What to do if your husband is depressed. A depressed man: how to get rid of weakness for the stronger sex. Male depression in slow homebodies

It is generally accepted that men are strong personalities who are not subject to stress and depression. But it happens that systematic quarrels with loved ones, troubles at work, disagreements with friends and other problems unsettle them. And if this happens, then the question arises: how to get a man out of depression?

What's in the article:

Causes of male depression

Depression in men can occur for a number of reasons:

• loss of job or position;
• low wages;
• quarrels with colleagues or management;
• depression due to unloved work;
• parting with a loved one;
• difficulties in establishing relationships with women;
• awareness of one's own age;
• changing of the living place;
• a loss loved one;
• work associated with constant risks;
• the need to leave family on business trips;
• expecting the first child.

These are perhaps the most common causes of depression in men.

Symptoms of depression

It is common for the strong half of humanity to take decisions more problems, trying to protect family and friends from them. If for some reason they lack the strength to cope with them, they can become depressed. In order to respond in time to the psychological changes in your man and try to get him out of it, you need to observe his behavior in Everyday life. Most pronounced signs Depression in men is:

• aggression, often without reason;
• irritability;
• causeless rage;
• low self-esteem;
• diffidence;
• manifestation of laziness or apathy towards things that previously aroused interest;
• sudden mood changes;
• unstable pressure;
• sleep disturbance;
• lack of appetite;
• decline in sexual activity;
• increase or decrease in body weight;
• unreasonable anxiety;
• inhibited reaction;
• speech disorder;
• the emergence of addiction to alcohol, gambling, extreme sports;
• chest pain;
• frequent headaches.

Of course, these are not all the symptoms of a nervous disorder, but only the most common of them. If signs appear that indicate depression in men, then it is necessary to urgently take measures to get him out of this state.

How to help a man overcome depression

Every woman strives to help her chosen one, to support him in a difficult situation. But it’s not always easy to understand exactly how to help and not harm. Psychologists offer several ways to get a man out of any depression.

Be positive

If you notice signs of depression, look for positive aspects in the current situation. Even if your husband was fired from service, try to convince your man that this is just an impetus for new achievements. Perhaps he stayed too long in one position and stopped developing as a professional. In his new place he will be appreciated, and there will be an opportunity to achieve good results.

Gently give some search tips new job or offer your help. Treat the current situation with humor and try to overcome difficult life moments together. This will help bring him out of depression.

Under no circumstances should a man be blamed for what happened. Don't insult him or humiliate him. Try to avoid phrases: “I told you,” “you should have listened to me,” “I was right” - this will only worsen the condition. Praise your chosen one, tell him that he the best man and he can handle everything.

Inspire your chosen one

If you decide to help your man get out of severe depression, then try to become a muse, support and support for him. Even if ideas are swarming in your spouse’s head that make you distrustful, still at least pretend that you completely agree with him.

Try to make sure that your partner does not withdraw into himself and distance himself from you and others. If this happens, it is unlikely that you will be able to help him on your own. Depression can become protracted, consume him completely, and only a specialist can get him out of it. At the first symptoms, try to create conditions so that the man feels comfortable, listen to him, maintain a positive atmosphere in the house, try not to respond to possible rudeness on his part.

A change of scenery

The cause of depression can be an established rhythm of life. If a man does not relax outside the home or communicate with friends, then this regime will begin to irritate him. To avoid such problems, it is necessary to periodically change the environment. One option could be walks that you and your spouse take a couple of times a week. You can “go out”: visit exhibitions, go to the cinema or sauna, play bowling.

Family walks are great for helping with depression. fresh air. Go on a picnic on your day off winter time year you can go skiing. If you can’t get out of the house, then arrange a romantic dinner for your loved one. Organize a family movie night interesting film with eating pizza. Take as a basis what your man loves most.

Proper nutrition

This advice is about how a man can get out of depression with the help of proper nutrition. Most people, for some reason, ignore recommendations about healthy food, which they do completely in vain. The optimal ratio of carbohydrates, proteins and fats sets the body up for fruitful work. This gives you a boost of energy and strength to achieve great results.

The fact that a man is overtaken by depression obliges him to add sweets to his food. Everyone knows that sugar is the hormone of happiness. Try making sweet pancakes with condensed milk or cream for breakfast and bringing this delicacy to bed with your spouse’s favorite drink.

It's no secret that most of The male population respects meat in their diet. Prepare the cutlets and bake the pork in the oven. You can make a seafood or fish salad. Try to always have tasty foods that your man loves on the table and in the refrigerator.

Joint affairs

Lack of employment can cause increased depression. Try to come up with a job for your chosen one that does not require great physical and mental strength. Perhaps it will be evening walks or watching a movie, the man will be distracted and time will fly by.

Household chores should not be irritating or boring. Let your favorite music play in the house, let laughter sound, and let everything around radiate warmth and care. Get your man interested in cooking something new interesting dish. Be careful with advice on how and what to do.

Talk to him, try to bring him to revelations. Often in a friendly environment, people relax and become more open. Having learned about the real problem, it will be easier for you to help a man get out of depression.

Joint weekend or vacation

Helps get you out of depression good vacation. Psychologists advise organizing a joint trip to the sea or abroad. A sudden change of environment will force a man to take his mind off accumulated problems and relax. Let your vacation be short, only 2-3 days, but always eventful and filled with positive emotions.

You can go traveling around the country or your region. Visit interesting places, exhibitions, museums. Go to friends and relatives. Your main goal is to help a man overcome depression.

Care and attention

No matter how brutal a man is, he will not refuse attention, support and care from his chosen one. Show patience and affection towards your partner. Praise him even for small things, but don’t play, men are quite sensitive to flattery.

In a depressed state, it is possible to display anger and aggression towards loved ones - this is one of the signs of a nervous disorder. Try not to react to attacks. Remember that these are emotions caused negative impact depression. Exhale and try to caress the rebel.

Fighting insomnia

A state of anxiety causes a person to repeat the same thoughts in his head. Going to bed, a man begins to think about the events that caused his depression. His head is constantly busy finding a solution to the problem.

But here too you can help your partner fall asleep. Prepare your loved one a bath with oils or sea salt, and give them a relaxing massage. Do not allow quarrels or harsh phrases under any circumstances. Make sure your man is in bed before midnight. Your main goal is to make sure that he is completely relaxed and ready for sleep.

Of course, it is difficult to figure out how to get out of depression for a man if you do not have certain knowledge in the field of psychology. These simple tips will help you find out what depression is, identify symptoms in men, and choose how to get out of this condition. Be attentive to your partner, when the first signs appear, try to surround him with affection and care.

The article was checked and approved by a psychologist. Gryzlova Olga Yuryevna, special psychologist, 15 years of experience. .

Let me say right away that depression and depression are different. If a man sits in a locked room for weeks, eats practically nothing, doesn’t want to talk and doesn’t want anything at all, then your help is simply not enough. Here you almost definitely need a specialist and drug treatment.

We will still talk to you about relatively mild depression, when a man is able to perform routine actions, but completely loses the ability to purposefully achieve some major goals, think strategically, etc. (if such behavior existed)

So, what is the most common cause depression in men?

If for women the reason may be misunderstanding, a person’s silence, overwork and lack of sleep, nervous work, etc., then for men there is usually one reason.

Depression in men is usually caused by a major failure.. (A series of average failures or chronic minor failure in everything, as an option) There may be other reasons, but still the most common is failure.

In what area of ​​life the failure occurred is, in principle, not so important. Maybe failure in relationships with women (less often) or, more often, failure in money or career.

We will consider this type of failure in this article and, accordingly, how to help a man get out of depression associated with financial losses or career failure.

It is not necessarily “weak people” in the literal sense of the word who fall into such depression. Quite the opposite, quite successful and strong-willed men do not always cope with major failures, or at least it takes them a long time to get out. (Weak people, in the truest sense of the word, usually have a routine life, simple work, simple life and absence of major failures).

So, as an example, I’ll give you a letter that our admin gave me.

Depression in a man.

What to do with a depressed man who doesn't believe in himself? I don't know what to do anymore. He is 30 years old. Even before meeting me, his life changed a lot and he lost his business.

He knows that he wants a job or a business that will bring him money so that he can provide for us as he wants. But he doesn’t know what kind of job he wants. We have been together for two years, I do what I can - I praise his qualities, I say how well he would do in this or that position.

I thank him for trying so hard for us. Some things, I see, flatter him, some things he doesn’t agree with and thinks I’m exaggerating. I let him make decisions and take responsibility. He earns more than me and provides for us in many ways, but he believes that this is not enough and more is needed, which I agree with, since we live from paycheck to paycheck, but still I have never reproached him for this.

I really believe in him and think he can achieve a lot. But the only thing this leads to is ideas. I support these ideas, we constantly discuss them, I am interested in how he is progressing and what he plans to do next and how to achieve what he wants. And then the same thing happens as always, it doesn’t go beyond talking, even if he enthusiastically and vigorously discussed and planned what to do. He simply becomes depressed and begins to say that nothing will be good and that everything is pointless, blaming himself and the circumstances. He says that he is no longer capable of anything. And so on until the next idea. How can I help him move from ideas to action? How to behave when he is depressed? What should I say? How to support? Maybe I'm doing something wrong or not doing something?

Thank you

What do we see from this letter? In principle, a successful man received his first, very large failure for him, and after that he cannot exist normally. He is doing something (working for hire), living with a girl, that is, the depression is moderately strong. On the other hand he:

- cannot accept failure and begin to live the way he lives. That is, without business, without any huge plans, but just for a salary and with this girl.

- and cannot do anything, since the plans turn out to be empty and do not entail any action.

Such situations are actually quite common. Any dismissal from a well-paid job (of course, without the opportunity to move to a similar organization in another) or simply the inability to do it for health reasons (of course, it’s not just about money), the collapse of a business that took years or even decades of life to create, or another major failure often leads to similar phenomena.

What should a woman do to speed up the passage of depression in a man??

Firstly, there is no need for optimism at the first stage of the crisis.

The first stage of a crisis is when everything falls apart and gets worse and worse.

A woman’s phrases that “everything will be fine” without specifics about why it will be good and when, do not work well in principle, and during a crisis they do not work at all.

What good is it if the business goes bankrupt (taken away, etc.), if you are kicked out of your job and your income drops by 5 times? What good is it if one failure follows another? That “it will be good” if every day it gets worse and it is clear that tomorrow it will be even worse.

Such phrases are not perceived as support at all. And even on the contrary, they make it worse, because the man thinks that you cannot adequately perceive the situation at all.

In the letter given above, the man has already gone through this stage on his own, but this does not always happen in reality. And if everything falls apart, then the last thing you need to do is constantly say that "Everything will be fine" or whatever is fashionable now "We're okay".

During the crisis phase, possible assistance may include:

— if your income has dropped significantly, then learn to live much more modestly. As I wrote in my book, “men really value women who know how to behave appropriately during a crisis.

- don’t panic and don’t complain again, because a man is busy saving what he has, or at least minimizing the damage,

— talk about the crisis and possible measures being taken, there is no need for praise or American positivity now.

- if you have some resources to turn the situation around, then attract them. I don’t know what the man’s situation is and what is needed to solve it. It is possible that this is advice, something from the list above, help in reaching out to some person or specialist (if you can, of course). If you don't have the skills or resources to solve the problem, then don't do anything.

- it is possible that the man will ask you to do something else. If you can, then do it.

At this stage of the crisis, the maximum words of support can be that: “And we will survive this.”

Secondly, help the man come to terms with the new reality.

After some time, the second stage of the crisis begins, when everything has already collapsed, failure is a fait accompli and the time comes to come to terms with what is.

It would seem that everything is simple. If there was a business and it disappeared (the reasons are not important), then you need to find a job and forget about the business, about the freedom that was there, about that material security, etc., and start new life.

What will happen in the new life? I don't know. Maybe after some time we can start again new business. But a new business is a thankless thing, requiring 1-3 years of hard work for it to start generating income and, besides, it’s not a fact that it will work out at all. Often this is completely impossible, since family, age, health, etc., do not allow you to concentrate all your energy, time, money, etc. on a new project, which is not guaranteed to burn out.

Why am I saying all this?

Something has already happened and it cannot be returned. However, the man is trying in his thoughts to go back and replay something in the past. He pumps his fists after a fight. He is trying to find someone to blame for the failure. He is trying to dredge up the past. ( What if I did something like this or something like that?)

All this, as you understand, is absolutely meaningless and irrational. (If it makes sense, then of course you can do something)

The main thing at this stage is to accept new reality. You need to understand that failure has occurred and nothing can be done. And most importantly, the man is in some new conditions and can start from them and live.

— If an athlete is seriously injured, he will no longer be able to win Olympic Games. There's no point in dreaming about it. However, if you come to terms with it, you can begin to build a new life. Maybe become a good coach, maybe go into another field altogether.

— If a man’s business goes bankrupt, then it is pointless to dream of restoring it to short time. Business is a combination of luck, concentration, hard work, connections, etc. In addition, it develops over the years from zero or negative profit to some tangible money and requires a certain market trend.

Therefore, the sooner a man admits his failure and new reality, the easier it will be for him. In the new reality, he can put up with hired work. He may eventually start a business, but a small one. Maybe it will be some combination of business and work. But expecting quick results is a road to nowhere.

Why am I writing this?

At this stage of the crisis, it is almost pointless to praise a man, his business qualities character. By doing this you are only “inflating” his dreams and thoughts about a reality that no longer exists.

If we go to the example in the letter, then the man is stuck somewhere between this and the next stage of the crisis. (but more than this) That is, the first stage of the crisis has passed (everything collapsed) and the second stage of the crisis has begun, when you need to become adequate again. In other words, you need to understand that you are now not a super cool businessman, but just a person with some professional skills.

These skills allow you to find some kind of job for several times, or even an order of magnitude less, remuneration. These skills, perhaps, after some time will allow you to organize a small business (which may become successful and maybe one day grow into something decent).

And, accordingly, the most important thing at this stage is to stop hanging in the clouds, trying to return what is not there. You need to understand in your head that reality has changed and you need to act based on the new reality (the third stage of the crisis). This is not always easy to do. After all, the event has already happened, and the reality of a person in his brain has quite a lot of inertia and persistence.

I repeat once again that here a woman needs to help a man change his ideas about himself, his capabilities, needs, etc., to those that correspond to a different reality.
To take a closer example from the letter, then, as I wrote above, it makes no sense to praise his business qualities character (which may not even be useful in the new reality) and discuss huge plans for hours. After all, these plans are based on something that no longer exists. They are based on when the man had a lot of money. They are based on when a man had confidence. (If you have an insecure man, I recommend that he take a course in the book “How to become confident in three months”). They are based on when a man had complete control over his time (and not like now when he needs to work for hire and has a woman).

In other words, these plans are impracticable by definition, since they are adapted to another person, other man’s resources (connections, money), another market situation, often other skills that are no longer of particular value in a given situation.

Supporting, in fact, the inadequacy of a man in this situation leads to the fact that this inadequacy does not go away in principle and, accordingly, causes further failures.

Third, help the man act in the new reality.

Finally, the man passed the first two stages of the crisis. That is, he is at the first stage of minimisi faced the consequences of the crisis, at the second stage came to terms with the new reality, and the time had come to act.

I repeat for the tenth time that you don’t just need to act. This is usually useless. We need to act in a new reality with new strategies and opportunities available in it. (Who knows, maybe even more than before the crisis)

Maybe you need to learn a new profession. (adjacent or other)

Maybe you need to start a new business, but little by little from the very minimum, and not try to jump straight into a medium-sized business.

Maybe you need...

Honestly, I don’t know what to do in the situation from the example in the letter. And a man will most likely quickly come up with specific strategies himself. This is usually moderately difficult. It is much more difficult to acquire adequate self-esteem.

And here a woman’s help can consist of analyzing plans, encouraging advancement and support when everything does not work out as quickly as expected. After all, the process of mastering a new profession, even in a related field, takes at least a year, if it is not something completely primitive. And it can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that quite recently a man was a professional in his field, but now he is just a bad student.

If you endure the first time, a year or two will quickly fly by and the first good results will appear.

Let's summarize. Depression in a man in the form that we are talking about in the article (that is, it is depression of minor severity and which does not need to be treated with medication) develops in several stages.

At the first stage, when a man tries to save something from a collapsing business, career, finance, etc. or minimize damage. Here, trying to say that everything is good is harmful and trying to praise, etc. is useless. The maximum that can be done is:

- not to escape (this is already a lot). Unfortunately, there are quite numerous examples when a man’s income sharply decreases and a woman leaves. Relationships are sometimes restored when income increases again (age, children, passing years still glue them together), but that trust and those relationships are no longer there.

- don’t whine about how hard it has become. It's clear that it's hard. It is clear that it is unrealistic not to complain at all. But try to do it less and less often. (Not whining at all is also bad, otherwise there is no incentive to move forward)

- Significantly reduce costs on your own initiative. (This is not easy. But as I wrote in my book “19 mistakes with men. How to make him respect and love you,” such women are very valued and respected)

- support with words, the meaning of which is that “we will definitely get out of these difficulties.”

Depending on the situation, this stage lasts from several days to a couple of years.

At the second stage the fall stopped. The business was sold, they were fired from their jobs, etc. At this stage, positivity and praise are also useless. The main thing is to say goodbye to the old reality as quickly as possible (but again without trying to force it excessively and uselessly). After all, nothing can be done there and you need to build a new life. (If this is true of course)

The approximate time for passing this stage is from several weeks to a year. (Basically ad infinitum. Some men get stuck at this stage for 10 years, which can be said infinity).

At the third stage, you need to do something based on the new situation.

As a rule, doing something similar to what was before the crisis is a road to nowhere. Such attempts are rather a sign that the man has not accepted the new reality. If a man is actively learning something new, moving in a new direction, then most likely the previous stage of the crisis has been completed correctly.

Here you can already encourage real, even small actions (and not plans, of course), support during inevitable disappointments, talk about it positive qualities character (more, of course, about those that are useful in the new reality).

Let's summarize. Major crises are an almost inevitable part of the life of any more or less successful man. They occur rarely, approximately once every 10-20 years. However, their influence on the life of a man and the woman living with him is very strong. These crises cause depression in most men, albeit to a degree that does not involve medicine.

A woman, through her actions and words, can significantly speed up (manifold) or slow down the passage of a crisis.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov

The word "depression" in Lately stuck in my teeth. It is used everywhere. They denote protracted Bad mood, it is used in jokes and memes. In fact, when true depression comes to your loved one, for some reason it becomes not funny at all, but rather sad and even scary.

You see the changes that are happening to your partner: nothing pleases or surprises him, he can lie in bed all day, he is not interested in your conversations and attempts to entertain him. And you are simply torn apart by the influx of thoughts and emotions. Are you the cause of depression? Maybe the relationship is over? How long will this last and how can I help?

Depression is a grim experience for a couple. But you can pass it successfully. In this article we will talk about how to help your partner and save your union. We touch on a sensitive topic of mental health, so you should understand that you do not need to blindly follow all the recommendations. Think about which ones and how you can use them for your couple.

Don't take symptoms of depression personally

Most symptoms of depression turn your couple into the complete opposite of a happy union. A depressed person has a distorted perception of reality: even positive and joyful moments appear to him, if not in black, then certainly in gray.

Of course, he doesn’t want to go out, go on dates, talk for hours and have sex. But these are generally accepted indicators of a good relationship. It’s unlikely that anyone you know says: “We have such a wonderful couple!” My beloved comes home in the evening, silently looks at the iPad for three hours, and then goes to bed without saying a word!”

Therefore, having noticed changes in your partner’s behavior, you make the only correct conclusion, as it seems to you: he has lost all interest in you. This guess will be actively confirmed by your friends if you describe the situation to them.

The danger of depression also lies in its invisibility. If a person has a broken leg, he also cannot walk or have much sex, but everyone can see why - there is a cast. We cannot point a finger at our internal state, so we explain external changes to the most common and in a simple way: . This conviction becomes even stronger if you see that with other people your partner continues to behave as before, but when alone with you he deflates like a balloon. The blog Literally, Darling argues that this is, in fact, a good thing:

We almost always take the constant bad mood of a loved one personally. It begins to seem to you that you are the cause of your depressed state. A depressed person cannot behave as usual, much less with close people who know him thoroughly. While among strangers he can pretend for a short time that everything is fine.

Naturally, it hurts you to see how your partner behaves quite normally with others and completely changes around you. But, surprisingly, this good sign. This means that he completely trusts you, loves you and allows himself to discover what is really in his soul. If he sometimes tries to push you away, don't be offended, move away, but stay nearby.

Literally, Darling

Depression can affect a person for many reasons: illness or death of loved ones, one’s own poor health, difficulties with relatives or friends. But its symptoms will affect you first of all: he will suddenly become bored of talking with you, he will not want to go somewhere or even watch TV shows in the evening.

If you can't get rid of the thought that your partner simply doesn't want to be with you, ask him about it directly. And when he answers that it’s not about you, accept this answer, calm down and begin to solve the problem of his poor moral well-being together.

Develop a plan to overcome depression together

Don't take symptoms of depression personally, but don't ignore them either. Yes, your partner is not showing any romantic feelings right now, but it will still hurt him if you are dismissive of his condition. If your loved one is sick or injured, you do not blame him, but take care of him and help him recover. The same thing needs to be done with depression.

In fact, for someone who is trying to cope with a depressed state of mind, relationships are a huge help. But only if you are moving in the same direction and acting together: you need to understand your partner and take practical steps together. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America offers many methods to combat depression: studying your condition, setting goals, recording results. However best method treatment - collaboration with a loving person.

Mental health professionals are increasingly recommending couples and family treatment programs. After training with a doctor, a partner or family member can help the patient at home, that is, provide round-the-clock therapy for him. The “family doctor” should be with the patient in situations that exacerbate anxiety and bad mood, and support him, reducing anxiety.

American Depression Association

Your partner may not want treatment. In this case, you cannot press him and rush him. You can support, but don't force. You can try to start by searching together good doctor or read articles about treatment. The main thing for the two of you is to understand that you are together and you are moving in the same direction.

If your efforts are frustrated by your partner’s stubbornness, if he rejects your support and is sure that he does not need help, then decide for yourself whether you want to continue to stay in this relationship and wait positive changes or do you not have the strength for it? But don’t be a drag on your partner; he should only understand and accept that he needs help.

Give your partner privacy

Treatment for depression will always be a mess. It's like letting your cat trample in the paint and then run across the white sheet. It seems that your treatment plan has been worked out in detail, goals have been set, everything is neatly recorded in your observation log, and you are vigorously moving along the right path.

But one morning the patient wakes up and feels hopeless... Everything is bad, so much hard work done, but nothing helps, my soul is still empty and terribly sad. It would be better now to curl up into a ball of sadness and renounce the whole world.

This happens, and it’s natural. But at these moments you want to either give your patient a good kick so that he stops being sour, or completely abandon the treatment, because it does not bear fruit. Take your time, one bad day is not the end of the world. Although your love will not be the main cure for depression, it is still important for the patient, says psychotherapist Rita de Maria.

Your love, your presence, your warmth are certainly needed by your partner. It won't stop depression, just as it won't, for example, lower your blood sugar or relieve arthritis pain. However, your feelings can change the “broken” processes in your partner’s head, revive his positive thoughts and increase his self-esteem during this difficult period.

Rita de Maria

Depression fundamentally changes normal life. What made you happy ceases to make you happy; what fascinated or interested no longer evokes even a drop of emotion. The presence of someone nearby who accepts this state without judgment or offense is very supportive and even inspiring.

Set boundaries to protect yourself

It is always very difficult to support a depressed person. Sometimes overexertion will reach levels that will jeopardize your own mental health. There is no need for sacrifices like: “I will do everything so that my loved one is healthy.” When helping your partner, set clear boundaries for your presence, do not completely dissolve in his state. Leave time for your hobbies, meetings with friends, and just to be alone.

No doubt you want to help. But you don’t need to subject your life to your partner’s depression, you will pay for this with the stability of your morale. You can even refuse to be your loved one’s “home therapist” if you realize that this is an unbearable burden for you.

There are other ways to help: remind the patient to fill out an observation log or take medication, encourage him for going to the doctor, or persuade him to attend another psychotherapy session. But don’t put everything on the altar of his illness, he also has to do something.

And this is not cruelty, not a manifestation of unlove. You need to take care of yourself, otherwise you both may end up in a pit of hopelessness. You can be a very loving partner, but if you play with one goal, and your patient does not want to do anything, then this will create grief and resentment that will lead to the destruction of the union.

Allow yourself to speak up when you are unhappy with something, do not be afraid that you will cause a relapse and worsen the condition of your loved one. Of course, some minor griefs can be “canned” to yourself, but be sure to talk about significant grievances.

At the end of this article I would like to write: we hope that our advice will not be useful to you, since you and your loved ones will always be in a cheerful mood. In any case, always remember that everything in life changes, and if you have a dull gray streak, it will definitely end.

It is possible to bring a person out of depression only if there is trust. The main and most effective method to help cope with this condition is communication. For some, it is important to speak out during a difficult period, for others it is important to listen to kind, inspiring words. The psychology of men and women is structured differently, therefore the methods of dealing with depression are different for both sexes. A woman needs support and the opportunity to be weak; on the contrary, it is not recommended to feel sorry for a man, so as not to aggravate depressive symptoms.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read the story carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

Signs and causes of depression

Representatives of both sexes are equally susceptible to depression, but the signs are more pronounced in girls due to more pronounced emotionality.

Main symptoms of depression:

• sudden mood swings with dominance of negativity;
• apathy, lack of interest in everything, reluctance to communicate;
• increased appetite or, conversely, lack thereof;
• tendency to drink alcohol;
• disbelief in a possible happy future and the success of any endeavors.

The most common causes of the pathological condition are:

1. 1. Loss. The death of loved ones is devastating and pulls the rug from under your feet. In this case, it will not be possible to quickly cope with depression. It is recommended to use the help of specialists and provide the person with due attention: listen, say kind words, try to diversify his pastime, but do not behave intrusively.
2. 2. Termination of pregnancy. After an abortion or miscarriage, many women are depressed for a long time. In addition to negative emotions, in this case a number of hormonal disruptions occur that negatively affect the nervous system. You can get your wife or girlfriend out of this state with the help of total calm support, without unnecessary pompous phrases and actions. You just need to go through this period together - so that after it the desire to have a child arises again.
3. 3. Failures in personal relationships. Many people become depressed after a divorce, especially if it did not happen on their initiative, but their feelings for their partner are still alive. Everyone's nervous system recovers differently after a breakup: some need new acquaintances and relationships, others need more time to digest what happened. It is especially difficult for women who have recently been abandoned - against the backdrop of disappointment in the relationship, they develop a lot of complexes and their self-esteem decreases. To help a loved one cope with these problems, in addition to increased attention, it is necessary to take a number of measures that will allow a woman to love herself again and believe in her own attractiveness.
4. 4. Crises in the professional or creative sphere. Failure to realize oneself, hostility and criticism from others can depress everyone. In this case, you need to motivate a person to develop and try something new, celebrate his strengths and achievements, emphasizing that the opinions of others are not always objective.
5. 5. Overwork. Being under stress for a long time without the opportunity to rest sooner or later leads to malfunctions in the body. In this case, you need to start getting out of depression with proper rest.
6. 6. Doing unloved things and not having activities in life that would bring pleasure. In this case, motivation and inspiration will help a person make serious decisions: changing jobs, finding a favorite activity, giving up previous activities.
7. 7. Manipulation. Some people tend to pretend to be depressed in order to attract attention and get help from others. This may be planned or unconscious behavior. An effective method of struggle is a frank conversation with an attempt to expose the motive for manipulation and ignoring fictitious suffering.

It often happens that a person does not want to talk about the reasons that provoke his condition. In this case, you must first persuade him to have a frank conversation, gain trust, and then find the right words and options for getting out of the situation.

Reasons for mood swings in women

How to help a man?

Get your husband, boyfriend or boyfriend out of depression close friend The following expert advice will help:

1. 1. Do not feel sorry for him under any circumstances. A man should feel strong even in difficult moments, and pity will worsen his condition. The reaction to it may be a feeling of worthlessness, closedness, or even retaliatory aggression as a way of defense.
2. 2. Don't ignore the problem. It is difficult for representatives of the stronger sex to voice how difficult it is for them, but silence does not mean that everything is in order if symptoms of depression are present. In this case, support, warm but unobtrusive attention, care and willingness to listen at any moment will help.
3. 3. Do not demand to admit your depression. If you put pressure on a man and tell him that he is depressed and needs help, you can only push him away from you. Much more effective is patience and trying to give your loved one the maximum positive emotions.
4. 4. Speak kind words. You need to try to praise a man for his efforts and achievements, any, even small positive actions, give compliments, thank him for everything he has done or is doing.

Actions to help cope with depression in men:

1. 1. Organize a weekend (for several days, or better yet, weeks). During this mini-vacation, it is strictly forbidden to resolve any important issues. A man should get enough sleep, talk on the phone to a minimum and sit at the computer. It is recommended to do something with your own hands, to be in nature or in a quiet environment. No rush, no fuss and no list of important things to do - just doing nothing.
2. 2. Take care of your diet: it should be balanced and include the maximum healthy products. If necessary, you need to take an additional vitamin complex.
3. 3. Make sure that the man trusts, and during frank conversations, try to rationally discuss all the problems: where depression came from, how it affects life, what can be done to get rid of it. Often the banal inability to speak out prevents you from thinking clearly. By talking through his problems and experiences, a person begins to see options for his own salvation - it is important to help him with this.
4. 4. Please him in every possible way: it could be going to the cinema or a cafe, a romantic evening, leisure, master classes, concerts, gifts. Pleasant events should happen every day.
5. 5. Do something. Occupational therapy - effective method treatment of many mental disorders. spring-cleaning, cooking dinner together, going shopping, repairing faucets and door handles - the busier a man’s schedule is after rest, the faster he will get out of his depressed state. At the same time, it is important that each of the started tasks is completed: only the final result of the work brings satisfaction and emotional fulfillment.
6. 6. Go to the gym together. Physical activity provokes the release of happiness hormones - endorphins - into the blood and helps get rid of excess testosterone.
7. 7. Organize a shock therapy session - extreme types of activity are suitable.
8. 8. Support and express your love. Affection, care and quality sexual relations are extremely important for a man during this difficult period.
9. 9. Laugh a lot - joke, watch episodes of comedy shows and films, fool around, prank each other. These are proven methods for overcoming the blues.

To get rid of depression, psychologists recommend minimizing the use of gadgets and the Internet. Important live communication and contact with loved ones.

Ways to support a woman

Women's psychology differs from men's, so psychologists give the following tips to help get the fairer sex out of depression:

1. 1. Become a comforter - feel sorry, accept a woman’s position, even if it objectively does not seem correct. A friend must believe that she has a like-minded person who is ready to protect and support. This will help her cry, speak out, and shed negativity. Freeing yourself from mental burden is the most important stage in getting rid of depression.
2. 2. Be there when needed. Even if this is physically impossible, you can provide support via correspondence from a distance. It is better to choose topics for communication that are abstract, but interesting for a woman. It is worth conducting a dialogue about painful issues only on her initiative. The main thing in overcoming depression is not to let your loved one be left alone with their thoughts. If the cause of depression is a loss, then you need to support not only in the first time after the incident, but also on all memorable dates.
3. 3. Do not criticize, even if there are good reasons for this. Statements should be honest but gentle. A suitable form of dialogue is leading questions.
4. 4. Give as many truthful compliments as possible. A woman should feel that she good friend, a wonderful housewife, an excellent mother, a talented professional in her field of activity. Phrases with wording indicating past achievements are suitable: “All the guys always liked you because you knew how to present yourself,” “At work, you had no equal in terms of your ability to work and creativity, even when you had an internship,” “Everyone always wanted to communicate with you.” , because you knew how to keep up a conversation on any topic."

A list of actions to help overcome depression in a girl:

1. 1. Shopping. For most women, a universal method of combating the blues is updating their wardrobe. New clothes lift your spirits and help you like yourself.
2. 2. Self-care. During a difficult period, a woman needs to pamper herself with relaxation treatments: SPA, massage, aroma baths, relaxation in the sauna. It's important to take care of appearance, especially if the cause of the current condition was the departure of a loved one. New hairstyle, manicure, beautiful make-up They raise self-esteem no less than dresses and shoes. Sports activities are considered effective: in addition to the fact that they distract from the problem and add variety to life, with their help you can significantly improve your appearance.
3. 3. Saying goodbye to the past. If the cause of depression is a breakup, you need to minimize everything that reminds you of your ex: photos, videos, gifts, things purchased together.
4. 4. Help others. A woman is naturally endowed with kindness and a tendency toward empathy. Delivering medicine or items of clothing to seriously ill people, organizing a collection of clothes and toys for children from orphanages, feeding animals from a nearby nursery, giving something to a neighbor in need - just a small list of good deeds that can make every woman a little happier. By giving material goods and warmth to someone, you can enrich yourself emotionally.
5. 5. Handmade for the home. Creating comfort in a room with your own hands is a pleasant process that distracts you from problems. Experts say that such activities and their results increase women's self-esteem.
6. 6. Art therapy. You can throw out the accumulated negativity on paper, sand, using plasticine or clay. Sessions can take place at home or under the supervision of specialists. Anti-stress coloring books and collages help effectively. The former distract and relax, the latter help bring order to your own thoughts and decide on further actions.
7. 7. Change of scenery. You can go on a short trip or completely change your place of residence. New impressions and a shake-up are guaranteed, and there will be much less time for sadness.
8. 8. Conquering new heights. In the modern world, it is not necessary to study at university for 5 years to change your occupation. There are many professions for women that can really be mastered in a matter of weeks: manicurist, makeup artist, cosmetologist, massage therapist, pastry chef. You need to push the girl to think about what she would like to do. Perhaps a new decision will radically change life in better side.
9. 9. Power control. Women in a depressed state can go to two extremes: eat stress with unhealthy, high-calorie foods or refuse food altogether. To avoid this, visits or invitations, going to restaurants together and preparing new dishes are recommended.
10. 10. Complete rest. It can be different: from quietly doing nothing at home to having fun in a nightclub. The main thing is that the woman receives maximum positive emotions.

Dejection, irritability, aggression, nervousness- this is only part of the symptoms indicating a person’s depressive state. For some, these are temporary outbreaks, while others lose the taste of life as much as possible and consider their person to be useless in life. common system relationships. Depression is usually attributed to women who are less emotionally and psychologically stable than men. But the stronger sex also has its weaknesses, despite its apparent stability.

Symptoms of depression in men, at first glance, are similar to banal fatigue and do not cause others to think about concern for a loved one. You should learn to distinguish the symptoms of depression in a man from simple fatigue, disappointment or blues in order to promptly help with a kind word or attract the help of professionals.

Depression in men - myth or reality?

For a long time, there was a concept in society that men are strong, act with their minds, not emotions, and have no right to the weakness inherent in female- despondency, irritability, complaints about failures, and, even more so, tears. The man endures any problems steadfastly and quickly solves them. Society is not accustomed to the fact that they need to feel sorry for them, sympathize with them and provide not only emotional support, but also psychological support.

Attention! By harboring personal problems, the stronger sex becomes withdrawn and experiences severe stress on the cardiovascular and nervous system. Vegetative center in constant voltage, which leads to heart attacks, strokes and other health problems.

Depression occurs in men, but others mistake its symptoms for other emotional outbursts that will go away on their own, because a man is obliged to cope with problems on his own. He is a warrior, a breadwinner, a master, a strong personality.

This erroneous attitude towards men forces the stronger sex to mask feelings and emotions so as not to be among the weaker. This is what is dangerous both for the patient with depression and for those around him. It is unknown what self-criticism will lead to without outside intervention. In some cases, depression turns into alcoholism, drug addiction or suicide.

Depression occurs less frequently in men than in women and the symptoms differ in some cases, but the severity of the problem is the same in both sexes. For male depression, there is no specific age limit when it can be said that it is during this period that symptoms of hopelessness will appear.

Notes of depression in a man appear at different periods of life:

• Childhood;
• Adolescence;
• At the age of 25, a man who has encountered a number of disappointments, especially due to relationships with the opposite sex or with friends, becomes depressed and the symptoms of the disease are expressed in different ways;
• Crisis 30, 40, 50 years. For men, these are important stages when lack of fulfillment in any status is perceived as a blow from which it is difficult to recover. Symptoms of depression are sometimes expressed by aggression, blaming others for their failure. But it's hard for a man to admit that he has breakdown and need help. Initial depression develops into a serious illness.

Close people or those around you need to pay attention to a man who has the following symptoms:

• Loss of interest in life. Favorite activities and hobbies, friends, the world do not evoke positive emotions. A man turns from a cheerful person into a bore or a homebody. There is constant sadness on the face. The offer to visit places of entertainment, cultural leisure and even friends/relatives causes irritability. A depressed man always gives a negative response to any invitation;
• Change of behavior. Trying to cope with depression on their own and hide their illness, men begin to behave unexpectedly - they talk loudly, hysterical laughter appears, in some cases groundless. New hobbies appear that were previously considered absurd for a man or a symptom of bad manners, lack of education, and recklessness. For example, a highly moral man begins to use obscene language towards others, show aggression towards loved ones, even assault. In some cases, a socially active man becomes a silent, boring person;
• Change of interests. A symptom of depression in men is often called sudden change interests - addiction to gambling (cards, slot machines, bets), chaotic relationships with women, addiction to alcohol, drugs, passion computer games or extreme sports;
• Pessimistic thoughts and moods appear. Any proposal from the outside about the possibility of solving the problem is accepted as a utopia. A symptom of such depression in a man is a decrease in self-esteem;
• Increased interest in alcohol and drugs is also a symptom of the onset of depression in a man. By drowning problems with alcohol or a dose of a narcotic substance, a person hopes that everything will be forgotten and will go away on its own. After sobering up, the situation does not change and the man takes a new portion of “sedative”. A vicious circle arises when the illusory world seems better than reality. Stress increases. The load on the entire body increases. The condition is critical - the person commits rash acts;
• Symptoms of depression in a man include somatic signs when a husband, son or father begins to complain of constant pain in the head, back, or in the heart area. When examined or prescribed treatment, there are no signs of illness, but the state of pain and discomfort remains. This is at the level of the brain, and such symptoms in men are similar to migraines with depression in women. You shouldn’t turn a blind eye to your husband’s complaints about back pain, even if there are no serious ones. physical activity. It is possible that this is due to psychological trauma.

The listed symptoms of depression in men appear singly or in combination. It depends on the individual himself, his inner core, the support of family/friends, and the person’s openness. But it is impossible not to notice the changes that signal a man’s internal dissonance. You just need to conduct an observational analysis.

Important! If you miss the moment of symptoms of mild depression, when help comes from the support of others and personal self-control, the problem develops into a disease that only a psychiatrist together with other specialists can cope with.

What contributes to male depression?

The causes of male and female depression are in many ways similar, only the symptoms of the disease are different for each gender. It is, of course, more difficult to unbalance a man. They first pass any situation through their brain and look for a way out. Emotional background appears later and in a form hidden from others. Psychologists distinguish two types of causes of depression: psychological and physiological.

Psychological reasons

Begins internal conflict based on the following circumstances:

• Psychological trauma. Death or illness of a loved one - parents, friends, loved one. For many boys, parental divorce is a lifelong trauma, especially the father leaving the family and loss of contact. IN mature age A son abandoned by his father does not feel male support and does not know who to turn to for advice. An unsuccessful first love and a collapse in personal life for many guys can provoke symptoms of depression, which family or friends should pay attention to;
• The collapse of a dream. Reaching 30 years of age and not achieving the status in society that was aimed at in terms of career, a man becomes disillusioned not only with himself, but also with the world around him. For a family man, depression towards his wife and children is common in depression. Without accepting the fact of personal mistakes, the husband tries to shift responsibility onto his wife. Symptoms of stress in this situation are aggression, denial of everything, passion for alcohol with the motivation that it is easier;
• Problems at work in the family, with friends, relatives create conditions for symptoms of depression;
• Financial insolvency also hurts a man’s pride, which manifests itself as symptoms of depression;
• Postpartum depression- this is how experts classify the depressed, stressful state of a young father. There are also impressionable or overly responsible people among the stronger sex, for whom the appearance of a baby is a serious test, but for each guy it is perceived in its own way. Someone cannot cope with the psychological background - the baby constantly cries and demands attention. Some dads are disappointed in their spouse, who is changing in appearance and does not meet the same criteria. This is stress that turns into neurosis and depression. Symptoms of depression vary;
• Age 40- the number frightens many men with its energy. The period of forty years is called the “midlife crisis.” But it can appear at the age of 50, if a man has lost his job or changed it on his own to a less interesting and paid one. By popular belief, it is not customary for men to celebrate their fortieth anniversary, because, in their opinion, changes will arise that are not for the better. As the date approaches, internal stress increases. Logic and reason turn off when thinking about the age of 40;
• Retirement provokes symptoms of depression in a man if he has devoted his whole life to work and has no idea how to be unclaimed. Depression occurs in men who have retired due to length of service, for example, military personnel, intelligence officers. At the age of 50 and earlier, when a man becomes a pensioner, he feels a dissonance - he is young in years, but old in terms of his work status. The closer the event, the gloomier the condition of the husband and father. The family must be on alert to exclude Negative consequences due to retirement depression.

Physiological reasons

Health problems or age-related physiological changes provoke stress and depression:

• Dysfunction of the parts of the brain that regulate the feeling of pleasure (disturbances in the hypothalamus, decreased amount of gray matter);
• Change hormonal levels due to thyroid dysfunction, decreased testosterone levels, increased cortisol hormone. Depression is a symptom of hormonal fluctuations;
• Various problems with the brain - tumor, injury, vascular changes.
• Hereditary diseases of neuralgia;
• Violation of potency. The hardest thing to endure is a failure in sexual terms. Signs of impotence (more often after 50 years) drive even the strongest males into depression;
• Feeling inferior, a man has a fear of losing his job, dependence on his wife, and other people. Weakness is unacceptable for the stronger sex.

Regardless of what triggered the symptoms of depression in a man, they rarely talk about the problem to loved ones or seek help from specialists. Sometimes representatives of the stronger sex do not suspect depression, and the symptoms of the disease are attributed to fatigue, bad mood, workload, bad weather.

If a husband, son, father, or friend experiences changes in behavior, emotional state, or habits, you should not leave the person unattended. For a number of symptoms, a heart-to-heart conversation is enough for a loved one to return to reality and understand that the problem is being solved.

Should male depression be treated?

Symptoms of male depression are not always noticeable to others, which aggravates the course of the disease. Male suicide is always unexpected; there were no obvious symptoms of depression. But starting to analyze what happened to a person even over the last 2-3 months, people understand that the person was stressed, but did not ask for help.

You can cure depression in a husband, son, boyfriend, father, friend if you don’t miss the moment.

In the practice of psychologists, psychiatrists and neurologists, traditional methods of treating depression in men are used:

• Medication. Medications prescribed only by a doctor, taking into account the symptoms of depression and the patient’s physical condition.
• Psychological. Psychological trainings are conducted, and family and friends are involved in helping. If there are a set of symptoms indicating depression, a psychiatrist is brought in with tools to combat depression or its causes.

Attention! If the symptoms of depression do not go away during the first courses of treatment, the patient is sent to a hospital for complex treatment of depression and escape from reality, in which the environment reminds of problems.

The doctor decides which method of getting rid of depression to use after studying the symptoms of depression and its causes. Signs of the disease are unknown. It is more difficult when a depressed person withdraws into himself and does not want to talk about the problem.

The condition occurs in lonely people. No one notices the symptoms of early depression. To a person, despondency, melancholy, pessimism, and antisocial behavior do not seem to be a problem requiring the intervention of doctors. Relatives, colleagues, friends are obliged to pay close attention if symptoms of deep depression and stress are noticed in the next 3-4 weeks.

This is important to know! Men are not used to complaining, but even they need the help of a loved one or a doctor if symptoms indicating depression appear. It may turn out to be a mistake, but caring will not hurt anyone.