (chosen one) is a person with whom life may be connected. The parent who puts his children before such a choice is wrong.

Accept and come to terms with your children's choices. After all, you want them to be happy, right? Then, it is quite logical that if your daughter or your son has chosen their soul mate, then there is something in her that will certainly make them happy. Even if this “union” is not forever, let the lovers enjoy each other, and do not continue to point out the shortcomings of your supposed “son-in-law” or “daughter-in-law.” Put yourself in your child's shoes. Well? What's it like? How would you feel if your parents did the same to you, “exposing” you to difficult and stupid choices? Just don't talk that you would choose parents. Don't lie to yourself: you wouldn't choose them, you'd simply do what they want, that's all. And they themselves would suffer, spend sleepless nights, look for flaws in their loved one (which, in fact, are not there), convince themselves that their parents are right, and so on. But you can’t deceive the heart... It will always “beat” those it loves, it will always “feel” the one who is so dear to it. Don't break hearts, filled n present L love!

What is love? What is its relationship with friendship? No one has yet given a comprehensive answer to these eternal questions. However, undoubtedly, these wonderful feelings play exclusively important role in the formation of a person’s personality throughout his life.

In psychology, there is a concept of love as a harmonious combination of sexual need and psychological intimacy. In an adult loving person, the feeling of physical pleasure during sexual intercourse and the need for psychological intimacy usually merge together.

In a teenager, these needs and feelings are disconnected, which leaves an imprint on his psychology and behavior. The concept of “pure” sublime love in adolescence very often does not coincide with the concept of sexual intimacy.

Many teenagers, especially girls, identify sexual intimacy with something “dirty” and “shameful.” Established traditions and gaps in sex education play a big role in this.

The objects of “love” and “sex” in a teenager most often do not coincide, hence, on the one hand, a simplified attitude towards sexual intimacy, and on the other, a desexualization of everything related to “real” love and the image of an ideal lover (or lover).

Puberty actively influences the formation of a teenager’s personality and behavior. At first, a boy (or girl) is concerned about the timing of the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics. The awareness that “I’m not like everyone else” is very often accompanied by a feeling of anxiety and emotional tension. With age, the criteria of “masculinity” (for boys) and “femininity” (for girls) become more relevant.

The situation with “masculinity” is especially difficult. If for girls it is considered prestigious to be weak and “feminine,” then a feminized, pampered boy causes condemnation among his peers. Therefore, teenagers raised without a father and in groups where there are no men (kindergartens, schools) gravitate towards sports sections and informal teenage groups.

It is these collective groups that most often help a boy establish himself in a male role. Inflated criteria for “masculinity” are often compensated by adolescents with emphasized aggressiveness, rudeness, and delinquency and contribute to the formation of informal asocial groups.

Over the past two or three decades, there has been a trend toward liberalization of sexual morality and earlier initiation of sexual activity among adolescents. This is predisposed by early puberty, the increasing emancipation of adolescents, as well as the wide availability of semi-pornographic information on gender issues.

An important feature of the process of puberty during adolescence is its “experimental” nature. The emerging sexual need is “explored” by the teenager, which is accompanied by a large number of transient sexual deviations, close in form to both normal and pathological.

Gender psychological aspects of adolescent puberty should also be taken into account. In girls, puberty occurs earlier, which largely determines their attitude towards boys their peers. At the same time, erotic feelings in girls appear later and are of a slightly different nature than in boys. The erotic feeling in a teenage girl is often preceded by the need for psychological intimacy with a boy, usually older than her.

In boys, puberty occurs later, but proceeds more rapidly. At a certain phase of puberty, boys are distinguished by hypersexuality, which, in turn, is accompanied by increased sexual excitability, an increase in erotic interests and fantasies. It should be noted that the earlier puberty begins, the more rapidly it proceeds and the faster it ends, and, conversely, with a late onset, puberty is delayed and characterized by a more sluggish course.

Psychology of a teenager 12, 13, 14 or 16 years old. Peculiarities of developmental psychology of a teenager

After ten years, every child begins a new and completely different life. You can’t fool nature: the first changes appear, both in physiology and in other areas. Clinical psychology of children and adolescents shows that every year of life is a new step in development.

From child to teenager

At each stage, both the child and his parents expect new and interesting features. Often, the older generation is frightened or alarmed by the child’s behavior, and they do not even understand what should be done or where to turn. Therefore, it will be useful for them to know about age-related changes that occur with every person. And also understand how the psychology of a teenager at 13 years old and 16 years old differs.

Is 12 years old already a teenager or still a child?

Many parents treat their children subjectively and consider them not quite adults, sometimes even despite the fact that they have reached a “respectable” age. But in order to avoid problems, it is worth understanding that a twelve-year-old person already belongs to the category of “teenagers”. And from this age, parents should take their child more seriously, taking into account all the features that a teenager’s psychology has. 12 years is the age when a child begins to undergo the first changes.

From about this moment a person tries to associate himself with the adult contingent. This can occur in the form of copying other people's mannerisms in order to appear older. Boys are starting to pay attention to their physical state. The question of how they look becomes a top priority for them. Girls also begin to pay special attention to their external data. During this period, they can already experiment with cosmetics. Therefore, parents should not be afraid of this and prohibit it. It is best to choose better quality products for your child with lowest content"chemistry".

At the first stage of adolescence, a person develops a certain slowness. Do not be afraid - this is a normal phenomenon, since at this moment the connection between memory and thinking changes. The child understands that the thinking process is integrally connected with the ability to remember the knowledge that was previously acquired. There is a more conscious remembering and comprehension of the material read. During this period, a person begins to listen to what adults say about him. This sensitivity to the opinions of others often leads to the emergence of far-fetched fears.

13 years - teenage dawn

The psychology of a teenager is amazing and unpredictable. 13 years is the age when changes occur in hormonal background. Therefore, the child’s mood may change noticeably. And if suddenly he became more nimble and sharp, this does not confirm the fact that a “difficult” teenager is growing up in your family. Such changes are a normal psychological factor. The child begins to perceive himself as an adult who has the right to his own opinion and desires. And this is partly correct. After all, he must strive for independence, and after some period, “separation” of himself from his parents. Of course, this is very difficult for parents to come to terms with, and they often make the biggest mistake of trying to suppress any desires of the child. This can lead to disastrous consequences.

The changes that occur in the psychology of a teenager also concern the intimate sphere. 13 years is the age when increased sexual desire is noted, and, oddly enough, this happens more on the part of girls. Of course, boys are starting to be interested too this topic, but their peak of interest occurs a little later. At this age, teenagers are critical of their external appearance. This is due to the fact that there is a desire to be like your idol, who has ideal figure, great hair and the most beautiful eyes.

14 years is the age of awareness of oneself as an individual

At the age of 14, a teenager actively begins to defend his rights. Sometimes parents may get the feeling that their child is doing everything out of spite and in defiance. But this is absolutely not true. At least the teenager does not set a specific goal for himself - to challenge everything. Often he himself is not sure what is really necessary and important to him. But the desire to stand out, to show - “I am different!” - huge. Therefore, misunderstanding arises between parents and children. In order not to aggravate the situation, when a conflict is brewing, it is better to smooth out the sharp moments. It is important to understand that the child is not trying to make you angry or deliberately piss you off - these are characteristics of age.

Also during this period, the child pays great attention to communication. It is very important for him to be accepted and not rejected. And also have friends with whom you can talk about everything. After all, at this age there are a lot of exciting topics and sensitive questions that you won’t go to your parents with.

The psychology of a teenager at this age, of course, undergoes significant changes. And if parents noticed this transition in time and were able to change tactics in their relationship with the child, then this often minimizes problematic issues. In such a situation, the teenager is in no hurry to run away from home or do something out of the ordinary. He hears his parents and can compromise.

16 years old - the path to adulthood

What is remarkable about developmental psychology? The teenager becomes an adult. At this age, many already experience their first love, and perhaps their first disappointments. For some teenagers, this age means the emergence of sexual relations. But don’t panic: not everyone at sixteen is ready to take this step. However, parents should start conversations about sex so that the child is aware of all the consequences. If dad or mom can’t start a conversation, then you can buy appropriate literature and give it to the child. A teenager must understand that this is a period when he is responsible for all his actions. By the way, in Cuba this age is considered adulthood.

At this age, the psychology of a teenager is more extensive and multifaceted. In addition to physical, sexual, hormonal changes, there are other features - the child begins to pay attention to philosophy. His outlook on life changes noticeably. And those issues that did not bother him before are now coming to the fore. During this period, a person may exaggerate his abilities, as everything looks simpler, more accessible and rosy. This is the psychology of a teenager. 16 years is a huge layer in which there is a lot of faith, desire, and aspirations. A person is at the peak of his emotional development.

Note to parents

Don't be afraid of adolescence. This is an inevitable stage in the life of every person. And if you want to soften this time, try to understand why the child acts this way and not otherwise. The psychology of a teenager may seem strange and unpredictable to you, but this is absolutely not the case. Only you are capable, like no one else, of understanding your child and helping him overcome this period. For him it is perhaps even harder than for you. After all, a teenager is just beginning to understand himself and those around him, and all changes are complex and incomprehensible to him.

It seems that we ourselves were teenagers not so long ago and experienced our first feelings with incredible excitement. And now we look at our children and can hardly imagine what is happening to them and we ask ourselves how to behave so that, on the one hand, not to harm, but, on the other, to protect them from rash actions.

Teenagers' first love

It is difficult to imagine something purer and more sincere than the love between two teenagers who have never felt anything like this before. They discover completely new world, and it seems to them that nothing could be better. They may abandon their studies and strive to get rid of their parents' control, because they feel so grown-up and independent and forget about everything.

Usually, first love coincides with puberty and develops against the background of tremendous changes in the body and self-awareness of a teenager, constant hormonal surges and mood swings. He experiences the most contradictory feelings and strives to learn as much new things as possible, including about relations between the sexes.

In general, teenage love, as developmental psychology claims, can be exclusively platonic, but modern society is literally pushing guys towards closer, more intimate relationships, the consequences of which can be extremely unpredictable.

Love between teenagers does not often develop into something more, but if the feelings are mutual, the relationship develops as usual and does not encounter serious obstacles along the way, then it will play an important role in the development of personality. However, such happy stories are rare; much more often, teenagers have to experience unrequited love and experience the first disappointment.

Unhappy love in adolescence

As you know, it is not only teenage unrequited love that is unhappy. Feelings can be mutual, but face various obstacles, for example, complete misunderstanding on the part of parents who, trying to protect their child from mistakes, strictly forbid meeting with their lover.

Yes, good girls are often attracted to bad boys, and good guys are not always interested in decent girls. This often causes shock and condemnation for parents, but it is important to understand that by impeding the relationship, you will most likely encounter a serious reaction of protest and will most likely lose the child’s trust. The teenager will withdraw into himself and stop sharing his experiences, and the chances that you will miss something really important will increase significantly.

Now let's imagine how a child feels if his feelings are unrequited. These are adults with their own life experience who understand that this is not the end of the world and everything is still ahead, but for teenagers everything seems completely different.

Adolescence is often accompanied by a lack of acceptance of one’s own appearance, since changes in it, in the adolescent’s opinion, only spoil it. He does not yet know that a significant transformation awaits him in the future. Failures on the love front deal a crushing blow to self-esteem, from which it is very difficult to recover. A teenager looks for problems within himself, experiments with his appearance and is ready to do desperate things just to attract the attention of the object of his love.

Conversation with a teenager about love

The question of whether it is worth discussing with a teenager his feelings and events in his personal life is quite controversial. The answer depends on the atmosphere in the family. If you have a warm and trusting relationship with your child, he will most likely tell you about his experiences and seek advice. But if there is a serious distance between you, then any question may be perceived as an attempt to limit his freedom and become a reason for an aggressive reaction. Then, perhaps, it is not worth interfering, but we must not let our guard down.

Teenage love is pure and innocent. This is one of the brightest and most memorable events in life. Most often it occurs at the age of 12 years.

Girls often experience their first crush earlier than boys.

Where it all begins

Physiological changes in a teenager’s body lead to the emergence of attraction to people of the opposite sex. Boys rudely show their interest in girls so as not to cause ridicule from others.

This usually involves pinching, pushing, and calling names. Girls who are not shown such signs of attention feel insulted.

They themselves begin to provoke boys into rude actions. At age 12, teenagers may begin to like each other, leading to friendships.

It is in vain that adults worry about such relationships. They provide invaluable experience of communicating with the opposite sex, which will be useful in adulthood.

At the beginning of adolescence, falling in love is widespread. This is especially true in the spring season.

If a boy and a girl who are passionate about each other appear at school, this becomes known to all students and teachers. They become the object of envy among the girls and the creation of new teases among the boys.

Sooner or later, all students acquire their own couples and begin to feel like more significant figures in society.

How teenagers show love

The psychology of feelings in people of the opposite sex manifests itself in different ways.

If a girl falls in love, then she feels:

rapid heartbeat, trembling in the limbs, heat or cold when meeting a loved one;

aggravation of all emotions;

loss of appetite;

feeling of flight;

lack of concentration;

creative impulses;

insomnia.

You can understand that a boy has fallen in love by a number of signs:

• constant desire to be with your loved one;
• lack of interest in studies, friends and hobbies;
• thoughts only about the object of passion;
• desire to listen to songs and watch videos about love;
• dreams with your beloved.

Falling in love resembles a nervous breakdown. In this state, the human body produces the hormone dopamine, which promotes a surge of strength and energy.

Features of school love

School love usually doesn't last long. But if teenagers were able to maintain their relationship, then this allows them not to waste their time, but to devote their lives to one single person.

The feeling of falling in love that arose outside the school walls has the following features:

• new and unsolved sensations;
• excessive emotionality;
• maximalism and dreaminess;
• the ability to easily change for the sake of a loved one;
• high demands and expectations from relationships;
• idealization of the object of passion;
• inexperience;
• timidity and shyness towards a partner;
• an opportunity to learn to take responsibility for your actions.

All these properties lead to the fact that teenagers’ love more often remains school-based. But it makes a person more prepared for future relationships.

Find out how to confess your love to a girl on VK from the article: how to confess your love to a girl.

Poems-declaration of love to a girl, read here.

What are the stages of love according to psychology by year, see here.

If love arose at the age of 12, then this is absolutely normal and you should not be ashamed of it. Most often, first feelings are unrequited.

In order to successfully overcome this stage of growing up, there are the following ways:

• Enjoy your youth. This age period only happens once in a lifetime. So it's better to throw everything away bad thoughts and accept with gratitude the experience that will be useful in the future. First love is a feeling familiar to every person. He carries it throughout his life.
• Don't forget about your interests. No matter how beautiful and ideal the object of love is, you must always remain with your passions and have your own opinion. It is better not to completely dissolve in a person, but to always be an individual.
• Accept help from parents. If the feeling unrequited love prevents you from living peacefully, then you can talk frankly with your parents or relatives. All of them have ever experienced such emotions and already know how to live with them. These are the people who want only the best and are able to give truly practical advice. You should not reject the help of your grandparents, as talking with them will also help relieve the burden from your soul.
• Don't take your future lightly. The first feeling evokes wonderful emotions and shades everything around. This does not mean that you need to give up your hobby or studies. You can turn falling in love for good and use the inspiration it gives. If the feeling is mutual, then you can think about a promising future and strive for it together. And if not, then don’t lose heart. We must ensure that the object of love understands who he has lost.
• Don't isolate yourself. One must be able to live with dignity with love. You cannot withdraw into yourself and aggravate an already difficult situation. New acquaintances, meetings with friends and fun walks will distract you from dark thoughts.
• Exercise caution. The teenager himself determines his readiness for sexual activity. But you shouldn’t rush into it, much less succumb to the persuasion of the object of your love. This is one of life's biggest decisions and should not be taken lightly. It is recommended to have sexual intercourse no earlier than 18 years of age, when the psyche is fully formed.

Signs of falling in love

A teenager in love rarely shares his love experiences with his parents. If you are attentive, the child’s condition can be determined by his behavior.

Signs that a teenager has fallen in love:

• Spends less time at home. Perhaps the child used to love playing games or reading, but now he suddenly decided to join a club. This action can become a reason to spend more time with the object of your crush.
• Frequent phone calls. The teenager began talking on the phone for several hours. To do this, he began to look for places of solitude, although previously he could openly communicate in front of his parents.
• Requests for pocket money. To court a girl, boys need financial resources for a cafe, cinema and gifts. If he often starts asking for pocket money, then there is a high probability that he has fallen in love.
• Unusual mood. With mutual feelings, young people experience euphoria, and with unrequited feelings, depression and tearfulness.
• The desire to look good. Girls begin to dress up heavily and wear makeup. Boys strive to look neat and fashionable.

This list is provisional. The manifestation of any sign is not an exact guarantee that the teenager has fallen in love. But this is a reason to show more attention to him.

During this important and difficult life period, parents need to have a trusting relationship with their child and be supportive.

This can be difficult to achieve as a teenager, but the following helpful tips will help you get closer:

• be interested in problems and value frankness,
• communicate as equals,
• show that you understand him,
• respect the child's feelings,
• communicate without aggression and irritation,
• do not humiliate the object of your love,
• do not try to break off their relationship,
• try to get to know your girlfriend/boyfriend,
• share your story of first love.

Friendships will help you keep abreast of events and have some influence on them. Don't force your opinion on your teenager.

He must understand his feelings himself in order to learn to make decisions and analyze the situation. It is better if trusting relationships are established from early childhood.

Otherwise, sharp attention and a desire to have a heart-to-heart talk will look false, which can only scare the child away. Act intelligently and unobtrusively.

First love is the foundation for future serious relationships. A teenager often forms a model of behavior in his relationships from the norms and values ​​instilled in him by his parents.

But no amount of upbringing will protect a child from disappointment, so support and attention are important to him.

Psychological characteristics of children in adolescence

IN modern world The concept of “teenager” evokes an association of complexity, difficulty in communication, and incomprehensibility. It is difficult for adults to understand that, being in their youth, moving from childhood to adulthood (life period of 13-15 years), a teenager feels himself already grown up, essentially remaining a child. Remaining his confidant during this difficult period for a child is a great success, although it is incredibly difficult. To do this, you need to know about those features that appear at this stage of life and shape his personality. The main action of the immediate environment (parents and friends of the older generation) is to help and assist, in other words, to be attentive to him and communicate “in his language.” At this time, the young man is in a difficult period of life. He is forming his views and his opinion on any issue and concept.

Teenagers withdraw into themselves

It’s difficult for the people around you because it’s unbearably difficult for him to be with himself. He is not sure of anything. He is looking for his purpose in life, focusing only on his opinion.

1. A child, growing up, goes through three temporary stages.
2. The first stage is childhood. It lasts approximately until the age of 11.
3. The second stage is early adolescence. Its time period is from 11 to 14 years.
4. And finally, the third stage of human maturation is senior adolescence, located in the range from 15 to 18 years.
5. Between the second and third stages of growing up there is an intermediate stage, not distinguished by psychologists as a separate, middle stage - from 14 to 16.

Adolescent Psychology - Highlights

During this time period of his life, a young man begins to gain a new awareness and motivation for his own behavior. Lead them meaningfully.

Psychologists often focus the attention of parents of children in adolescence on this conventional transitional fragment (from 14 to 16 years old) in connection with the changes occurring in them, both physiological and mental.

Because this period, called the stage of personal and professional self-determination, is the most difficult in life for a growing teenager - a boy or a girl.

The emotional sphere of adolescents and motivation

At this time, the child develops his own individual personal position on all issues and situations. It often does not agree with the views and opinions of adults, including parents, on the same situation, which leads to conflict, which may result in a loss of mutual understanding and contact relationships between them.

Manifestations of psychological neoplasms in adolescents aged 14–16 years

In order to overcome this most difficult period of life less painfully for a family, it is necessary to understand the psychological new formations that arise in middle adolescence.

Depending on the development (maturation) of the child’s personality, neoplasms in adolescents can appear from the age of 13 and last until the age of 15.

There are several such neoplasms.

Problems communicating with peers increase sharply among teenagers

Switching your constant communication from teachers and parents to friends - classmates and peers, a little older, but who are an authority for a particular teenager. At this time, he develops skills in social interaction, that is, he learns to obey the opinions of others, but at the same time defending his rights. The consequence of this is the manifestation of two contradictions - belonging to a peer group and the desire for isolation, that is, having your own individual personal space.

Reluctance to listen to parents and teachers

Changes in the cognitive sphere of a teenager. Development framework 13 -15 years

The term “cognitive sphere” refers to the unification of all human cognitive processes. Such as attention and memory, intelligence and the development of logical and verbal-figurative thinking. In a special way, the accession and development of creative abilities occurs.

Manifestation of a phantom sense of adulthood

While still essentially a child, a teenager (usually 13-5 years old) feels and decides that he has already grown up. He develops and manifests with increasing frequency the desire to become independent from his parental family. His first thought about future profession. He strives to become “necessary,” that is, useful to society and family. And, of course, the emergence of a keen interest in the opposite sex.

Phantom adulthood in adolescents is manifested by prohibited actions

Possible occurrence of school maladjustment

The reason for this is ambiguous, usually complex, relationships with teachers or classmates.

Skills in developing communication and a teenager’s own individual personality position

With the onset of acute adolescence, especially the middle stage, in the life of a person aged 14-16 years, there is a reorientation from intra-family communication between the parent family and the child to external communication - friends, peers - classmates and older adolescents who are authorities.

Most often, at the age of 14, an individual chooses a guideline for himself - an ideal, which becomes a life example and a confidant for him. Such communication is basic at this age, as it is the main information channel. In addition, this is a specific type of emotional contact that develops a teenager’s sense of solidarity, self-esteem, emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships.

Under the influence of an idol, teenagers can change greatly

As a result of such contact, in order to be like his idol, a 14-year-old teenager can change his appearance and style of communication with the people usually around him.

There is a change in tastes, an interest in energy and alcoholic drinks and smoking is manifested, since these are the qualities that he associates with adulthood.

Changes in the cognitive sphere of a teenager

During adolescence, especially at its middle stage, there is an improvement in intellectual processes and thinking, which is the basis for the formation of personality.

An activity approach is implemented in the growing up of a young person, under the influence of comprehensive school education, part of which is the development of elements of the cognitive sphere of the individual, that is, the functions of the teenager’s psyche.

Teenage absent-mindedness leads to learning problems

A process such as perception at this age acquires a selective character, with the possibility of analytical and critical conclusions.

1. Attention, during this period, acquires the ability to clearly switch and distribute. Its parameters also improve and develop: the volume increases and stability strengthens. It becomes arbitrary and controlled by the teenager himself. This indicates the emergence and manifestation of selective attention.
2. Memory also develops. It undergoes the same changes as attention - it acquires a fully meaningful character in terms of memorization and comprehension.
3. In parallel with the above-mentioned functions of the adolescent’s psyche, during the average period of growing up, 14–16 years, independent thinking develops. This allows the child to move on and operate with individual conclusions.

Psychological defense is expressed in behavioral disorders

Phantom feeling of adulthood

Professional psychologists note that against the backdrop of the developing cognitive sphere of the individual, a teenager has a desire to “be like an adult.” That is, he has a need to bear responsibility for a certain part (zone) of independently completed work.

At the same time, interest in people of the opposite sex awakens. The first platonic relationship arises between a boy and a girl, most often their age is 13–15 years. The first feeling of falling in love appears. There is a desire to please the person you like and to show constant concern for him.

At this age, teenagers experience their first love

Parents should take into account that excessive interference in this feeling and in this relationship can lead to a deterioration in mutual understanding between them and their child. As a result, cause him to become alienated and withdrawn. Parents are advised not to interfere with the development of these relationships, but also not to encourage them.

During this same period comes the desire to earn your first money on your own. The motivation is the desire to become financially independent, so as not to once again beg for funds for your personal needs from your parents and not to give them an account of where and how they were spent. This also includes motivation for socially useful activities, as a result, encouragement from authority and teenage peers.

In adolescence, many people try to earn their first money.

The emergence of school maladjustment

A family with a teenager aged 14-16 quite often faces such a manifestation as school maladaptation, that is, the inability to feel comfortable in a group of peers.

The reason for such a situation in a child’s life may be a breakdown in relationships (conflict) with teachers, classmates or older students, as a result of the teenager’s reluctance to obey their demands and tasks.

School maladaptation - main signs

Externally, school maladjustment is expressed in resistance and even complete refusal to attend classes. The child stops doing homework. There is a complete violation in his educational activities. He tries to communicate with his family less often, trying to solve the problem on his own, which only makes it worse.

Parents should pay attention to the problem of their child (13 – 16 years old) through the signals described above and try to help him as soon as possible, after consulting with a psychologist, without showing him the child.

You can also involve a school psychologist in the problem by asking him to observe the behavior and reactions of the teenager. Based on the results of his observations, the specialist can offer a program of assistance in this particular case.

Effective technologies for working with deviant behavior in children

Why does a child bite at different ages?

Signs of a hyperactive child - should parents be concerned?

I'm a teenager and I understand you parents, yes, we are mentally aggressive, and we can yell at you. but from a teenager's point of view, we get offended over little things and it's your fault. Let me explain. When you see that a teenage child is offended by you because of a trifle and you feel that he is moving away from you, try to talk to him, but do not say that it is their fault, no. It's just that we teenagers have heightened feelings and emotions. For us, one problem with parents is just a drop out of a million drops that turn into one huge problem. We walk around as if nothing had happened, but when we are alone, it just slowly tears us apart from the inside, but we endure, often we cannot stand it and explode at those around us. At such moments, parents are very necessary, just say that everything is fine, that life goes on, and when we say leave, we want to be alone, it’s better not to leave but hug the child, we say this because we are offended by the whole world for such a life.

Try to hold back and

Try to restrain yourself and don’t scold and yell at your child because he doesn’t listen to you, take away phones, laptops and other equipment that you tore up yourself or even if you didn’t give him as a gift, limit the time, for example, to be home at eight. Otherwise we will lose trust or love for you.

Lord, are you serious? The authors of this article, of course, are not entirely right. You shouldn’t put all teenagers from 13-16 years old under the same brush. What I don’t like most is that when an adult or someone who is already over 17 years old when they hear the word “teenager” they imagine: “A bunch of hormons. Separation from parents. Smoking, terrible behavior and isolation.”

This is not always the case! I myself am 14 years old, I still don’t like society, but I love going to school, everything is fine with my academic performance. I don’t want to seem like an adult and constantly listen to my parents. Yes, I often get offended by little things, but this has ALWAYS been the case .I listen to opinions and of course, for me, the authority will be on my father or mother, rather than some 9th grader. I always want to help my loved ones, I don’t close myself off and if I want to “sip”, I go to my mother. But at the same time I am developing as a person, I have my own opinion, my own secrets.

In general, what I want to say is that teenagers are not always what people usually imagine. My behavior was the same as it was before, and remained the same when I turned 14 :)

You still have everything ahead... For some, this period begins at a later age, for example, at 17-20 years old.

Lie. A deep and unforgivable lie. Actually, the word teenager is offensive to me, as it is to all people at an early stage in life. I will call you people over 18 years of age scions. You've already grown up. Isn't it insulting?

I am writing as a 13-year-old person who is passionate about psychology and independent (I work part-time myself).

What is written here is species discrimination. We cannot legally work, we cannot refuse school, we cannot get married (Article about maturation), we cannot refuse sections, we cannot refuse forced education, we cannot participate in elections, we cannot ride a bicycle on the highways (up to 14 years), we can’t drive a car, we can’t have private property, and so on and so forth……..

THIS VIOLATES HUMAN RIGHTS. And all because of the insignificant numbers in the passport.

All the same, no matter how it is, you are children. I would also write something so that 6 year olds could drive a car. All the laws are not invented out of nowhere. Wait a little, and you can do all of the above, everything that is possible for the shoots??

If you see in the word “teenager” something connected with agriculture, as it seems to me, and in your opinion I am a teenager and I am quite older than you, and have seen everything in life, then it seems to you serious problems... Yes, at the age of 13, you should be thinking about studying (although you called studying forced, it’s simply terrible), about life, about the future, making some plans for life, and not working or driving a car! There is nothing similar in the article, where it would be written that teenagers at the age of 13 must attend sections without fail and are prohibited from refusing them. And isn't it funny to you yourself? your words: “we can’t have private property”... Of course we can’t, when you wrote this nonsense, did you even re-read what you wrote? And this does NOT, I repeat, violates human rights in ANY way. I wrote something about a passport, you’re 13! You don't even have one! From what you have written, I see that you have just begun a transition period. As they say in slang, it bombs from all angles. Yes, I’ve never met such young kids who are supposedly passionate about “psychology,” but that means I’ve seen a lot. I would advise you not to show off too much on such sites, and especially on such serious topics! Grow up, become a teenager, as you say, see a little life and come back, then we’ll talk!

This message is a joke, but you grown men and women believed it))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Give you private property, you will squander it all) or people like me will take it away due to your immature naivety. If you are allowed to get married, the divorce rate will increase by another factor of 2. And all this does not violate human rights, since you do not have any rights yet.

All animals have all rights FROM BIRTH. And man is an animal.

Damn, how stupid this is. Even an adult after, not even 18, is not allowed to do much. But this is morally impossible. I can't afford much. Many things sound banal, but there are also those that you will regret in the future. Think about this in advance and everything will be fine.

You should be hit in the ass with a belt, not taken to a psychologist. Completely crazy. Personal space, independence, go to an orphanage, if you don’t like it, just hang out there until you lose your pulse.

Beat yourself, you can’t hurt the weak

This comment leaves a creature who wants to feel superior to others. It’s better to just talk, become a friend, and not a despot in the eyes of a child.

Everything they write here is a lie, a complete lie. I’m 15 years old now. And everything you write here is a lie!! As long as adults don’t have their fault here! You see, there is your fault here and it’s huge!! Truly his mother is huge! Teenagers do not want to harm anyone, especially themselves. Teenagers want only two things! 1. Freedom of speech! AND 2 . Don't touch them! Yes, we are emotionally unstable. But your (adults) fault is that when we (teenagers) explode, you (adults) only add on top, you shut us (teenagers) up, thereby asserting your authority and calling us to you hatred. Instead of just shutting up, hug and calm the teenager with normal words and a calm tone.

Judging by the comments, everything in the article was written correctly

I read the comments and for some reason I feel ashamed for my peers... I’m just turning fourteen soon, maybe it hasn’t “started” yet, but for some reason it seems to me that it’s already over, I was like that when I was 11-12 years old. For some reason, the article does not say that a father or mother can become an authority figure for a teenager; this is true for some people; they are simply embarrassed to admit it. Teenagers are not always aggressive; having a good parent and a normal upbringing, a person will defend his rights in front of his classmates, if he doesn’t like something, communicate only with those with whom he is comfortable (!) and trust his mother, and not some tenth graders who They behave like sheep and there is nothing authoritative about them at all. Yes, at the age of 13-15, a child is very vulnerable, often blushes, begins to think “who am I” and “how should I behave,” but if you help him get to know himself and encourage him to go out with friends, explaining the dangers of smoking, alcohol, etc. what they don’t talk about in polite society, you will develop an adequate personality. At fourteen - fifteen, we can already understand what is harmful for us and what is not. Treat your children like friends and show them that you love them, and don’t force study, study, study and correct behavior into every day, just easy.

I fully support the teenage guys, I read the comments and see that the guys reason more adequately and give specific advice, very simple, but worthwhile.

Good afternoon everyone! I am 14 years old. I agree with the commentators above, what is written here does not apply to me at all. I’m a very good person (2 B’s), I have a normal relationship with my parents, I naturally don’t smoke or drink (and I never will, because I was raised in a family where a healthy lifestyle rules!)!

I communicate with many people in class, and I am also friends and acquaintances with many guys at school (my age and older). I often draw, paint, and do creative work. And at home I sometimes don’t mind playing something. And I, too, like the commentator above, am offended by the word teenager! In general, I wanted to say that the author of the article is wrong, and not all children of this age behave indecently. I am a child! And I feel like a child!

Oh, I forgot! My idol is my dad))) and I love my parents very much)))

The article is useful and productive. There is nothing “difficult” or scary about adolescence. True, children become adults. This is the laying of the foundation for a new building. Everything in the comments is either trolling or the ravings of stupid teenagers. I am 13 years old and it’s unpleasant to read comments from peers who are so incomprehensible.

1 time of the belt and everything will pass) all the whims and so on.)

And what will you achieve with this? Whims and desires will not disappear, but they will begin to hate you, even though you are a parent. It's disgusting!

I would like to add about private property: I have a child, he will soon turn 14 years old and he already owns part of an apartment and a dacha. So you are wrong to think that children cannot have their own property.

This is such an interesting question. The child is 15.9 years old, girl.... studies well... all by herself... participates in all Olympiads! But at home... it's trash. Considers herself the smartest. My father doesn’t live nearby, he’s a military man... I’m a Mom, I have a flexible work schedule... I earn good money... but I also spend a lot on work.... it so happened that my mother and husband spoiled my reputation, apparently they wanted to assert themselves... the question is the following, a teenager, does not help around the house... constantly humiliates... and I am silent... well, why scold her... youthful maximalism.. waiting for it to end... and here. .. today, well, really... my nerves gave way... and she called her... and said that I had nothing to worry about.... and I myself... what should I do then??

Good afternoon, I sympathize about your daughter,

The worst thing in my opinion is when a loved one offends you,

If I were you, I would let her understand that this is very painful for you, she must respect her mother, if only because her mother gave her life,

Regarding household duties, of course, we need to start vaccinating earlier

Let her choose what will be her responsibilities.

and does the same as you do yours,

Patience to you, strength,

I read the comments and am surprised. Everything in the article is written correctly. I remember from myself, it was the same. It’s just that for some it comes earlier, for others it comes later. I now have a son at that age, and he also talks to me about his rights.

And regarding the fact that the word “teenager” offends you, girls and boys, I hasten to upset you. Soon you will be called woman and man. And believe me, it will jar you no less!))))

Hello, I'm 14 years old. I don’t know why, but somehow it happened that I was terribly afraid to express my opinion to my father, no, he didn’t beat me, he never hit me, but I was always afraid of his raised tone and could not influence him not to scream. With others, I calmly defend my position, but I was always surprised how some of my friends argue and defend their opinions with their parents, in particular with their father. Everything is fine with my mother, she understands me, sometimes she listens, but most often she says something like: “Oh, D..., leave me alone!” but this is all because of work, although I don’t think that any work problems are more important than family happiness. And I feel terribly uncomfortable and unpleasant even to ask him for anything, in the sense that we are hanging out with friends and I have to leave, although there is still little time, and I cannot call and ask him (my father) for another half an hour. I don’t call because I understand that since so much has been given, it means no more. I have already asked for a little more time several times, but in response I heard a scream into the phone. And I’m very upset when my friends are still walking, having fun, and I already have to say goodbye to them and go home. I also want to say that there is another problem, which is that only his (father’s) opinion is correct, no matter how many times we have had dinner at the table and discussed any issue, his opinion is correct, but the rest are not. Moreover, if you also say that he is wrong, then the raised tone becomes even louder (from observations of mom and dad discussing something) And in addition, I’m very afraid of his gaze, it’s kind of piercing, shooting, you can’t calmly discuss something when they look at you so intently. I am especially offended when my peers, absolutely everyone, can already go to the center, walk in Muzeon Park (next to Tretyakovskaya) or somewhere else. But I can’t go anywhere except my area and one shopping center nearby. I hope when I grow up, I will become independent from him, although for some reason I am sure that as an adult girl, I will be obliged to report on how my day went and what time I returned. At least for today, I don’t remember why, but for three years now I’ve been calling every day and reporting that I’m already at home and what grades I got.

It’s interesting that no one hinted that teenagers are people too. One aggression towards this social group. School is the #1 place for aggression. The aggression starts with the technical staff, moves on to the teachers, then the teachers pour their barrels of feces on the students! Instead of uniting and fighting the dirt, students insult each other. It is also terrifying that not only the school is aggressive: in public places (in cafes, shops, hospitals, etc.) aggression towards younger children is manifested by the pronoun “you” and poor quality of services. The very denotation of “you” is already aggression and disrespect. Using “you” can insult, hit, kill, and do poor quality work. Adults are former children and teenagers. They were disrespected and insulted by everyone as children. Out of grief, they began to smoke, drink, and use drugs (now the streets are teeming with drug addicts, drunkards and adults who smoke). Then articles appear on the Internet “about how angry teenagers are these days.”

It’s interesting that no one hinted that teenagers are people too. One aggression towards this social group. School is the #1 place for aggression. The aggression starts with the technical staff, moves on to the teachers, then the teachers pour their barrels of feces on the students! Instead of uniting and fighting the dirt, students insult each other. It is also terrifying that not only the school is aggressive: in public places (in cafes, shops, hospitals, etc.) aggression towards younger children is manifested by the pronoun “you” and poor quality of services. The very denotation of “you” is already aggression and disrespect. Using “you” can insult, hit, kill, and do poor quality work. Adults are former children and teenagers. They were disrespected and insulted by everyone as children. Because of this grief, they began to smoke, drink, and use drugs (now the streets are teeming with drug addicts, drunkards and adults who smoke). Then articles appear on the Internet “about how angry teenagers are these days.”

Good afternoon I’ll say right away that I am a strict and emotional woman of 36 years old. ALSO I am the mother of a kind and sympathetic boy of 13 years old (I have a younger son, 6 years old). He is a good and excellent student and has been playing hockey since he was 6 years old. I’m not spoiled by expensive things and gadgets, but the little things are expensive and of high quality (bicycle, hockey and football uniforms, shoes). Once a year, a trip around Russia (we can’t afford it, at least let him take a look). I found out that my son and his friends were stealing ice cream from a nearby store. I'm incredibly angry, I'm angry - I want to rip his hands off. Young people, tell me where to start a conversation WITH HIM, that it is IMPOSSIBLE to steal! What and how should I tell HIM so that he understands?

The content of the article:

The love of teenagers is the first delightful feeling for them and an extraordinary test of the strength of their parents. At this age, the younger generation sees everything exclusively in rosy colors and wonderful prospects. Consequently, emotionally immature individuals are sometimes unable to adequately assess the love situation that has arisen in their lives. Adults need to help them figure this out, but they need to do what they want with maximum wisdom.

Signs of falling in love in adolescence

First of all, this question interests parents whose children have begun to grow up. Love in adolescence for adults can be determined by the following signs, which indicate the event occurred:

• Spending leisure time outside the home. If a child previously devoted the lion's share of his free time to computer games or reading educational literature, then he definitely did not develop any amorous interest. Otherwise, the teenager will begin to try, whenever possible, to leave his native walls in an unknown direction, while inventing all sorts of reasons. Alarmed parents will try to stop this behavior of their growing offspring, which is definitely not worth doing. As a result, trust between the child and the adult generation of the family will simply disappear, which will then be difficult to regain. You just need to clearly communicate to your rebel lover how much time he can spend outside the home.
• Secret conversations on the phone. IN Lately Rarely does a teenager not have his own personal means of communication. Communication with friends on a mobile phone is not prohibited, so parents were calm about this fact. Their son or daughter could communicate for quite a long time with an invisible interlocutor on various youth topics. At the same time, the children were absolutely not afraid of the possibility that their parents could hear them talking about everything and nothing. If adults begin to notice that their child tries to be alone when communicating on the phone or even go outside, then everything indicates that he has his first object of interest.
• Request for more pocket money. Many parents often cannot clearly answer the question regarding providing their teenager with certain personal resources. In this case, compassionate grandparents do not even think about such a request from their adored grandson or granddaughter. However, over time, parents begin to understand that they must allocate a reasonable amount of pocket money for the needs of their child. If their maturing offspring unexpectedly asked for an increase in his “salary,” then there is no need to immediately panic about the development of addictions outside his native walls. A son who is no longer a toddler may need additional cash due to the fact that he needs to give his first lady small gifts and take her to the movies.
• Change in appearance teenager. Children usually, when developing their first romantic feelings for a member of the opposite sex, dramatically change their attitude towards their hairstyle and wardrobe. A period of obvious changes in their appearance begins, which often frightens parents who are alarmed by what is happening. There is no need to be afraid of this fact if everything remains within the limits of what is reasonable and aesthetically acceptable. Prohibitions on this matter will only cause protest from a son or daughter, who in the future may turn from obedient children into rebels.
• Deterioration in academic performance. All people in love have their head in the clouds and pay little attention to what is happening around them. The first romantic feeling is a serious test for the not yet fully formed psyche of a teenager. He is not yet ready to concentrate his attention on serious things when his head is clouded with love experiences. As a result, a growing child begins to devote less time to preparing for schoolwork, and all his previous achievements in this area may deteriorate significantly.
• Changing a teenager's preferences. If your beloved child was hit by Cupid's first arrow, then the formerly predictable teenager can radically change his behavior. The daughter, who was interested in fantasy films, suddenly begins to become interested in melodramas about great and bright love. The son, after systematically familiarizing himself with the latest “boyish” music and spending time in computer games suddenly stops being interested in it. If, given this factor, he begins to have his head in the clouds when listening to romantic ballads, then this sure sign that the first feeling came to him.
• Finding contraceptives by parents. Usually, a caring mother clutches her heart and begins to consume huge quantities of sedatives when she finds condoms in her “baby” son’s pocket. In this case, experts advise letting the situation take its course and silently putting the found contraceptive back in place. However, it is still worth remembering the age limits for the beginning of learning about this adult side of life. In a family where there is trust and the teenager is informed about sex, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy, there will be no disaster when the child grows up. Otherwise, the situation may reach a critical point, as in the Yugoslav film of the late 80s “It's Time to Love,” when ignorance of many issues turned into tragedy.

Attentive parents will never miss the voiced signs of love in their children. Psychologists advise not to create panic when an event is discovered, because all ages are submissive to such a feeling. The child has begun to mature, and this inevitable phenomenon must be accepted adequately.
If a child first learned what a tender feeling for a representative of the opposite sex is, then there is nothing wrong with that. However, unhappy love in adolescence is a fairly common occurrence. It is for this reason that psychologists have developed a number of tips on how a child should behave during a new stage of his/her growing up:

1. Enjoy some of your youth. This period of personality formation will never be repeated, so you should gratefully accept everything that will become an invaluable life experience in the future. First love is a wonderful feeling, the memories of which many people keep in their hearts for many years.
2. Don't lose yourself in the person you like. No matter how much you like the first object of passion in your life, you should also remember your interests. If you like soul music, but your chosen one prefers hard rock, then this is not at all a signal to radically change your preferences. People prefer to communicate only with those individuals who remain themselves in all situations.
3. Ask your parents for help. If first love is an unrequited feeling, then you should talk as openly as possible with the older generation of the family. Don’t be ashamed of your accumulated emotions, because parents with a wealth of experience will understand everything and give practical advice. Sometimes it’s easier to even talk to your grandparents; their help and support should also not be rejected.
4. Don't forget about your plans for the future. The first feeling is not at all a reason to give up your favorite hobby and forget about studying. If the chosen one responded with mutual sympathy, then he must respect the developed prospects for the future of the person he liked. If he is of little interest in this fact, then is it worth continuing to communicate with such an indifferent and selfish person?
5. Don't isolate yourself. Many people go through unrequited love, later remembering this difficult period of life with a smile. If the object of passion does not reciprocate, then this must be accepted with dignity. Making new acquaintances and spending time with friends will help you get rid of gloomy thoughts. Self-flagellation and withdrawal into oneself will only aggravate the current difficult situation.
6. Be careful. Only the teenager himself decides when he is old enough to begin sexual activity. There is no need to rush into this, because often, with a fully formed body, the nervous psyche of a person in love remains in the stage of development and improvement. If the chosen one insists on intimacy, then you should tell him a clear and categorical “no”. This means that the person you like does not value the feelings and desires of other people and you should stay away from him.

Recommendations for parents on behavior with a teenager in love

It should always be remembered in any situation that adults should be a friend to their child, and not his supervisor. Therefore, they need to think about how to behave at the first signs of infatuation with someone in their children.

Prohibitions for parents when controlling a teenager in love

Some overly caring fathers and mothers consider themselves experts in raising the younger generation. The advice of psychologists does not guide them, and they make the following mistakes in relation to their children:

• Criticism of the chosen one. Making fun of a child’s choice from the height of one’s life experience is an unworthy and illogical activity on the part of an adult. Parents may categorically dislike the object of their offspring’s adoration, but this is solely the problem of the fathers and mothers themselves. Such behavior will only alienate the child, because for him his first feeling is sacred and inviolable.
• Devaluation of a teenager's sympathy. The next extreme on the part of adults is to persistently remind the teenager that he is not yet mature for a serious relationship. Ideally, such parents want to send their growing child back to play in the sandbox, because they see him exclusively as a baby. The main argument of family dictators for ignoring the feelings of their son or daughter is the phrases “get a passport first” and “finish school (lyceum) first.” The most disastrous argument would be an adult’s argument along the lines of “in our time, we thought about studying, and not about all sorts of nonsense.”
• Prohibition of communication with the chosen one. One of the most ineffective ways to eradicate a child’s love is a voiced method of influence. It is very easy to lose the trust of a loved one, and it is almost impossible to change the situation in your favor. The ban will further encourage the stubborn person to secret meetings, which can end very badly.
• Searching a teenager's belongings. If the child has grown up, then this is not at all a reason for parents to turn into a professional bloodhound. It is imperative to control your children so that an era of permissiveness does not begin in the family. However, some adults who are overly self-confident in their abilities consider it the norm to re-read their offspring’s correspondence on social networks, gutting his phone and room in search of incriminating evidence. Any mature person would be indignant at this fact, but we should not forget that a teenager also has the right to his personal space.

Note! Adult mistakes primarily have a negative impact on future fate their offspring. You cannot make your beloved child happy by force, requiring him to act according to the model of behavior created by his parents. Such behavior, at best, will end in protest on the part of the teenager, and at worst, in neurosis and even a suicide attempt.

Correct actions of parents towards a teenager

If parents want to maintain friendly relations with their grown children, they should listen to the advice of psychologists about the rules of behavior:

1. Meeting your chosen son or daughter. In this case, no one talks about the need to organize family shows. A dinner party would also be inappropriate, since no one is going to marry their children in love in the near future. The best way out of this situation would be an invitation to the house for a tea party, during which you should study the chosen one of your offspring with maximum tact.
2. Getting to know the child's immediate environment. Wise parents always know with whom their child spends his leisure time. Teenagers can be quite secretive people, but with proper analysis of their behavior, you can easily find out about the teenager’s existing friends. Psychologists advise organizing a party in the house on the occasion of some significant event and invite your son or daughter to invite their friends to see her. However, you shouldn’t hover over the guests like a kite, creating only an awkward situation. With correct behavior and maximum tact, it is possible to easily determine who has become a teenager’s friends, and even figure out his secret passion.
3. Frank conversation about the chosen one. If a child seriously likes someone, it means that he was attracted to some character trait or behavior. In this case, you can play spy, carefully learning about the reason for the teenager’s choice. As a result, a situation may arise that parents will be horrified by the verbal description of the object of passion and worship that has appeared in their child’s life. Having gathered all their will into a fist, adults should refrain from caustic comments towards the described chosen son or daughter.
4. Allowing room for error. Many people not only learn from their mistakes and reckless behavior, but also manage to step on the same rake in the future. Therefore, you should not demand wise decisions from a teenager in amorous matters. He is not yet morally ready for a deep analysis of the relations between opposite sexes. However, only through your own full cones can the time of emotional maturity begin when communicating with the people you like.
5. Nostalgia for first love among parents. It's time to talk to your child about what happened many years ago before he was born. Without lectures or lectures, you should tell him about your first feelings and how they ended. Children keenly feel when adults trust them and open up themselves. The teenager will appreciate such frankness on the part of his father or mother and will continue to consult with them about his personal life.
6. Increasing your child's self-esteem. This must be done not at the expense of his chosen one, which will bring radically opposite desired result. Wise parents, seeing the obvious error in the choice of their offspring and even some of its danger, will focus on the undoubted merits of their own being. In the future, the teenager may independently understand that his beliefs and life principles have nothing in common with the worldview of the emerging admirer.

Watch a video about teenage love:
First love in adolescence is an event that very few people manage to avoid. Therefore, children need to learn from their mistakes in this matter, and adults are encouraged to become wise advisers to the younger generation.